What i am going to do next?

[audkit]

Hi all, seems that this forum has load of good advice. Decide to try my story here.
I've recently broken up with my bf of 3 years. and jumped into an open relationship with a guy that i've known for 5-6years.
My ex bf and i were on the verge of marriage, we've balloted for a flat and were prepared to get married next year. but at the start of this year, he did something that i could not forget and left me in fear every night. Subsequently, i started to feel that i need time away from him. then i stop answering call from him, stopped meeting him. he became desperate and keep calling, sms-ing me etc, but i was emotionally dead by then, i just need time away.
then this other guy enters my life.
We've known each other for quite sometime and always had 'something' for each other. But the sadest thing was when i first knew him, i was attached to another guy and he made his interest known but i had to reject him, Subsequently when i broke up with that ex, i contacted him but he was attached. And when he broke up, he contacted but i was attached again. Seems that we always missd out on each other.
Now, we have started on this 'open' relationship thing. and i feel confused cos i dunno what to do. It's not something i want forever. i asked him abt it and his's reply was he needs time to think and dunno how to reply me.
what shld i do now?

 

[infojunkie]

why rush urself into an exclusive?

exclusivity doesn't guarantee security u know?

well, just take ur time and focus on getting to know him better...

is he gd for u?

u will know...

and the only way to know is to try him... and the other guys

 

[powder]

u recently broke up with your bfren, u are dating again, and u expect some sort of 10yr thesis?

thought this stage Is abt getting to know each other more intimately before u decide on exclusivity... then shouldn't u let it flow first? of cos try not to have unprotected sex...

then see where it goes... otherwise u're better off signing on in the qrmy, cos that one u have your career mapped out and u know roughly what u're gonna get.

 

[denise80]

I'll say take your time to know him and many other men. Friendship and relationship are very different. We interact, behave and feel differently when we play different roles in different relationships so your relationship with him may or may not work out after all. It could be just another relationship or it could lead to something else.

 

[miloice]

Don't look for status... look for campatability. Someone that you want a future together.

 

[susanna_low]

I won't think that he's someone who's looking for a serious relationship if he's seeing 2 gals @ the same time.

Getting into a r/s and wanting more out of it is easy but then getting out w/o getting hurt is hard.

I rather u get started with someone who's really very much into u and on the right track rather than ding dong here and there dunno hw it will ended up..

 

[audkit]

Hello!
We are both single now, and i agree, geting into a r/s is eay but getting out without tears is hard.

I thought of not rushing into things but as i'll be starting work soon and thought i don't need this distraction so i asked him if he has any plans for us to be together in the future.

anyway he has replied last night, he says he can't give me anything and feels no attachment for me. -.-
i feel hurt cos he holds my hands and we behaved like a couple infront of his friends. and when his friends address me as his gf, he does not deny them etc.. but so be it. i was a dumb girl.

I wished him all the best. and i have decided to move on.

 

[infojunkie]

i think u scared him away...

 

[susanna_low]

At least she know that he's not committed towards her. Guys like him always send out mixed signals and when it comes to commitment, they back off...TS made the right choice by moving off..

 

[infojunkie]

well, he made the rite choice too...

 

[audkit]

haha,
i scared him away?! i find ur statement hilarious!!
i didnt realised i could be scary!

Thanks Ting, for thinking i made a right choice. I just wish i can move out of the sadness asap!

 

[matka]

Some things are not meant to be taken literally. Like scare boo kind of scare.

 

[cococherry]

aud (audkit)

U shld move on after so many yrs and he feels no attachment?

same thing happened to me and my fiance too in the past - i was single & he's attached, when im attached and he's single. ding dong 11yrs and i rejected again when both of us are single until 11yrs later but he's always very into me, when we finally gt together and he said: his dream finally come true after 11yrs of waiting.

 

[susanna_low]

Guys like him wan a NSA open r/s while looking out for others n ready to say bye bye anytime..

I juz find it a waste of time lah..while if a guy is really very into u, he will only wan to be in a exclusive r/s with u.

TS, glad u made the right choice! At least the heartbreak is something tat u still can handle unlike a deep heartbreak.

 

[cococherry]

Why agreed to be in an 'open' relationship in the first place?

Luckily hold hands only or else too 便宜他了。

 

[infojunkie]

这么确定没有“åšâ€ï¼Ÿ
æžä¸å¥½æ¥¼ä¸»å¾ˆäº«å—

 

[audkit]

Hello all!
Chocolatte: Wow, so glad u've a happy ending.

I wish that would happen too but.. dreaming sometimes just make reality so harsh. Hmm, He mention to me, he's not ready for a relationship now. So i guess, i got rejected lor..
and neither of us spoke abt the open r/s thing, it just happened, went with the flow lor. then we just hang out together, movies, dinner, walk in the park. meeting with each other's friends. But i always introduced him as My Friend.
Whereas his friends address me as 'da sao' or gf and he never deny that.

Ting Yi: i think no point starting something that will not end well, it's really a waste of time. But i find it weird that i feel sadder at 'losing' him rather then my ex.

Junkie: .. My chinese very bad, first sentence i can understand but second i dunno how to read.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Aud, what is your definition of open relationship?

The conventional meaning of an open relationship is one "in which the people involved agree that they want to be together, but in which romantic or sexual relationships with additional people are accepted, permitted or tolerated".

 

[cococherry]

LZ没说我就以为没有咯。 哈哈。
如有，应该是享å—的。
但是确实有点åƒåƒäº†è·‘掉那ç§è´±ç”·äººã€‚

 

[infojunkie]

ä¸ç„¶è¦æ€Žæ ·ï¼Ÿ

跟楼主说“我会负责åšä½ çš„长期饭票â€ï¼Ÿ

问题是，明明是试åƒä¼šï¼Œå´ç­‰åƒå®Œäº†æ‰è¯´æ—¢ç„¶åƒäº†å°±ä¸èƒ½ä¸Šå…¶ä»–馆å­äº†ï¼Œä»¥åŽåªèƒ½ä¸Šæˆ‘家åƒï¼Œè€Œä¸”没有å…费试åƒäº†è¦â€œåŸ‹å•â€ï¼

这冤大头能åšå—？没去case告你这黑店赔å¿ç²¾ç¥žæŸå¤±ä¹Ÿå°±ç®—了。

还会å†æ¥ï¼Ÿ

 

[cococherry]

无语.

也ä¸æ˜¯å¾ˆå†¤å˜›. 站在女性角度还是54这男人.
å正就是ä¸æ˜Žç™½ä¸ºä»€ä¹ˆæœ‰äº›äººä¼šä¸æ在一起的事,白明有点给人感觉是我这å…费试åƒ.

 

[infojunkie]

"站在女性角度还是54这男人"

应该站在人性的角度去看这件事好ä¸å¥½ï¼Ÿ

just becos u think u hv the rite to demand for an exclusive relationship doesn't mean he feels the same way as u do. therefore never never assume things and start planning out the future in ur own little head b4 anything actually happens, cos there's a gd chance that u will fall flat on ur face and look stupid...

u dun allow time for the feelings to grow. u just want what u want. and when u dun get what u want, it gets automatically translated into some sob story in which u r the victim and he the villian. u mean he cannot even say no to something he doesn't like without being branded as a 贱人?

真是没天ç†ä¹Ÿæ²¡é“ç†

 

[audkit]

Hi Doll,
erm, i actually goggled 'Open relationship' to help me define it. cos im not too sure what it entails as well.
But it essentially means 2 person agreeing to a relationship that does not restrict each other from knowing others while there are certain pre established rules like, no sex with others and will anything beyond kissing require approval from your partner.

I think that's what he wants. An 'exclusive' relationship but with a certain amt of freedom and of course an easy way out if things turn sticky.
While i have entertain that notion before, i have no wish to long term it. and moreover, i do have feelings for him. and i think female bruise easier then guys.

Junkie: I don't think i didnt allow time for feeling to grow, We have known each other for 5 years!! And yes, if i didnt get what i want, it's a form of Loss and thus, i think im allowed to grieve abit right.. and feel sorry for myself lah.
But i don't think he's a jerk or bad guy or 'cheap' guy. Maybe just someone who is weary with all the bgr things bah.

 

[simpleman]

aud, At the outset, you guys are not very much into each other.. thinking of each other only when break-up .

If you are so much with each other, will break-up with existing bf/gf and already going with each other.

Both in a way, treating each other as "spare".. so what do you expect your "spare" to tell u?

 

[eagerbride01]

rship isnt always the answer
its always good to have some 'personal' space n just enjoy being singlehood.

im sure you will thrive better becuz u are able to think for yourself, for once instead of thinkin for ur partner

 

[audkit]

sm: you are totally right.

Rina: thanks, singlehood does has it's perks.