should i really get a divorce ?

[sadconfusedme]

Dear all

My hubby is a nice guy, and generally i do not wish to pick on anything.

However, his temper is bad. And when it comes to looking after our baby, he's rather impatient.
I'll get very frustrated when we're both back from work and I'll look after baby while he games.

He's very reliant on my mum to look after baby too.
Though he did engage a maid, but the maid solely does housework only and my mum looks after baby when we're at work.

When back from work, isn't it our duty to look after our own kids?? I have to work too and why can't he assist me in parenthood so i can get a breather too?
I don't feel it's right to let my poor mum look after baby again after we're back from work. But hubby feels it should be the way since he has already engaged a maid. I think he's such a ungrateful guy to think that way.

So if he loves gaming so much, should i just divorce him? Since looking after baby is what im doing most of the time when im back from work anyway.

Please help!
Thanks

 

[raspberry76]

So you are saying your hubby is a nice guy and you do not wish to pick on anything but he does not help take care of the baby and keep playing games and you don't know to divorce him or not ? Why not you quit your job and be a full time mother instead of feeling sorry for your mother and yourself and harp on divorce over trivial matter like this ?

 

[pipitbj]

i think talking to him about this issue is more effective than just thinking about separating. u could suggest the idea of u being a full time mum too, if he can support the household. Not sure why is he not showing love and care to baby, this is not normal. have a good chat about it and find feasible solutions. Don't anyhow also think about divorce.

 

[sadconfusedme]

i think talking to him about this issue is more effective than just thinking about separating. u could suggest the idea of u being a full time mum too, if he can support the household. Not sure why is he not showing love and care to baby, this is not normal. have a good chat about it and find feasible solutions. Don't anyhow also think about divorce.

I think he's being overly reliant on my mum, that's why he's not helping to look after baby.

Being a full time mum isn't feasible as with the combined income, our financial plans will be better.

I think he's too addicted with gaming, with his friends asking him to join game.
How annoying.
Spoke to him before, and he'll say he needs to game to distress from work.
Who isn't tired? I am too

And the thing which spark me the most is he being so unappreciative.
How can he assume that my mum should look after baby full time since he has already engaged a maid!

 

[sadconfusedme]

So you are saying your hubby is a nice guy and you do not wish to pick on anything but he does not help take care of the baby and keep playing games and you don't know to divorce him or not ? Why not you quit your job and be a full time mother instead of feeling sorry for your mother and yourself and harp on divorce over trivial matter like this ?

You find it trivial?
I thought he's being too much. Also He kept having the mentality that women should do the job.
I emphasised im a working mum too.

Nope, he feels we should both work to be financially adequate.

Anyway thanks so much!
Felt better after letting the steam off

 

[kentlim26]

i have ever seen a guy got smack by the wife when he start to playing hp games. baby nearly fall off from dinning table. i was in the restaurant which i saw the whole senerio. i do have friends totally ignore hp except his boss call him to do work.

 

[sadconfusedme]

i have ever seen a guy got smack by the wife when he start to playing hp games. baby nearly fall off from dinning table. i was in the restaurant which i saw the whole senerio. i do have friends totally ignore hp except his boss call him to do work.

Exactly, i believe no hp when handling babies. I do get irritated if he feeds baby and use mobile phones at the same time.

Sometimes i wonder if I'm really asking too much from a husband.
But i thought he should feel how precious the little one is and try spending more time to bond instead of games games n more games

 

[sherlyn1620]

You find it trivial?
I thought he's being too much. Also He kept having the mentality that women should do the job.
I emphasised im a working mum too.

Nope, he feels we should both work to be financially adequate.

Anyway thanks so much!
Felt better after letting the steam off

I can imagine how sadconfusedme feels. Probably feels like she's alone handling all these anyway, what's the difference whether she's got a hubby or not since there's little or no support. I've got a friend facing this issue too. Initially I thought she's making a mountain out of a molehill, until I saw how glued to hp games the hubby was. She's sick & lying on the bed and he didn't even bother checking on her or the kid!

As a woman, we do need to TLC from our hub from time to time, no matter how independent we are. Otherwise, what's a marriage for, right?

Just curious if sadconfusedme has tried talking to the Husband to arrange for family or marriage counselling?

Not sure how receptive your hubs will be to this, but any try is worth it I guess. No matter the outcome, ultimately at least u can say you've exhausted all means.

 

[kentlim26]

you dont seem to be asking too much at all. i have a huge numbers of couples. some of their hubby will totally put off hp. i massage him if he is free or not. his answer is 1 day or 2 later he isnt free. he is busy with family time. btw you are a educated lady. that good hubby has a vietnam wife. 100% - no play games or peeping hp when comes to do family tasks. take care baby or other job.

 

[sadconfusedme]

I can imagine how sadconfusedme feels. Probably feels like she's alone handling all these anyway, what's the difference whether she's got a hubby or not since there's little or no support. I've got a friend facing this issue too. Initially I thought she's making a mountain out of a molehill, until I saw how glued to hp games the hubby was. She's sick & lying on the bed and he didn't even bother checking on her or the kid!

As a woman, we do need to TLC from our hub from time to time, no matter how independent we are. Otherwise, what's a marriage for, right?

Just curious if sadconfusedme has tried talking to the Husband to arrange for family or marriage counselling?

Not sure how receptive your hubs will be to this, but any try is worth it I guess. No matter the outcome, ultimately at least u can say you've exhausted all means.

If it's mobile games, he can still 'pause' and help out a little.

But i can't tolerate computer gaming like dota, where once the match started, he can't pause.

I believe there are daddys out there who can give in all their free time caring for a baby.
Like majority of us mummies are willing to go an extra mile for our LO no matter how tired we are.

You're right, sometimes i feel why is he needed when baby is wailing and im the one trying to coax and he's there playing dota, not a bit concerned at all!

 

[sadconfusedme]

you dont seem to be asking too much at all. i have a huge numbers of couples. some of their hubby will totally put off hp. i massage him if he is free or not. his answer is 1 day or 2 later he isnt free. he is busy with family time. btw you are a educated lady. that good hubby has a vietnam wife. 100% - no play games or peeping hp when comes to do family tasks. take care baby or other job.

Some guys just want the best of both worlds.

 

[SadSmurfettes]

Oh my god, i'm so sorry to hear that.. i hope you are coping well.

I cannot believe how selfish is that of him to just go about with his own daily life, especially knowing he has a kid to look after.
Especially when your kid is just a baby. Terribly irresponsible.

Have you tried talking to him?
Does he know you are finding it hard to juggle work life & family life too?
How about try speaking to his mum? Ask her for help in talking to him?
A maid & your mother ISN'T the baby's parent. Make him understand that.

I understand you say he has a bad temper, a TERRIBLE thing in a man.
But if he HITS you, my best advise is to LEAVE HIM.
It is unfair & difficult for you to hold the family together if he isn't helping when HE SHOULD.

 

[Lydialovesflowers]

Dear all

My hubby is a nice guy, and generally i do not wish to pick on anything.

However, his temper is bad. And when it comes to looking after our baby, he's rather impatient.
I'll get very frustrated when we're both back from work and I'll look after baby while he games.

He's very reliant on my mum to look after baby too.
Though he did engage a maid, but the maid solely does housework only and my mum looks after baby when we're at work.

When back from work, isn't it our duty to look after our own kids?? I have to work too and why can't he assist me in parenthood so i can get a breather too?
I don't feel it's right to let my poor mum look after baby again after we're back from work. But hubby feels it should be the way since he has already engaged a maid. I think he's such a ungrateful guy to think that way.

So if he loves gaming so much, should i just divorce him? Since looking after baby is what im doing most of the time when im back from work anyway.

Please help!
Thanks

Think you should have a good talk with him or come to a common consensus that everyday you just need him to commit 1 or 2 hours for taking care of the kid ... Ask him questions like ''Since he is the father shouldn't he want to spend time with the kid or be responsible about it ?'' Gaming can wait, but growing up of the kid can't.