Woes with my hb family

jn1234

New Member
Powder, Junkie
How you treated people, you get treated back the same way lor. I said this before. You use profanity, so now someone return you back with profanity.

I do not wish to engage in more bickering, so go ahead with whatever languages you guys like. I have said enough of the topic, else you come shooting at me again.
 


jn1234

New Member
And by the way, only you powder and junkie scold people. I don't leh. I only complain about the use of profanity. Since you 2 are so good in scolding, why need me to scold this newcomer? You 2 can do a better job with your foul languages and make people feel depressed.
 

watching

Member
When handling people, remember that humans are creatures of emotion, not creatures of logic. The way advice is given in this forum usually gets the defenses of the other person up. Whether you are right, however well you justify your points, no one really wants to listen to someone who talks in a damming way.

Many times, you then get this funny feeling that the tone used at this forum are attempts to emphasize superiority over you. As if what you say is subordinate to the stand taken by the other. Whatever it is, dismissing, dissing, patronizing or being condescending are all very subtle ways of making you feel small and in gratitude to the opposition.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
"When handling people, remember that humans are creatures of emotion, not creatures of logic."

good point indeed. However, remember emotion clouds our thoughts. No 2 persons will have the same reactions. Do we allow our emotions to manifest, overwhelm or do we allow time to contain and make sense of what's said? The more we allow emotions to control, the less we are able to manage it. Why some are able to continue discussion despite differences? Everyone is different, some are very frank to extend of blunt, while others might fear disagreements. The one that is blunt will be completely comfortable with it, there will be no depress or long lasting lousy feelings. While, the one that fears and chooses to avoid it will never really learn to deal with it. Showing empathy, or 'packaging' is only about the approach. If one only expects and seek that, then, honestly, nothing is changed eventually. Pardon for the wording... one becomes a softy for support. At the end of the day, they need more than sayang to deal with the problem. That's the very reason why they are stuck with it in the 1st place.

This is not about superiority. Ask ourselves. Seek that honest answers.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Jenny, oh u do much more than just complain. You forgotten how conveniently you choose to dish out wild allegations which you hardly back up with anything.

In the same context about packaging... even whatever valid points you might have... its hard to be brought across when its polluted heavily with personal emotions and accusations. The impact and credibility of the message is lost because of the manner it is communicated.

For example, many times, sm was able to hit it right on the head of the nail. Why is that so?

But again, despite that, dear Carol wasn't receptive to it at all. So, it will still take 2 to tango. When one is shut, there is no way through.
 

infojunkie

Active Member
唉,真是有够弱智耶。。。

拜托表在那边装无辜了好ä¸å¥½ï¼Ÿ

演技奇差åƒä¸ªå°ä¸‘似地献丑竟还以为别人会ç€ä½ çš„é“?

愚蠢至此真是无è¯å¯è¯´ã€‚。。

继续演你那ä¸å…¥æµçš„æˆå§

虽然一点也ä¸æœŸå¾…的说
happy.gif
 

qqyou

New Member
沒人å«ä½ çœ‹ ? ... ä½ è€æ¯ çµ¦ä½ çœ¼ç› æ˜¯çµ¦ä½ çœ‹åˆ¥çš„æ±è¥¿çš„å–” ... ä¸æ˜¯å«ä½ ä¾†é€™è£¡ åšé˜¿å¨˜ @@" milo 你這麼喜歡講人家 難é“你的嘴巴 也有屎 一堆...沒教養的男生ㄇ? 嘴巴ä¸ç•™å£å¾· å°å¿ƒ å°å­©æ²’** 哈哈
 

qqyou

New Member
junkie ... 你話很多 是ä¸æ˜¯åœ¨å®¶è£¡ 沒人愛ç†ä½ ? 麥安æ å¯æ†æ‹‰ å«ä½ å®¶çš„ powder 陪你就å¯ä»¥äº† ä½ å€‘å¾ˆé… çµä¸€çµå©š 算了啦 ä¸è¦ä¾†é€™è£¡ 騷擾人家 = =
 

infojunkie

Active Member
å°ä¸‘æ¥çŒ®ä¸‘了耶。。。

还是那样的没格局,大妈的文化水平很ä¸è¶³å“¦ã€‚。。
 

infojunkie

Active Member
å字一样åˆæ€Žæ ·ï¼Ÿ

山寨版的就是å“质低劣。。。
 

qqyou

New Member
å°ä¸‘說誰ㄚ ? 你就會那幾å¥ã„‡? ä½ XX ä½ XX ä½ XX 有沒有新一點的阿? 我看厚 ä½ å°æ™‚候一定是有被è™å¾…å§ ä½ ä¹Ÿæœ‰è³‡æ ¼ 說人家的å“質ㄇ? 哈哈 都ㄇä¸è‡ªå·±çœ‹ä¸€ä¸‹è‡ªå·±åŽš 學人家說什麼文化ㄚ? 你這種喔 ... = = PP 化就有 少在那裡 說到自己有多清高 ...
 

qqyou

New Member
山寨版 ä¸éŒ¯å•Š 也是很多人喜歡用阿 如果沒人用 那會有人願æ„åšå‘¢ ... 厚...~~~ 洶洶想起一件事 你是ä¸æ˜¯ä»¥å‰è¢«ä½ å¤§åª½ è™å¾…éŽé˜¿ 所以看到你ä¸å–œæ­¡çš„人都å«å¤§åª½
 

infojunkie

Active Member
一点进步都没有,没看头。。。

手下败将~ï¼

好闷啊。。。
 

qqyou

New Member
ä½ å‘¢ ... 真的有病拉 沒錢看醫生? 去MRT 跟人家è¦æ‹‰ å¯èƒ½çœ‹åˆ°ä½ é‚£ %^&%^#$ 的臉 有人願æ„給喔 ... 喜歡說人家怎樣怎樣 ㄚ你是怎樣啊? 沒人å«ä½ æœŸå¾… 你說ä¸æœŸå¾… 沒人å«ä½ æ»¾ 就自己說è¦æ»¾ 沒人說什麼 你就在那裡 說一堆 @@? 在家孤單 ㄇä¸è¦é€™æ¨£å•Š 你大媽 ä½ è€æ¯ 如果真的å°ä¸èµ·ä½  就去罵他們ㄚ 精神上支æŒä½ å”· ^^
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
I call that groundless allegations than common sense. Common sense has to make sense. When one is able to back their points with concrete reasons vs an outburst of emotional comments.

Remember, that humans are creatures capable of both emotions & logic. It consists of both elements. There is no common ground for discussion if its based on personal emotions. One could just come & swear at another simply because of a bad day. Does one try to understand why? or just shoot back? Our immediate response consists of emotions and intuitions as well.
 

infojunkie

Active Member
连大妈指的是什么都ä¸æ‡‚?

天啊。。。
 

qqyou

New Member
是咩 你也沒åŠé»žæ–°é®®çš„@@? è¦çœ‹é ­ = = 原來你沒頭 感覺的到 ... 因為你感覺上 åƒæ²’腦的 ^^
 

infojunkie

Active Member
都说é¢å­æ˜¯åˆ«äººç»™çš„,脸是自己丢的。。。

没知识还敢跟人呛声?

丢脸哟。。。
 

qqyou

New Member
別亂å«å¤©å«åœ°çš„ ä½ å¯èƒ½æœƒä¸å°å¿ƒå°±è¢«é›·åŠˆæ­» 嘴巴這麼臭
 

qqyou

New Member
é¢å­åˆ¥äººçµ¦çš„ @@ 你也有é¢å­å–” ä½ ä¸æ˜¯æ²’é ­çš„å’© 丟臉 ^^? ä¸æœƒå•Š 還好也 .... 安抓ä¸æ•¢å—† 你以為你是誰 @@? 知識? 你有咩? 講話這麼沒教養 å–”... 你的知識就是沒教養 賀啦 ... 那阿æ ... 給你è´ç¾… 哈哈哈
 

infojunkie

Active Member
怎么忘了ä¸èƒ½ä¸€èˆ¬è§è¯†å‘¢ï¼Ÿ

失了格调怎办好?

你就继续献丑好了,我ä¸å›žåº”
happy.gif
 

qqyou

New Member
呵呵 說ä¸å›ž åˆå›ž? 說è¦æ»¾ åˆä¸æ»¾? 很怪æä½  給你è´é‚„ä¸é–‹å¿ƒå–”? 格調 @[email protected] 原來你也會寫格調 有進步喔 ... 掌è²é¼“勵鼓勵...
happy.gif
 

watching

Member
Okay Milo, `groundless allegation`. Would you like to hear me to paint a portrait of what I think about your role at this forum ? You are inviting a response to a groundless allegation.
 

qqyou

New Member
悶 ã„šä¸çŸ¥é“ 是你寫字慢 還是太白了 呵呵 ... å°ç™½~~ 乖乖嘿 ... æ²’äº‹æ—©é»žç¡ åšé»žç”·äººåšçš„事 少在那裡åšå¥³äºº 因為你ä¸æ˜¯ ^^
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
its an open discussion isn't it? I started by validing your point nor dispute the very existence of the human emotion.

How you paint me isn't of interest of the discussion isn't it? Anyway, if it isn't true, how can you force it down the throat? If its groundless, it would be straight forward to point it out.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
adding on... whatever role you paint, facts don't change, we exchange while exercising the exact same rights. We can choose to respond or remain as silent reader. If you find me irritating, u can state your reasons. The feedback could be useful to me if I do find it relevant else, there is nothing more to it. You cannot force it down my throat. You can choose to join dear clark to irritate, I cannot stop you either.

I would question the very existence of roles. Just that, everyone has a different approach to it. Like many others, I would like to help as well, it is very much in my approach to minimize on the need to dwell on personal reactions and bring people back to their real objectives that is to get help with their issues. As long as we are logical people and do not place our pride above logic, there is always room to discuss. It is important that we are honest. At the same time, when elements are writing with the intent to disrupt, I point that out as well.

There are all kinds of motives and agendas, those that would remember historical conflicts and wait for opportunities to get back on the pretence of offering help, the need to win and personal pride often comes in between. These are the very barriers. Let's be honest with ourselves. At the end of the day, to really find answers to our problems, we can't lie to ourselves.
 

watching

Member
What I am about to tell is very much part of the discussion, since I mentioned common sense that is rammed down your throat, the packaging at this forum. I had you in mind when I mentioned `common sense that´s rammed down your throat.`

Outwardly at this forum, anybody is entitled to his or her opinion, but more often than not, when there is a disagreement with new thread starters, your way of responding is like a caveman hacking your way through a dense jungle with a make shift-dull machete. The tone you set is often bam, boom, wham ! You consider expressing yourself blatantly your strength, ignoring how ill-tempered you sound. It is quite intoxicating to read the jarring posts, even if what is written is true, it just demoralizes people and causes lost of motivation to write in. Sometimes there is consensus in the debate. Except that the consensus is more about conceding to the other person´s position.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Well, that's your opinion, appreciate that. Frankly, it will be much more appreciated to point on the instances as it happens. Its important because the feedback is most relevant there and then. Anyway, rest assured, its not down my throat. I'm pretty aware of my traits, which is on the frank side. Though might not be adequate all the time, the conscious effort is made to validate and acknowledge the emotions. However, relevance and reminder is brought back to the need for action should the person wants change.

One can improve on the packaging, but one should not forget the objective. If its a all kiss and hug session, once it becomes a vicious cycle, and the person still lingering around with the exact same issue, except bigger, its really pointless to continue kissing. A short straight forward note would probably required break the cycle... a much needed slap. Insanity is repeating the same time and expecting different results.

There isn't a need to remind how many others had benefited from the exchanges as well. Some had voiced out even identifying themselves as silent readers that appreciated all the comments all these while. The point that consensus are more about conceding, is that a personal or general position? Think about it. How could it be possible the this entire forum is a depressing doom place with sadistic sickos that loves to come back and be whacked repeatedly?? Logic again, gives the reality check.

Bringing relevance back to this thread and discussion... on how I had approached TS. Was it as you described, bam, boom, wham? I believe there was a good exchange between TS and myself before the discussion involved stronger views particular on the TS part coming from various other people.

Lastly, if highlighting the facts demoralize the persons, what do you suggest? That we pretend it doesn't exist or trivialize them? The issues are real, just as the emotions. Both the emotions and the issues needs to be validated. It will be insightful if you can paint for me how different people with completely different context and emotions can netter understand each other and help if they don't focus on the facts and just rely on feelings and expect to have some useful exchange in a forum beside hugs and kisses with like minded folks?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Actually, there isn't always this need for consensus either. Realistic speaking, does anyone needs to agree with my tone before we can discuss? There will always be differences, it is only a blocking point to people that focuses on differences than objectives. One can put all the sugar coating till every exchange becomes a politically correct speech, will that be helpful?
happy.gif


At the end, if anyone is this sensitive, its really difficult for the individual to tahan in any forum. This is the honest reality. It is not unique to this forum at all. By all means, apply all your diplomatic skills to try it yourself. Walk the talk, None can shut others, Not junkie, not clark, not jenny, not sm, not powder, not you.
 

powder

Active Member
this thread was actually dying off, i revived it asking for an apology from 2 pple who should apologise, in every sense of the way the world works in life... the failure to see why, is very much the reason why this 2 individuals will not lead very happy lives.

i guess at the end of the day, our success is based very much in Reality, not in forums... but with little life some can have in Reality, their source of validation may come from the forum.

it's always amazing to see pple register just to whack me... either they are new, or they are hiding their actual nicks... but that is something left for that individual to learn.

jenny's contribution to the forum in general has been a series of contradictions... no firm stand on anything except maybe - my language. i may have profanity in my language, but jenny has a very vulgar misconstrued mindset. she will live and die unhappy unless her mindset changes. deny all she wants, her life In Reality will remain unfulfilling.

BP is one confused soul... unable to speak up againstthose who oppress her in real life, only finding a voice in the forum, but follows the wrong examples... will likely remain shallow whilst thinking she has learnt more.

carol... i can only wish u all the best. just that your actions contradict your intentions. u may state how much u want something for your daughter and blame Others for not giving her a chance, But u are as responsible for depriving your daughter... u dun see it, u won't see it.

so after so many posts.... the Only fault some of u can find with my poosts is the OCCASIONAL use of the word 'fcuk' or 'fcuking' during emphasis. Much as u bunch might like to Package it as profanity, it is pretty much an undeniable fact that they were used for emphasis... something some of u wilfully ommit and will not admit. this immediately displays your lack of integrity. if u count my posts with these words, versus those without, u might realise it's only taken less than 10% of posts i have made. But some of u have show an Absolute lack of integrity in over 90% of your posts.

this points rather clearly to a fundamental Flaw in both character and integrity. without these 2 qualities... i dun think any of u should be Teaching me how to advise nor package...

but actually i'm tired... i realised that i have been here for abt 7yrs... helped many pple online and off it, gone thru low moments with pple over Years in actual fact, and spent countless hours in empathy and listening ear....

never wanted credit for those since my reasons are unbelieveable to most of u, given that many live in selfish existence... caring only for themselves, living only for themselves.

the forum has deteriorated in advice... most of u won't see it becos u can't even differentiate between good and bad advice, where only concern is Nice advice. whether it works, whether it helps... most will not have the depth of understanding the human psyche, to see it as clear.

i'm tired. very very tired having to deal with psychologically Inapt pple lacking in the ability to discern... yet believe they are smarter than they are.

all said and done, testimonial remains the true mark of a person... and your success in the various aspects of Life itself remains the Fact that stares u in the face. That Is your Reality, however much u try to hide it Online.

i'm probably one of the few rare ones who has never needed to post a problem in this forum.

the ability to discern is very lacking in general in today's society... the forum is a good representation of how many do have the ability, and how many dun. sadly, those who dun think they do...

maybe it's time to lower the curtains soon... Life goes on... for future problems, u will have these few ladies who will be there to hug and console u in your lowest moments.

i just hope they are as prepared to walk the path with u, and not do it in their free time Only...

tired... so leave to u guys to stick around and offer your best to help pple overcome their problems.
 

jn1234

New Member
哇,这ä½ä»å…„åˆåœ¨ä¸€å‘³çš„批评别人?你何德何能有何资格åšç»“案陈è¯ï¼Ÿä¹Ÿåˆ«è‡ªä»¥ä¸ºæ˜¯çš„邀功,你好象忘了许多给你踩在脚底下,被你贬得一文ä¸å€¼çš„人。哇,七年,你去算一下有多少人。

I am just curious why you asked me to scold the newcomer? Isn't your old junkie also go around meaningless shooting here and there? Is her contribution of any value to TS? Why double standard only want to scold newcomer?

Simple. Cos newcomer does not stand at the your side but your old junkie is your gang. Whenever people disagree with you, you will go around calling us names. Oh, I forget, there is Yiping also. What contribution does she have? She too suddenly came out of nowhere to call me name.
Why you can tolerate these non-contributors but keep shooting at me? Double standard.

Since you are so blessed with good life, why you bother to come to the forum to make yourself “tired†(in your own word.) You get a taste of your own medicine, now that people start to throw back at you, bombard you, so now you feel tired? 7 years and few dare or bother to go against you, so now 情逢敌手,so you can't tahan already? Have you put yourself in the position of those who been viciously bombarded by you? How do they including myself feel? We too feel tired for all the non-stop bombardment especially with your use of uncivilized profanity. How about all TS who are supposed to come here to seek advice, to seek solace, to rant, etc. Is there a written rule that the forum is for seeking advice only and not for seeking solace or to rant? End up they are more stressed after your bombardment. There maybe some TS who accept your type of language, but not all. No one wants to change your language, continue in this way if you do, but no one is borne to be scolded by you and your gang.

Also remember, 事事无ç»å¯¹. How sure you are that you will be forever blessed with “我赚的,ä½çš„,å–的,åƒçš„,驾的,娶的,生的,都比一般人好。。。â€?你就这么肯定你娶的,生的会永远比一般人好?Most people think the one they selected are the best when they married, until problems come along, disagreements come along, then come all the stress, doubt, adultery, separation, and/or divorce. You so sure you will be blessed in your marriage forever? Yes lor, with your profanity, either your wife also talks the same way as you, or your wife is your sandbag just tolerate. And which parents don’t think their kids are the best kids in the world until problems come along? On top of profanity, please learn to be humble.
 

jn1234

New Member
Ok, 就当我真看ä¸æƒ¯ä½ çš„作风æ‰å‘言,有何ä¸å¯ï¼ŸThis is a public forum and you are not the moderator, who are you to dictate what can or cannot be discussed in the forum? You go through a few threads you can see many of you also always detour from TS issues. Like junkie in another thread on the Korean series she likes. Like someone else in one thread detours to presidential issues, another threads many of you detour to the types of cars you drive. Have all these to do with TS' issues? Why you and your gang didn't bombard? Why I 很正义的 go against you, suddenly all you and your gang are so worked up?

你咬人的时候ä¸çŸ¥é“别人痛,等到别人咬你的时候你就喊累?就因为你自认比一般人好?别自以为是了,一山还有一山高,learn to eat humble pie then you will be blessed. Not go around cursing and swearing people. 我就是看ä¸è¿‡ï¼Œæœ‰ä½•ä¸å¯ï¼Ÿ
 

jn1234

New Member
junkie and powder so alike, you are husband and wife ya? No wonder he thinks 他娶的很好,因为是åŒç­‰è´§è‰²ã€‚
 

jn1234

New Member
your friend not in yet, you are too free ah? Powder conceded defeat already, why you are still lingering around? Go and talk profanity to him to maintain his blessed marriage with you.

I go and work now, I am not blessed like powder, need to work to eat you know? Not free to entertain 你这个没文化的å°æ¯›å¤´ã€‚So you wait for your friend to entertain you.
 

tomasulu

Member
after 9/11, US went into a massive offensive invading two countries in a short span of time. many argued that those decisions were disproportionate to the provocation. but from the bush administration's perspective, they felt they needed to take the fight to the enemies so as to prevent another attack.

the mum in law probably felt like she has to protect herself from being attacked again. the diff is, instead of lashing out she hunkered down and went into a defensive mode. from her perspective, she was hurt badly and would rather pay the price of not having anything to do with your family then to be hurt again.

arguing about the mum's response is rather pointless at this juncture. convincing her that you have changed is probably more useful. if indeed you want reconciliation. some hurt takes time to fade before the person is prepared to extend the olive branch. it is up to you if you'd make the effort to restore the relationship you've broken.
 

clark

New Member
Powder, if you tired, get the hell out of here please.

Stop lamenting and JUST DO IT !!!!

I can't wait for that day to happen
 

opalstar

New Member
I have not been posting in the forum for quite a while now. And if not for these postings I may never will.. But I felt that giving advise should go beyond the language but to hear the message underneath..

The forum as a whole has provided many strong advises. It is up to the individual to read through the views. Some advises might be hard to read but sometimes it is needed for a reality check on life. In the past, I have similarly learn alot from old time posters and their comments on e numerous topics had allowed me to broaden my perspectives.

Given this is a matter of hearts not the British council "speak good English" forum. I hope people look on the context of the advise for some advise are hard truth..

Will like to share a personal experience,Recently , I had several setbacks in my work and experienced severe workplace bullying in the last few months.I was whining and crying over these things. My group of friends and acquitance become the huggers and sympatheiser.. Nothing was resolved and i spiraled to a dark place where the world seems to abandon me. I was lucky enough to have someone who is similar to many of the old posters here, o knock some advise with hard truth and actionable solutions. Like the TS, I was extremely resistant to this friend comments as it seems to be targeting me as a bad person but slowly I come to see that her advise as hard it is to take, woke me up.. And I am taking steps to remedy the situations.

This friEnd who knock the truth in me only had o level cert and she peppered her advice w f words and sacarsm whcihc includes asking me to go fly kite and to just jump down if everything also cannot work..she speaks singlish and is rubbish in maths..

However, ultimately , she provides wise advise and that's what should have mattered instead of how she look or speaks.. And I hope this should be what all the posters/ thread starters should focus on..

I am sorry if I spoke out of turn.. Especially since I have not been here for a while.. I feel that people need to hear some hard truth from time to time.. And I wished to express my appreciation for the old time posters who take the effort to read through and replied to topics . It takes a lot of heart to do what u all have done and I hope u all will continue to do so
 

watching

Member
Milo,

There was no mention of the sugarcoating the contents from my part nor giving hugs and kisses. Highlighting facts is one thing, causing distress with damming tones is quite another, making it sound like some ts have some moral deficiency or too dumb to understand. Therefore she must be someone devoid of some basic human quality, which is what separates her from you. When you condemm and criticize vehemently, the other person strives to negate that. A sure way of arousing resentment, any hot headed person can shoot. How about being informative minus the supercilious comments as a solution ? Leave snappy comments to those who can retaliate.

You become a different Milo when you do your `diplomatic talk`, so not you. Some arguments put forth are considerably disjointed and haphazard.
 

denise80

Active Member
Imo, I still feel strongly about the use of abusive language when 'counselling' or giving others advice. Opal, your colleague who told you to fly kite or jump down...such advice might have caused tragedies to happen...we'll never know and for one, I would not take chances by using such comments. A teacher once told his students sarcastically...that if you all are indeed feeling stressed, I dared you to jump down from the building. No one did that. One gal gulped detergent in an attempt to commit suicide tho. Do we blame it on her fault that she doesn't have the ability to think deeper about the 'gd advice' the teacher truly wanted to communicate to her? Or do we blame it on the wrong choice of words the teacher used? Some wrong use of words simply just led to unthinkable consequences that were not intended to be in the first place.

I agree that the ability to give advice has nothing to do with your educational level and this is in particular true. Just think about our parents. They are more often than not less educated than us but are able to give advice (given their years of experience in the society and as parents) to us in certain areas of our lives. Then again, how well do we take to parents who rant and hurl vulgarities? I for one wouldn't give in to a 'crazy' parent (my dad was like that when I was a kid). In fact, I listened more to my mum who also caned us but her angry words were reasonable words that contained no vulgarities. Both instilled fear and were disciplinarians but the one who did not turn 'mad' or 'crazy' or peppered her 'preachings' with vulgarities won me over.

Perhaps it takes skills, judgment and our knowledge of a person before we decide how to deliver what we want to say. Communication is this complicated. Sure, we can always be as true as we can be and speak our minds but the result may not be what we hope to be if we simply shoot off like that.

I don't know. Do you all celebrate when you heard of the ntu student who used the F word in her valedictorian speech? Or...do you all feel she shouldn't have said that in that 'context'? It was after all a formal event?

If more agree to the fact that the use of profanities to bring across our points is nothing, then I would like to see you all bringing up your children peppering ur speech and teachings with vulgarities and when your child spews vulgarities, praise them that they have been good boys/girls and then turn around to tell the world that my children are such expressive good kids.
 

denise80

Active Member
And btw, not spewing vulgarities doesn't mean one is speaking good english hence I don't quite get it when you said this is not the British council speak good english forum.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Watching,

I'm not a robot that talk in a single mode. I read the person's behavior, the kind of reasoning and ability to analyze their issues. Someone that is stuck is self righteousness needs a slap to wake up. A person in self denial needs to be reminded of the reality. A griefing person in shock needs space to cry and accept the hard truth. It isn't difficult to comprehend why if they bother to see beyond. However, when one already has a perception about the person, its a different view they will see.

There is a significant difference with a strong message in the right context than a wild whipping trash talk. I agree with you that any hot headed person can shoot. We have seen lots of such exchanges over the last 2 days.

You have admitted that what I spoke of are mostly true about the situation. In fact, I tend to ask questions rather give the conclusion. It is because the conclusion is for the person him/herself to make. I state the facts and let them ponder abt it. Could you explain how that equates to condemm and criticize vehemently?

Let me repeat, feedback is more effective when its concise. Its very easy to express an impression. But, one needs concrete references for it to count for something. For example, you don't report to manage you did well and expect recognition. You quantify your contributions, measuring and providing evidence how you have value add. It even more important when its a feedback. You need reasons to allow the person to process the inputs and believe in it. Only when they believe, they can reflect and invoke change. Reasons comes not from feelings and emotions. I don't change because your words are smoothing and nice. I will change if your words are very valid and true and I agree that it will help me. So, as much as I thank you for the feedback, you need to bring relevance with the actual use cases. Else, its just a feeling from you. I don't control your feelings.

I'm sure you remember the 1st post you made in here with this account. You posted a problem with your bf. I had repeatedly asked you to reread your initial post. What impression did it set? The clues on the kind of responses you received were all over them. As you progressed in the discussions, with more clarifications and exchanges, the kind of communication differs. So, you tell me I'm difference and not the same milo. Think again.
 

opalstar

New Member
I do agree that the advise given was harsh and given the spiral of legal and funny stufff that I was doing to avoid the issue, she was right in giving me that advise... however, she does know me personally thus the words used are stronger. I am sure in comparison, the advise given by the old time posters are by far milder just simply because they dun know them well..

Children and students are exempted from the use of profanity and as u mention sacarsm as their mind have not yet matured enough to simply discern right from wrong advise thus the student took the detergent. You were right in blaming the teacher in this case.

However, as adults posting in the forum, I think it is fair to assume we are able to make judgment calls on such advise. Likewise, none of the forumers have given such advise to drink detergent.. as they didn't know the person.. yet less extreme but tough advise/points are given out..for her consideration.

Being a forum, If you do not like the advise, why bother to make urself upset? If the advise is good, take it, if not just let it be. Why is there an incessant need to give a lecture on the use of words?

I am glad you agree that giving advise goes beyond education qualifications..however, should listening to advice go beyond the "f" word? You mentioned that you listen your mom more as they were reasonable words with no vulgarities.. Is it the fact that there is no vulgarities alone or her advise makes more sense to you..that's why you took it? Or did your dad make equally compelling arguments which you ignore just because he say the "F" word?

I think in life, it might be important to understand what is being said rather than hear what is being said.

With regards to the NTU student, I neither endorse nor condemn her.. I look beyond the "f" word and i took the view she is just expressing herself and i heard the speech.. I think it was a good speech, don't you think?

Like I mention, my friend peppered her words with alot of "f" and "hokkien slangs". Some may like it, some may not.. however, if her advise is good, i think it would be superficial of people to ignore it just because of a few words.. WHICH anyone would know that it is to express an emotion rather than degrading the person.
 


sgbabydoll

Active Member
I really find the NTU student who said the f-word COOL.

I am fine with the f-word as long as it is not directed at specific people like anyone's mother. For example, "fxxk your mother lah blah blah blah".
 

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