Unfaithful bf?

[char_lady87]

dear everyone, i need some advice.

i have been with my current bf for 4.5 years to date. within this 4.5 years, he is sweet to me, caring in some sense. but, he betrayed me 2 times (sleeping with other girls) if i remembered correctly. he promised me that he will change. i can see that he is changing but he doesnt give me sense of security.

i know his stuff rather well. i know all 3 three emails password which resulted in me logging into it and check on him. EVERYTIME i logged in, its like a knife piercing through my heart. once i saw, he emailed a girl for service though he claimed he didnt meet her, asking for fun only. for thrill and excitement. once, he emailed other girl for photoshoot in her bunny suit in hotel private suite. again, he said he didnt go at all, asking for fun. i can somehow trust that he really didnt go, as such "activites" requires money. every month, he will pass me $1200 out of his $1800 pay for me to keep for him. $600 balance will be broken into $100 (mum), $60 (travel), $30 (HP), $60 (internet bills), the rest is on meals. but that doesnt factor out that he may have spare cash to do such things. he said he gave me his salary so that i know what he is doing,but in fact, i dont know him very very well.

he has a hobby, online chatting with unknown girls. we quarrelled a lot of times before. a month ago, we nearly broke off due to this issue. he came to look for me and promised he wont go online chatting. yet, ytd when i logged into his email, he visited wholivesnearyou and private msg a lot of girls. i was crying badly upon seeing that.

i sms-ed him at 3am ytd. he scolded me for intruding his privacy. i know i should not log in his email accounts, but i cant trust him. yet, i love him badly.

he is my first bf and i am 22 this year. currently studying in a local uni doing my final year while he is a staff nurse. he grad with a diploma,and pursued a degree which i lent him $10 000 to pay for his degree programme as that time he was still in army. he is 23 now.

can someone advise me what should i do?

p.s. he will always come and look for me though i said break to him a lot of times.i will eventually be soft hearted and gave in.

but i cant stand my bf go online chat with unknown girls. he claimed that he has no friends. so he went online to chat.

one thing i like about him is he always tell me his stuff (other than online chatting). even his mom doesnt know his whereabouts,pay etc etc. he will listen to me too.

im so vex now. i am having 3 papers this coming week but i simply cant concentrate..

 

[tomasulu]

tell yourself you will only deal with this after your papers. don't meet up during this period of time. and then you should kick his ass to the curb.

that's what you should do.

what you will do is you will get sucky results and take him back as you have in the past. then you guys will have great make-up copulation and continue as you were all these years.

 

[miloice]

This is worrying....
"one thing i like about him is he always tell me his stuff (other than online chatting). even his mom doesnt know his whereabouts,pay etc etc. "

i.e. Your need find out and micro manage your guy. You actually like that! Mothering him even more than his own mother. Isn't it healthier to have a relationship that you can fully trust to care for you? Someone that you do not need to mother and monitor like this?

I'm skeptical with a relationship relies on your constant monitoring and controlling of his finances and activities. If you cannot accept his online activities, then move on.

Personally, no way for a woman not to even respect and trust me with my own money. And I cannot be reporting 24/7 to her about my planning and whereabouts. Its down right insulting as if he is a small boy and you are his mum. This level of control might not be acceptable even to the kids nowadays. The idea of stopping him from the services only because he cannot afford by taking away all his money is really foolish and unrealistic. It straining to the the relationship and the person's pride and feelings.

Anyway, is that what you really want in a partner? Someone that is under your thumb and control IN ORDER for him to be faithful?!? Why not chain him in a cage him, this way, for sure 24/7 he cannot do or go any place.

My wife knows all my passwords and pins and vice visa. But, we never need to go into each others stuffs to check and monitor them. This is basic respect and trust. There is a difference between being able to do it and actually doing it. Having his passwords is no excuse to be constantly invading his privacy. Likewise, have the opportunity to cheat doesn't mean he has to cheat. If both of you are unable to even respect that, what relationship are you talking about? Master & slave or Dog & owner? Wake up your ideas and get your priorities straight.

This relationship is not working. Stop wasting your focus thinking about it now during your examination period. Screwing up over a relationship that is so clearly not working. It aren't worth it.

 

[chanela]

I think both of you are too young.
And i figure the only thing tying you both together is the 10k u lent him. Dont attempt to change anyone or think you can.
Pluck up your courage and leave. Ure better off finishing your exams, getting a good job, and meet a better quality guy.

 

[shirleypoise]

The boyfriend may be giving her that $1200 each month to pay for the $10k loan...

Imo, dun waste time if you dun feel secure about the relationship. There is a very low chance that you will ever feel secure.

And the way you monitor him is real scary...

 

[mcp220]

A leopard will never change its spots, just like a cat will not be able to resists a fish.

Only pathology now he does that to you and after u married him, u will even be more devastated if he is what he is now.

If u are looking for a real faithful man to be your husband, they'll be either extinct like the dinosaurs liao, or make sure u find a Ah-Guah, gay, or Eunuch, then I'm sure he will never ever cheat on u with another woman!! ....hahahahaha

 

[mark78]

Sean Liew, shut the fark up. Stop labeling man as serial cheaters even though u are true blooded asshole.

 

[margret]

yes Sean Liew, not every guy is like u a big asshole.

 

[powder]

passes u his pay to "keep for him"?

is he korean or japanese? else he's not even a guy... u're getting 12 times more than his mum... what kind of a son is this?

anyway, i earn 10k, i declare i earn 2k, give 1k to my gfren and have regular sex for 1k a month only... + my gfren thinks i'm super faithful n trust her enough with more than half my salary... the remaining 8k is for me to really fcuk around and live...

just a scenario. else he could simply be a korean, japanese? or not even a guy. which real guy needs to hide behind a computer to chat girls up?

yeah maybe it's your generation... the guys in your generation have little balls then... (pun intended)

 

[cuclainne]

you are still young .. you'll eventually learn that micro-managing every aspect of your relationship will lead it to its doom .. give it some time (years), hopefully you'll mature enough to think back and realise that life is too short to be spending your time doing stuff like this.

never mind, this is just your first relationship .. take it as one of life's lessons for you ..

 

[lovingyou]

char: manage your priorities; that is to study for your exams and deal with the rest after that...

 

[vios]

char_lady87, if u're reading this....

yes, don't get further screwed with your papers. i understand it's not easy to concentrate, but the freaking thing is that - u ARE in control of your thoughts. Keep telling yourself that. Prep for the exams first and foremost.

for now, i wish u all the best on that.