Singaporebrides | Weddings 101
November 2023
5 Reasons Why Fighting With Your Partner Can Be Beneficial For Your Relationship
Fighting with your partner may not always be a bad thing. In fact, it can be beneficial for your relationship. Here are five reasons why.
Having disagreements and fights is part and parcel of every relationship, whether it is with your parents, siblings, friends, co-workers and yes, even your partner. It is completely normal and inevitable, especially if two romantically involved individuals from different walks of life, like you and your partner, start living together.
But fighting with your partner may not be a bad thing after all. While it may seem counterintuitive to say this, but fighting can actually help your relationship! Before I continue, let me clarify one important detail – when I say having fights can benefit your relationship, I am referring to constructive fighting, not destructive fighting.
Are All Fights Good For My relationship?
Constructive fighting is when both partners engage in disagreements or conflicts in a positive manner that involves respect, understanding and a commitment to find a resolution to the problem at hand. It allows each person to air their views and express themselves without judgement or abuse. As a result, both partners will gain a deeper understanding of their partner’s perspective of things and triggers as they seek to find a solution that both are happy with, thereby strengthening their bond and improving their relationship.
Destructive fighting is the complete opposite as it involves unhealthy communication patterns as the individuals attempt to resolve the problem through ways that end up being harmful and detrimental to the relationship.
So, yes, fighting can be beneficial to your relationship, but only if you fight in the right way. Here are five reasons why constructive fighting with your partner can be beneficial for your relationship.
1. It Means You Still Care About Your Relationship
Grace and David’s Charmingly Candid Pre-Wedding Shoot in the City by Always Sunday
Fighting – in a constructive and respectful way – can lead to positive changes in your relationship. Partners who are willing to endure the discomfort of engaging in conflicts and arguments recognise that by airing their thoughts, feelings and concerns openly and honestly, they are working their way towards a resolution that will improve their relationship. By fighting in a healthy manner, you show that you care enough about your partner and your relationship to fight for a common understanding.
On the other hand, it is a red flag when one or both partners start avoiding conflicts or simply acquiesce in the face of arguments. It shows that they don’t care as much about fighting for the relationship to engage and resolve the conflict at hand.
2. It Strengthens Your Relationship
Tabitha and Sean’s White Wedding at Raffles Hotel Singapore and Min Jiang at Dempsey by Fiona and Dan from Smittenpixels Photography
Believe it or not, having fights help you grow together as a couple, improving your relationship in the long run. When both partners fight in a healthy way, they learn more about each other’s perspectives and triggers along the way, leading to a deeper understanding of each other. Through conflicts, couples can also improve their communication skills, as they voice their concerns or grievances in a respectful and honest manner, remain mindful of the words they use, and remember to actively listen to the other person.
Working together to resolve the conflict at hand also fosters a sense of unity and solidarity within a couple, demonstrating that both partners are willing to work together towards a solution despite being upset. When you’ve successfully resolved the conflict, you’ll feel closer and more connected, thereby increasing intimacy in your relationship, strengthening the bond between you and your partner.
3. It Makes You A Better Person
Jalyn and Jerome’s Beautiful Green Wedding at Sofitel Singapore Sentosa Resort & Spa by Juanmoley Fotologue
Yes, fighting can make you and your partner a better person for one another. Living and spending most of your time together means you’ll be privy to one another’s worst habits and faults. Naturally, that means you’ll often be the person to call each other out on them. You or your partner may not be aware of how your habits are affecting each other and pointing them out in a respectful and constructive manner may help you both realise why it is a problem and work together towards a solution.
By practicing good communication skills in a fight, you are also learning how to handle conflicts effectively by becoming more aware of your emotions and triggers, and how to regulate and respond in a non-defensive, non-offensive manner, thereby improving your self-awareness and conflict resolution skills. You also learn to be more patient and accepting of each other’s flaws since no one is perfect and habits take time to be unlearned.
4. It Prevents Resentment From Setting In
Joy and Josh’s Summer Coral Wedding in The Surga Villa Estate, Bali by Jiwa Photography
Fighting is a great way for couples to voice out their grievances in a safe space and prevent any resentment from unresolved issues from setting in. When one or both partners keep their grievances to themselves, it is easy for resentment to set in. When you keep your grievances to yourselves, you take away any opportunity to resolve the issue and improve the situation. Instead, your grievances will snowball over time, as well as your resentment, and once they become too much to be bottled up, the explosion of unhappiness will be catastrophic and give way to destructive fighting.
However, when you speak up on what’s bothering you when it happens, you are actively working towards a resolution and healing. While criticisms can sting, they are essential to the success of your marriage, as they offer you an insight into where you or your partner is coming from, and a chance to work together towards a resolution that you are both happy with, thereby preventing any feelings of resentment from setting in.
5. It Is An Opportunity To Practice Good Communication
Vivian and Nicklaus’s Fun and Nostalgic Pre-Wedding Shoot in Vibrant Traditional Chinese Outfits by Freddy Wong Photography
Whenever you fight, you are in fact sharpening your communication and conflict-resolution skills – two of the most important tools you need to have in a relationship. Constructive fighting can only happen with good communication skills, and that requires effort from both partners to be mindful of the words they use and the tone they speak in, to remember to practice empathy and see things from each other’s perspectives, and to actively listen to one another’s concerns.
By employing good communication during your fights, you are not only demonstrating a desire to focus on the issue at hand, instead of the person in front of you, and work towards a favourable resolution, you are also showing your partner that you care about and respect their feelings despite being frustrated with them.
At the end of the day, fighting that benefits a relationship is more about how you fight than how often you fight. A lack of fights in a relationship is a huge red flag, as it means a lack of deep communication and a loss of desire to understand your partner and try to fix things for the betterment of your relationship. However, constant fighting doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is a positive one. It is important to remember to engage in constructive and healthy fighting that aims to resolve conflicts in a respectful manner that strengthens your connection rather than causing harm.
Credits: Feature image from Eunice and Daniel’s Intimate Pre-Wedding Shoot in the Romantic and Magical Wilderness by Hey Stranger.
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