Singaporebrides | Relationships

December 2020

5 Serious Signs You’ve Found The One

As you’re thinking of heading down the aisle, you might wonder, are you sure you’re marrying the right guy? Here are 5 signs he’s the one, according to psychologists.

You’re with your partner and you’re deeply in love, but you catch yourself wondering, how do I know he’s The One? The small screen may have you second-guessing your relationship because he didn’t kneel down and tie your shoelace or save you from school bullies pelting you with eggs (we blame you, K-Dramas!), but you don’t need a grand romantic gesture to know you’re with the person you should marry.

There isn’t a fool-proof way to tell if your relationship will last forever, but there are some signs that point towards a happy, committed one. Take a look at these signs you’ve found the one, according to marriage experts and psychologists.

1. You share the same values

If you’re thinking about spending the rest of your life with someone, you should be sure that you two share the same values. “Research also indicates that relationships that are built on shared values are much more likely to endure,” notes licensed counsellor and professor Suzanne Degges-White. It’s crucial to have an open conversation about the things that really matter to you, such as family, spirituality, personal growth, money, life goals, and dreams, to ensure that you’re on the same page for the long-term.

Having the same vision for your future together is vital. Do you both want a life filled with lots of adventure and travel? Or do you see yourselves settling down with a big family? Maybe you both agree on the importance of keeping fit and eating healthily and plan on running together every week. You’ve discussed even the little things that matter to you.

Ines and Irjen’s Mesmerising Lovescapade in Japan by Multifolds Productions

2. You can be yourself around him

It’s normal to show different sides of ourselves in different situations in life—you can be the go-getter at work, the mindful yogi on Instagram, or the wise-cracking friend of your social circle. But when you’re with The One, you can show every side of yourself and be truly authentic with him without any fear of being judged, and feel like he sees you. In a healthy relationship, you also won’t feel the need to hide things from your partner, such as a splurge item or an embarrassing incident, or even the details of an ex-relationship.

3. You can have healthy conflict

Just because he’s The One doesn’t mean he will never fight with you. Having healthy conflict is actually a sign you two could work for the long term. Handling conflict maturely and respectfully shows that you’re in the right relationship, where two people can express their feelings appropriately and communicate their needs to each other.

As marriage researcher Dr. John Gottman says, “Although we tend to equate a low level of conflict with happiness, a lasting relationship results from a couple’s ability to manage the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship.” Conflict is inevitable even when you marry The One, so you should be sure you both can manage it healthily.

Cleo and Paul’s Minimalist and Ethereal Art Gallery Wedding by iki company

4. He treats you with kindness

Research has found that kindness is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage. In an article interviewing marriage researchers Drs. John and Julie Gottman, Emily Smite writes, “Kindness makes each partner feel cared for, understood, and validated—feel loved.” On the other hand, people who are critical of their partners or who give their partner the cold shoulder damage the relationship by making their partners feel invisible and unvalued.

People tend to think of kindness as little acts of generosity, but it’s also a state of mind, the researchers explain. Your partner can treat you with kindness by assuming the best of you instead of jumping to negative conclusions, and by responding to you even when he is tired or distracted. Does he treat with you kindness by paying attention to you, such as when you’re asking for his opinion on the tenth dress you’ve tried on, or by expressing his needs calmly during a fight instead of spiralling out of control and calling you names?

5. You feel supported and loved unconditionally

One of the biggest signs he’s The One is his love and support. Feeling emotionally supported by your partner is an important factor of relationship happiness. If he patiently listens to you vent after a long and stressful day at work, cheers you on when you share your dreams, and tunes into how you feel every day, you have a good one on your hands. Make sure that you are also lending your partner a listening ear and showing unconditional support to him too—that’s how relationships last.

Remember, you could show all of these signs and still not work out if you’re not committed for the long haul. True love works!

Feature image from Joymarie and Mackenzie’s Fun, Tropical Bali Wedding by APEL Wedding

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5 Serious Signs You’ve Found The One