Singaporebrides | Relationships

March 2025

Cold Feet Before the Wedding? Here’s What’s Normal (And What’s Not)

By Tansey Tang

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If you’re having second thoughts or cold feet before the wedding, you’re not alone. Some pre-wedding jitters are completely normal, but others can be a sign that something’s off.

As your wedding day approaches, you might find yourself feeling anxious, unsure, or even questioning everything. You’ve spent months—or even years—planning every detail, from the dress to the seating chart, but now, instead of excitement, you feel a knot in your stomach. Your mind races with questions like, “Am I making the right choice?” or “What if something goes wrong?”

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many brides and grooms experience cold feet before the wedding, and in most cases, these jitters are completely normal. However, sometimes these feelings can signal deeper concerns that shouldn’t be ignored. Knowing the difference between harmless nerves and true doubts can help you navigate this emotional time with clarity and confidence.

Vivian and Gary’s Retro Pre-Wedding Shoot Around Chinatown by Bottled Groove Photography

Why Cold Feet Happen

Getting married is one of the biggest commitments you’ll ever make, and with that comes an enormous emotional weight. Even if you’re completely in love with your partner, the finality of marriage can feel overwhelming. Cold feet often stem from a variety of sources:

Fear of Change

Marriage marks a significant transition in life, and change—even positive change—can be daunting. You might wonder, “Will our relationship feel different after marriage?” or “Will I still have my independence?” These are natural concerns, as marriage does bring about changes in routine, responsibilities, and expectations.

Wedding Stress Overload

Planning a wedding is stressful. The pressure to create a perfect day, manage family expectations, and stay within budget can take a toll. Sometimes, pre-wedding anxiety is more about the event itself than the marriage. If you find yourself more worried about the guest list than your future with your partner, it’s likely just stress, not doubt.

Fear of the Unknown

Even if you’ve been with your partner for years, marriage is uncharted territory. You might ask yourself, “What if things don’t work out?” or “What if we grow apart?” These thoughts don’t mean you shouldn’t get married—they just show that you’re taking the commitment seriously.

Pressure from Family and Society

Weddings often come with unsolicited advice, opinions, and even pressure from family and friends. You may feel obligated to go through with the wedding because of family expectations, social norms, or financial investments. If you feel more pressure from others than personal excitement, it’s important to check in with yourself.

Financial and Lifestyle Concerns

Merging finances, making big decisions about homeownership, and potentially planning for children are significant life changes. Money is one of the top sources of stress in relationships, so it’s natural to wonder if you and your partner are financially aligned.

When Cold Feet Are Normal

Feeling nervous before your wedding is completely natural. This is a major life milestone, and it’s okay to feel a mix of excitement and anxiety. Here are some common pre-wedding thoughts that are perfectly normal: “I hope everything goes smoothly on the wedding day.” “Marriage is a big step—am I truly ready for it?” “I love my partner, but what if marriage changes things?” “Am I making the right decision?””What if I embarrass myself during the ceremony or speeches?”

These thoughts are simply signs that you understand the gravity of marriage and are taking your commitment seriously. Most of the time, these feelings fade once the wedding day arrives and you’re surrounded by love and support.

When Cold Feet Might Be a Warning Sign

While most pre-wedding nerves are temporary, some feelings may indicate deeper issues that should not be ignored. These are some red flags that might suggest your doubts are more than just jitters.

A Persistent Gut Feeling That Something Is Wrong

If you have a nagging sense of unease that won’t go away, it’s worth exploring why. Intuition is powerful, and it’s important to listen to your inner voice.

Feeling Relieved at the Thought of Calling Off the Wedding

If the idea of canceling the wedding brings you peace rather than panic, it’s a strong sign that something may not be right.

Ongoing Relationship Problems

Every couple argues, but if your relationship has been filled with frequent fights, unresolved issues, or a feeling of disconnection, those problems won’t magically disappear after the wedding.

Getting Married Out of Obligation

If you feel like you’re going through with the wedding because of family expectations, financial commitments, or because “it’s too late to back out,” take a step back. Marriage should be a choice made from love, not pressure.

Major Incompatibilities Are Being Ignored

Differences in values, financial habits, long-term goals, or how you handle conflict can lead to serious challenges in marriage. If you and your partner have major unresolved differences, now is the time to address them.

How to Handle Pre-Wedding Jitters

If you’re experiencing cold feet, take a deep breath and follow these steps to gain clarity and reduce anxiety:Reflect on Your Feelings – Take time to separate normal wedding stress from true concerns about your relationship. Journaling, meditation, or simply sitting in quiet reflection can help bring clarity.

Talk to Your Partner

Open and honest communication is key. Share your concerns with your fiancé(e) and discuss any worries together. Often, simply talking things through can provide reassurance.

Ignore Outside Pressure

This is your life and your marriage. Don’t let family, social expectations, or wedding costs dictate your decision. What matters most is your happiness and your future.

Seek Support from Trusted Friends or a Therapist

Talking to a neutral third party, such as a therapist or counsellor, can help you process your emotions and determine if your concerns are temporary or deeper issues.

Give Yourself Permission to Step Back

If your anxiety is overwhelming, don’t be afraid to take a break from wedding planning to gain perspective. If you need more time to feel confident in your decision, that’s okay.

Finally, Trust Yourself

Having cold feet before the wedding doesn’t necessarily mean you’re making a mistake. In most cases, it’s a sign that you’re about to take a big step and want to make sure you’re ready. However, if your doubts feel overwhelming or are based on real issues in the relationship, it’s essential to address them before saying “I do.”

The most important thing is to trust yourself. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and entering it with confidence, love, and clarity is the best way to ensure a strong foundation for the future. No matter what you decide, make sure it’s a choice that brings you peace and happiness.

At the end of the day, a wedding is just one day—but a marriage is forever. Choose wisely, listen to your heart, and embrace the journey ahead.

Credits: Feature image from Nadine and Derek’s Retrofuturistic Arcade and Skate Park Pre-Wedding Shoot by Andri Tei Photography

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