Trouble over $$$

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trouble_ladyeee

New Member
My hubby is one who will spend money to buy expensive or branded goods for me even though I was one who does not care for all these type of things. We are both in executive level and have a stable income. During the wedding proposal, he bought me a big diamond ring and I agreed to marry him.

Preparation for the wedding was a dream for me. Everything he’ll say we just buy as long as it’s something I like. Even for house renovation, he will agree to almost everything the ID recommend even though we have to pay 10k excess for the extra things they proposed to add-on. I always ask him how much saving he has in the bank so that we can plan the wedding & house reno budget. However, he answer is there is no limit as long as I like.

It’s like every women’s dream isn’t it. I still try to cut down on expenses and help to pay for some of the appliances as I feel that wedding is 2 person matters. Even for wedding gowns, I choose the off the rack as I was able to select the gown that I like from the shop.

However, nightmare started a few days before the wedding. He told me he is broke and wants me to borrow from my mum. (I always ask him about money matters and he told me not to worry. I told him many times that I do not want a dream wedding and ended up heavily in debts.) I did not manage to borrow from mum as most of her savings are with fix deposit.

After I pack the ang pow for wedding, he re-pack the ang pows again for helpers and siblings to a much bigger packet so that he will seem to have face. He even gave the driver a big ang pow even though we have paid almost a thousand for the service plus the rental for BMW 7 series (and that was what he wants).

Even though we held the wedding in a 3 star hotel, we still have to top-up 5K cash for the banquet. The wedding day, he said that his credit card cannot be swipe as it will give error message and wants me to use mine. I feel I no longer want to live with this person and continue staying in my mum’s place after the wedding using sickness as an excuse. (I was running high fever a few days before the wedding.)

I am now super broke as all my life saving have been used up in that “dream wedding & house.” I want to get a divorce as I feel that everything he wants in life is very different from me. Can anyone recommend me and affordable lawyer? I have not stayed with him after the wedding can I just null the marriage? How long will it take for the divorce to take effective?
 


Trouble, it didn't seem like you know your husband's financial standing - how much he earns, how much he has in savings and his investment portfolio?
 
Hi trouble,
you know something, to prepare for wedding, you must know how much both of you have before you spend. Hmm for your case, I agreed he is at fault but I don't think your hubby is to be totally responsible for the financial problem now cos both of you spend together not he benefit more than you.... Is your relationship so fragile? Are you one who can't go through thick and thin with your hubby? Sorry i am not trying to pin point who's right or who's wrong, I am trying to get you to think twice. Everybody have ups and downs so you can't withstand any down period with your hubby. Why do you get married? You married for money or believe in happiness with this guy? Divorce can solve your problem? Will you get richer by changing your status from married to divorcee. You are only broke, are you in debt now? Every couples have problem, there's no perfect relationship, some couples might be rich but they have other family problems etc... some couples might be poor have lots of financial problem but they are happy together...Me and my hubby had your so call super broke period due to overspending on our wedding and honeymoon. My hubby same as yours, he'll always agreed on the spending cos i know he did it out of love.....For one month both of us only took instant noodles, that's the worst period i had gone thru. But I had never thought of leaving the guy who once make me feel so poor cos i believe we are both responsible of our spending since the wedding and honeymoon is for both of us. But i am happy and glad that we went thru those period together....cos now we know how to manage our finance properly and at least i know we are always there for each other.
 
Kimono,
I think Trouble doesn't mind living a thrifty life with her hb. Instead, she minds about how her hb informed her last min that he was broke, and re-packed the ang pows for helpers and siblings to a much bigger packet so that he had more face etc. He's trying to put on a big hat that he's incapable of putting on. I guess all these are making Trouble feel insecured about her hb.


Trouble,
Did u see all these behaviours from hb before the marriage? $$ issue and longterm goals should be discussed before embarking on marriage.
 
kimono,
i think your situation is slightly different from hers for at least you know very well your hubby financial status while she doesn't. your know what's life is after marriage, ie super broke but she isn't. i mean if a couple is prepare to be broke after having a lavish dream wedding, well so be it. but for her, from the beginning she start to question her hubby financial ability but he dismissed all her worries and only at the last minute show his true colors by asking her to borrow money from her mum??? I would be shocked if my HTB did this to me.. worse, her hubby repack the ang pau to gain face in front of her helpers and relatives. Isn’t this a big charasteric flaw? Her hubby is egoistic, unrealistic and spendthrift! Is there security in such person who doesn’t plan for the future and watch over their financial status? I think I would be in shock if my hubby “pretend” to be a rich prince during courtship and wedding preparation but is infact an egoistic self made pauper! I mean if he’s a pauper for a good reason, it’s fine, can tolerate, may be still worth to go through thick and thin with him but becoming a pauper because of wanting to look good in front of others, scary!

Trouble,
I think your biggest mistake is to close both eyes when you know something fishy abt your hubby financial status.. I guess you were too blinded by the happiness of getting married and someone doting on you with big diamonds, dream wedding, etc.. I know I will too…Most women are suckers for these. But it’s good you come to your senses and want to do something abt it. All the best!
 
Did he used to be like that during the courtship?
or did he get himself into debt by wanting to give the woman that he love most by giving her the "once in a lifetime dream wedding" and a comfortable love nest?
This might be a difficult moment now however both of you still have stable income and $$ could be earned back.
It is just the beginning of the marriage and without trying, you already think of getting out.
Marriage is a lifetime commitment, it is not something to be taken lightly. No marriage is smooth sailing, there are bound to have problem along the way.
Have you think carefully before marrying him?

Nonetheless if you really love him and want to maintain the marriage, don't give up. Communication is very important, do let him know how you feel. Work out a solution together and learn from this incident.
 
this case pretty unexpected, isn't it?

the external voice rightfully said, "No need for luxuries in any form!" liao,
but the internal voice says otherwise.

I would agree that he's living an insecured life with unwarranted lies.
Really, it's pointless as the truth will unfold someday.
 
The man did not solely spent all the $ on other women, gambling or all on himself but lavish on branded goods, diamond, wedding and a love nest to his wife as well.
Sorry to say about this, the wife doesn't seem to be someone who is able to go through thick and thin and condemn him immediately without giving him a chance.
If things really doesn't work out between them, I hope that he can find someone who is really worthwhile to spend his whole life with.
 
It sure sounds scary to me that u just took his words for it and didn't bother to find out more abt his financial status. Now that the bubble has burst, the dream is over as well.

How long have u known him? long enough to be able to roughly 'gauge' how strong/weak is his financial status?
 
"the wife doesn't seem to be someone who is able to go through thick and thin and condemn him immediately without giving him a chance."

A thick and thin situation that is self-inflicted, as a result of bad planning and attempts to cover up?
 
Whatever happened between them and what type of person he really is, only themselves know best. We only listen to 1 side of the story.
 
Agreed
biggrin.gif
but really hope that they can save their marriage.
My friend once said" Whatever $ can be used to solve a problem, it's not really a problem", the same doesn't goes for change of heart or critical illness.
Treasure whatever we have now is the most impt.
 
but that saying is not applicable here because as written in trouble_lady's post,
her hubby has created a false illusion by 'self-unlimiting' his credit line despite her calls for budget control.

So, it looks like there's an issue on financial incompatibility - but might resolve if he's open with his finances in the very first place.

Of course there's a Possibility that he lost big in the stock market just days before the wedding itself.
But still, seems like he has not considered their wedding/house budget from the start, and that poses a real financial danger if one's not Astute.
 
"Whatever happened between them and what type of person he really is, only themselves know best. We only listen to 1 side of the story."

You claim to be non-judgemental and objective, but you hesitated not in passing judgement to the wife or threadstarter ("the wife doesn't seem to be someone who is able to go through thick and thin and condemn him immediately without giving him a chance.")???!!!!!
 
easier to call it quits at the early stage of the marriage, and with no kids… less emotional baggage to carry…
 
"easier to call it quits at the early stage of the marriage, and with no kids… less emotional baggage to carry…"

Just how easy? Pray tell.
 
Whatever done can't be undone. Instead of keep pondering about the past, why not work on the future and find a solution?

Is divorce the only solution? I do not encourage you to give up easily without trying. How come marriage seem to be so fragile now? I hope that you will have a good communication with your hb before coming to a decision.
Everybody have flaws, he might be making wrong financial decisions but that doesn't mean that he will not learn from his lesson.
It takes alot to go through courtship and to be able to find a guy who is willing to commit and pamper his woman though his method might be wrong.

Only u can decide and see for yourselves whether he deserve a 2nd chance.
 
"perhaps he can find another one who is really worthwhile to spend his whole life with"

You gather? Just what is the hurry for him to move on with another lady when he is saddled with debts? The most sensible thing to do now is to find ways to clear the debts fast.
 
"It takes alot to go through courtship and to be able to find a guy who is willing to commit and pamper his woman though his method might be wrong."

Isn't that immature of a man?
 
"You gather? Just what is the hurry for him to move on with another lady when he is saddled with debts? The most sensible thing to do now is to find ways to clear the debts fast."

i was quoting inn, this is what she said...then later she asked TS to give the man a 2nd chance...
lol.gif
 
wow, nowadays if u court a girl with all your money then ask for a loan from her parents thereafter... it's still considered ok. cool!

the way i look at it, any guy who makes 15k and abv, can buy the occasional luxury bag/watch without hurting so much as his monthly salary seems a good catch.

but i would think the catch is when he needs the money returned thru loans...

i bet he's gambling on the ang pao money being more than the expenditure...
 
"i was quoting inn, this is what she said...then later she asked TS to give the man a 2nd chance..."

You parroting only then?
 
Who will want a marriage to ended up in a divorce?

Green: We have discuss about our long term goals & $$ issue before. He always tell me money is not a problem as he have saving which was totally not true... Nw thinking back I also do not know where he spend his money b4 he got to know me. Seems like he do not have a habit of saving up for rainy days.
 
I will really not mind if he find another person and move on in life as I really hope to straighten up my life.

I once love this person who say he will love me and take care of me. I will really not mind staying beside him and to go through bad times if he have been truthful about everything in the first place. I find that I cannot live with a person who have been lying to me and cause me my entire life savings.

It just seems that he is terrible in handling money. He'll just spend money without thinking even now.
 
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