I don't even know where or how to begin....am very confused now.
Just found out wife is having EA because she sent a wrong message to me which wasn't intended for me at all, she was addressing the other guy "my love". I was searching for a nice place to dine with her on my hp when i saw the message come in, my whole world spin...
I started to notice there is a change of behavior some 4-6 weeks ago, she was always on hp and messaging even into wee hours of 3 or 4am. I talked to her before and she assured me that it was all about work, messaging with multiple people and her boss (they do have late night messages and meetings) and so this thing has been continuing for a couple of weeks. I start to notice she will tilt her hp when i turn my head and talk to her in the midst of texting. I knew something was wrong but she keep assuring me its nothing and I am one who always respect privacy and hence I never force her to show me anything, nor would i want to take her hp and read it for myself.
Things got worst after my overseas trip back last month, i was away for about 2 weeks only and i think that is the turning point. She always seem preoccupied now, always with hp on hand, spent hours in toilet, always on whatsapp and sleeping like 3 hours in between. Went out with "colleagues" till 3am, almost a weekly outing now. She never have such outing before in our 15 yrs of marriage, things only happen after she joined this new company, met new colleagues a few months ago. All the tell tale signs were there but i simply refused to acknowledge it because i trust her, and when she assure me its alright, I would like to believe its alright...until the wrong sms....
The 1st time she stayed out till 2am, i merely texted her to see if she is alright. She came back and accused me of controlling her life, checking out where she was (i didnt even ask her where she was and who she was with). I told her i was just concerned about her safety but she didnt buy the story. 2nd time she said she is going karaoke with her colleagues (she dont like karaoke) in town. I happened to be in town that night, its on 23rd Dec because i went town to buy her surprised xmas gifts. When i was about to leave town, i texted her and asked if she needed a ride, its was 10 plus at night then, so i thought of giving her a lift back home. She didnt reply. Since i was already on the road, I decided to call else i will hit highway soon, she didnt pick up. So I have no choice but to drive home. Till 2plus am she still never return call, I sms her again and asked where she was, why her behaviour changed so much because previously she would never do something like that....at 3 plus she msg back "sori, coming up now". When she came back, she wasnt sorry at all, she blasted me for smsing and calling her like a hound. I just sent 2 smses and 1 call, was i wrong?
From then on, I never ask her or text her when she goes out with "colleague", she will always come back after 3am.
We were having a family dinner when i saw the sms came in, she tried to cover it with lies but knew i didnt buy it so she cut short the dinner and suggest we have a talk. We left my family at the table and drove home and we had a talk in our car park that night. She didnt touch on the relationship with the guy, just merely says she has been unhappy for past 2 years etc and now she wants freedom, and she feels happy now, its her problem and I have no wrong doing... Asking me not to interfere with her life and at the same time give her some time to think about what to do with our situation. Told me she needed time alone and there she went off that night, again to return only at 3plus am.
The other guy involved, is also a married man with 2 kids. I asked her is he going to divorce his wife, give up his 2 kids and be with her? She said they never talk about such thing. Its not in their intention to do that...According to my understanding, before i went overseas trip, my wife told me this guy courted her and is giving her a lot of attention, I thought its just an office crush and my wife has always be sensible plus she keep assuring me that nothing will ever happen hence I just laughed it off. Right now, I couldnt find the heart to laugh anymore. Obviously they are both now enjoying a blossom of love and has not reach the stage of discussing if there is any future plan, they are just enjoying the moment....
I been trying these few days to be with my wife more, to arrange dinner with her alone (without my family) and even tried to arrange lunch with her near her office today, she just told me to stay off and do not do anything out of ordinary because that is not me, and that gives her pressures and she will be forced to make a decision. She did mention 2 times these 2 days that she can live alone, if i decided to divorce her....
I love my wife a lot and I am not prepared to divorce her. I told her that and also told her I will wait for her to come back to me (since I cannot do anything else....she always say she feel pressurized....), that i will always been here for her. I don't want a divorce, I want to take care of her (she has got no family left) and not let her live alone since that guy is obviously not going to leave his family!!
But none of these moved her, she take it as another form of pressure from me, hastening her to make decision.....I asked her last night would she stop seeing the guy, she replied it's going to be difficult. I asked her if she still love me, she kept mum. I asked her will she come back to me, she said she don't know.....just 4 weeks ago we were still saying we love each other, she still hold my hand when we shop, give me morning kisses...now all of a sudden all these are gone......she even avoid any contact with me, like hand holding or a hug or even with just my hand on her arm/thigh etc!!!
I felt totally being cut off from her....I cannot understand the drastic change and I cannot manage it well....I am depressed now, mind filled with moments i had with her, trips we went together, I even showed her photos we took a few months ago during a trip where she put her head on my shoulder looking blissful....among other photos.....none of this worked.....again she takes it as another form of pressure...Told her I will leave this place with her (she has some complaints about my folks and in general my family), just she and me....not working as well.....
I am determined not to leave her, and I know she will not leave me if i dont initiate, at least not now. What I need to know (perhaps nobody know the answer) is whether this EA will end eventually? I am willing to wait till that time and take her back because I really love her...
I also have a thinking, that I will arrange a meet up with the guy and have a talk with him, cordially of course, and ask him to be a man enough to end this unhealthy and damaging relationship. He knows that now i know about them, he actually asked my wife to decide on their EA!!! My wife will never have the heart to end the EA....
However knowing my wife, if i approach the guy to talk, she will flare and most likely walk out of my life....but i cannot stand sitting around doing nothing. I thought of asking the guy to not breathe a word to my wife that I chat him up, is that highly unlikely? If he really care for my wife, he should leave her instead of asking m wife to decide...
So I need advice from the good people of this forum, please share with me on what i should do, or at least consider to do. I am truly lost. I just know I love my wife a lot and I don't want to lose her. All these years we only have each other with no kids, I don't want her to grow old alone and I still want to grow old with her...
Sorry for the lengthy and messy mail, am very confused now. Thanks.
Just found out wife is having EA because she sent a wrong message to me which wasn't intended for me at all, she was addressing the other guy "my love". I was searching for a nice place to dine with her on my hp when i saw the message come in, my whole world spin...
I started to notice there is a change of behavior some 4-6 weeks ago, she was always on hp and messaging even into wee hours of 3 or 4am. I talked to her before and she assured me that it was all about work, messaging with multiple people and her boss (they do have late night messages and meetings) and so this thing has been continuing for a couple of weeks. I start to notice she will tilt her hp when i turn my head and talk to her in the midst of texting. I knew something was wrong but she keep assuring me its nothing and I am one who always respect privacy and hence I never force her to show me anything, nor would i want to take her hp and read it for myself.
Things got worst after my overseas trip back last month, i was away for about 2 weeks only and i think that is the turning point. She always seem preoccupied now, always with hp on hand, spent hours in toilet, always on whatsapp and sleeping like 3 hours in between. Went out with "colleagues" till 3am, almost a weekly outing now. She never have such outing before in our 15 yrs of marriage, things only happen after she joined this new company, met new colleagues a few months ago. All the tell tale signs were there but i simply refused to acknowledge it because i trust her, and when she assure me its alright, I would like to believe its alright...until the wrong sms....
The 1st time she stayed out till 2am, i merely texted her to see if she is alright. She came back and accused me of controlling her life, checking out where she was (i didnt even ask her where she was and who she was with). I told her i was just concerned about her safety but she didnt buy the story. 2nd time she said she is going karaoke with her colleagues (she dont like karaoke) in town. I happened to be in town that night, its on 23rd Dec because i went town to buy her surprised xmas gifts. When i was about to leave town, i texted her and asked if she needed a ride, its was 10 plus at night then, so i thought of giving her a lift back home. She didnt reply. Since i was already on the road, I decided to call else i will hit highway soon, she didnt pick up. So I have no choice but to drive home. Till 2plus am she still never return call, I sms her again and asked where she was, why her behaviour changed so much because previously she would never do something like that....at 3 plus she msg back "sori, coming up now". When she came back, she wasnt sorry at all, she blasted me for smsing and calling her like a hound. I just sent 2 smses and 1 call, was i wrong?
From then on, I never ask her or text her when she goes out with "colleague", she will always come back after 3am.
We were having a family dinner when i saw the sms came in, she tried to cover it with lies but knew i didnt buy it so she cut short the dinner and suggest we have a talk. We left my family at the table and drove home and we had a talk in our car park that night. She didnt touch on the relationship with the guy, just merely says she has been unhappy for past 2 years etc and now she wants freedom, and she feels happy now, its her problem and I have no wrong doing... Asking me not to interfere with her life and at the same time give her some time to think about what to do with our situation. Told me she needed time alone and there she went off that night, again to return only at 3plus am.
The other guy involved, is also a married man with 2 kids. I asked her is he going to divorce his wife, give up his 2 kids and be with her? She said they never talk about such thing. Its not in their intention to do that...According to my understanding, before i went overseas trip, my wife told me this guy courted her and is giving her a lot of attention, I thought its just an office crush and my wife has always be sensible plus she keep assuring me that nothing will ever happen hence I just laughed it off. Right now, I couldnt find the heart to laugh anymore. Obviously they are both now enjoying a blossom of love and has not reach the stage of discussing if there is any future plan, they are just enjoying the moment....
I been trying these few days to be with my wife more, to arrange dinner with her alone (without my family) and even tried to arrange lunch with her near her office today, she just told me to stay off and do not do anything out of ordinary because that is not me, and that gives her pressures and she will be forced to make a decision. She did mention 2 times these 2 days that she can live alone, if i decided to divorce her....
I love my wife a lot and I am not prepared to divorce her. I told her that and also told her I will wait for her to come back to me (since I cannot do anything else....she always say she feel pressurized....), that i will always been here for her. I don't want a divorce, I want to take care of her (she has got no family left) and not let her live alone since that guy is obviously not going to leave his family!!
But none of these moved her, she take it as another form of pressure from me, hastening her to make decision.....I asked her last night would she stop seeing the guy, she replied it's going to be difficult. I asked her if she still love me, she kept mum. I asked her will she come back to me, she said she don't know.....just 4 weeks ago we were still saying we love each other, she still hold my hand when we shop, give me morning kisses...now all of a sudden all these are gone......she even avoid any contact with me, like hand holding or a hug or even with just my hand on her arm/thigh etc!!!
I felt totally being cut off from her....I cannot understand the drastic change and I cannot manage it well....I am depressed now, mind filled with moments i had with her, trips we went together, I even showed her photos we took a few months ago during a trip where she put her head on my shoulder looking blissful....among other photos.....none of this worked.....again she takes it as another form of pressure...Told her I will leave this place with her (she has some complaints about my folks and in general my family), just she and me....not working as well.....
I am determined not to leave her, and I know she will not leave me if i dont initiate, at least not now. What I need to know (perhaps nobody know the answer) is whether this EA will end eventually? I am willing to wait till that time and take her back because I really love her...
I also have a thinking, that I will arrange a meet up with the guy and have a talk with him, cordially of course, and ask him to be a man enough to end this unhealthy and damaging relationship. He knows that now i know about them, he actually asked my wife to decide on their EA!!! My wife will never have the heart to end the EA....
However knowing my wife, if i approach the guy to talk, she will flare and most likely walk out of my life....but i cannot stand sitting around doing nothing. I thought of asking the guy to not breathe a word to my wife that I chat him up, is that highly unlikely? If he really care for my wife, he should leave her instead of asking m wife to decide...
So I need advice from the good people of this forum, please share with me on what i should do, or at least consider to do. I am truly lost. I just know I love my wife a lot and I don't want to lose her. All these years we only have each other with no kids, I don't want her to grow old alone and I still want to grow old with her...
Sorry for the lengthy and messy mail, am very confused now. Thanks.