UNFAITHFUL

L

love_hurts

New Member
2 those who read my post,pls pls advise or share ur opinions n suggestions..

2 the ladies,wat would u do if u were in my shoes?
2 the guys,wat could my fiancee be thinking wen he did tos things to me?


me and my fiancee r getting married tis coming 7th May tis year after 2yrs of dating.I felt so happy n excited to be able to spend the rest of my life with the man whom I love xtremely much..But I got the biggest shocker of my life..
2 wks ago,I found out bout wat he had been doing behind my back all tis while.I was surfing the net n typed his email add in the yahoo search bar and wat I saw made my heart sank..there were 5 listings from the search results and all tat listings were about him posting advertisements looking for sugarbaby..The ad is like tis:male,malay mix eurasian in late 30s looking for fun loving gals to be my sugarbaby.must be horny and entertaining.tos interested pls email me or sms me..I read and reread the ad..i just can't blv tat he would do such a thing to me..tat ad was posted in november 2008..

I wanted to find out more so i tried to access his email n i managed to access his email accnt after a few password attempt..I saw many many emails frm gals who replied to his ad.he also sent emails to tos gals and asked them how much they willing to charge for 2-3hrs of fun time(sex) n he told them tat he was only luking 4 a sex partner n nothing more..
I nearly died wen i found out he already had sex with 1 chinese gal in the net coz in 1 of the email tat he sent out,he asked the gal wen can she meet again and tat which part of their lovmaking did she njoy most..
My world collapsed tat day..he told me he lo me v v much,tat he is a 1 woman man,tat he can't wait 4 us 2 get married but yet he did tis to me!!!!!!
n the worse part is i got to know bt tis wen we r 1 mth plus away frm our wedding..he never acted suspiciously b4 n nvr make me feel like there are ota woman/women ota than me..he always text me daily,everytime ev few hrs so tat i know wat he's doing..tats why i trusted him alot n can't blv he would do tis to me
wen i confronted him bt it,he denied angrily and accused me of seeing ota men tats why i want to accuse him of seeing ota women..he scolded me saying tat i should trust him n not doubt him coz we r getting married..we fought n during the quarrel he said to me to cxl off the wedding
but he called me up the next day n said he was sorry n tat he didnt mean wat he asid;he said he stl love me..he said he nvr do all tos things..
im like in a dreamlike state now..hard to trust him..i act as though im ok wen im around him but only god knows how broken i fil inside..
not a day goes by witout me thinking bout wat he did to me..
wat shud i do??????
 


Hi zureen,

I'm sorry to read about your painful plight and I feel for you. It's hurting to find out that someone you love dearly and who promised you that you are the only one actually had cheated behand your back.

I have a lot to say to you but I will try to keep it short.

Despite his denying having sex with other gals, did you specifically ask him to explain about his name appearing in the ad and his email communication with the women? Be careful though. Being defensive already, he might just turn around and accuse you of reading his personal mails. This is to distract you from the main topic.

It's really up to you now. What do you choose? Will you forgive him and trust he won't do it again after marriage?

There are many reasons why he or other guys do this kind of "cheating" act. Sometimes, they feel their partner is not able to satisfy their sexual needs. He may want you for the security part only. Maybe you are kind and someone whom he sees growing old with. But he does not feel you can satisfy him.Or maybe even pretty enough to excite him. That's why he specifically stated in his ad he is not looking for any long term relationship.

Other people do it cos they want excitement. Just the feeling of cheating their spouses without being found out is part of the fun. Sometimes it's also the need for variety.

Men are generally more sexually active than women. And cheating on spouses can happen across all cultures, races and professions. You might think that a loving father with several kids is devoted to his wife and family. Nope. I've heard of many cases where they visit prostitutes. And I've also heard top professionals like lawyers and doctors do it too.

Personally, if you ask me, I won't be with him if I were you. I would expect him to admit to his mistake, explain why he did those terrible things, ask for my forgiveness, and promise me he won't do it again. Instead, your bf denied it, even accused you of having other men! He also lied that he is a one woman man. Duhhh! It's natural for me to think that after the marriage, he will continue this behind your back. Why not?

But that's just my feeling. It's really up to you to sit and think carefully whether you want to give him a second chance. For me, I won't.
 
Hi Zureen,

Something to add on top of what david have shared...that is you also shouldnt feel obliged to marry him because of the previously set wedding date.

Be strong!
 
A leopard will never change its spot. Even you give him a second chance, it will still happen again..
Since you are not married to him, it good to draw back.
 
Yes, totally agree with jesscy. Don't proceed because the wedding date is set. This will affect your entire whole and you'll probably kept thinking about it even after decades years after you marry him.

You have to be true to yourself. If you're accepting it and wanted to stay on with him. Ask yourself if you can completely forget about this and not mention/talk about it, don't bring up again in quarrel, etc. Also for him, he needs to admit and even apologise but are you able to trust him again?

Don't feel obligated because the marriage date is just a month away or so. At least you found out before your marriage and save a lot of hassle and emotional torture if it's after marriage. It's your choice and do what you feel and think is right and good for you.
 
If you able to trust him and forget the incident then married him.

If you are not able to trust him and forget the incident, then leave him.

I respect whatever decission you make.

Be strong ........
 
hi david,
ya i did ask him why his personal details like his email add,his mobile num and his name is in tat ad if it wasn't him..he said tat he kena sabo by ota ppl which to me is damn bloody ridiculous..if he realli kena sabo how cum his emails all were frm gals who replied to his ads n he also sent out emails to tos gals
 
Hi zureen,

1st thing 1st, pls postpone the wedding, and re-arrange with the vendors. Those doubts are surely going to get stuck in your mind, at least for now. It's pointless to 'be married' when one or the other has doubts, or that there are indeed facts to prove so.

tell him frankly how you managed to obtain the evidence, since he rejected your claims. I'm not too sure about the chances of a sabotage here... so, you should give him a chance to clarify before you blow up again. Please do... i do think that this is a crucial aspect to your next step.

And, don't keep asking the question such as "why did he do this to you". Do not be distracted, and stay Focus on the current issue.

P/S: tos = those? But, what's ota?
 
Our sex life is v good and he said he is satisfied with our lovmaking..but still i dnt know why..hw he can hurt me tis way and still deny the whole thing..
he's 41yrs but his attitude v immature..
 
after the quarrel he apologised to me and said tat he still love me..and he said that he don't want us to b quarrelling bt tis issue anymore..yeah rite!!its s though he xpect me to completely forget bout the whole thing..
if i were the one who cheated on him i doubt tat he will b able to take it..
 
like how you wrote here, did you also manage to ask him abt his replied emails to those gals?

i can't decide for you to reconcile with him, but do take some time off to think abt it after clearing those doubts. When it comes to such crunch time - if the answer's lame, it is likely to be. Don't ponder over it for long, and further distract yourself.

All the best..
 
i felt so sad and cheated n i had tots of leaving him but i still love him..i fil so stupid loving him tis much wen its onli shit tat he gave me
 
actually, ambiguous answers are also a form of answer, if you get what i mean...

i understand it's hard to accept at thie stage... as mentioned, don't hold onto the wedding because of the impending date... but rather, in your own happy, comfortable pace...
 
Pls dont hold on to such a man.

He does not even have the courage to own up..really telling of his character...

Pls postpone your wedding till you sort this out. This is a very big problem in my view.
 
Zureen,

Yes, it's super craps for him to say he was "sabo-ed". If really so, he would have confided in you to express his fears in the beginning. Obviously, he didn't. He just let this so-called "sabo-ing" carry on until you discovered it. What a lame excuse.

41 years old. That could explain it too. Here's my personal interpretation:

He's not exactly young. He knows he needs to settle down. Have someone to take care of him and all that. That person is you. (He knows he can't depend on the other women to "stick" with him for long as he could be much older than they are. Unless perhaps he is rich.)

Yet there is the strong sexual drive in him that needs to be satisfied. Even though you may satisfy him, some men just do not confine their sexual acts with their spouses. So they look for other women.

Like I said, for variety, challenge (in keeping it a secret from you) and the pure urge to release that sexual tension in his body with different partners.

However, usually, the human mind is able to resist all such temptations where true love is concerned. In other words, if he really loves you and wants to marry you out of real love, he won't be doing this to you.

If it's a mistake, and clearly this is, I would expect him to be man enough to admit it and apologize to you. The fact that he denied it in a lame manner shows that he is capable and daring enough to do it again next time.

You got to think carefully, Zureen. Seriously, I say again, if I were you, I'd call off the whole marriage unless he comes really clean with the issue.

Cheating of spouses is common even of men with high profile. Look at the former US president Bill Clinton and the Malaysian MP. But at least they admitted it and their wives forgave them. You bf wouldn't even take the first step to admit it.

It's better to feel pain now than worse torment to your mind and heart after you guys are married and he is still not faithful towards you.

Remember, talk is cheap. It's easy for a man to tell you that he loves you. But as the saying goes, Action speaks louder than words. Has his behavior shown you that he really loves you? Or is he just making use of you to get married so that you can take care of his other needs as he gets older?
 
Actually, if u think u still wan to marry him, then do so and nvr ever bring up this matter again and make sure u can trust him in future. BUT, if u know u cant, then u should already know wat u should do isnt it?

This is so call a hurdle that no one can really help u other than urself. Either u can or u cant. But seriously speaking, dun get married becuz the date is set or juz for the sake of getting married. If u have doubts and still dunno how, postphone the wedding. Tell him u need time to think over again.

Its better to waste some time and rethink now rather than regrets in the future after married. Till then u will be hating urself for not making a wise decision.
 
can u live with this memory after both of you get married?

can you live with this crack in your heart?
 
cannot advise you to leave him or not, but 1 thing for sure: these incidents will be burnt in your hard drive forever.
 
Hi Zureen,

If possible why not test him out?
Get a female friend (Unknown to him) to text him and date him out and if he does, that explains everything. (For reference only)

If I were u, I definitely won't proceed the wedding (Even the wedding date is set and deposit is being made). Don't forget marriage is a lifetime and if he betray again, are you going to divorce him? (Divorcing fees and heart getting smashed and ur status become Divorcee (Like a worn shoe - ppl dun know might think u kana abandon by husband - Æú¸¾)

Think carefully what you actually wants and live with no regrets.

All the best to you.

Good Luck!!!=)
 
i agreed with Nemo too..at least u found out before u married him. Take time to think about it first. Maybe postpone the wedding date and let urself calm down n think what you want in your life.

Do u see urself and him in your future? ppl can advise you to marry or leave him. In the end the choice is yours and the journey is yours too! U choose your own life not ppl choose for you.

All i can say is, your heart already have the answer..your thoughts may tell you otherwise..as the old ppl says...follow your heart...
 
Zureen,

I shared the same experience. I broke off straight away with my ex bf of 7 yrs relationship when I realised he had an affair. Wedding cancelled, bridal photos taken and paid. So I collected and I throw back to him. I moved out from our apartments, cried a few nights and moved on. Though I took about 1 year to relieve the heartpain, but live with no regrets. Heard he got married with the gal, but Im so lucky that I choose to leave him that time because he still flings around and I know he just cant stick to one.

Its a blessing in disguise that you "happen" to surf his email and realised what he did. Shouldnt you be happy that you found out before you got married? You are blessed my dear....
 
Zureen,

Wedding is only a ceremony. Most important thing is 'YOUR HEART'. I doubt u can forgive n forget the entire incident..

What Joey(Parfum) said is true... Pain in a while but blessed in a long run.

Think again.. for the many years to come, u are going to live in doubt n in fear (Being Betrayed).So y not be free from it... (Is my own opinion)
 
jocelyn,
i've already tested my fiancee..when i found out bt tat ad,i set up a new email accnt n pretend 2 b a chinese gal n i emailed him asking him whether he want me to b his sugarbaby..n he did reply to my email..he asked me whether $200 for 2hrs is ok for me..he said tat he's v gd in bed..so its proven tat my fiancee is realli shit..
i printed all my emails dat i emailed him as proof of his unfaithfulness but when i showed it to him n asked for n xplanation he coolly said tat he knew dat was me..he knew dat i didnt trust him n was suspicious of him dats why he went along with me...still its so ridiculous
 
I feel like my self esteem has dropped after knowing wat he did..I mean its not like i'm old..i'm 24yrs..n i get compliments from ppl bt my looks...but the way he's acting is s though i got no value..
 
N i fil so shit that i spent so much money on this wedding which i now doubt will ever materialise..all the wedding expenses are borne by me...I spent close to 11k already for the wedding while he jus fork out 3k for my customary gift(ours is a muslim wedding where the guy need to gift the gal money).
 
zureen, he's just using your emotions against you .. like pretending that he knows that it's you and he's just going along with it - please la! do you really want to spend your life with this guy, knowing that he can cheat on you anytime and with anyone? you deserve better.

ultimately the decision lies with you though .. we all can just advise, it's up to you whether you want to heed or not .. just don't regret later on.
 
Zureen,

You are only 24 yr old, what's the point stick with a man who is 17yrs older than you. Although love is regardless of age. Now you have only spent 11k, just give it a stop. If you continue, you will spend not just 11k, is your whole fortune.
How can a man not paying much for the wedding?

This type of guy, you must as well let go. He can be unfaithful to you before marriage. After marriage, it will be worse.
 
OMG - zureen .. did you post here previously using the nick, rania (bruise)? she was also going to get married to an older man who treated her like crap ..
 
hi zureen,

i had the same experience as you few yrs ago with my then fiance

except that mine is worst case, cos when i hack into his email account, he go online dating to know gals and chase them like wanting a long steady gf. so inside the account, there are many Gfs that actually treated him as their serious bf,not flings, not ONS etc...... guess he feel better going to bed with woman that have feelings for him, gave him a sense of conquer i feel.
Cheating those gals their body and feelings, isnt he worst ?
as he told almost everyone of them that he intend to marry them.

And when i confronted him, he die die also never admit, also telling you those very ridiculous reasons. .. instead he will shift and divert the blame to you that u invade people privacy and make him lose face etc ...
as in the end, i email to all the gals the truth and our wedding pictures etc,saying that he is just a woman cheater,...


so your guy deny all the way is not uncommon to me .

For your case, at least he already is upfront that he is not into relationship, only sexual transaction ... no feelings involve

he could be in love with you emotionally, but physically, guess he still need alot of excitement and variety.

I was always told that man can separate love and sex.

Either way, to any woman, it is not acceptable
Arent u afraid of contacting some sexual disease also ?

you are still young, has a whole life ahead of you, take the courage to leave this man once and for all. i m sure u will find a better man that can cherish and treasure you in a much better way.

ask yourself do u wanna live and fear and insecurity every single day next time??

i know i cant, thus i left and never looked back
now, i feel so much happier after that nightmare
and had move on after sobbing for a long period of time.
 
hi zureen,

i had the same experience as you few yrs ago with my then fiance

except that mine is worst case, cos when i hack into his email account, he go online dating to know gals and chase them like wanting a long steady gf. so inside the account, there are many Gfs that actually treated him as their serious bf,not flings, not ONS etc...... guess he feel better going to bed with woman that have feelings for him, gave him a sense of conquer i feel.
Cheating those gals their body and feelings, isnt he worst ?
as he told almost everyone of them that he intend to marry them.

And when i confronted him, he die die also never admit, also telling you those very ridiculous reasons. .. instead he will shift and divert the blame to you that u invade people privacy and make him lose face etc ...
as in the end, i email to all the gals the truth and our wedding pictures etc,saying that he is just a woman cheater,...


so your guy deny all the way is not uncommon to me .

For your case, at least he already is upfront that he is not into relationship, only transaction ... no feelings involve

he could be in love with you emotionally, but physically, guess he still need alot of excitement and variety.


Either way, to any woman, it is not acceptable
Arent u afraid of contacting some disease also ?

you are still young, has a whole life ahead of you, take the courage to leave this man once and for all. i m sure u will find a better man that can cherish and treasure you in a much better way.

ask yourself do u wanna live and fear and insecurity every single day next time??

i know i cant, thus i left and never looked back
now, i feel so much happier after that nightmare
and had move on after sobbing for a long period of time.
 
http://www.singaporebrides.com/forumboard/messages/5/840157.html?1229915348

goodness, you are rania aren't you? i don't understand why you still want to be with this man when it is clear that he is not responsible towards you or your child .. i think you're just a sucker for punishment .. goodness, don't you know that you deserve better - just because you are a divorcee with a child doesn't mean that you should have low self-esteem and just settle for the next thing that comes along .. you are still young, girl and in each of the previous posts you have here, everyone is telling you to consider - consider well cos marriage is not something to be taken lightly, especially since you have a child to think of .. but it still is clear that no matter what, you still want to be with him so then full stop, just accept his shit and pretend to be happy - people are taking their time to reply to your posts, letting you know their personal stories as well but you're not listening and i doubt you ever will!
 
If you are Rania, why are you still with the man. You should let go since last year. If a man cant afford to support himself and his mother, i dont think he is good. He will never support you. If you and your son with him, you two will be suffering.

Worse: If he in need of money, and you did not give him, he might beat your son up.
 
must be la .. last year, she was 23 and he is 40 ..

one year later, she is 24 and he is 41 ...

same story, just different nick ..
 
wahh.. the relationship is so rocky all along.. communication problem, the guy is obviously making use of the girl, which, of course, she doesn't realize. or maybe realize, but doesn't care cos she loves him too much.

Zureen,

I'm a woman. here's my opinion. dump him. hey, you're 24. correct, you have a son. SO WHAT? he's 41. and he's making use of you, toying with your feelings, can't communicate. an ASSHOLE in short. you know what to do. you just won't do it. nothing much we can say. =)
 
DAMN... did u pass your PSLE ENGLISH..
its Naive to the power "OF" super naive..

wah lau.
Try to to correct ppl yet failed to include the "OF".
 
well..... sorry, but i manage to just pass english.

Maths Get A1 in O level(trying to hao lian)Can?

But english still a pass only.
 
SOP - start thread asking for advice, but once people start telling her things she doesn't want to hear, will disappear .. few months later, start another thread under different nick .. time waster!

no wonder he got no money to marry you - ask you to share the rent for the home he's staying with his family and use it to pay other women for sex. you are really with a wonderful man, cherish him for the rest of your life. you are also the catch of the century .. no wonder he wants to marry you.
 
Oh come on Zureen, if I were you, I'll dump him without hesitation. I was once in your shoes but alot worse, my ex owes me $60k and consecutively asking me for $ coz he got no $ for daily expenses. And guess what, he uses my money to buy a Gerald Genta watch (worth $7k) for his lover with a bouquet of 99 roses. I have been a fool for the period of 4 years being with him and carrying his debts under my name, so don't end up like me.

Although this incident happened 5 years back but till now I still can't get over it coz I am still carrying $30k worth of debts under my name.
 
Cucl,
Yes he pays other women for service every week.

1 week - $200
1 month - $1000

Rania is considered to be worse than those women. Her service is FOC to him
sad.gif
 
it's actually $200 for 2 hours .. so don't know how much he would spend in one week on this ..

actually he's not very clever, is he? spend money for this .. some people who have affairs/ flings, get it for free .. the only thing he's clever for is to be with rania, cos she's the only one who's blind to his ways.
 


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