Why is it so hard to move on?

D

dd221286

New Member
I just need to share this with someone.

I am 22 now. It's been more than a year since I broke up. I just don't understand why I can't stop thinking about him.

The relationship started when I was waiting part-time at his work place before school starts. During those period, the feeling was sweet. I know he was a divorcee with two kids. His kids and his parents knew about me.

His kids got along with me. I baked for them and pampered them as I would any kids.

But as the relationship went on, the question about whether my parents/family was able to accept him came into question. I was afraid that he would not be accepted by my family. I was afraid that he would be criticised and hated by my family. I didn't want him hurt by my family.

That was when I made a decision about leaving him. To me, it was a way of me to protect him.

I kept telling myself to forget him and move on with my life.

Will a change of environment help me to forget him? I wonder if I am obsessed or still in love with him?

I am quite confused now. Have been confused for the past few months. Dating new guys doesn't help.

LOST.
 


the reason why you are not able to forget about him is maybe due to your thinking that the action that you have taken was a way to protect him and not yourself.

this cause you to have the thinking that he has done nothing wrong and you are the one at fault . so in turn it will be harder for you to forget him . but come to think of it .. it is a way of you to protect yourself also .. from getting into complicated situations.

dun ever go and think about changing an environment for the sake of someone . in the end what you are doing is just escaping from the reality . i admire that you at the age of 22 holds wisdom and analytical skills which not many has.
 
Moving on doesn't mean u will not think of him anymore. Just that the hurt diminishes or reduces and it doesn't affect you as much anymore. It is natural that our minds will think. Past memories will always be there.

I don't think anyone really forget our past. It is an important part that mounds our personality. What's important to move on isn't the ability to forget. But simply happiness. When you have found new happiness be it with someone else or peace within yourself, you would have moved on. Search for your needs. What you really want and must have to be really happy and yourself.

If happiness is found by pursuing this relationship, then why give it up? You should give it up because you know there isn't a future for the both of u. That you will never be truly happy and getting the life you want with him.

Balance between your heart & mind. Happiness is not found through rational analysis nor emotions alone. Listen to your heart. But at the same time, do reality check. If you neglect either your side, it will be in a roller coaster ride. No one can find this balance for you. You have to search it within.
 
Sigh...

It is really not easy to just forget about someone totally or not to think about him..

this is such a sad christmas for me.
 
haha no lo..we cant carry 4wrd our leave to nex year lo...kana force ..sian...somemore las min tell us...

haha 2nite u wan to date me ah...hehe/.
 
Ddee, u make being a divorcee with kids seem like a crime... u can't even get past yourself n tat's the sad part... u shold have more faith in others... including your family.
 
haha..

oh i see but i like do not know how to intercept into your thread smileguy.

don't know what to say.

haha..
 
okie.
happy.gif
 
powder,

you cant expect everyone to be able to accept a divorcee.

she is 22 only and how much experience and guts does she have?

Since she already made the decision one year ago and asking for help on how to forget someone. Isnt it better to advice on that particular issue?
 
22 is still very young. Move on and date more guys. Dont be sad, you have so many choices, unlike me, i am already 30 yrs old. I cannot afford to date more guys. Once I found the right one, i have to make the choice.
 
Thank you qwerty.

Powder,being a divorcee with kids is not a crime. I am able to accept him. It's not about not having faith in my family. It's because I understood my family, that's why I decided to make the decision to leave him.

Like what miloice said, it's my decision. So I have to live with it.

And it was my first relationship. It just enforces the fact that the first love is the sweetest, and the hardest to forget.

Keeping myself busy with school work and my nieces seems to work. But there are times when I just want to have someone to pamper and to love.

Does love come by or do I need to search for it?
 
Ddee u are still young..i am sure u will come to a time whereby u will meet the right guy ..in fact i believe there are quite alot of guys out there that might suit u..sometime love do come by but sometime u do have to search for it ..cant wait for it to drop from the sky..isnt it now the best time for u to knw alot of guys since u r studying?
 
well qwerty,

for me it's not abt the forgetting... dun u find it common for pple to ask how to forget? pple always ask how to forget...

it links back to how it ended... it wasn't ended on a bad note, nor was it becos it was a mutual amicable decision... it ended becos she made a decision to end it based on her assessment of her family's acceptance.

thing is, even if tat's true, she started it with the same known facts... but the biggest Problem is - she never really wanted to end it. when u dun want something to end, how can u even forget it?

what advice can there be except to get to the very root? the fact tat it should not have ended for the same purpose that it should not have started...

i dun go dating and being a bfren to a ktv girl knowing full well that my family cannot accept a ktv gal, then i break off with her on that same accord... i screw with others for what? then i screw myself and ask myself why i can't forget her...

if wanna forget him, then Stop thinking that u ended it becos of reasons other than for your own good. no need to go into the drama type of thinking, becos those thinking makes it hard to let go.
 
Thank you everyone.

I'll try to absorb everyone's comments and advices.

Somehow, I'll pull myself together.

No hard feelings. It feels like a very touchy topic.(status etc.)

I'm sorry if I used the wrong words and people misunderstood what I meant.

Anyway, enjoy the holidays everyone. (";)
 
powder,

your second post holds more value to her if compared to your first post.

Ddee.

Y is it a touchy topic? i dun understand ..
 
qwerty,maybe she's afraid that others might think that she's against divorcees??

Ddee, I'm sure you didn't start the relationship, with the thought that you're going to end it in a few months right? When you're in love, you'll feel confident about everything, including the parents issue.

So you must have your reasons to make the decision to leave him. When reality strikes you?

Well, you've already made the decision to leave him. Don't regret. Maybe he is not the one for you.

You're still young. Go on dates. Spend more time with your friends.

2009 will be a better year for you alrite. Love yourself before you start to love others.

ps: Sometimes the best drama is actually your life and the life of people around you.
 
hi sd,

from what I gathered from her post, its NOT what OTHERS think. If you read what she posted... She said that she accepted the relationship but then worries about her family members perception. It common that what one is clouded by the lovey dovey in the initial stage of the relationship. But, when reality sits in, they would start to think about the future.

While what powder says are objectively correct but, no one remains objectively all the time. We are always swayed and torn between being rationale and emotions. Its a balance that one needs to achieve. Powder's advise is good to bring someone back to their fundamentals. But, it doesn't stop one from being emotional and human. Its human to err and WE ALL MAKE imperfect judgements. But, we don't go on excusing ourselves, reality check is important for everyone.

We have seen in several threads how the st snapped on those that pointed out the lies and excuses they gave themselves. I'm glad this ts is mature enough to reflect on them.
 
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