Singaporebrides | Weddings 101

March 2016

7 Things No One Tells You About Wedding Planning

You’ll get all the help, tips and advice from family and friends when you’ve announced your wedding date. But there will still be some things they’ll miss out in their words of advice.

Despite the amount of help a bride receives from the people around her, she can never be too prepared for her wedding planning and actual day. As I’ve learnt through my wedding planning last year, there were many things about wedding planning and weddings that I wasn’t aware of in spite of the amount of exposure I’ve had to weddings. So, to help brides-to-be better prepare themselves for their wedding planning and actual day, I’ve picked out seven things no one tells you about wedding planning.

1. Casual weddings are just as much work as formal weddings.

Vintage Carnival Wedding at UNA, One Rochester 19Maureen and Chuankai’s Vintage Carnival Wedding at UNA, One Rochester by Multifolds Photography

There is a misconception that smaller and more casual weddings involve less work (and budget) than larger, formal weddings in hotel ballrooms. The truth is, it isn’t necessarily so. Whether you’re tying the knot at a cosy restaurant or a grand ballroom, the same amount of work awaits you. You’ll still have to shop for a venue, dress and other wedding vendors, and draw up a guest list and seating plan.

In fact, a more intimate and casual wedding may be more work and cost than a bigger hotel wedding, as you may have to source for your own wedding planner, stylist and stationer since most restaurants do not include these services in their wedding packages. And if you decide to embark on the DIY route, know that being a DIY bride involves a lot of work and effort, especially if you do not have an elastic budget.

2. You’ll hardly have any time with your groom on your wedding day.

Kaleidoscope Flower Field Hall Wedding At Gardens By The Bay 56bConstance and Jason’s Kaleidoscope Flower Field Hall Wedding At Gardens By The Bay by Samuel Goh Photography

Your wedding day will be a flurry of activity after activity and you’ll be occupied with fulfilling the traditional aspects of a wedding and keeping in time with your schedule that you’ll hardly have any time alone with your groom. In fact, you may spend most of your day without looking at your groom.

While it’s important to complete the traditional aspects of a wedding, sharing and being in the moment with your groom is just as important. The day will never repeat itself, so set some time aside to spend with each other to bask in the joy of your wedding day.

3. Wedding planning quarrels are not a sign of your incompatibility.

pre wedding photography by androids in boots still + motionLove in Unexpected Places with AndroidsinBoots’ Pre-Wedding Photography by AndroidsinBoots Still + Motion

Wedding planning is a high stress period with a lot to do, coordinate and manage. As you move along with your planning, you may start to regard each other with fresh eyes as you discover just how different your tastes and expectations are. Sometimes, you may even wonder if these quarrels are a sign of your incompatibility, especially if your relationship has always been fairly quarrel free.

Don’t be startled if you’ve had that thought while planning your wedding. You’re not trying to sabotage your relationship and you’re not alone. Wedding planning quarrels do happen, even to the best of us, and it’s part and parcel of your wedding planning journey. During such times of immense stress and responsibility, personalities will clash, tempers will flare and differences will stand out like never before.

But all that arguing and disagreements, however small, are not a sign that you’re not meant for each other. After all, you’re bickering over wedding matters, not over your relationship. Once the wedding is over, these petty quarrels will not matter anymore.

That being said, I’m not saying it’s okay to pick a fight in the name of your wedding planning. But if you do fight, know that it’ll be temporary and doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed (unless it involves a major transgression). Most importantly, know that you’re not alone.

4. It’s okay if your groom is less interested in the wedding details than you are.

Immortalising Love with 520 Library 12Immortalising Love With 520 Library by 520 Library

Your groom is probably not going to show as much interest in the colour of your flowers or placemats and at some point, you’re going to get angry with him and tumble into a wedding planning quarrel about how he doesn’t care about the wedding. I know I did. But, his disinterest is not a sign that he’s not as vested in your wedding as you are. All he (and all the other grooms) wants for the wedding is for you to be happy and get the wedding of your dreams. Which is why he’s content to let you take the lead for your wedding.

But if you still want your groom to be more involved in the wedding in spite of that sweet reason, you can assign him some tasks for the wedding that you prefer not to do, such as looking for solemnisers or drawing up your guestlist and seating plan.

5. The small stuff really doesn’t matter.

Calvary Baptist Church Singapore Wedding Bridesmaids bouquets 54Germaine and Mitchell’s Glamorous Wedding at Shangri-La Hotel, Singapore by Antelope Studios

I bet you’ve heard this many times before. The smaller details of your wedding doesn’t matter when you look at the bigger picture – the celebration of your union and the heartfelt congratulations from your family and friends. Before my wedding day, I refused to believe that the smaller details were not as important as the celebration itself. So, I took as many preventive measures as I could to ensure that my vendors knew what I wanted right down to the smallest detail.

Nonetheless, there were some minor hiccups on my actual day. My bridal flowers consisted of colours I didn’t want and the ribbons on my baby’s breath crown were silver instead of the colour I requested for. But did anyone notice? No. I was the only who did. Did it make my wedding any less fun, memorable and magical? No, it was every bit as wonderful as it would have been with peach coloured flowers and ribbons.

And so I learnt, as I lay exhausted by my husband’s side after our wedding, that the small stuff really doesn’t matter. What mattered was the company and how much fun we had throughout the day. Besides, no one will remember the colour of the flowers used, but everyone is going to remember an angry bride. So, don’t sweat the small stuff.

6. There will be last minute emergencies.

Forlino; wedding; Singapore; intimate wedding; solemnisation; Bobbykiran photographyYuing Xian and Manville’s Intimate Solemnisation at Forlino by Bobbykiran Photography

It doesn’t matter how well prepared you are. Last minute emergencies and changes will happen, such as guests who had to cancel at the eleventh hour or guests who turn up with a plus one without informing you beforehand. Or worse, having to change your seating arrangements the night before your wedding.

Whatever it is, take it in your stride. Don’t dwell on the problem. Stay calm and focus on finding a solution quickly.

7. Be aware of hidden wedding costs.

Gardens by the Bay Wedding 078Yvonne and Royce’s Vintage Glam Flower Field Hall Wedding at Gardens by the Bay by Daniel Beh Photography

Aside from the obvious expenses, pay attention to those that are not stated upfront, such as overtime costs and extra expenditure like wedding angpows for your helpers and vendors. Wedding photographers, videographers and hair and makeup stylists are booked for a certain amount of time and if your wedding exceeds their stated service hours, then you may have to pay for their overtime charges. They may also charge early morning surcharges for weddings that commence earlier in the morning. Do remember to factor these in, as these extra costs can amount to quite a bit if your wedding starts really early and ends later than expected.

You’re also expected to hand out wedding angpows to your bridal party, vendors and other helpers as a token of appreciation for their help at the wedding. That list of people includes your drivers, the flower girl and boy, the boy who opens the door of your wedding car, children who will be rolling on your bed to bless your marriage with offspring and the good fortuned lady who helps out with the tea ceremony, if you have any. With that long a list of people to thank, the amount can add up to hundreds quite easily.

Credits: Feature Image from Cannas and Jim’s Beautiful Pre-Wedding in Perth by TY Lim & Xiao Jun from Mocco Photography.