I need advice for a friend and as my own emotions are involved (because of her), I am unable to advice with clarity. Forumers, please assist.
She met this guy in 1997. He cheated on her in 2000. From then on, the r/s turned abusive - she would shout at him in public and even hit him. There were many ugly fights but there were good times too. In 2006, he cheated on her again and told her that he wanted to leave her for this other woman. When she agreed, he backtracked and promised to end the affair. They were loving for a month or so, then she found out he never ended it. He told TOW that he had broken up with her and he told her he had ended it with TOW. When she contacted TOW, everything came to a head and he avoided her altogether. She found someone new and started to move on with life but he said he wanted a chance to come back and try and she loved him and gave him that chance. They even attended Marriage Preparation Course together.
However, in December, she found out that he had met TOW behind her back in November and he claimed tt they were just friends. She was furious and yelled at him. He told her he was suffocating and needed time away from her. He refused to see her for 1 week and when he did, he was filled with resentment over her criticisms, her hitting him, her sarcasm, her temper. She decided to leave him alone and give him time. In Feb, she decides to get together with the other guy and he tells her he wants to settle down now with her. She agrees because she loves him and the moment she does, he refuses to meet her anymore or spend time with her. She gets a call from TOW telling her that TOW thought she had a chance with him and had asked him to commit to her but he claimed to only love her and turned down TOW. He told TOW to move on with her life but he still refused to spend time with my friend or initiate seeing her or contacting her. She told him she would wait for him to see if his heart would lead him back to her. So when she called him recently, he asked her why he should commit since she was willing to wait and also dropped all efforts to contact her on his own initiative or spend time with her life before. Before he walked out, he would fetch her to work and have dinner with her and spend time together. Now he has no idea what he does after work and he tells her that he does not like being questioned. She thinks there is another woman and when she asked him, he said his feet is in 3 or 4 boats. She asked him why and he said the boat he is waiting for is not there. She said she knows she is the boat but he still refuseed to commit. It is as if he likes the taste of freedom after being committed for 10 years and nothing will ever make him give this up. He is in the entertainment industry and likes going to pubs and clubbing and drinking. He says to her and to TOW that they cannot do without him and he is irreplaceable and anytime he wants, he can walk back in their lives.
My friend has decided that she wants him. FYI, she is not married, is attractive, less than 30yrs and earns more than he does. She is also articulate, intelligent and comes from a fairly wealthy background (lives on private etc). He on the other hand, has no savings (lost most of it in the stock market), comes from a 3 room flat (he likes to hit out at her that he isn't good enough), and his paper qualifications are not as good as hers. But that isn't the point. Point is my friend spent a lot of time and effort helping him save money, ensuring he puts asides his monies and was there to support him as he upgraded himself throughout the years.
He seems to have forgotten all of that and accuses her of only doing stuff for him that would benefit her (ie ensuring he gets a higher paying job) and he totally neglects her and calls her or contacts her as and when he pleases. He has thrown away all concept of responsibility and commitment and appears to be a changed person.
She has asked him to come back on his terms except that she demands honesty and faithfulness and commitment. The reason why they kept quarrelling was because he cannot stop lying. He has a lot of secrets and says she cannot touch his hp or check his things. She cannot live with that yet she cannot live without him. She has been suicidal and depressed.
For a guy like that, is there anyway to make him turn around?
She met this guy in 1997. He cheated on her in 2000. From then on, the r/s turned abusive - she would shout at him in public and even hit him. There were many ugly fights but there were good times too. In 2006, he cheated on her again and told her that he wanted to leave her for this other woman. When she agreed, he backtracked and promised to end the affair. They were loving for a month or so, then she found out he never ended it. He told TOW that he had broken up with her and he told her he had ended it with TOW. When she contacted TOW, everything came to a head and he avoided her altogether. She found someone new and started to move on with life but he said he wanted a chance to come back and try and she loved him and gave him that chance. They even attended Marriage Preparation Course together.
However, in December, she found out that he had met TOW behind her back in November and he claimed tt they were just friends. She was furious and yelled at him. He told her he was suffocating and needed time away from her. He refused to see her for 1 week and when he did, he was filled with resentment over her criticisms, her hitting him, her sarcasm, her temper. She decided to leave him alone and give him time. In Feb, she decides to get together with the other guy and he tells her he wants to settle down now with her. She agrees because she loves him and the moment she does, he refuses to meet her anymore or spend time with her. She gets a call from TOW telling her that TOW thought she had a chance with him and had asked him to commit to her but he claimed to only love her and turned down TOW. He told TOW to move on with her life but he still refused to spend time with my friend or initiate seeing her or contacting her. She told him she would wait for him to see if his heart would lead him back to her. So when she called him recently, he asked her why he should commit since she was willing to wait and also dropped all efforts to contact her on his own initiative or spend time with her life before. Before he walked out, he would fetch her to work and have dinner with her and spend time together. Now he has no idea what he does after work and he tells her that he does not like being questioned. She thinks there is another woman and when she asked him, he said his feet is in 3 or 4 boats. She asked him why and he said the boat he is waiting for is not there. She said she knows she is the boat but he still refuseed to commit. It is as if he likes the taste of freedom after being committed for 10 years and nothing will ever make him give this up. He is in the entertainment industry and likes going to pubs and clubbing and drinking. He says to her and to TOW that they cannot do without him and he is irreplaceable and anytime he wants, he can walk back in their lives.
My friend has decided that she wants him. FYI, she is not married, is attractive, less than 30yrs and earns more than he does. She is also articulate, intelligent and comes from a fairly wealthy background (lives on private etc). He on the other hand, has no savings (lost most of it in the stock market), comes from a 3 room flat (he likes to hit out at her that he isn't good enough), and his paper qualifications are not as good as hers. But that isn't the point. Point is my friend spent a lot of time and effort helping him save money, ensuring he puts asides his monies and was there to support him as he upgraded himself throughout the years.
He seems to have forgotten all of that and accuses her of only doing stuff for him that would benefit her (ie ensuring he gets a higher paying job) and he totally neglects her and calls her or contacts her as and when he pleases. He has thrown away all concept of responsibility and commitment and appears to be a changed person.
She has asked him to come back on his terms except that she demands honesty and faithfulness and commitment. The reason why they kept quarrelling was because he cannot stop lying. He has a lot of secrets and says she cannot touch his hp or check his things. She cannot live with that yet she cannot live without him. She has been suicidal and depressed.
For a guy like that, is there anyway to make him turn around?