Singaporebrides | Relationships

November 2023

Should You Invite Your Ex to Your Wedding?

By Tansey Tang

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To invite or not to invite; we look at all the questions you should ask yourself honestly before inviting your ex to your wedding.

Your wedding day is a celebration of love, commitment, and the future you’re building with your partner. As you plan your special day, you may be faced with a complex decision: should you invite your ex to your wedding?

Ted Mosby and Ross Geller would probably tell you it’s a bad, bad idea, but the truth is, whether or not you should invite your ex to your wedding depends on a number of factors. We go through all the questions you should ask yourself before sending out that wedding invitation to your ex.

1. Are you currently friends?

One of the main reasons to invite an ex is if you’ve both moved on and currently maintain an amicable friendship. If your ex is part of your social circle and you’re inviting every one else in that circle, it’s appropriate to consider putting them on your guest list.

2.How long ago were you in a relationship?

If the relationship was aeons ago, and you only have fond memories of your primary school sweetheart, then great! Invite them! On the other hand, if you broke up only a few years ago when you met the person you’re now marrying, you may want to skip the invitation, especially if there are still hurt feelings.

3. How does your partner feel about it?

Your fiancé’s feelings should be a top priority. After all, your wedding is a celebration of your love story, and the beginning of your shared future together. If they’re uncomfortable with the idea of having your ex at this milestone, then don’t invite them. Engage in open, honest communication and take their perspective into account.

4. Will your ex-relationship upstage your celebration?

Your wedding day should be all about you and your union. You found the love of your life, and you’re committing to spend the rest of your days together. You’re celebrating your future, and you don’t want your past to mar the occasion with any murky, historical feelings.

5. Will it be awkward to have your ex at your wedding?

You want to spend the day full of joy and excitement, and definitely don’t want any awkward moments with an ex. If you feel at all weird about inviting an ex to your wedding, even if you’re still acquaintances, you don’t need to feel obligated to invite them.

6. Will it be awkward NOT to have your ex at your wedding?

If your ex is an old family friend, and your families are still close, then it may be more awkward to exclude them from the family invitation. Another situation where not inviting your ex may be more awkward than inviting them, is when you’re both part of a circle of friends that will be attending the wedding. Leaving the ex out may draw more attention and whispers, and make the whole thing a bigger deal than it is.

7. How would your ex feel at your wedding?

Put yourself in your ex’s shoes. If they have not yet moved on or are still single, attending your wedding might be emotionally challenging. Respect their feelings and boundaries.

8. Why do you want to invite your ex to your wedding?

Be honest with yourself about your motivations for inviting your ex. If you’re extending the invitation to prove that you’ve moved on or done better, then that’s a red flag. Ensure your wedding focuses on celebrating your current relationship and avoids any drama or discomfort.

9. What if your partner also wants to invite their ex?

If your spouse-to-be wants to include their ex in your wedding too, you also have the right to express your discomfort if you feel any. Have an open conversation about how you feel about any past relationships, discuss whether the presence of an ex at your wedding would make you feel uncomfortable, or articulate why you’re perfect happy to celebrate with someone who’s a purely platonic friend. Your wedding is for the both of you, so it’s important that each of you are 100% happy with the guest list.

Ultimately, whether or not you extend a wedding invitation to your ex depends on how you and your future spouse feel about it. Your wedding day should be all about celebrating you and your bright future. You don’t want to dwell on any past hurts or failed relationships. If having an ex would be a damper on your celebrations, or cause anyone to feel uncomfortable, then skip the invite. However, if your ex is now a good friend who’s happy for you, then go ahead and address that invite!

Credits: Feature image from Jalyn and Jerome’s Beautiful Green Wedding at Sofitel Singapore Sentosa Resort & Spa by Juanmoley Fotologue

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