Problems in understanding her

fatworm83

New Member
Well, I have a problem with a girl i am trying to date. She often confuses me with her actions and i hope you guys can help me understand her.

She is a nice girl and because we once worked together, we know each other. Sometimes she would be very friendly to me. Chat with me, stuff like that. other times she would just say hi or even none at all and sit far away from me.

Yesterday, she once again became friendly and sat near me and struck up a conversation abt stuff and she asked whether i would want to work with her on a project. Well, virtually everyone knows that i am not good in that project area so i was surprised she asked. In addition, the project was not a group one. So i agreed and while walking with her, talked more about the project and stuff like that.

On another occasion, i met her again and asked her about the project and she asked whether i want to eat anything so i said okay and went with her to a coffeeshop. Over there she found out she forgot her wallet and suggested that we walked back to get it but i sadi i could lend her money first to avoid the inconvenience. Well, i paid for her stuff and she asked if i was eating anything and that she doesnt mind waiting for me to eat finish. i said no because i do not want to let her see my sweaty face while eating so i just lamely said the food here was not good and that i would eat at home. I was walking in another direction which is not her usual path but she still walked with me anyway. then we talked some more.

On another occasion, we sat together and we were as usual talking and joking and then i went to the coffeeshop to buy something and asked her if she wanted anything and was surprised that she wanted to walk with me to the coffeeshop becasue she said she needed the walk to keep her awake. For most people i know, they would not even want to walk when they are tired or sleepy. Over at the coffeeshop she just waited while i bought something then we walked back. Then when it was time to leave, she just abruptly left by saying a quick bye bye. I thought we could walk again and talk somemore.

regarding the project, i sent her my part for her info and thought i could receive her info as well, well it turned out that she forgot to send hers even though we met many times and she would often say that she would send it by today. Not that i mind, because it is not a big deal about reading info but if she really likes me then wouldnt she always be thinking of me and as such send me her part instead of forgetting about me??That is the conclusion my friends gave me, that i am just a good buddy, a jie mei to her.

This is really bugging me, because she is a really nice girl and i want to see how good my chances are with her. until now, i dun even have her email or hp number because i dun wan to scare her off and lose a fren in the process. can anyone help me on this?
 


She feels comfortable with you and enjoy your companionship. That is a very good start. Remember, KEEP COOL and never appear desperate or anxious or else the game will be over. No need to put her on top of all your prorities. A measured approach will do
 
typically your chance of success commensurates with the effort you've put in. since you haven't done squad, i'd say you are hovering at zero chance. unless of course you are the beneficiary designate of a decent trust fund or inheritance. in which case, you should advertise the fact immediately.

or we can look at it this way. how attractive are you as a potential mate? rich? successful? talented? humorous? tall-dark-handsome? how attractive is she relative to you? is she the kind of person who will be attracted to your strengths?

i completely disagree with inspectorate. for a girl to be so at ease with you from the get go is a bad bad sign. there is no stammering, no unexplained blushing, no exhibited shyness because she felt no spark. you are in that dreaded friend zone and there is little chance you will come out of it.
 
wah lau!!How do i break out of this friend cycle!! What should do to save my chances??What should i do next without appearing desperate??

Another thing i think i should note is that the talking is not really smooth, there are some awakward silences in between.

I really need the advice to help me on this.
 
yup, she treats u as a fren.. if i'm bored, i also dun mind walking together to burn some time...
perhaps the abrupt goodbye at the coffeeshop is because she found something better to do.
u seem like a boring person. btw...
*woman's point of view*
 
All the while you keep treating her like a normal friend, most girls wont take the initiative to tell you she likes you.

but you can take the initiative to tell her you like her; at least show her lar .. call her up.. ask her out on movie dates (very little talking involved mainly haha)

awkward silences are to be expected since its not like you both know each other for decades... slowly get to know each other better ;)
 
fatworm, maybe she is only nice to u cos she needs a partner for that project. Dun pin ur hopes on her. I think she just treats u as a normal fren.
 
gal heart is most diff to understand one..i think understand TOTO combination also easier..LOL

just tell her u like her..but if rejected u must be v professional..can u make it?
 
fatworm din not reveal much about himself..his likes..characters...so i dun think it's right of Hazuki to pass the comment that he is a boring person.

I got the same feelings as the rest. More like she is only friendly to you when she needs
someone to be in the same project as her, someone to go meal wif her...someone to help her to kill of the afternoon boredom at work. Probably just that much.

I would think you just give yourself more time. Take this work-together-for-a-project opportunity to know her more.
 
siao, more people stuck ToTo then understand gals meh?

Quote: "until now, i dun even have her email or hp number because i dun wan to scare her off and lose a fren in the process"

First of all, asking for her email or phone number might not be necessarily scaring her off.. in this era... people exchange email and hp on the first meeting even as friend nia nia(keke.. no longer mailing address for writing letter liao mah..)

Take it slow and start this relationship as friends first... Get to know her better and give her a chance to know u too...
 
I have made her and the whole class laugh aloud a couple of times during presentations so that probably means that i have some sense of humour. I am not good looking, i would say i am quite tall at around 1.75 and regarding my physical, my frens say i look strong. My hobbies include weightlifting, reading, prawn fishing. Hope this amount of info can clear things up.

Regarding the project, she has another guy friend who is very good at the topic and if she really wants to use somebody why use someone like me when i really am poor at it compared to that guy?

I really like her but the one thing that has been holding me back is my speech impediment. you see i have a short tongue and i am afraid because of this my confidence has been affected.
 
fatworm: my apologies.. u r not boring.. u have low confidence level... i dun c y u cannot eat in front of her.. cause shld u both start dating, u need to eat rite?
speech impediment - if she likes u, she'll understand. speak slowly to be clearer.
perhaps u can try to tell her u like her> hint n c wat she says?
 
Personally I would say that you both are on friends level. Just don't speculate too deep into her actions as it is too early to tell.

It is rather common for friends to walk together, accompany each other, hug or even kiss each other goodbye if you both are comfortable at it.

So far reading from your post, the conversation between the both of you touches mostly on work level. Hence probably I would say that it's more of a working partner kind of relationship. So just don't read too deep in it.

I ever had an ex colleague who stays alone all by herself. She ever invited me over to her place for a drink after we knocked off from work one day. Probably it's just a casual invitation but if I gonna read deep into it, that could mean alot of other things. But I turn down her invitation due to I am not comfortable with the idea and till date we are still friends, comfortable with each other's presence
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If you wish to bring this whole thing to another level, I feel that you have to interact with her more and try to spot some interest. Cracking jokes and making everyone laugh would draw attention to you but not definitely interest. People will like you as a humourous person but that would not neccessary bring you to the next level. Otherwise, every joker will be a romeo.

Hence, I would still advise you again not to read too deep into it and carry too much expectations in order not to let yourself down thereafter. Rather than guessing and such, probably you can try to find out more about her interest and stirrs it.

Employ some strategies hur hur hur
 
i mean i dun have her hotmail email to add her to msn. I just have her school email. How do i hint to her that i like her?
 
dun go in the rush of hinting her yet..do u know her life very well??..ask her for msn to add her, its pretty common....take ur time n assess her n see how
 
Tatics:

1)Know her friends. They can be your best allies.

2)Baiting Technique. Talk to her more and arouse her interest. Pull the bait when she is about to bite by letting her take conversational initiatives.

3)Be cool. Treat her like how u treat the other girls. Dun gan jiong, or treat her exceptionally different. This will help to wear of some feel of novelty that you have for her and u will be more natural dealing with her.

4)Don't do spectacular stunts now as you are not at that stage yet. You might just fret her off. Especially those you see in dramas as they are, Dramas.

5)If you are able to strike off a common interest or the both of u'll get more conversational, it's a whole lot easier to get her contacts. eg: how bt we exchange number? I'll ask ya along the next time I blah blah blah

SM cnt lah later she got scared and run away haha I think they have not reach that level yet. Fatworm sounds quite young to me btw. Are you a poly / uni student?
 
yah i am a uni student born in 1983. Last sem this year and if i dun take my chance she might graduate and disappear from my life forever
sad.gif
 
if u wanna start, start already.. first, ask for her msn... then try n c if study dates help..
if u c hope frm there, then proceed further..
 
fatworm83,

My initial comments still. Ask her point blank for her phone no/email or just to date her.

And if she rejects you well.. at least you tried and since will disappear after graduation.. it will not be so embarassing..
 
How can i ask her point blank??That will be scaring her off to no where. I dun wan to lose her after graduation just becasue of some korean soap opera based point blank approach
 
fatworm....just a casual qn like 'wanna go for coffee?', 'interested to catch a movie?' ... not tat difficult, isnt it?

I did told my frd (ex-colleague then) abt how I felt towards him. Tho' we did not become a couple, but we still remained as frds and still go for movies and coffee....
 
sometimes you can say in a joking manner..

anyway. don't understand.. nowadays guys also so timid.. it is better to lose a gal then never dare to date..
 
ya.. if u dun dare to ask, u'll nv get wat u wan. not as if the gal can guess ur thoughts u noe..

casual qn is ok.. like wat salsa said. if she ask for wat purpose, u can also say wind down frm sch work la, or study date la etc.. so many excuses..

frm date actions u can tell if she's interested in u mah..
then in order to be punctual, u'll need her no. rite? so u get 2 things wif 1 qn.

sm: i agree tat nowadays guys abit timid.. i rem my hb very gungho de... use *ji jiang fa* on me..
shower affection on me then suddenly stopped when i reciprocated.. duh!! then he suddenly asked if i like him, then we started dating liao... so easy...
 
hazuki,

ha ha.. last time I also like to use this trick.. say in a group of girls.. i will talk to everyone except the girl that i am interested..

So when she start to talk to me, i will ask her straight if she wants to go out..
 
fatworm,

u dun hv to be soo direct lah.. DUH!!!!
how abt tell her say... its a pity that we are graduating so soon.. then everyone will be busy busy with their own working lives already, how about we have dinner one day...
 
Wah pianz...fatworm, dont be such a gu niang can...

Why is it so tough to ask her out for date? Why is it so tough to ask her for her phone number?duh...what are you so scare of?

Lack of confidence, lack of initiative, lack of testicular fortitute, lack of courting skills...
Good luck, you'll need it...
 
Fatworm, I think you should ask her for her mobile number. It's nothing to exchange mobile numbers between friends, colleagues or classmates mah.
 
Actually got phone no also may not be much use.. imagine graduate already.. and you dare not date her.. what is the use of having her no?
 
Exchange mobile numbers and then SMS or call her for an outing. If Fatworm doesn't dare to ask for a single date, can try to organise group outing and involve the girl? But if I were him, I would just ask if she wants to watch a movie or have dinner together. I won't beat around the bush.
 
okok, spare me, this is after all my first attempt at asking a girl out. i will try to get her number and report back the details.
 
walau i vomit blood liao... *spurt spurt*

dude, if u dun even have the freakin balls to ask for her number just to stay in contact, then what kind of a dependable guy can u be? just say, "hey can i have your number?" - so simple... U're the one reading into it too strongly and worried that she'll think this think that of u... pls lah, if she's interested - she'll be Hapi. if she's not - u stand no chance anyway...

so What u're really afraid of losing here - is your freakin pride. u dun wanna lose face mah... But if u wanna date girls, u eventually wanna be a Man, then this process cannot siam wan lah...

in spore no number how to contact pple??? if u dun ask someone for number, then u're not interested to have contact with them.

quite a guniang leh...
 
fatworm, can't u just ask her for her no since u guys are suppose to work on a project together?? No hp no how to contact each other for meetings/discussions?? Use pigeons ah..
 
pls lor..wanna woo gals must thick skin n ask for no 1st..but of cos dun go w ur horns up!!...just treat her like ur kakis..like, hey can have ur no or not.going to grad liao, dun wanna lose a fren..
 
yah lah....asking for hp# is damn most common thing to do now leh. Dun tell me every project discussion is going to be done over email and msn (if u manage to get her acct) meh?

Be a man! Dun scare this, scare that lah. If she rejects your date....then nvm lor. No big deal!
 
haha...this discussion is machiam teaching fatworm abt the birds and the bees...

powder, can see smoke coming from your head liao ... whahahah

fatworm, you have not dated a gal before? tell you what, you should join some of the outings in this forum. maybe you can learn a thing or two abt socialising from the many experts here..
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alternatively, maybe i should date you myself.. :P
 


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