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9 Questions to Find Out if You’re Really Compatible with Your Partner
Wondering if your relationship can last the distance? Answer these 9 questions honestly to tell if you’re compatible with your partner.
So you’ve been dating for a while and you feel a delicious fluttering in your stomach every time you think about your partner. Everything is going well, and you’re starting to wonder if you’re compatible enough for this relationship to end in marriage.
How can you tell whether you’re compatible with your partner? What does it mean to be compatible with someone? “Compatibility involves personal desires and preferences,” says Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages.
If you’re worried that you might not be compatible after having a few fights or after having differing opinions, stop worrying! Relationship compatibility doesn’t mean that you never have a single disagreement or that you finish each other’s sentences all the time. You don’t have to read each other’s minds, or “complete” each other. Compatibility doesn’t mean you’re clones. After all, you’re two individuals with two different personalities.
While compatibility isn’t the only factor in a successful marriage, there are some relationships that are a better fit than others. Ask yourself these questions to find out whether you’re compatible with your partner.Joleen and Clement’s Dreamy and Intimate Wedding at Singapore Marriott Tang Plaza by Leslie Photography
1. Do you share the same core values?
Your core beliefs and values shape the way you live your life, so having similar values is one of the key factors in compatibility. Couples who share similar values about family, faith, purpose, growth, and other core beliefs, will find it easier to share their lives since they believe in the same things. For example, if you highly value stability and security, but your partner values adventure and fluidity, then you might end up fighting a lot over what kind of work hours you pull, how much to save, or how often to go on vacation. If you’ve been coasting through your relationship without ever having a deep, heart-to-heart talk about the beliefs you stand for, try finding a good time to open up, get vulnerable, and share what you believe in.
2. Are you yourself around your partner?
While it’s normal to present your best self when you first begin dating you crush, as the relationship becomes more secure, you should be behaving more and more naturally. If you still find yourself downplaying certain aspects of your personality, hiding your obsession with cleaning, or pretending to care more about politics than you really do, that could be a red flag. Compatible couples will find it easy to be their authentic selves around their partners. You don’t want a marriage where you’re constantly pretending to be someone you’re not.Shi Yun and Darren’s Hiking Pre-Wedding Shoot on Coney Island by Happyphotopeople
3. Do you have shared as well as different interests?
Having similar interests is often used as a gauge for compatibility with your partner, but marriage expert Dr. John Gottman points out that compatibility is not just about being similar. “It’s not about finding your idealised mate, your other half, or your alter ego,” he says. “Our partners don’t always have to think like we think. That’s what makes life interesting.” It’s true that opposites attract. You may have been impressed with your partner’s skill with a camera, or fallen for his prowess at sports. Whether you enjoy pursuing a shared interest together, or have fun introducing a new hobby to your partner, you’ll know you’re compatible if you have fun with each other and love spending time together.
4. Do you have the same goals for the future?
It’s important to discuss your plans for the future to see if they align. You’re not compatible if your futures look very different, such as if one of you wants children and the other doesn’t, or if one partner wants to move overseas and the other wants to stay close to family. Incompatible couples simply want different things in life, and while some can reach a compromise, some things are just deal breakers.Joanne and Russell’s Magical Horseback Wedding at Capella Singapore by Pixioo
5. Do you have compatible communication styles?
If someone wants to text all day and the other doesn’t, the other partner is going to feel neglected and unloved. If one partner shares a lot and the other is the strong, silent type, there might be an imbalance in communication and vulnerability that leaves one partner feeling emotionally disconnected. You don’t need to have the exact same style of communicating, but you should both feel like you’re heard and understood.
6. Is conflict manageable?
Everyone has a different way of responding to conflict. Some avoid it, some sweep issues under the carpet, and some meet it head-on. Having different conflict styles doesn’t mean you’re incompatible, but fighting all the time and not being able to resolve your issues could mean that the relationship isn’t the right fit. In a compatible couple, both parties want to work on conflict management, and have similar goals for resolving issues.
7. Do you find their quirks endearing?
You know it’s love when you find your partner’s little idiosyncrasies adorable instead of annoying. Compatible couples in long-term relationships may find such quirks only slightly more annoying as time goes on. However, if you’re already feeling a lot of annoyance with your partner early in the relationship, you may go on to feel deeper dislike for your partner later on.A Sun-Kissed Summer Love Wedding Styled Shoot at Panamericana by Presentonpixels
8. Do you have chemistry?
So you’ve checked all the boxes for your ideal mate—shared values, stability, nice family, charming personality, similar interests—but you’re still unsure if you’re compatible. It could be that you’re simply missing that spark. Some couples look good on paper but don’t have any chemistry.
9. Are you comfortable with the relationship?
If you’re constantly on edge, afraid of setting your partner off, or trying super hard to make things work, then chances are, you’re not compatible. While a successful marriage does take effort, a compatible relationship should be comfortable, with neither partner feeling feeling drained from keeping the relationship afloat.
After answering these questions honestly, you should be able to tell if you and your partner are compatible. Mostly positive answers point to a more compatible relationship, while mostly negative answers are a warning sign that your relationship may not be the right fit.
However, being compatible doesn’t mean that you automatically read each other’s minds or want 100% the same things. You’ll still need to work at your relationship when conflict inevitably arises. Conversely, couples who are not naturally super compatible and who don’t have a lot of similarities can also have successful, happy marriages if they’re willing to understand each other, work at communication, and overcome conflict.
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