Seeking advice ..

[OneNineNineOne]

Hi .. This might be a long post to some . But pls bear with me while i try to share as much details as i could .
Divorce took place due to wife strayed . As i wanted a peaceful divorce without letting my parents know what the real reason as to why we chose this route . Hence , we filed for divorce due to my irregular working hours . Without mentioning any "bad" things is the affidavit . Thru out the 6mths of proceedings , we come to a conclusion that we each took care and control of 1 daughter . No maintainence was filed to her (she knew she was in the wrong , somehow) , and we each maintain our "own" daughter (also no $ was involved) ... Blah blah blah ... Everything was finalise in Dec 2016 . Now , she got married in Jan 2017 (Hearsay was pregnant) , nth is confirmed . Wedding dinner was held .
Now the tricky part is :
Can i filed for custody of the other daughter which is in her Care&Control ? Lets say her pregnancy is true , will it be a considering factor that why she got pregnant before we finalise our proceedings in Dec ?
Next up .. If , If i managed to get the custody of the other 1 , will i be eligible to file for her to give maintainence for the 2 daughters ? ( Pls note previously no amt was mentioned in affidavit )
Thanks in advance for feedbacks . Appreciate it much .

 

[Carousell]

Hi .. This might be a long post to some . But pls bear with me while i try to share as much details as i could .
Divorce took place due to wife strayed . As i wanted a peaceful divorce without letting my parents know what the real reason as to why we chose this route . Hence , we filed for divorce due to my irregular working hours . Without mentioning any "bad" things is the affidavit . Thru out the 6mths of proceedings , we come to a conclusion that we each took care and control of 1 daughter . No maintainence was filed to her (she knew she was in the wrong , somehow) , and we each maintain our "own" daughter (also no $ was involved) ... Blah blah blah ... Everything was finalise in Dec 2016 . Now , she got married in Jan 2017 (Hearsay was pregnant) , nth is confirmed . Wedding dinner was held .
Now the tricky part is :
Can i filed for custody of the other daughter which is in her Care&Control ? Lets say her pregnancy is true , will it be a considering factor that why she got pregnant before we finalise our proceedings in Dec ?
Next up .. If , If i managed to get the custody of the other 1 , will i be eligible to file for her to give maintainence for the 2 daughters ? ( Pls note previously no amt was mentioned in affidavit )
Thanks in advance for feedbacks . Appreciate it much .

It sounds pretty tough to do this because both of you agreed and sign the divorce papers with the terms set out clearly in black and white. There is nothing mentioned about you agreeing to her having care and control of one Daughter on the basis that she is not getting married soon or she is not preggy before you divorce etc. So how are you going to use this reason to get back the care and control? Her straying is only known to the both of you, its not even the reason you use for divorce right? So it's quite unlikely you can now ask to change the custody. If you want back the other Daughter, best way is still to try talking to your Wife amicably? Anyway, how old are your daughters? If both are old enough to have preference, it is only best if you ask your daughters who they prefer to stay with (please be sensitive when asking, not in the manner where they feel they have to choose one over the other, to the kids, both of you are still their parents so don't make them feel like both of you have fallen out and they have to choose).

And although I understand your thoughts about this, but if you file for change of custody without talking to your ex Wife. I think on her stand, it's like going back on your words and using her circumstances now to change the previous agreed terms. This might cause communication breakdown and end of the day, both you might become enemies and the kids will suffer. Try talking to her bah, ask her, whether your Daughter is happy and whether it's a strain for the other guy to accept your Daughter, can they handle Two children financially and is it possible to let your daughters reunite and live together under your care so that they have siblings to grow up with? Try to talk on the basis that you just want to discuss this because you want your daughters to not feel lonely and can grow up together.

 

[OneNineNineOne]

I uds where ur coming from . Situation now is i dont even talk to her . What im trying to build up here is , by right we divorced peacefully . Then she got married so fast , and she didnt ask my 2 daughters to her wedding . And since she got married "there" , if your new in law cannot accept the appearance of yoir daughter , i presume u would just leave it to the care of her own mum . Then might as well i take bck C&C .. Sth like that ..
Anyway , the 1 thats with her is 4 . With me is 8 .

 

[Carousell]

I uds where ur coming from . Situation now is i dont even talk to her . What im trying to build up here is , by right we divorced peacefully . Then she got married so fast , and she didnt ask my 2 daughters to her wedding . And since she got married "there" , if your new in law cannot accept the appearance of yoir daughter , i presume u would just leave it to the care of her own mum . Then might as well i take bck C&C .. Sth like that ..
Anyway , the 1 thats with her is 4 . With me is 8 .

I see. But if you don't contact her. Means you heard that she didn't involve your 4 year old Daughter for her wedding and I presume she got married in another country? Her New in laws doesn't like your Daughter so now your daughter staying with your ex Mother in law? But all these are hearsay right? If all these are true, is it possible for you to try to gain contact with her again? Maybe through your ex Mother in law? If the approach stems from you thinking the best for your 4 year old Daughter, I think it's best you put this across to your ex Wife or ex Mother in law, I hope they are reasonable people. If what you found out is true, then I think stressing that your 4 year old Daughter to at least be cared for by one biological parent rather than non plus having a sibling to grow up with is quite a good reason. But of course, it also depends on a lot of factors. How close are your daughters as siblings, whether your 4 year old is very attached to her ex Wife or you ex Mother in law (if she is staying w her) etc.

 

[OneNineNineOne]

Talking to her side is a no no .. The wedding took place here . And both was with me that day during the wedding day . Anyway , appreaciate your input . Trying for C&C is a yes for me . I believe she wont bring over to her new home . Throwing the small 1 with my in law . I rather look after myself .
My main concern is is there such a thing call maintainence for the 2 of them from her side ..

 

[Carousell]

Talking to her side is a no no .. The wedding took place here . And both was with me that day during the wedding day . Anyway , appreaciate your input . Trying for C&C is a yes for me . I believe she wont bring over to her new home . Throwing the small 1 with my in law . I rather look after myself .
My main concern is is there such a thing call maintainence for the 2 of them from her side ..

Of course there is such a thing call maintenance for children, be it from Father or from Mother. If you have decided to get the custody of your second Daughter from your ex Wife, and you say communication with her side is a sure no, then of course you must do it through lawyer already, Lawyer is of course just doing the job, so the approach is of course, not pleasant in my opinion (if my ex hubby send me a lawyer letter before discussing with me, I won't be happy). If the custody and c&c ultimately is granted to you, then you can seek maintenance also, depends on whether she consent or contest, then of course, negotiation through lawyer again.

 

[OneNineNineOne]

Thanks loads .. Talking , discussing whichever way u phrase it . Its a NO NO situation . Cos thru out this 6mth plus . There's hiccup here and there . Hence situation is not positive . I will have to go thru a lawyer , just that i roughy want to know the percentile of it .. Tks so much .
But i guess no matter how she contest , the maintainence will still be in force right ? Just that what amt only ..

 

[Carousell]

Thanks loads .. Talking , discussing whichever way u phrase it . Its a NO NO situation . Cos thru out this 6mth plus . There's hiccup here and there . Hence situation is not positive . I will have to go thru a lawyer , just that i roughy want to know the percentile of it .. Tks so much .
But i guess no matter how she contest , the maintainence will still be in force right ? Just that what amt only ..

No prob, I thought since you divorce on grounds Agreed by both side, you still can talk. All the best to you yah. But do you mind me asking some private questions? If not, it's fine. I ask just for future reference cos my marriage is not smooth either. Just some perspective etc.

 

[OneNineNineOne]

Yes of cos .. PM me ..

 

[life_is]

Negotiate with her to have c & c of both if the children are not following her to new marriage. As for maintenance she may want to pay less. You can consider letting her offer what she can afford as a parent. Also, for access you may want to relax a little instead of cast in stone unless she is a loony like my ex. So maybe allow her access when she requests for it so both can work out a schedule instead of fighting. Only works if she doesn't fight for anything.