Wife's EA...what should i do?

Hope4me

New Member
I don't even know where or how to begin....am very confused now.

Just found out wife is having EA because she sent a wrong message to me which wasn't intended for me at all, she was addressing the other guy "my love". I was searching for a nice place to dine with her on my hp when i saw the message come in, my whole world spin...

I started to notice there is a change of behavior some 4-6 weeks ago, she was always on hp and messaging even into wee hours of 3 or 4am. I talked to her before and she assured me that it was all about work, messaging with multiple people and her boss (they do have late night messages and meetings) and so this thing has been continuing for a couple of weeks. I start to notice she will tilt her hp when i turn my head and talk to her in the midst of texting. I knew something was wrong but she keep assuring me its nothing and I am one who always respect privacy and hence I never force her to show me anything, nor would i want to take her hp and read it for myself.

Things got worst after my overseas trip back last month, i was away for about 2 weeks only and i think that is the turning point. She always seem preoccupied now, always with hp on hand, spent hours in toilet, always on whatsapp and sleeping like 3 hours in between. Went out with "colleagues" till 3am, almost a weekly outing now. She never have such outing before in our 15 yrs of marriage, things only happen after she joined this new company, met new colleagues a few months ago. All the tell tale signs were there but i simply refused to acknowledge it because i trust her, and when she assure me its alright, I would like to believe its alright...until the wrong sms....

The 1st time she stayed out till 2am, i merely texted her to see if she is alright. She came back and accused me of controlling her life, checking out where she was (i didnt even ask her where she was and who she was with). I told her i was just concerned about her safety but she didnt buy the story. 2nd time she said she is going karaoke with her colleagues (she dont like karaoke) in town. I happened to be in town that night, its on 23rd Dec because i went town to buy her surprised xmas gifts. When i was about to leave town, i texted her and asked if she needed a ride, its was 10 plus at night then, so i thought of giving her a lift back home. She didnt reply. Since i was already on the road, I decided to call else i will hit highway soon, she didnt pick up. So I have no choice but to drive home. Till 2plus am she still never return call, I sms her again and asked where she was, why her behaviour changed so much because previously she would never do something like that....at 3 plus she msg back "sori, coming up now". When she came back, she wasnt sorry at all, she blasted me for smsing and calling her like a hound. I just sent 2 smses and 1 call, was i wrong?

From then on, I never ask her or text her when she goes out with "colleague", she will always come back after 3am.

We were having a family dinner when i saw the sms came in, she tried to cover it with lies but knew i didnt buy it so she cut short the dinner and suggest we have a talk. We left my family at the table and drove home and we had a talk in our car park that night. She didnt touch on the relationship with the guy, just merely says she has been unhappy for past 2 years etc and now she wants freedom, and she feels happy now, its her problem and I have no wrong doing... Asking me not to interfere with her life and at the same time give her some time to think about what to do with our situation. Told me she needed time alone and there she went off that night, again to return only at 3plus am.

The other guy involved, is also a married man with 2 kids. I asked her is he going to divorce his wife, give up his 2 kids and be with her? She said they never talk about such thing. Its not in their intention to do that...According to my understanding, before i went overseas trip, my wife told me this guy courted her and is giving her a lot of attention, I thought its just an office crush and my wife has always be sensible plus she keep assuring me that nothing will ever happen hence I just laughed it off. Right now, I couldnt find the heart to laugh anymore. Obviously they are both now enjoying a blossom of love and has not reach the stage of discussing if there is any future plan, they are just enjoying the moment....

I been trying these few days to be with my wife more, to arrange dinner with her alone (without my family) and even tried to arrange lunch with her near her office today, she just told me to stay off and do not do anything out of ordinary because that is not me, and that gives her pressures and she will be forced to make a decision. She did mention 2 times these 2 days that she can live alone, if i decided to divorce her....

I love my wife a lot and I am not prepared to divorce her. I told her that and also told her I will wait for her to come back to me (since I cannot do anything else....she always say she feel pressurized....), that i will always been here for her. I don't want a divorce, I want to take care of her (she has got no family left) and not let her live alone since that guy is obviously not going to leave his family!!

But none of these moved her, she take it as another form of pressure from me, hastening her to make decision.....I asked her last night would she stop seeing the guy, she replied it's going to be difficult. I asked her if she still love me, she kept mum. I asked her will she come back to me, she said she don't know.....just 4 weeks ago we were still saying we love each other, she still hold my hand when we shop, give me morning kisses...now all of a sudden all these are gone......she even avoid any contact with me, like hand holding or a hug or even with just my hand on her arm/thigh etc!!!

I felt totally being cut off from her....I cannot understand the drastic change and I cannot manage it well....I am depressed now, mind filled with moments i had with her, trips we went together, I even showed her photos we took a few months ago during a trip where she put her head on my shoulder looking blissful....among other photos.....none of this worked.....again she takes it as another form of pressure...Told her I will leave this place with her (she has some complaints about my folks and in general my family), just she and me....not working as well.....

I am determined not to leave her, and I know she will not leave me if i dont initiate, at least not now. What I need to know (perhaps nobody know the answer) is whether this EA will end eventually? I am willing to wait till that time and take her back because I really love her...

I also have a thinking, that I will arrange a meet up with the guy and have a talk with him, cordially of course, and ask him to be a man enough to end this unhealthy and damaging relationship. He knows that now i know about them, he actually asked my wife to decide on their EA!!! My wife will never have the heart to end the EA....

However knowing my wife, if i approach the guy to talk, she will flare and most likely walk out of my life....but i cannot stand sitting around doing nothing. I thought of asking the guy to not breathe a word to my wife that I chat him up, is that highly unlikely? If he really care for my wife, he should leave her instead of asking m wife to decide...

So I need advice from the good people of this forum, please share with me on what i should do, or at least consider to do. I am truly lost. I just know I love my wife a lot and I don't want to lose her. All these years we only have each other with no kids, I don't want her to grow old alone and I still want to grow old with her...

Sorry for the lengthy and messy mail, am very confused now. Thanks.
 


iccy

Member
Hi there...it's a long long story... but what i took back from reading is one thing.. you really love your wife. No man will ever consider taking their wife back knowing all the "extra" activities she had going on in her life.

No one will know weather is there a turning point for this relationship. There could be several issues here than merely about wanting a moment of blossom relationship. I think there is more about your r'ship that brought her to seeks ourside attention and that guy just lucky to tap on.

A woman will not seek outside warm if there is one they can felt from their internal (partner). She must be really unhappy with how things are in the rship. She may know you love her and will willing to stay but the question is what she wants in the current rship is there. Some ppl may just want attention by the partner (eg: surprise gifts, flowers, financial etc) some may just want to feel they are able to live with that person. For this simple reasons they can just walk out of your life.

So the issue here is to find what actually make the love stops and what is it that she wants in life that you may not understand though you may think you give her all the best but reality you may not (eg: you over possesive, control freak or etc). I believe in the long marriage you may have heard her and you may ignore what important to her and all this years she may have been trying her best to sustain the r'ship till 4 weeks back and she finally get the courages to just did what she did.

The fact she obviously know that guy will not leave the family for her but to her at this point nothing important than having someone understand what she needs... and for this she may risk giving up what she used to had to just feel happy for a period of time.

She may even consider leaving you and not be with the guy as after all living with you may be unbearable for her (one side wanting her needs the other knowing you are a good person and love her but due to some short circumstances - which i dont know.. but am sure you may ...its be more guilty for her to continue in the rship when what was done cant be undone.
 

Hope4me

New Member
Hi iccy,
Thanks for reading and took the effort to reply. You have been right on spot about certain things, of some reasons she mentioned these 2 days, among them are:

1. She cannot stand my folks. She feels suffocated by them, always wanting a family style outing, dinner, tours etc etc. She just want peace and quiet by herself (yes, she is not into family thingy hence we are childless)

2. I don't earn enough for her to continue her lifestyle if she quit and she don't like to have to worry about money and spending even when she is not working. She is always super stressed with work, I can understand the desire to stop working but not about the spending part. I told her many times to quit her jobs, I can suppose our family alone though not lavishly but will be able to live simply. She said she is very stressed about money issues since she came from a poor family and has no desire of reverting back to being poor.....

3. She crave for freedom. Point is, I never curb her on freedom department or anything like that. She just feel that there is some invisible chain locking her down, perhaps its a term known as married.

4. She did mentioned that I always side with my family and place them above her, she cannot tolerate that. In my defense, yes i love my family a lot, my parents were very poor too and they raised me up without me having to worry about a single meal in my life. Yes they have aged a lot and tends to be loud and nagging, but all folks does that right? But the main point is, I love her more than my family. Many a times I will cancel my family's event because she doesnt feel like attending. We used to travel together with family but after a few years, she started to complain about my family and knowing that she really cannot stand the traveling style of my father, I broke the tradition of family traveling of 15 years and started to travel with her alone to different places every year, sometimes twice a year.

5. She also keep saying the problem is her, she just want her freedom and the fact that she is feeling so happy with this relationship that she don't want to stop, fearing she will lose freedom, lose happiness. I am guessing so long as she is in "married" status and me with my family around, she will never feel that she has freedom to do whatever she likes....

Like i said she is always super stressed about her work and since I don't work in same company, there are many situation and history I won't be able to understand. That is where this guy came in. They worked closely and long hours together, then he started to ask her out for drinks and things starts to develop....I understand sometimes office romance are hard to prevent, but I just never thought it will blind her of everything to a point of willing to leave me and be alone, so that she will have freedom to do whatever with the guy though he will not be able to provide a family for her.

Living with me is not that bad la iccy, certainly not unbearable. Just weeks ago she and I are still close and she will come automatically hold my hand while we go out shopping on weekends, I will massage her wrist on and off, even when i was driving, I will at times hold her hand and even massage her wrist as well. I send her to work every morning and pick her back every night. Every morning I will order breakfast for her at our nearby coffee shop so when she was done and come for breakfast, all will be prepared for her. I help to wash laundry, fold clothing and even iron some of my shirts / pants and I am always the one who wash up all dishes when we dine at home. I just want to help out in household chores so she won't be so tired after work.....

Our relationship didn't deteriorate slowly, it was drastic in mere weeks...and she was still nice to me, or pretend to be, until the wrong message came in, that is when she started to say all negative things about us....

I am really hoping this is a passing phase and I am really really tempted to go talk to that guy 1 to 1, to ask him to leave us alone. I am even tempted to inform his wife about this affair, not to break his family but in hope that his family will plead for him to end this relationship as well so both families can be preserved. Trick is, given my wife's temper, I am rather sure she will walk out on me if I do that...so now here i am, absolutely stuck.....whatever action or non-action i take, all doesnt look so good in return....thats why am absolutely lost on what to do next.....or i simply sit this EA out? Will it end? I don't know, I really don't know.....
 

sadman2009

Active Member
Dear hope4me,

Firstly, I want to say that I feel sorry for what you are facing... Be strong ...
Secondly, your wife has a change of heart... That could a crush... But I think you need to good talk to her and tell her that you are not going to take that nonsense from her. Come on, how can you take it and living with a wife that is out every night fxxking with another man. Sorry to be so frank because I too have experience this. I loved my wife very much that even after knowing that she is unfaithful and continue to do that and I continue to live with that... Now I think back, I realised I was damn stupid and useless as a man.
Of course, you are doing this is because you love her very much. But in this case if you don't let her go, she will never realise her mistake.

I think you should have a good talk with her. Tell her how you both fell in love and got married. Bring out the happy moments you too had before... And tell her how you have loved her and how you have worked hard for the family... Tell her that you don't wish that such love to come to an end.
THEN, TELL HER THAT YOU ALSO CAN'T TAKE THIS NONSENSE FROM HER. IF SHE WANTS TO BE WITH THE MAN YOU WILL DIVORCE HER... LET HER CHOOSE.

But before you do that, please find evidence of her having an affair with another man. Talk to a lawyer. So that after divorce she can't claim any alimony from you. Find out how you can protect yourself.

Lastly, BE STRONG!
 

sadman2009

Active Member
If you divorce her now, in time later, she will realise her mistake, she may come back to you... Let her go...
 

Hope4me

New Member
Dear sadman2009,

Thanks for sharing your story with me, I can connect with you on this level.....

I don't think they have gone physically, perhaps not yet because I know my wife. I trust her in this aspect but at the same time, am afraid to ask her, am afraid she will prove me wrong. Therefore with all the talks we have had these few days, I never ever once ask her about physical contact thingy.....she is attracted to intellectual mind and is not into physical, look or otherwise, and i still believe that.

Every talk we had will be less than 30 mins, because whenever i started to talk about this, her wall will be up in an instant and before long, she will accuse me of putting pressure onto her and she don't want to make decision in a rush. I don't want to push her into a corner because she will break and that will be the last i will see of her.

She is very confused now as well, i can see some signs of it. Just last night, she was still talking about some home ID idea to beautify our place, she also whatsapp my good friend who is currently out of town and suggested a dine and drink session when he returns. If she has decided to leave me, she wouldn't be bothered to do all these right? Hence i am also getting mixed signal from her......

Thats why I think there is still hope for me, I just have to keep trying to move her with my love and sincerity. However its not easy because any move towards that direction will be treated as adding pressure to her, she made that quite clear. She just want me to do nothing out of ordinary, nothing at all, to try to win her back. She said she just need time to think of what to do. But she never stop messaging that guy nor plan to leave him yet....

I also don't want to make a rash decision to divorce her, its rare for divorcees to patch up after split and in our case, think it will be virtually not possible....

Tonight she is out again and as i typed, i am staring into an empty bed...we used to watch TV till this hour and turn in but right now, it just doesn't seem like a home anymore, it is our house but just doesn't feel like a home. That's why I stayed in office and only came back just before midnight because I don't want to come back to an empty house...

And yes, I did showed her pictures of our trips, from years ago till a few months back, when we took pics together and she was leaning on me so blissfully. For all i can tell, it might have stirred her a second or two, and then its gone......cannot repeat this too many times else the pressure thingy start to fly off her mouth again. Same thing goes for sharing of our past beautiful moments. It seems like any sharing now becomes an obstacle to her happiness and somehow deprive her of freedom....???
 

sadman2009

Active Member
Dear Hope4me,
I'm sorry but say ... Are you sure you really know her? Yes, You knew her but she has changed. If you had known her, this wouldn't have happened. So ... You don't know her yet, especially now!
I can't believe you can be so silly as to believe that nothing had happened between them. (no offense) how long has the relationship been? One month or two? How can there be no intimacy? You should know man... The man has a wife at home and now is going after someone's wife and you think the man doesn't want sex??? Well, some may be. But I really don't think so.
I understand you, coz when I was in your position, I also told myself that nothing sexually would happened between. She won't do that but it was all wrong.
 

iccy

Member
Hi Hope4me,
In going through what you mentioned i can understand where she is coming from and where you coming from as well. I bet you could be right abt the status "married" that was putting her pressure to leave... and it will be different if otherwise.

What i am suggesting is at this point of time there probably a turn ard in rship if you leave her alone and like she say don't change just for this situation, this could put more guilt in her and she is well aware that is her problem and mistake and she is doing you wrong yet on other side she just not willing to let go to just feel that "freedom"

One thing to bear in mind doing what she wants may not necessary bring her back too so you got to prepare for worst if that day come.. she may just walk out.

Agreed with rest to let her go and let her learn her mistakes but again i don't think is a good way as even without you letting her go she can also go if she wants....but at least you try to get her stay you may win the battle.

Divorce cld be out of qns unless you really think there is no way out. At this point i can really feel your care and love for her but like i said that may not be important for her... what she wants for over so many years and it is bursted out today proof she is up her neck and are seriously thinking of her life.

Seriously what your actions and care for your family is no wrong and neither her wish to not have so many events is wrong too..is just 2 background of person come together and clash and was not properly handle in beginning.

Looking at your story brought me back from where i was in my past rship to where i am heading to in my marriage soon.... i see all the same issue you been through that why i think this rship is a gamble for you.
 

Hope4me

New Member
Dear sadman2009,
Perhaps I am in the state of denial, we all go through that? I really hope you are wrong about her, though I have no way to prove anything now, but i really do hope you are wrong this time bro......I appreciate you trying to knock some senses into me....I do....but i feel i still know her and given their age now, don't think physical attraction is on the card.

Dear iccy,
Thanks for your insight, your thought process is exactly the same as mine, I do feel everything you shared above and perhaps the only thing to do now is not to do anything, just be nice to her as usual and let guilt play its part. I especially like this para iccy, thanks for sharing :)

What i am suggesting is at this point of time there probably a turn ard in rship if you leave her alone and like she say don't change just for this situation, this could put more guilt in her and she is well aware that is her problem and mistake and she is doing you wrong yet on other side she just not willing to let go to just feel that "freedom"

I am prepared for the worst already, that she will walk out some day. I just want to try my last bit to save my marriage cause I have some much fond memories we've built over 15 years for me to just give up and throw in the towel at first sign of issue.....I know i may sound silly and fit the classic case of self denial, but for her I am willing to take a gamble, there is nothing else to lose anyway.

Yesterday we had a few msg exchanges and we revert to addressing each other with our personal nicks, its very warming for me and I told her that in msg as well. She came back before 230am last night, I didn't question where she went, instead told her i am sleeping first while she go shower. This morning she came to wake me (as usual every morning) and whats different from yesterday was, she came close to me, as if wanted to give me a morning kiss (that happen every morning in the past but was lacking since last week) but she withdraw at last minute, still I am encouraged by her action.

However morning ride to her office was a dread, feels like sending a stranger to work rather than sending my wife.....

As you can see, am going through an emotion coaster ride.......I will give it another week to see if there is any improvement....plus we have an upcoming 7D trip.....could that be the make or break trip? I don't know. I feel like canceling the trip after last week episode but decided to still go ahead in the end, hoping i can make use of this trip to touch her heart once again, though am doubtful of that since she will be on hp most time i bet haha.....

Hope for me? LOL
 

caution

New Member
Hi Hope4me.

Reading your tread reminds me of my own story..

My ex also had affair with her boss... I too trusted her and gave her freedom, she earns and spends all her monthly pay without contributing to the family or child, then she starts working in a local university here with her boss who is also from china.. found out about the affair and got the 2 to confess.. the boss is also married and his girl is about 2 years older then my child.. she confess that they had sex 3 times in his office and car, and it stated 6 months ago but after the divorce and after a year, I asked her again and she said the affair lasted 2 years and that guy even accompanied her back to china 1 time..

Trust?? I have learnt that there is no such thing as trust, the truth hurts..

And the court does not take affairs as a reason not to give alimony.. ** Thanks to woman charter **
So, sad to say to all the Bros out there, if you play around outside and get caught, you pay..
If your wife go around F...ing, YOU PAY also, the other guy enjoys..

My ex has been messaging me that she knows I treat her the best and hope to get back..
But, that's too late..

So Bro Hope4me....
Depends on how you want to treat this matter, be an ostrich and hid your head in the sand or giraffe and find out everything.
If you really treat her well, she will eventually realized it, but how long and will you really forgive and accept what she has done to hurt you???
 

sadman2009

Active Member
Ya, I agree with caution. For my case, I think she has also learned her mistakes and was trying to come back to me. But once this kind of damage is done, the immense pain that i had...there is no way of undoing...
 

Hope4me

New Member
Dear caution,

Thanks for your sharing bro, for better or worst, am sure life goes on and I will walk out of this, either to be a better husband or a better single. So it does look like you are still on talking terms with your ex after divorce? Its already hard to get back together during the episode, hence I think if I played the divorce card, it will be impossible to get back anymore...am sorry to know we share the same encounter and I hope you are a better person now that the bitter part is over.


Dear sadman2009,

Yes I agree that time cannot be reversed and things done cannot be undo...and trust is hard to earn back. Right now if she tell me she is having company dinner, I would have immediately link her to an outing with the guy, it's just so automatic. But I agreed to give her time and space to work things out. Seriously I don't even know how much time to give her before either of us break and walk, there is no definite timeline to this affair of heart, just been telling myself to prepare for the worst but hope for the best...


Just an update, yesterday I msg her to have lunch and she replied by saying that we should cool off a while and not arrange lunch meet because it will be awkward and "too trying" from my side which make her uncomfortable. And I msg her and told her No problem, I understand, though I was bleeding inside. Today...she msg me and automatically ask for a lunch meet tomorrow!!!! Address me by our nick again and sounded really sweet....mixed signal? Or was she just wanting the best of both world? I don't know....but i choose to look at it positively and will work towards a possible reconciliation. Am looking forward to tomorrow lunch :)

Thanks all for showing concern, iccy, sadman and caution...really appreciate you guys and gal for sharing your thoughts on my situation and the effort to knock senses into me, i know you guys meant good and I appreciate that :)
 

sadman2009

Active Member
Hope4me,
I wish you well bro. Hope that things will eventually work out well for you.
But one thing I need to tell you... The longer the wait the more pain there is going to be... It's like holding into the sharp blade of a knife... The longer you hold, the hard you hold... The pain will be more excruciating ...
 

rofthelper

Member
Yesterday we had a few msg exchanges and we revert to addressing each other with our personal nicks, its very warming for me and I told her that in msg as well. She came back before 230am last night, I didn't question where she went, instead told her i am sleeping first while she go shower. This morning she came to wake me (as usual every morning) and whats different from yesterday was, she came close to me, as if wanted to give me a morning kiss (that happen every morning in the past but was lacking since last week) but she withdraw at last minute, still I am encouraged by her action.

Really weird for her to return home through the wee hours of the morning almost everyday?

Did she drink? Or she smell nice when she returns and head straight to the shower?

The other party also can go home late as well... really damage both families at one go.
 

Hope4me

New Member
Dear sadman2009,
Thanks, I take your well wishes with appreciation :)


Hi rofthelper
She didn't do this everyday, just once or sometime twice weekly for past few weeks (since late oct or early nov). But each time will be after 2am minimum. She can't drink more than half bottle of beer, hence most time i heard from her now was, having coffee @ McD Cafe, chatting and pouring grievances among colleagues...

Didn't get to smell her after she return but at that hour, I think its natural to hit shower and then the bed. What puzzled me is also the fact that the guy can go back at that kind of hours and his wife wouldn't complain? Maybe his wife is simply used to her husband hours, perhaps this is not her husband first fling...I really don't know...I mean as a woman, wouldn't you be more worried about your man not returning home at wee hours and more likely to chase after husband location and company? Puzzled me as well.....



Hi italianosportivo,
Incidentally, your story was the first I read before I decided to come in here to share and to find support. I can feel your emotions for your ex while i was reading it last couple of days, glad you are out of it bro :)

I am trying to be very positive now, thanks. However I can't talk to my family and ask them to mediate because:
1. She is not that cordial with my family, although she loves my mum and my nieces, she flare just as easily.

2. I don't want my family to come to know this lest they treat her differently. The last thing I want is for my family to come down on her and try to either talk senses into her or berate her, don't know which is worst. I want to protect her from all these and don't want my family to see her differently.

I am also thinking of going counseling and have been checking some websites for more info. I might have to go alone first if i need counseling but i highly doubt she will be willing to come along, don't think she will want to air the dirty laundry in front of 3rd party.
 

iccy

Member
Hi Hope4me
Hope you doing okay tonight and your wife is not out again. Anyway as much as all the story goes and advises from people...i do have same insight with those who are here to share and advise. I believe there surely is an intimacy between them. Sorry that i have to say that though i did encouraged you to give her time and yourself.

I think you know what is well going on and just trying to tell yourself that you will and can accept her back even how ugly that situation is but i think deep down...if you wanted to end this you prefer that she is the one that will walk out of you and leave vs you choosing that path. As at least you know you stay till that very last hopes.

But sometimes truth really can be ugly and you going to hurt yourself longer as she may takes another 5-10 yrs to make the decision since she knew you care for her so much that you will never break the rship before her.

What i trying to say is...give yourself a timeline to cont giving the rship a chance but you too deserve a chance to let her go, let yourself off and prob find a better person whom deserve you more than she is.
 

Hope4me

New Member
Hi iccy
No, she didn't go out last night as she was too tired from the previous night out. We are all not young anymore, wife is in late 40s and the guy is early 50s.....that's why i say physical attraction might not be the reason, i might be wrong i know, but that is what i am holding on right now.

Hence this thing won't drag 5-10 years and I cannot live with someone who has no feeling for me, not for long anyway. I hope i can last 6 months in this situation, its difficult because right now I cannot "feel" her anymore. Now we started talking again, small chats and I always take the effort to msg her and wish her good day at work and remember to have lunch blah blah. But I cannot "feel" her anymore. She will msg the guy when I was driving, when she goes brush up in the morning, shower in the night, when she was sitting on bed. I saw all these and i know all these little actions that wasn't there before and it pains me....

I am holding out before belting out a divorce because I know she must be in hot rush of emotions right now and certainly cannot find her love for me nor a place in heart for me. But what happen after the rush is over (assuming it would) and she find out she love me afterall? At least if we are still in marriage, there is a possibility of reconciliation. That is the reason i am holding out, because i don't want to make a rash decision that both party will regret for life. I want to give her time to cool down...

I have a small test that i will do on her every now and then, to see if she has me in her heart again. I will sometimes, while driving her to work in morning, place my left hand on hers. Previously before all these happened, she will automatically grab my hand, finger through finger and we will hold hand while i drive with 1 hand, she loved that. This morning i tried again (previous test was on monday), placing my hand on hers was like......placing on a stone....she didnt move a bit, didnt grab my hand back, she just let me cup her hand with no reaction. After a short while i put my hand back to steering wheel and continue driving, the pain in my heart came back.....have you ever hugged your love ones so tight but they just stood there and let you hug, with a straight back and no hug back? I had that 3 days ago, and we weren't quarreling or anything so there was no anger involved, i just feel like hugging her and that was what I got in return.

Like I say, I hope i can last 6 months in this situation and pray that when the time come, I will have to determination to break this off and start a new life by myself.....at least i still have my family then, but she won't have anyone....anymore.....and i don't think i will settle down with another one anymore....
 

ezekielt

New Member
Hi Hope4me,

I was exactly in the same situation with you 3 years back.
I was married for 7 years. Together for 5 years before that.
I loved my wife. Then.
And I did the sweetest things for her: laundry, picking her up, the works basically.
All her friends told her she has the best husband blah blah blah...
And yes, she also didn't like a few members of my family.
I was basically giving in most of the time.
And yes, she feels she doesn't have freedom...
which I didn't control her movement at all.
Her definition of freedom is basically freedom from marriage.

AND then, this other person came along into the picture.
She left home. I waited and waited. I prayed and prayed.
For 3 bloody long years because of my faith.
I just filed for divorce. We are on amicable terms.
In the end, she told me i was her best friend
And probably not husband material.

OK, Hope4me, if i were to do this again...
In order to get her back, ignore her, tell her the marriage is over.
Be the man that she was looking for.
Not a caring man, but who dares to give up and move on.
It will jolt her and let her seriously consider the affair.
And if she doesn't repent, trust me, she's not worth your love, or time.
Or any part of you.
She just doesn't deserve you at all.
Do the reverse now. Stop caring.

Lastly, you seriously need somebody to walk with you through this period.
Do you have a close guy friend? A gal will be a wrong move...
I'm willing to hear you out if you need somebody talk to...

Sola Gratia
Ezekiel
 

sadman2009

Active Member
Hi Hope4me,
Firstly, I would say that being at the age of late 40s and 50s doesn't prevent anyone from having sex. Especially when the feel is fresh and with excitement. Having sex with someone's wife is an excitement to those who stray. You can see many uncles at that age looking for young China girl... Which shows sex is still good for them.

Anyway, if you split with her, I'm sure you will find someone good and who will love you at your age now... There are also many nice middle age women out there, some are also divorced and is alone... But they are nice people... So just give yourself a chance and look for a good partner if you have divorced her. Don't worry.

Lastly, I wish you well and hope everything will work out well for you.
Be strong...
 

Hope4me

New Member
Dear Ezekiel,
We have almost identical situation!!! Am glad you emerged from a 3 years wait, frankly speaking I won't last 3 years....I did not tell anyone of this for the same reason that I don't want any of my friends or family to judge her, before nor after this incident, its my way of protecting her....I don't mind being a divorcee, there is nothing to be ashamed of, but I do care for her and don't want to subject her to others criticizing comment.

I will walk away when I reach my breaking point, like I said above, perhaps in a few months time....I cannot imagine living with her for a prolong period of time where it feels like living with an acquittance you've met, just that you know a lot more about this person, but there is absolutely no feelings reciprocated from her. She will have to take care of herself from then on but once I walk away, I most likely won't be able to patch up even if she realized her mistake and want a way back....

Appreciate your offering bro, I will definitely pm you if I find it too hard to go on....and needed someone to talk through. :)


Dear sadman2009,
I agree with you that sex doesn't limit to younger people, what I was trying to drive at is people at this stage are perhaps looking at partner with a different quality and that is where i hope it is the case. I would think that if the guy want sex, he probably will look for someone younger, maybe not 20s but there are a lot of attractive gals in 30s as well.

I agree there are many nice gals out there, lets see how it is when i get there, perhaps I will move on quickly and find someone, perhaps I will not. Am not even sure of myself at this point and its early to talk about this...

Just came back from a lunch with her in a mall, the whole time we were walking in mall, she kept her hands in pocket....for obvious reason that I won't be able to hold her hand and walk like a married couple, she never ever has this habit of keeping hands in pocket.... She is not comfortable of me holding her hands now.....at the end of lunch when i sent her back to office, she even thanked me for the lunch...which make things worst.....bottom line, still cannot "feel" her..

Thanks bro, I will be strong, I will be alright but it's just so sad to be losing someone you love and care for so long.....isn't it?
 

uglydude

Member
One day u will walk away from all this feeling stupid....u will start to think why u care so much for a person who dun appreciate u....u remind me of a good friend of mine....who protects the wife till divorce....a few years down the road when he wakes up from the dream state...he realize he was plain STUPID to do so much after knowing the wife stop loving him....:D

And dun forget to pay money for alimony....:D

*In order to love another person, you must first love yourself.....:D
 

life_is

Active Member
One day u will walk away from all this feeling stupid....u will start to think why u care so much for a person who dun appreciate u....u remind me of a good friend of mine....who protects the wife till divorce....a few years down the road when he wakes up from the dream state...he realize he was plain STUPID to do so much after knowing the wife stop loving him....:D

And dun forget to pay money for alimony....:D

*In order to love another person, you must first love yourself.....:D

Totally agree.
 

Hope4me

New Member
It seems like there are many guys sharing or shared my plight?

On surface its seems that wife has stopped loving me. But on a deeper level, I am not sure if she simply stop loving me or she is confused at the moment and doesn't know her own feeling, and she need time to sort things out? She is sort of a drifter because she always over worried about things. All things must be perfect to her, and must work in her ways. Should something deviate, she will start to worry, hence she felt very tired as if there are many invisible chain cuffing her limbs such that she cannot even breathe...

After talks, I agreed to give her space and time. This sounds absolute stupidity to many i know, and I know you guys are sharing what you have been through just so I can see your point. I agree with you guys, at certain point I must move on and I will. Its just that I want to give my wife some time, a chance, some space, to sort things out. If she cannot sort this out in near future, I will walk, unless she stopped seeing the other guy.....She is seriously considering resigning from her company and I will be most happy to see that through. If that happens, she will have less contact with the guy.

15 years of good time in exchange for a few months of stupidity, I think i can swallow that, I just need to be strong during these few months. Once decision is reached, for better or worst, I won't be so stressed and moody any longer.

Thanks guys!
 

caution

New Member
Hi Hope4me.

I am not persuading you to get divorce.. or remain in the marriage...
Been through that, and although some might say that after the divorce, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel..
The journey (process) is torture, I was married for 5 years, much less then your 15 years, so it's gonna hurt..
My divorce process lasted 9 months and the wounds are still healing.. after 3 years
And frankly, I did thought of getting into another relationship, but the thought of another marriage scares me, also most girls I know don't like a man with kid, but a man must accept a woman with kid ???

If 2 people, their fate together has ended, then no point holding on to it as it will torment both.
I still on talking terms with my ex, more because of our son ( he stays with me ) and Dec last year, we even went holiday together, after 3 years, finally seat down and had a talk with my ex and we found ourselves more comfortable living apart and doing what we like to do then staying together.

All the people here are either sharing our experiences or views, but we don't know you or your wife, only you know her best.
To divorce or remain married, you will need courage, strength and most important, "Forgiveness"
15 years of good time in exchange for a few months of stupidity, I think i can swallow that, I just need to be strong during these few months.
If you decide to swallow, then you must also be prepared to digest and not bring this up in future

**** One thing I do hope is : I hope those people from AWARE sees all the messages in this forum and know that, not all the time, the woman are victims, the men can be victims too, IT'S TIME TO AMEND THE WOMAN CHARTER...
 

life_is

Active Member
Women in AWARE are hypocrites. Double standards. No matter who is in the wrong, women always win in divorce. There are parts of the Women's charter that do make some fair points:

(1) Upon the solemnization of marriage, the husband and the wife shall be mutually bound to co-operate with each other in safeguarding the interests of the union and in caring and providing for the children.

Totally uncooperative wife. She is practically married to her mother.

(2) The husband and the wife shall have the right separately to engage in any trade or profession or in social activities.

Nope. She wants me to go to in-law's place every day, so that I end up with no social circle and little contact with my family. Hell to pay if I don't. She may say I can choose not to go, but will accuse me of not helping out if I don't.

(3) The wife shall have the right to use her own surname and name separately.

Who cares?

(4) The husband and the wife shall have equal rights in the running of the matrimonial household.

Nope. She wilfully refused to move into the matrimonial home and refuse to allow me to exercise my right as a husband and father (telling me to get a lawyer's letter if I want to see my child). Instead, her mother is allowed to make all the decisions for us.

Women know very well that the law helps them, so they know that they can get away with being unreasonable. It is high time that the laws start to punish women for such behaviour to deter abuse.
 

uglydude

Member
Men can only complain here in the forum about the unfairness of woman charter...women has long screamed for equality...but when it comes to the woman charter....dun all you guys out there find it strange that not one single woman here talks about the unfairness of the woman charter....:D
 

orangepie

New Member
Hope4me, you are a very kind-heated man, even after you were betrayed or hurt so many times, you still want to protect her.
That is a very precious virtue of you. You are a men of integrity and in this society many man had lose that. Please do not lose that virtue that made you attractive to woman!
i will not call that "stupid", it is far far away from that. You are a very loving man who is always willing to put her interest before yourself.
She just had not see/realized that goodness in you. She is blind by her new "love". She cannot "see" or "think" clearly now.

Just my gut's feeling, that man will definitely not leave his family because of her.
He is also enjoying the best of both world just like your wife did.
Since you say you will still accept her back even if there is sexual intimacy, then don't focus on this, (although it is a terrible feeling, i know)
One thing which to your disadvantage is she know very well, no matter what she do, you will never leave her.
They are madly in love now, the situation will slowly escalate, your wife will want more and more of him, and he will try to compromise and spend more time with her,
until the wife on the other side started to be suspicious and that the whole affair will escalate to the peak before it is exposed. The whole office will know about it.

She will never learn or realize who is always beside her until such things happen. She is feeling thrilled now. She is happy and her world seem to be beautiful and have everything.

The way i read on how you treated her, had pampered her so much that you had put her in a "rainbow".
住在彩虹久的人是永远不知道彩虹有多漂亮 !!!
 

orangepie

New Member
Since we say that you are taking a gamble now, what is the worse that can happen?
Ask yourself, if you can accept the worst. We can calmly work on it in a smart manner.

If my analysis are correct, we know that in this short period of time (two to three months), nothing much will change.
So don't expect any positive changes from her. They are in honeymoon now. So no need to rush her to make any decision, you will just push her away.

if i were you, i will just "watch". 对不起,我知道这样会一点痛苦.
You no need to treat her extra nice, just be normal. Be your usual self. Give her space but Observe her.
You see if i am correct, after a few days, she will start feeling guilty, in order to make herself less guilty,
she will sometimes come closer to you to have contact, hold your hand or hug you, talk to you sweetly about your future together, etc
Is your coming 7D trip just with her or with your family? You can go with it, hope it can be a small barrier for her and the man.

It is just a matter of time that the honeymoon will be over and they will start to quarrel like couples. (we will come to that later)

Remember, now you have a clearer mind than her. You can manipulate her if you know her well.
Calm your mind. Stop saying you are stupid or victimize yourself, that can only make you less attractive to a woman.
You must also live your life, catch up with some friends, do some sports or bring your parents for a nice meal.
Never revolve your whole life around a woman, she will feel suffocated. Same goes to woman.
 

Hope4me

New Member
Dear orangepie,
Thanks for your kind words, I agree with you fully that she is currently blinded and cannot see and think clearly, hence the reason why I don't want to force her nor rush into a divorce situation, its not fair to both parties.

I do believe that this guy will not leave his family, he may not love his wife anymore but he is the soccer dad type and love his kids. And yes, he is also enjoying best of both worlds like my wife....thats why previously I was contemplating if I should inform his wife about this but decided against it. Whatever happen, we three will have to deal with it and accept the outcome, don't really want to destroy another family, unless breaking the news to his wife will bring him to senses and he will leave my wife.....that is also another consideration point.

That is exactly what I am doing now orangepie, I am watching and let her know that I am here for her, giving her time and space to solve this triangle relationship. I wouldn't want and is currently not focusing whether they have physical intimacy or not, like you said if I am prepared to take her back, I should not focus on such..

We are starting to make progress though, perhaps like you said the guilt is working its way. There are more conversations happening, she will initial smses and chat a while with me during work, we arranged another lunch next week. Last night car park was a little dark and since she can't see well at night, I extended my hand to her for guiding and supporting, after a while hesitation, she gave me her hand and we clasped and walked a while, but I got to tell you that the feeling is different still, it feel awkward actually.....Just this morning, she did something that surprises me too, she applied hand lotion for me while i was driving her to work....On the other hand, I am more sensitive to her mood and needs, I gotta make effort as well if I want our relationship to work right? By the way, i dont think we reach the hugging stage yet, far from it......

Yes, we are making progress from stranger to a little closer than normal friends and all this while, I know she still smsing the other guy. I saw it at every turn and its not easy to watch, hence I just turn a blind eye on it. I feel like telling her don't even bother to try hide the smsing, because I have given my word to allow her time and space and therefore I will not be even peeping over to see the message contend, what good will it do me any way?

My upcoming trip is just the 2 of us, we have at least once or twice travel, just the 2 of us each year. Travel with my family is few and far in between, average once every 3-4 years? I know she doesn't like to travel with them and hence we seldom plan trips with family. Nowadays I would always have to plan, search tickets and hotels, book, pay and confirm everything before informing my family......not the best way i know but am doing it for her. I think distant present no barrier to them as technology is advance now, communication tools are readily available plus that they are not looking to be physically presence for each other everyday, hence its not an expectation to meet. I reckon she will still sms him while we are on vacation...

I do not think that I am stupid, was just saying in many guys (who were kind enough to share their story and opinion) view, I made stupid decision to hold out here. Will need time to go out and meet with friends again. At times like this, just don't feel like meeting up and have to make small talks. She used to go out with my friends (since she don't have many prior to joining this Co) hence my friends will always ask why she didnt join them. Tonight she is out again, and I don't want to go back to an empty house. May stay late in office or go dine/drink alone, sometime its nice to be quiet for a while....
 

uglydude

Member
You can listen to orangepie if u want.....after all a woman will say everything to protect them women....but if u ever have the guts to walk out of your cheating wife....few years down the road...u will 100% feels stupid for everything tat you have done...

Putting urself before ur wife is plain dumb...that is loving her first before loving urself....if u want to carry on to be a dumb oaf by all means....for all you know...your wife maybe screwing the guy behind ur back...wun be surprise if she comes back one day and bear the other man's child...but dun worry a dumb oaf like u dun mind helping another man raise his kid....:D:D:D
 

Cimorene

Member
You can listen to orangepie if u want.....after all a woman will say everything to protect them women....but if u ever have the guts to walk out of your cheating wife....few years down the road...u will 100% feels stupid for everything tat you have done...

Putting urself before ur wife is plain dumb...that is loving her first before loving urself....if u want to carry on to be a dumb oaf by all means....for all you know...your wife maybe screwing the guy behind ur back...wun be surprise if she comes back one day and bear the other man's child...but dun worry a dumb oaf like u dun mind helping another man raise his kid....:D:D:D

Hi uglydude, don't think it's right for u to be insulting Hope4me like this. Just because he doesn't fully agree with your point of view right now doesn't make him a "dumb oaf".

Hope4me, I don't think I'm anywhere near qualified to give advice, but just wanted to say that reading through this thread I can really feel the love u have for your wife. Whatever happens, I hope u find happiness. Stay strong!
 

Hope4me

New Member
uglydude,
I think your comment is uncalled for. You are free to express your opinion in my thread but that doesn't give you a right to flame me and certainly not that way about my wife, you don't know a thing about us and what we had been through.

If you have not love someone more than yourself before, then you have not loved before. I don't know you as a person and I don't want to assume but it is safe to say that we perhaps may never see eye to eye.


Dear Cimorene,
Thanks!!! I will be strong, for me and for her. Have a good night :)
 

life_is

Active Member
uglydude,
I think your comment is uncalled for. You are free to express your opinion in my thread but that doesn't give you a right to flame me and certainly not that way about my wife, you don't know a thing about us and what we had been through.

If you have not love someone more than yourself before, then you have not loved before. I don't know you as a person and I don't want to assume but it is safe to say that we perhaps may never see eye to eye.


Dear Cimorene,
Thanks!!! I will be strong, for me and for her. Have a good night :)

Sometimes, doing the 'wrong' things may work.

1) Exercise to get yourself in very good shape. She will become suspicious. At the same time, it makes you better in bed.
2) Get more single female friends. A man in demand is attractive to the wife. Also a very good confidence booster. Women get awfully jealous when they see you having 'options' outside. Of course, make sure you don't cheat on her unless you are ready to leave her. Sexting is a no-no, but normal conversations should be fine. Be confident that you are in demand, and that confidence will probably be attractive to her.
3) This may sound wrong, but be more 'chauvinistic'. Sometimes you just gotta be the man of the house. This is somehow attractive to women.
 

iccy

Member
Hi uglydude, don't think it's right for u to be insulting Hope4me like this. Just because he doesn't fully agree with your point of view right now doesn't make him a "dumb oaf".

Hope4me, I don't think I'm anywhere near qualified to give advice, but just wanted to say that reading through this thread I can really feel the love u have for your wife. Whatever happens, I hope u find happiness. Stay strong!

Yeah Agreed. Uglydude what you have been through may not be exactly the same ending for Hope4me. We can't judge their situation just by this thread and left aside to insult them. I believed you are far more the right person whom can understand his feelings so the more you should be supportive, care or the least be a listener than throwing off your frustration in your own situation.

Sorry if i am interfering but i think we should just be supportive to someone that needs it now. It could make things different ;) cheers !
 

ooosh

New Member
If your wife has completely changed attitude towards you and despite your efforts to reconcile she shows no or little interest, it is best to move on. She will not have a happy future with the man of 2 kids. You think the man will divorce to be with her? Most likely no so to teach her a lesson for not treasuring the person who truly cares about her....

Anyway its your decision and people here can only advise you from a third party perspective and through experiences.
 

life_is

Active Member
If your wife has completely changed attitude towards you and despite your efforts to reconcile she shows no or little interest, it is best to move on. She will not have a happy future with the man of 2 kids. You think the man will divorce to be with her? Most likely no so to teach her a lesson for not treasuring the person who truly cares about her....

Anyway its your decision and people here can only advise you from a third party perspective and through experiences.

Divorce laws are against men even when women cheat. Unless there is an out of court settlement with no alimony or child maintenance involved, men will always be 'taxed' by their ex wives. And they can always go to court to ask for more to make men more miserable, even if it is unfair. Have read about cases where even retrenched men are brought to court for alimony.

Don't need to teach her a lesson. Just live life to the fullest, be happy and successful. Be confident of yourself. She will see the value in you, and hopefully repent.
 

Hope4me

New Member
Hi iccy,
Thanks! ;)

Hi ooosh,
Situation has improved a lot i would say, we are a lot closer than compared to 1 weeks before and she has cut down the messaging somewhat as well, at least there are no more 2-4am smses. She is appreciative of my support and respecting her private space and I think that is the first step to our improved relationship for past few days.


Don't need to teach her a lesson. Just live life to the fullest, be happy and successful. Be confident of yourself. She will see the value in you, and hopefully repent

Thanks life_is, am intending to do that. I will give her the time and space as agreed but at the same time am going to arrange more meet up with friends, old classmates, camp mates etc to have my balance of life as well. Don't intend to coup up at home and sulk, will not do any of us any favor by doing that.
 

uglydude

Member
I find it ironic that people would feels that things have change for the better now that the wife felt that the grass is not greener on the other side....cannot but wonder what happens....maybe she got dump after sleeping with the guy.....

Now that she is back crawling to you.....have it ever occurs to you that you mean nothing to her?.....If u are someone she truly cherish and values...would she have even turned to another man in the very first place?...

Each and every time she text the other guy at nite...did she even consider how you feels....did she even feel for you when she come home in the wee hours of the morning?

There is a reason why people always say love yourself first before you love others....because that is the only way u can find someone who appreciate you just as you appreciate yourself....it is so obvious here that your love for her has blinded you beyond imagination...

But then again you won't be the first and you won't be the last....after all there exists all sort of people in this world.....

Won't be surprised that she do this again next time...but then again...she got a dumb oaf waiting for her back home to accept her every time she got dump...:D:D:D

It is one thing to wear a green hat...it is another thing to wear one so tall that the whole world can see n get a good laugh....:D:D:D
 

sadman2009

Active Member
I'm partly agree with what uglydude has said regarding how she feels about you and for you... Definitely she has not cared about your feelings when she text her boyfriend in front of you and come back in the wee hours... She even dares to tell you not to interfere with what she was doing though she was doing the wrong thing. Why she does all that is because of you ... She just can't love you and show you the due respect... May be she never does...
 

uglydude

Member
Face it she never did loves u...if she have loves and cherish u....do u seriously think she would do all this to u....

U help to define the word "DUMB OAF"....coz even till now...u still lives in denial thinking that she crawls back to u becoz she loves u....if she truly loves you with her heart...all this would not have happens.....most likely she got dump and came crawling back to you...coz she knows u will be more than willing to forgive her....

So when it happens again next time....just wait for her to be dump and she will crawls back to you again....do remember to tell her to take contraception pills with her...u wun want to be taking care of another man's child.....:D:D:D
 

iccy

Member
I do partly agreed with what the guys said here... Ur wife may not love you after all and will never bring that love you hope for back in your life after this and even you have open arm to welcome her.

Again i don't also see you as dumb oaf so don't ever get that dampen your spirit. Whatever the caused of your big heart to want to accept her back, that to me is you have a love that is beyond what the people here defined.

I see that you felt responsible for her and it does not matters what it was in the past, you just want to protect her throughout this life.

Just some encouragement words : if you were dumb to accept her than i think out there there are single man that who are as dumb to married a divorcee with kids, or even without kids..so guys what you think abt that ? Ain't all these woman been f*** before too? Guess love sometimes is just more abt what we see with our general eyes.. I think those who can forgive and love with uncondiotionally are those who shown they know how to love vs all that vent here... And smell vengence !:p
 

uglydude

Member
It is so obvious that his wife is making use of him...but then again women siding one another is perfectly normal...if TS refuse to see the truth no one can help him....but then again if one day TS wife ever leave him....he will eventually wake up from his dreams.....

Accepting a woman who is a divorcee or one with kids is perfectly fine as long as the guy dun mind and see it coming rite from the start...

I am sure in TS case, he did not sign up for his wife to cheat on him when he marry her....:D:D:D
 
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sadman2009

Active Member
Marrying a divorcee is totally different from having a wife that go and fxxk with other man. The divorcee although has been fxxk by another man before but that was before she knew you... It's just like having a girlfriend or boyfriend who had been on a few relationships before you... Surely she has had sex with them many times...but after she knows you and been on a relationship with you now, she loves you whole heartedly. Unlike your wife whom has married you and still have sex with other man, which shows she doesn't love you at all...
 

sadman2009

Active Member
And I'm not talking about one time straying away... And after that felt sorry and repent. What we see here is someone who continuously doing that and even ignore the feelings of her husband... Msging the guy inform of him and telling him not to interfere...
 

iccy

Member
It is so obvious that his wife is making use of him...but then again women siding one another is perfectly normal...if TS refuse to see the truth no one can help him....but then again if one day TS wife ever leave him....he will eventually wake up from his dreams.....

Accepting a woman who is a divorcee or one with kids is perfectly fine as long as the guy dun mind and see it coming rite from the start...

I am sure in TS case, he did not sign up for his wife to cheat on him when he marry her....:D:D:D

Uglydude...i think the topic here is not about siding who and which gender get to win over the debate but its about RESPECTING people feelings and SUPPORTING someone. It is obvious that Hope4me can see what we see...a woman that no longer love him and may just be about "using" him if you like to put it this way. The thing here is he is willing to accept that fact for whatever defination of love could mean to him....and in the end of the day he is going to live with that choice of him. But for you to call someone names is really a disrespectful ! Or you probably can't get over yourself for being dumb before and hurt so much till now you still unable to let go and you making whole world to join your pain...as by doing that you at least can tell yourself that you aint the only one ! :D
 

iccy

Member
And I'm not talking about one time straying away... And after that felt sorry and repent. What we see here is someone who continuously doing that and even ignore the feelings of her husband... Msging the guy inform of him and telling him not to interfere...

Sadman2009 agreed to you at one point...a divorcee can be someone who had past marriage and remarriage...however there are also someone who had the affair outside and divorce and remarried...whatever the situation was we are not able to judge people r'ship by being third party ... In every situation I believe there is always one partner that giving in more than the other... There is no equal. So for Hope4me that could be just him and he is happy to take the fact and yet continue the r'ship...knowing he could be lying to himself but again between giving up and holding on, the latter could be what make him continue with life...until when he is ready he could have walk out of that woman...so i don't see the reason of why give up before even try...;)
 


uglydude

Member
To argue with u is a waste of time....the day his wife ever leave him or cheated on him till he get sick will be the day he wakes up...lending support is not rite especially knowing that his wife is clearly abusing him....Hopefully one day ur hubby abuse u the same way Hope4me is being abuse.....When the time comes, do come here and tell us that ur heart is so BIG that you accept him back....:D:D:D
 

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