I was only married for 3 months but have been with hubby for more than 8 years. We are total polar opposites; with different characters, perspectives, passions etc. And because we have so much differences, we often clashed with each other.
During our dating days, I would suggest that its better that we go separate ways but he would never fail to say ridiculous things like "in that case, i must reimburse the money he spent on me/us during these few years, such as money spent on food and movies!" each and everytime. I am not a materialistic woman so he never had to spend money to buy me gifts etc since I dont fancy jewellery, watches, handbags or shoes etc. Special occasions are usually celebrated with a meal at Sakae Sushi and the likes and movies. The only big ticket item he spent during our dating days was a holiday trip to Australia some years back and mind you, I paid for my own share for air-ticket/lodging/food/expenses etc. Mostly I find the repayment part too absurb so we always put off the breaking up issue to another day and subsequently, we would patch back and this has been an ongoing cycle since.
With our relationship so uncertain, you may wonder how and why did we get married after all? And no, its not shotgun. His only kin, which is his grandma is critically ill. Her only wish is to see him settle down and start a family of his own. Hence, I was pressured into marrying him. We have never mentioned about settling down prior to his grandma's condition and he only proposed marriage right after. I did not want to agree to the marriage initially because I feel that we are marrying for the wrong reason but he insisted that even if his grandma is not sick, he would still want to marry me someday since we have been together so long and are both not young.
there wasnt a proper proposal either. He just brought me to a store and ask me to select an engagement ring. I chose one that cost a little more than $500 because he is financially tight and has to pay his grandma's hugh medical bills. And we choose a bridal shop and wedding banquet at a 3* hotel, all within 2 months so we can get married within the doctor's advice. Shortly after our wedding, his grandma passed on. We postponed our honeymoon to Hokkaido till late last month because he was taking her departure very hard.
I like to stress that travelling has been my only passion since young but hubby actually hates travelling. During the honeymoon, we would quarrel every other day. It did not feel like a honeymoon at all. During my 8 years+ with him, we had only travelled to Australia and Hokkaido and both trips (including the honeymoon) only went ahead after major quarrels and arguements with me wanting to end everything. Even after he agreed to go ahead with the holidays, I would plan everything singlehandedly such as booking air tickets, accommodations and trip planning etc (ours are free & easy). He never bothered with anything and basically just pack and go on the day itself. I can accept all our differences etc but I am very upset that he cannot share my passion of travelling at all. He wants me to bear him a child so we can start a family soon and I should forget about travelling because according to him, there are much more important things in this world than travelling.
Perhaps you may think this is all very trivial when compared to issues faced by other forumers here but I am very passionate about travelling (I travelled to many countries with my parents as a child and even on my own before I met my hubby). I used to travel at least once a year before I met my hubby and I have not been travelling much since I was with him and this is very tough for me. I told him there are many places I wanted to visit before I leave this world. Put it this way, I can live without him in my life and I cannot live without my passion. And we have been quarrelling every other day. He wanted a child which I had no wish at this point in time because I did not have much faith in our marriage and I did not want a child to complicate matters.
During this 3 months that we are married, I stayed over at my parent's place more often than I stayed at his place (his grandma left the house to him so we did not get a new flat). I am still staying at my parent's and have not seen nor spoken to him in a week. I told him I wanted an annulment which he told me he will only agree to it if I repay the money he spent on our wedding, honeymoon and the dowry he has given to my parents and of course my engagement ring and wedding band too!
I am just so frustrated. I am currently jobless and even if I am not, I dont see why I need to repay these money that he spent on our wedding (to which I also contributed, albeit not as much as him). And asking the dowry back from my parents are too much! He pocketed all the tables' angpaos. My parents did not keep any.
I am at my wit's end. I felt that I have wasted more than 8 years of my youth on this man. I am now in my thirties. I just wish to break free and lead my own life. What can I do? I have not told my parents about this yet, I imagine they will be very shocked to hear this after only 3 months of marriage.
During our dating days, I would suggest that its better that we go separate ways but he would never fail to say ridiculous things like "in that case, i must reimburse the money he spent on me/us during these few years, such as money spent on food and movies!" each and everytime. I am not a materialistic woman so he never had to spend money to buy me gifts etc since I dont fancy jewellery, watches, handbags or shoes etc. Special occasions are usually celebrated with a meal at Sakae Sushi and the likes and movies. The only big ticket item he spent during our dating days was a holiday trip to Australia some years back and mind you, I paid for my own share for air-ticket/lodging/food/expenses etc. Mostly I find the repayment part too absurb so we always put off the breaking up issue to another day and subsequently, we would patch back and this has been an ongoing cycle since.
With our relationship so uncertain, you may wonder how and why did we get married after all? And no, its not shotgun. His only kin, which is his grandma is critically ill. Her only wish is to see him settle down and start a family of his own. Hence, I was pressured into marrying him. We have never mentioned about settling down prior to his grandma's condition and he only proposed marriage right after. I did not want to agree to the marriage initially because I feel that we are marrying for the wrong reason but he insisted that even if his grandma is not sick, he would still want to marry me someday since we have been together so long and are both not young.
there wasnt a proper proposal either. He just brought me to a store and ask me to select an engagement ring. I chose one that cost a little more than $500 because he is financially tight and has to pay his grandma's hugh medical bills. And we choose a bridal shop and wedding banquet at a 3* hotel, all within 2 months so we can get married within the doctor's advice. Shortly after our wedding, his grandma passed on. We postponed our honeymoon to Hokkaido till late last month because he was taking her departure very hard.
I like to stress that travelling has been my only passion since young but hubby actually hates travelling. During the honeymoon, we would quarrel every other day. It did not feel like a honeymoon at all. During my 8 years+ with him, we had only travelled to Australia and Hokkaido and both trips (including the honeymoon) only went ahead after major quarrels and arguements with me wanting to end everything. Even after he agreed to go ahead with the holidays, I would plan everything singlehandedly such as booking air tickets, accommodations and trip planning etc (ours are free & easy). He never bothered with anything and basically just pack and go on the day itself. I can accept all our differences etc but I am very upset that he cannot share my passion of travelling at all. He wants me to bear him a child so we can start a family soon and I should forget about travelling because according to him, there are much more important things in this world than travelling.
Perhaps you may think this is all very trivial when compared to issues faced by other forumers here but I am very passionate about travelling (I travelled to many countries with my parents as a child and even on my own before I met my hubby). I used to travel at least once a year before I met my hubby and I have not been travelling much since I was with him and this is very tough for me. I told him there are many places I wanted to visit before I leave this world. Put it this way, I can live without him in my life and I cannot live without my passion. And we have been quarrelling every other day. He wanted a child which I had no wish at this point in time because I did not have much faith in our marriage and I did not want a child to complicate matters.
During this 3 months that we are married, I stayed over at my parent's place more often than I stayed at his place (his grandma left the house to him so we did not get a new flat). I am still staying at my parent's and have not seen nor spoken to him in a week. I told him I wanted an annulment which he told me he will only agree to it if I repay the money he spent on our wedding, honeymoon and the dowry he has given to my parents and of course my engagement ring and wedding band too!
I am just so frustrated. I am currently jobless and even if I am not, I dont see why I need to repay these money that he spent on our wedding (to which I also contributed, albeit not as much as him). And asking the dowry back from my parents are too much! He pocketed all the tables' angpaos. My parents did not keep any.
I am at my wit's end. I felt that I have wasted more than 8 years of my youth on this man. I am now in my thirties. I just wish to break free and lead my own life. What can I do? I have not told my parents about this yet, I imagine they will be very shocked to hear this after only 3 months of marriage.
