He visited prostitutes but still proposed to me

jam123

Member
My BF of 2 years proposed to me 3 weeks back. I thought we were very in love. But I just found out that he visited prostitute some months back. I'm so confused. What should I do?
 


cjnsal

Member
My BF of 2 years proposed to me 3 weeks back. I thought we were very in love. But I just found out that he visited prostitute some months back. I'm so confused. What should I do?

Ditch him.
Siao, he visited prostitute while attached to you. Why would you even consider marrying him!! Wake up!!!
 

gladjo

Member
Gal, if youbare going to really marry him but fearful ... best ..to make sure:
1) he gives u houshold maintenance ..in Cash
2) no Joint acct ..cos when cm to divorce...its very messy n disadvantage to u
3) keep ALL reno recipts safety..its only good for u
4) he hv to give u his singpass access..bank access

All these i learned the hard way ...nobody will share with u ..but i only wish you dun walk the path i walk


God bless
 

jx.lim123

New Member
Well, my thoughts - you should leave him. He may have done it out of lust or in the spur of the moment but it is still uncalled for. Tough but you will find yourself not being able to trust him. Save yourself the heartache.. take care!
 

jam123

Member
I never thought this will ever happen to me. I confronted him and he said he visited these sluts 4 times these 2 years. He asked for a chance to earn my chance back
 

pikachuuu

Member
did you ask why did he do that?
though regardless of the answer, i would not be together with this person. 2 years already go n visit prostitutes =.-
 

jam123

Member
He said its when he can don't care about anything or anyone Else. Why did he even propose if he doesn't love me. I've never been this lost
 

G&J

New Member
eh, just my piece of advice. it's better to leave him.

A man who visits the prostitue is only thinking for his own excitement instead of the consequences. I feel that every guy tends to look at other girls but that doesn't mean that they must go and f around. If there's once there's twice and thrice and so on.

even after you caught him and he seems to have change for a better, after a few months back to the same. furthermore are u able to accept the fact that when u are married or even when u are pregnant, he go out to f ard again?

also, how sure are u that u will not doubt him and be able to regain the trust back again? this is the crucial part.

not afraid to share with you but I thought I can forgive and forget my ex after he cheated on me but no.. I can forgive but I can never forget. I worry.. maybe there's a period when he's too busy to spend time with u, ur mind overthinks again. till then, after numerous disappointment, you will only learn to let go.

to let go early or not affect ur life in future as well.
 

MissEmpire2

New Member
Being physically betrayed is not something that can be easily forgiven or forgotten. 2 years should be at the honeymoon period & yet such things happened already.

If he have done 4 times, it is doubtful whether even if he change for some time, it'll be back to square1 again.
 

thesheryl

New Member
Agree with MissEmpire. Physical betrayal probably leaves the longest scars. I would say he doesn't deserve 2nd chance.
 

pikachuuu

Member
He said its when he can don't care about anything or anyone Else. Why did he even propose if he doesn't love me. I've never been this lost

you mean he didn't even bother to care about you during that two years?
Then what make you think that he would care about you after you are married.

thankfully it is only two years, cut this early and find yourself a better man.
wishing you loads of courage and love~
 

gladjo

Member
Everyone here encourages you to leave him n move on and so do I ...as you unfold pieces of your relationship ... you will surely loose out if he divorce u in future should u decide to marry him ...futhermore, did it occure to you he may have an motive n you are just part of his bigger plan...think about it ... once u made the wrong decision, getting out is no easy n cheap road ...
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Leave him.dun walk down the route to pain and regret later on.ur consider fortunate that he show you this side of him before marriage.
 

jam123

Member
Thank you everyone for the advice. Needed another voice to tell me what to do. Yes he doesn't know how to love. And no point being with someone who don't know how to love. It will never last. Not until he learns how to, I'll have to call off the engagement and figure out what to do with the house.
 

slackbtb

New Member
I'm in a similar situation but I found out much later. I only found out about my husband visiting ktv girls in China weeks before the wedding. I really hate his friends who introduced him to this during his bachelor trip. It's not a clean ktv btw.

I took it that he was curious, decided to give him a chance and proceeded with the wedding. After the wedding, I realize I can't trust him anymore. The more I dig the more disappointed I am. He looked for the same ktv girl each time he was there. Can a man keep going back to the same ktv girl yet have no feelings attached? He maintains so but I'm not convinced.

You might be able to forgive but chances are, you will never forget. Do you want to live your life constantly wondering if he is cheating on you again? It's a painful path that has caused me countless sleepless nights..
 

meimei1601

Member
Jam123.. We can all give u advise but it's all depend on Ur choice, if u choose to forgive, forgive totally and delete what have happen. If u have doubts that he will betray u again that only means that the trust is broken and u will never forgive him for what he have done.
It's easy to find excuse and convince urself that he will never do it again, and breaking up with him fear u. It seem like, u didn't wan to just end it and it would be too difficult to find another person who u like this much.

But girl... can u hug him like u use to be? imagine and thinking he actually touches all those women's out there? U want him to kiss u with the same lips he kiss those girls on their body and everywhere? U can tolerate the thoughts that when one day u say u are tired and no sex today and he visit positute again?

No matter what reason he have/had... when he have sex with another women without having a thought if how u feel... He bloody well doesn't really loves u like what he say.
He proposed to u because he will have free sex when he needed but when he is tired of u.. He can still pay for something new.
Don't let the circumstances of your relationship guide u to staying or leaving, if a relationship isn't right, it isn't right... your heart and your head knows better.
 

jam123

Member
He told me he visited different ones, no feelings attached. He said he just wanted to do something bad to vent it all out. He promised he's learning to change and learn himself. He doesn't dare to have me back yet until he learns to love himself and love me. We did. We had good times in bed but he still wanted to do bad things.
 

Disney Junior

New Member
Girl, if you get HIV, your life will be gone. Please love yourself more.
This forum may/can save you from this relationship. But no one here can save you from the disease.
 

buddhabar

Active Member
I came to realise for men, love and sex is two different matter. Somehow they can have sex with someone they don't know let alone love. They are known as the players. The female version are known as sluts.

Just to add on. To hell with your player bf
 

Carousell

Active Member
Hi my advice, really please leave him. Marriage is along term relationship, if he cheats just within first two years, why would you think he would never cheat again for the many years to come when more challenges in life sets in? And most people take their love ones for granted, i dont think he will cherish you more as days go by. Before you have children and things become harder if you want to leave, i would advise you to quickly end it before you lose more in future.

This is coming from someone with two kids and found out 8 months ago that my hubby visits prostitutes. Can you imagine i found out when my second child is just 3 months old. And even if i want to divorce, theres a lot to consider.

Can someone with similar experience give me some advice?
 

slackbtb

New Member
Carousell - I only discovered their flirtatious messages recently. He continued chatting her up even after I confronted him about having paid sex. I wish I found out before the wedding.

Now that we're married, planning to go for marriage counseling. What happens next all depends on him. Annulment will be the last resort.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Man can separate love, relationships and sex. If he is stopping on his paid sex habits only because he is pressurized to, it will never work. He doesn't morally feel how wrong and hurtful it is to you or the relationship. He doesn't care of the risk he brings to himself and his partner.

Sexual needs are deep rooted, he experienced and clearly enjoys the fake moans and fantasies he get from hookers. He will miss it.
 

H3I

New Member
You should start afresh and move on to a new relationship. This is a sign from *** to tell you something. IMHO.

If you choose to continue, and you get cheated again, then you only have yourself to blame. Also, a relationship shouldn't be like this in the first place. At least not so early when you are still young. Hope you get the drift.
 

pikachuuu

Member
He told me he visited different ones, no feelings attached. He said he just wanted to do something bad to vent it all out. He promised he's learning to change and learn himself. He doesn't dare to have me back yet until he learns to love himself and love me. We did. We had good times in bed but he still wanted to do bad things.

Is normal for guys and girls to THINK about doing bad things. Not sure about you but I sure as hell have thought about stealing things and punching people randomly, "just to see what it is like" Both guys and girls also fantasise how it would be by being with someone new after being in a relationship for some time or think back about their ex-es and all the what ifs.
The fact that he CROSSED the line from thinking to DOING already tells me he has ZERO SENSE of control of his own mind and discipline. Not sure why you still want to keep this guy honestly, who knows what would be the next "bad things" he want to try? Murder? Abuse your future kid? Have sex with your future kid?

I agree breaking up especially with a BTO is painful, but like what almost everyone here tell you, cut the pain short, dont buy his sorry act, and strive for a great future without him.
 

clem

Member
As miloice said, men can separate love, relationships and sex. And men tend to have evil thought all the time - some will refrain themselves from going further, some will just give it a try. Those who had tried, some get addicted and won't stop; some stop doing it because of guilt.

Your bf made mistakes indeed, but has he stopped? More importantly, deep inside your heart, do you want to give him a second chance?
 

Carousell

Active Member
Jam123, can update your current situation? Separated now? I am actually envious that you can start afresh whereas i m married with two kids and financially not strong myself.

I usually dont believe in staying with a guy once he cheated but now i m in this situation whereby i am staying. Hais, only have myself to blame for being too trusting and not check on my hubby before kids, should have been more career minded and would b more financially strong to go through divorce right away.
 

jam123

Member
I gave him back the proposal ring. Told him to figure out who he is and what he wants in life first before talking. He said he shouldn't have hurt me like that and indeed he needs time to dig deep into himself and figure out. We had really good times and are able to talk about everything under the sun. Almost. Except his infidelity. Deep inside, I do love him a lot and thought I really felt his genuine love before. He said he wants to be a man deserving of me. Shouldn't let the house we paid so much money for to affect too. I'm still very torn but I don't want to make a hasty decision.
 

life_is

Active Member
I gave him back the proposal ring. Told him to figure out who he is and what he wants in life first before talking. He said he shouldn't have hurt me like that and indeed he needs time to dig deep into himself and figure out. We had really good times and are able to talk about everything under the sun. Almost. Except his infidelity. Deep inside, I do love him a lot and thought I really felt his genuine love before. He said he wants to be a man deserving of me. Shouldn't let the house we paid so much money for to affect too. I'm still very torn but I don't want to make a hasty decision.

1) will he promise never to visit prostitutes again? For your health.
2) can you forgive and forget? It may never be erased from memory but you can choose not to bring up this issue again and move on from there.
3) will you still be able to trust him in future?

If the above cannot be done, better to just move on.
 

Carousell

Active Member
Jam123, i understand your heartbreak because i am in this situation myself. And of course very disappointed because we must have a general good inpression of this person thats why we love them but turn out they can do things that really disappoint and upset us. Actually there are people whos has this character problem so they cheat, are you confident that his character will change? In fact, i feel that cheating during times when both of you are in honeymoon and less stressful, less commitment period of your relationship spells that he can be quite dangerous to choose as a life partner. What is fortunate is that he confess to you before marriage which shows that he still has some conscious. It is really way easier to break the relationship before marriage and kids, house is a small problem as compared to marriage and kids. If i were you, i will really call off the marriage. I will feel that my future is too important to take this gamble and pray that he never cheat ever again. Life and marriage is really long, i dont think i will take that chance.

As for me, marriage then divorce is no big deal to me. But my main problem is children and financial. Of course if my husband shows me that he is not sorry and not repentent, i wont even care, i will divorce straighaway. But my dilemma is the following:

1) he did show love and responsibility for our kids throughout our marriage, he helps in housework, he helps to look after kids, my kids love him

2) he did say sorry many times and he did tell me he wont do it again

3) he has a problem, we figured out that he started off with porn addiction and it leads to sex addiction, thats why he is unable to stop until i discover

4) i dig a lot of details out, cannot be hundred percent sure that every truth is out since i cant really totally trust him anymore but as and when i need to ask questions, most of the time he will sit down and talk to me. I cannot tahan if my spouse dont want to talk at all and expect me to not ask or talk about the issue anymore and move on just like that

5) he cried a couple of times when we had arguments due to this issue or when i say i want to leave him, unless he is a good actor, i take it that he did love me

6) currently, he will call me everyday when he reach office and before he leave office using office phone, to report to me where he is, no more OT and no more going out on his own on weekends

7) i am keeping all his credit and atm cards, he only has 10 dollar everyday to eat in office

8) i get to see his annual leave quota and leave application

9) i have his colleagues and team leader phone numbers so he knows i can ask them some questions if i need to verify things

10) his pay is transferred to my account from this month onwards and i have the access to see his bank account on transaction history

11) no more passcode on his phone, i can see his phone anytime i like. He doesnt use his labtop at home anymore. He used to surf sammyboy forum at night when i sleep to look for prostitutes. And he use his phone in office to surf also. I can verify at home but office i cant, i can only trust him. We previously install funamo on his phone to block sammyboy forum but recently the app is not working well so i can only trust he is not surfing anything in office.

12) i gave him an ultimatum. He just need to lie to me just once and i will leave him. In future, i will also do a post nuptial agreement. I may or may not arrange a polygrapg test in future also. It is costly and i am busy so i am not sure about polygraph yet but post nup i will surely get one in future.

Doing all these is tiring so i still advise you to leave your bf. For myself, due to children and of course for the above actions that he committed, i cant really leave yet. One thing you must remember, we will never forget what they did, so can you live happily with this memory? For me, i want to live with peace and at ease, i would choose sanity over this man.
 

Carousell

Active Member
Carousell - I only discovered their flirtatious messages recently. He continued chatting her up even after I confronted him about having paid sex. I wish I found out before the wedding.

Now that we're married, planning to go for marriage counseling. What happens next all depends on him. Annulment will be the last resort.


You said he continued even after you confront him? So he continue to flirt with prostitute after you confront? Then i think marriage counselling will not work, you sure you want to invest your lifetime with this guy?
 

Carousell

Active Member
I'm in a similar situation but I found out much later. I only found out about my husband visiting ktv girls in China weeks before the wedding. I really hate his friends who introduced him to this during his bachelor trip. It's not a clean ktv btw.

I took it that he was curious, decided to give him a chance and proceeded with the wedding. After the wedding, I realize I can't trust him anymore. The more I dig the more disappointed I am. He looked for the same ktv girl each time he was there. Can a man keep going back to the same ktv girl yet have no feelings attached? He maintains so but I'm not convinced.

You might be able to forgive but chances are, you will never forget. Do you want to live your life constantly wondering if he is cheating on you again? It's a painful path that has caused me countless sleepless nights..


Hi so can you update whats your situation like now? Did he stop once and for all or did he continue? Do you have children and is there any sorry? Any commitment not to repeat?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Jam123, i understand your heartbreak because i am in this situation myself. And of course very disappointed because we must have a general good inpression of this person thats why we love them but turn out they can do things that really disappoint and upset us. Actually there are people whos has this character problem so they cheat, are you confident that his character will change? In fact, i feel that cheating during times when both of you are in honeymoon and less stressful, less commitment period of your relationship spells that he can be quite dangerous to choose as a life partner. What is fortunate is that he confess to you before marriage which shows that he still has some conscious. It is really way easier to break the relationship before marriage and kids, house is a small problem as compared to marriage and kids. If i were you, i will really call off the marriage. I will feel that my future is too important to take this gamble and pray that he never cheat ever again. Life and marriage is really long, i dont think i will take that chance.

As for me, marriage then divorce is no big deal to me. But my main problem is children and financial. Of course if my husband shows me that he is not sorry and not repentent, i wont even care, i will divorce straighaway. But my dilemma is the following:

1) he did show love and responsibility for our kids throughout our marriage, he helps in housework, he helps to look after kids, my kids love him

2) he did say sorry many times and he did tell me he wont do it again

3) he has a problem, we figured out that he started off with porn addiction and it leads to sex addiction, thats why he is unable to stop until i discover

4) i dig a lot of details out, cannot be hundred percent sure that every truth is out since i cant really totally trust him anymore but as and when i need to ask questions, most of the time he will sit down and talk to me. I cannot tahan if my spouse dont want to talk at all and expect me to not ask or talk about the issue anymore and move on just like that

5) he cried a couple of times when we had arguments due to this issue or when i say i want to leave him, unless he is a good actor, i take it that he did love me

6) currently, he will call me everyday when he reach office and before he leave office using office phone, to report to me where he is, no more OT and no more going out on his own on weekends

7) i am keeping all his credit and atm cards, he only has 10 dollar everyday to eat in office

8) i get to see his annual leave quota and leave application

9) i have his colleagues and team leader phone numbers so he knows i can ask them some questions if i need to verify things

10) his pay is transferred to my account from this month onwards and i have the access to see his bank account on transaction history

11) no more passcode on his phone, i can see his phone anytime i like. He doesnt use his labtop at home anymore. He used to surf sammyboy forum at night when i sleep to look for prostitutes. And he use his phone in office to surf also. I can verify at home but office i cant, i can only trust him. We previously install funamo on his phone to block sammyboy forum but recently the app is not working well so i can only trust he is not surfing anything in office.

12) i gave him an ultimatum. He just need to lie to me just once and i will leave him. In future, i will also do a post nuptial agreement. I may or may not arrange a polygrapg test in future also. It is costly and i am busy so i am not sure about polygraph yet but post nup i will surely get one in future.

Doing all these is tiring so i still advise you to leave your bf. For myself, due to children and of course for the above actions that he committed, i cant really leave yet. One thing you must remember, we will never forget what they did, so can you live happily with this memory? For me, i want to live with peace and at ease, i would choose sanity over this man.

Pardon me but you have become his mother, an overgrowth kid that cannot manage his demons. How long can this go on. Every person has their pride. My mum was a very paranoid woman and my dad basically for years had all these restrictions. When my dad's good friend passed on, it hit him hard. His friend was very much hen peck as well. When he passed on, his wife was still throwing insults and accusations about him. That was when my dad rebelled and really started womanising. My dad hid money from my mum and took loans from his credit accounts to sustain his lifestyle. Eventually, my folks were divorced, i chased my father out. He was bankrupted and I had to bail him out of bankrupcy by buying over his share of the apartment. I learnt his side of the story in his last few years of his life.

My folks past has a huge impact on me. I take care of my family but we manage our own finances and time. I do not want a woman to control me, neither do I control her. Its very impt for long term sustainability of a healthy relationship. Your partner is complying to all these because of his own guilt. But for how long?

You guys need to rebuild from scratch, these steps you took, could be the first mini steps. However, don't cling on them as assurances. It isn't. If a guy wants to cheat, he can and will. All the biz trips, where paid sex is just a fraction of its price locally, a full session in spa in KL will probably cost around 200+ ringgit. Doer able with just petty cash on a trip. He can always apply other credit cards sending statements to his office. At the end of the day, a person should change for the better because he/she understands it is important and beneficial for them.

About porn addition, you could research about them online. There are documentaries about the trend and how it is affected growing teens much more than grown men. He can surely get over porn addiction pretty fast if his sexuality isn't evolved from youth with paid sex. If he is all the long a serial brothel addict since his youth, his issue is a lot more deep rooted. He probably needs professional help than just your monitoring steps.
 
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Carousell

Active Member
Hi i understand what you mean, to me these are his actions to show his commitment that he will keep me safe. I did tell him that it is not possible to be like this in the long term because i dont want him to be supervised like i m his mum. For now, at least this can make me feel a little stable or else i am constantly paranoid And being in "afraid" mode.

I hope we can go back to normal in the future where i can respect him and let him be a man again or i can finally find some ease to go ahead with divorce.

As for the addiction part, he was a porn addict in teenage years. He knew me when he was 25 and his first intimacy is with me. According to him, he didnt stop watching porn and it became worse when he start to feel work stress and there was little intimacy between us, he went to phuket for his company team building in 2013 and that was his first physical betrayal using massages. After that it spiralled downwards to prostitutes until i discover. I dont know whether it is true that he can recover from the addiction but the current actions is what he wants to offer me to let me feel safe. He said that i helped him discover and admit that he is addicted and it is he himself who wants to stop this, not just for me and kids, also for his own sake. He didnt want to despise himself anymore.

I wont want to force him to do all these if he is not willing and i m not the type to want to suppress him and to continue the relationship. In fact, i prefer to let him go and i start afresh. The only thing holding me back are my kids and the fact that he himself wanted to stop. I know suppressing is no use, if someone wants to cheat, he will cheat. But my trust system is damaged till the extent that even he apologise or commit that he dont want to do this anymore, i still cant trut for now, thats why he resort to doing all these to assure me. Anyway my trust is spoiled because i discover one thing to another only after i dig deeper, not that first time i discover, everything come to light. He was too afaird to tell me the whole story so i dig and discover many things in stages. He was still covering some stuffs when i first spotted flirty messages. I dig and find proof and ask further then slowly more and more story comes out. But he claimed that the first time i see the flirty messages, he has already stop all the activities and promised to himself he dont want to do all these again.

I cannot honestly say our marriage can be salvaged in the end. Maybe he did stop and nv do these again but that doesnt mean i can continue the relationship, i just dont know the answer for now so i just stay on.
 

Carousell

Active Member
Sorry he had his first intimacy with me and he was 20 then. His first physical betrayal in the form of massages starts at age 29
 

Carousell

Active Member
Pardon me but you have become his mother, an overgrowth kid that cannot manage his demons. How long can this go on. Every person has their pride. My mum was a very paranoid woman and my dad basically for years had all these restrictions. When my dad's good friend passed on, it hit him hard. His friend was very much hen peck as well. When he passed on, his wife was still throwing insults and accusations about him. That was when my dad rebelled and really started womanising. My dad hid money from my mum and took loans from his credit accounts to sustain his lifestyle. Eventually, my folks were divorced, i chased my father out. He was bankrupted and I had to bail him out of bankrupcy by buying over his share of the apartment. I learnt his side of the story in his last few years of his life.

My folks past has a huge impact on me. I take care of my family but we manage our own finances and time. I do not want a woman to control me, neither do I control her. Its very impt for long term sustainability of a healthy relationship. Your partner is complying to all these because of his own guilt. But for how long?

You guys need to rebuild from scratch, these steps you took, could be the first mini steps. However, don't cling on them as assurances. It isn't. If a guy wants to cheat, he can and will. All the biz trips, where paid sex is just a fraction of its price locally, a full session in spa in KL will probably cost around 200+ ringgit. Doer able with just petty cash on a trip. He can always apply other credit cards sending statements to his office. At the end of the day, a person should change for the better because he/she understands it is important and beneficial for them.

About porn addition, you could research about them online. There are documentaries about the trend and how it is affected growing teens much more than grown men. He can surely get over porn addiction pretty fast if his sexuality isn't evolved from youth with paid sex. If he is all the long a serial brothel addict since his youth, his issue is a lot more deep rooted. He probably needs professional help than just your monitoring steps.

Pardon me but you have become his mother, an overgrowth kid that cannot manage his demons. How long can this go on. Every person has their pride. My mum was a very paranoid woman and my dad basically for years had all these restrictions. When my dad's good friend passed on, it hit him hard. His friend was very much hen peck as well. When he passed on, his wife was still throwing insults and accusations about him. That was when my dad rebelled and really started womanising. My dad hid money from my mum and took loans from his credit accounts to sustain his lifestyle. Eventually, my folks were divorced, i chased my father out. He was bankrupted and I had to bail him out of bankrupcy by buying over his share of the apartment. I learnt his side of the story in his last few years of his life.

My folks past has a huge impact on me. I take care of my family but we manage our own finances and time. I do not want a woman to control me, neither do I control her. Its very impt for long term sustainability of a healthy relationship. Your partner is complying to all these because of his own guilt. But for how long?

You guys need to rebuild from scratch, these steps you took, could be the first mini steps. However, don't cling on them as assurances. It isn't. If a guy wants to cheat, he can and will. All the biz trips, where paid sex is just a fraction of its price locally, a full session in spa in KL will probably cost around 200+ ringgit. Doer able with just petty cash on a trip. He can always apply other credit cards sending statements to his office. At the end of the day, a person should change for the better because he/she understands it is important and beneficial for them.

About porn addition, you could research about them online. There are documentaries about the trend and how it is affected growing teens much more than grown men. He can surely get over porn addiction pretty fast if his sexuality isn't evolved from youth with paid sex. If he is all the long a serial brothel addict since his youth, his issue is a lot more deep rooted. He probably needs professional help than just your monitoring steps.


I understand what you mean. I told him i cant do this in the long term too, i m not the one who force him to do all these, these are just his temporary actions to make me feel safe.

Anyway i prefer to just divorce and start afresh but children is what is holding me back. Its hard to decide to break the family nucleus for the children if my husband says he wants this fanily and is doing his part to show his commitment to want to stop.

Anyway, i hope what he says is true. He started reading errotic stories at a very young age and started to feel curious about females bodies. He started watching porn at age 14 and became addicted to sexual materials since then but he only masturbate. Till he met me at age 20, is the first time he has sexual experience. But his porn addition continues till when he was 29, he physically betray me during his team building retreat at phuket in the form of massages. Then it spiralled to prostitutes. Since young he also has compulsive habits of keeping females sexy photos he saw online and he confessed that he has the habit of intentionally using his elbow to touch another females elbow in public transport and he feels a little high. He also couldnt resist and attempt to touch my cousins thigh one xmas party night when she was drunk, but he quickly stop after he place his hand there for like few sec and felt guilty.

Firstly its hard for me to trust him because he didnt reveal everything from the day i discover flirty messages, it was only until i dig and find proof and keep questioning then story change abd more truth appear. Discovering truths in stages really spoil my trust system but according to him, he was scared to reveal all because he is afraid that i will leave him. But on the other hand, after he admitted that he might be an addict, he is the one who auto confess about his elbow incident and the guilt for touching my cousin without me asking. I m still not trusting and i am afraid of addicts, i m a strong believer that a leopard never change its spots, i guess thats why he had to do all these supervision actions to let me feel at ease for now.

I dont know about the future but i m just staying for now because i really dont know what to do.
 

Carousell

Active Member
eh, just my piece of advice. it's better to leave him.

A man who visits the prostitue is only thinking for his own excitement instead of the consequences. I feel that every guy tends to look at other girls but that doesn't mean that they must go and f around. If there's once there's twice and thrice and so on.

even after you caught him and he seems to have change for a better, after a few months back to the same. furthermore are u able to accept the fact that when u are married or even when u are pregnant, he go out to f ard again?

also, how sure are u that u will not doubt him and be able to regain the trust back again? this is the crucial part.

not afraid to share with you but I thought I can forgive and forget my ex after he cheated on me but no.. I can forgive but I can never forget. I worry.. maybe there's a period when he's too busy to spend time with u, ur mind overthinks again. till then, after numerous disappointment, you will only learn to let go.

to let go early or not affect ur life in future as well.
So that means you let go of your bf who cheated? You let go because you cant trust anymore or you caught him again the second time?
 

jam123

Member
Thanks for sharing what happened and your thoughts. My bf also visited sammybabe website. I had to text the person to ban him because I was so upset. I know it's ultimately up to the individual's desire to cheat, not these websites but these avenues really caused a lot of relationships to be broken. My bf has been telling me he is learning and he wants to love me again. I'll be talking to him this weekend and see what he has got to say. I can never forget but I dunno if I should forgive and give him another chance. It's just like yellow ribbon, if we don't give ex-prisoners a chance to repent and condemn them, isn't that too much? I believe people who really wants to and is serious will repent somehow. It's all boiled down to individual isn't it?
 

Carousell

Active Member
Thanks for sharing what happened and your thoughts. My bf also visited sammybabe website. I had to text the person to ban him because I was so upset. I know it's ultimately up to the individual's desire to cheat, not these websites but these avenues really caused a lot of relationships to be broken. My bf has been telling me he is learning and he wants to love me again. I'll be talking to him this weekend and see what he has got to say. I can never forget but I dunno if I should forgive and give him another chance. It's just like yellow ribbon, if we don't give ex-prisoners a chance to repent and condemn them, isn't that too much? I believe people who really wants to and is serious will repent somehow. It's all boiled down to individual isn't it?
Hi jam123, you are a very kind person and nice gf. I m more protective of myself so if the impact is on me alone then no matter what i will choose the safe way out for myself because i dont really trust people who lie to me.

May i ask how you managed to text the person to ban? They are pimps who wants to earn money and encourage infidelity in the first place and there are so many different bosses with different numbers. So many till i cant keep track. Why would they help you to ban him?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
I understand what you mean. I told him i cant do this in the long term too, i m not the one who force him to do all these, these are just his temporary actions to make me feel safe.

Anyway i prefer to just divorce and start afresh but children is what is holding me back. Its hard to decide to break the family nucleus for the children if my husband says he wants this fanily and is doing his part to show his commitment to want to stop.

Anyway, i hope what he says is true. He started reading errotic stories at a very young age and started to feel curious about females bodies. He started watching porn at age 14 and became addicted to sexual materials since then but he only masturbate. Till he met me at age 20, is the first time he has sexual experience. But his porn addition continues till when he was 29, he physically betray me during his team building retreat at phuket in the form of massages. Then it spiralled to prostitutes. Since young he also has compulsive habits of keeping females sexy photos he saw online and he confessed that he has the habit of intentionally using his elbow to touch another females elbow in public transport and he feels a little high. He also couldnt resist and attempt to touch my cousins thigh one xmas party night when she was drunk, but he quickly stop after he place his hand there for like few sec and felt guilty.

Firstly its hard for me to trust him because he didnt reveal everything from the day i discover flirty messages, it was only until i dig and find proof and keep questioning then story change abd more truth appear. Discovering truths in stages really spoil my trust system but according to him, he was scared to reveal all because he is afraid that i will leave him. But on the other hand, after he admitted that he might be an addict, he is the one who auto confess about his elbow incident and the guilt for touching my cousin without me asking. I m still not trusting and i am afraid of addicts, i m a strong believer that a leopard never change its spots, i guess thats why he had to do all these supervision actions to let me feel at ease for now.

I dont know about the future but i m just staying for now because i really dont know what to do.

wow... he has major issues with his urges. I wouldn't blame it to porn at all. Most of us got access to porn some part of our lives for guys. Especially since internet boomed. I'm not going to pretend, as a guy, porn is part of my sexuality as well. Except, most guys used it as a tool for instant visual stimulus. We are well aware its not normal sex and its 2 seperate things. He is in fact not just fantasizing. He needs to act out, even when its against the law. Him intentionally brushing his arm on women, IS MOLEST. That's how serial killers are born after they pursue more intense excitement progressively.

I would advise that he seek professional treatment. He is a danger to himself and others if he cannot deal with his urges.
 

Carousell

Active Member
wow... he has major issues with his urges. I wouldn't blame it to porn at all. Most of us got access to porn some part of our lives for guys. Especially since internet boomed. I'm not going to pretend, as a guy, porn is part of my sexuality as well. Except, most guys used it as a tool for instant visual stimulus. We are well aware its not normal sex and its 2 seperate things. He is in fact not just fantasizing. He needs to act out, even when its against the law. Him intentionally brushing his arm on women, IS MOLEST. That's how serial killers are born after they pursue more intense excitement progressively.

I would advise that he seek professional treatment. He is a danger to himself and others if he cannot deal with his urges.
He didnt blame it on porn. He just confessed to me what is wrong with him since young. Actually i also dont know what can he do, this is not anything like you have a cough and you see doctor take medicine to cure you.

He says he starts this himself so he wants to end this himself too. He says it is all in his brain, he sets himself to think sexually in this manner. He access both porn and reads too much from sammyboy too much which affects him to normalise sex as just paid sex. Of vourse he admits that during the phuket trip, during the massage, his mind kept thinking of what he read from the forum and he got horny and ask for special massage. He succumb to his temptations. And after the first time, it all got spiralled downwards till actual sex with prostitutes already.

Yes i did straight forward tell him you are just like molester or pervert, he cannot bluff himself it was nothing anymore. He has to face it and see himself as one.
 

Carousell

Active Member
He didnt blame it on porn. He just confessed to me what is wrong with him since young. Actually i also dont know what can he do, this is not anything like you have a cough and you see doctor take medicine to cure you.

He says he starts this himself so he wants to end this himself too. He says it is all in his brain, he sets himself to think sexually in this manner. He access both porn and reads too much from sammyboy too much which affects him to normalise sex as just paid sex. Of vourse he admits that during the phuket trip, during the massage, his mind kept thinking of what he read from the forum and he got horny and ask for special massage. He succumb to his temptations. And after the first time, it all got spiralled downwards till actual sex with prostitutes already.

Yes i did straight forward tell him you are just like molester or pervert, he cannot bluff himself it was nothing anymore. He has to face it and see himself as one. Anyway he did say if he has problem stopping, he will seek professional help, he says he doesnt want to behave like a failure anymore .
 


jam123

Member
I Guess we are in similar predicament just that my case he didn't do all these since young Nor does he has addictions. He didn't have enough concern from his family since young and has an internal rebellious nature. I've got the phone number of the person on sammybabe can email you but it's on their website too. It's just so easy. Text them and you get the prostitutes address and availability. Hope the law can clamp these websites down. Eventually it's up to one's determination and willpower. I believe only true love will help.
 

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