Hi Snowie,
Yup, we went through alot of discussions. I can't say there were heated arguments or major disagreement. Our parents are very polite towards each other - there's still a very good relationship. Just that we give and take within our limits. In the end, I like to see it as "everyone wins".
I understand waht you mean when you say that your mom keeps changing her mind. My mom also.. listen to her aunties, my aunties, my grandma.. her colleagues.. listen to everyone.. in the end, have a long list of expectations. But we try to meet it and so far my parents are happy, my fiance's parents are happy too. Therefore, we are happy.
I think the best time is to meet up before selecting AD date. The guy's family may want to invite the gal's family out to indicate that their son wants to marry the daughter. The gal's parents will agree in principle. Then the guy's family will ask for the gal's parents' year of birth to ascertain the animal sign to choose the date. They will also ask for the gal's birthdate.
Then they can talk about the AD stuff...
In my case, this is the time-line:
early dec 05 - fiance proposed to me. I told fiance my parents want to host an engagement dinner for us so I can't accept the ring.
late dec 05 - fiance's parents invited my parents out to say their son wants to marry me. We confirmed solemniztion and engagement dates. We said customary some time in 2007.
april 06 - our engagement dinner - my parents hosted it and invited close friends and both sides extended families. we excahgned engagement rings. My parents bought my fiance his engagement ring. I wore the proposal/engagement ring.
July 06 - fiance asked me to ask my parents if Sept 29, 07 okay for customary. my parents said no problems to me.
July 06 - Fiance's parents came to my house to discuss GDL, said they will give pinjin but never say amount, indicated number of tables guy's side will give us,SDJ. My parents showed fiance's parents the sets of jewelry and the type of jia zhuang they will be giving me on customary. They talked about an chuang also. Fiance's parents said they will calculate auspicious dates for GDL and an chuang. my parents left it to them but agreed in principle.
immediately after leaving our house after everything was agreed upon, fiance and I brought our parents to view Shangrila cos fiance likes that place alot. parents agreed to that place (our money, btw), and we signed contract.
So our understanding is there are no more outstanding issues between our parents. My parents have told me they will be taking all the angpaos from the tables given by the guy's family. this is in accordance with tradition, my parents say. my parents will be quietly returning us the angpao $ to my fiance and myself cos they dun want us to suffer financially but told us to keep quiet about it cos it will be a loss of face to the gal's side if my parents dun want the angpao $ as it signifies that I'm worthless to my parents.