Pls help me!!!

What are there so many over-reactions for?
I did asked my wife the same thing when dating. She too had a long list of stuffs. I did so when I only had 20k+ savings in my account. Does it mean she is expecting me to cough out all the money??

No. We worked things out and prioritize and started a joint account thereafter to work towards the goals. It took us 3 yrs to progressively accumulate the savings needs for what we want. We had no honeymoon after wedding plan but focused on the one-time house reno, a damn good mattress and the expensive banquet which was important for the folks. Most importantly, we budget within our comfort level and do things progressively. That was back in 2004. Now, finanaces are alot more comfortable and we can afford to drive, fine dine and go on holidays to make up for the honeymoon.

There was NEVER any arguements over mine or her money. We simply worked together without taking and expecting each other to cough blood out.
 


Doll - He is not jobless.. "im still having a passive income of $700/mth as a sleeping partner in a small business with my frens"..

and "i have 3 offers on hand but i just wish to take a break from the industry".

He has no income problem at all. There is no issue now.. He can get married live happily everafter
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I think TS' financial situation as a single person isn't hopeless, with three job offers waiting, a bit of savings and monthly passive income. I just felt that he is trying to accomplish too much too soon. Also, since he has decided what to do, why create this thread for advice?
 
Perhaps, all of you in this forum it is time to have more practical approach by contributing / donation money to him since this is the matter of love, wedding and this web is all about it.

rather than,

...............
 
u r encouraging Spoon feeding??

Doll, so what if he is jobless now. Why the hell does he need to get married in current state. Nothing wrong with aligning plans and talking about the wants and don't wants. At the end of the day, what he needs is a realistic plan to execute the plan. Not write in the forum to suggest that his gf is somehow materialistic or something.
 
Milo, I didn't say it was a big deal that he is jobless now; just felt that he seems to be trying to accomplish too much too soon - a case of putting too little thought on too much = bad planning. Honestly, I won't be in a hurry to marry him in this state if I were the gf.

As for the gf, I wouldn't really call her materialistic. A real material girl would have dropped him like a hot potatoe by now. But she does come across as quite a simplistic person who wants a solitare diamond ring just because everyone else seems to have one (I gather this from how she looks at solitare diamond ring - $5K, $3K)? And at this time when the future hushand only has $15K in the bank and $700 of fixed monthly income to cover living expenses.

No one, at least not me, said they are doing the wrong things or wanting the wrong things, but the timing is just bad for them.
 
For me, simplistic is a virtue.
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I see nothing really wrong about having personal dreams and wanting to fulfill. What's more important how we manage and cope with them.

Being simple at heart isn't the same as being bimbo or brainless though. Someone simple & pure in thoughts is one that doesn't manipulates and plots. I'm someone like this and to me this is the 1st criteria in a mate. Only with such a person, I can share my everything openly with her without any disappointment of her trying to take advantage of me.
 
Milo, "simplistic" is NOT a virtue; the word means "the tendency to oversimplify an issue or a problem by ignoring complexities or complications". Perhaps you meant "simple" - unassuming, easy to understand, free of deceit, sincere, etc.
 
Doll, it depends how we see and defines things.

That to me is being naive. We can all have dreams and goals. It takes maturity to work it out realistically. It doesn't mean one cannot be simple at heart. We tend to link simple thoughts with ignorance. Its not always the case.
 
It's definitely alright to have personal dreams and goals (though I don't think having a $3K vs $5K solitare diamond ring could be called a personal dream. It's more like an item on the shopping list?) but that does not equate to being dreamy about what we want.

Getting married when you haven't a job for five months (looks like it's going to drag since he wants to take a break) and with little money?? Marriage is not about that perfect one day affair! Wouldn't it make more sense when people choose things based on where they are at in life?

Being simple at heart is an attitude; it's a choice. It's not the same as failure to see depth of issues or being ignorant to complexities or complications.
 
how old are u alan?

I shudder when I hear ur innermost thoughts...

honestly, I think u need to grow up and start thinking maturely

15k in today's climate is def not enough to get married

why talk abt a diamond ring when she clearly knows that u are jobless now?

u really scare the heck outta me...
 
Ok, I think most of us here have to cool down now, the threadstarter has already made it clear that he knows what to do.

15k is indeed enough for marriage, if he plans it in stages. Ie get ROM first, then get a house then hold a wedding banquet. That's what me and my husband did 1 year ago and that time we have even less in our joint account.

And I think the fact that the girl is willing to lower her expectations for threadstarter is commendable. Of course at first she wants something expensive, which girl doesn't dream of having a let's say a 1-carat Tiffany ring which costs 5k or more? But she has evaluated her decision and is ok with getting a ring with a price which is more reasonable. Everyone can have wants, that is not a sin. It is only foolish when they go ahead and fulfill the want when it is clearly not feasible to do so.

To doll, "This clearly shows that the girl does not appreciate the value and meaning of diamond, those rings" I think this statement is uncalled for. Do you mean to say that the ring must be worth 5k or above to mean something or hold value to a girl? I am not ashamed to say that my proposal ring costs less than 2k, but I wear it everyday because it is one of my most priceless possession. It has nothing to do with the price tag, more of the sincerity and thoughts behind it.

Threadstarter, you might not visit this thread anymore since you have more or less resolve your issue, but do remember to take things easy and do them in stages. One year back hubby and I had less than 15k in our account and hence we could only hold a simple ROM ceremony but we have managed to save 20k over the past year and has just recently bought our first home a few days ago.

So your dream can be accomplished, but it does need proper planning
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Good luck in everything.
 
"which girl doesn't dream of having a let's say a 1-carat Tiffany ring which costs 5k or more? "

I don't. I don't like jewelleries
hehe..

But i did so want to travel a few countries like East Asia, stay in a palace, have a happily-forever marriage. That might cost about $40K, since no job for some time in order to travel.

but no leh- no long tour/vacation/honeymoon.
So disappointed.. aiyo

dream is dream, practical is practical
 
Ya... My dream is a 10K solitare diamond ring from Larry Jewellery.. It will not materialize in near future coz we juz purchase a new flat.. "Vomit" out 30K juz for reno wzout electrical appliance and furniture... My dream "burst"...

Wedding Banquet will be in Year End.. Another 30K gone.. Let alone our Honeymoon (fat hope) Heheheh,,, not going anywhere coz we need to save from scrape together again..
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So I really really cannot understand why our "friend" here insisit on going with the wedding plan with that "mere" 15K????
 
"Do you mean to say that the ring must be worth 5k or above to mean something or hold value to a girl? I am not ashamed to say that my proposal ring costs less than 2k, but I wear it everyday because it is one of my most priceless possession. It has nothing to do with the price tag, more of the sincerity and thoughts behind it."

Moonlightprincess, read carefully! I wasn't the one who put a price tag on the solitare diamond ring but Alan's gf did. I merely pointed out that she did. It's not the same as saying it myself.

In fact, I don't even think that having a solitaire diamond ring is important, nor the wedding gown, wedding banquet, photo album, honeymoon and whatnots. A lot of things are symbolic and done as part of customary practice. Most of us do not even care to find out the meaning behind those stuff but insist on having everything practised!

If I do get married again, I just want to do it my way this time, which is to have a very simple wedding affair. Just ROM and exchange wedding bands will do. The rest of the stuff takes away the meaning of a marriage for me instead of adding to it. And if I want it to be really romantic, I will choose to elope haha
 
Realistic ?

married does not always require money, diamond ring, big party. have you ever heard a drive through wedding ?

what? never heard of it ? what ? losing face ? or want to get more money from your friends and relatives via wedding party ? materialistic ? i think all of us do.

ok diamond.

all most all of us have been fooled for century by the diamond industry, that say " diamond is the symbol of love." they buy the diomand from the country that does not have water pipe and sold it at the Tiffany store thousand of dollars.

Diomand is cursed.

wedding is the matter the bride and the groom. others than that is a waste.

if your partner want fantastic wedding, and you can not afford it. and the other half refuse to understand it, don't married.

if you insist, try to outsource your other half. cheaper that way. if your other half say this is only happend once in a life time, dumb your partner, because your other half is toooo realistic.
 
a diamond is a piece of graphite that disperses light well. it is no more cursed than your 2b pencil is cursed. if you mean expensive things are cursed, please send me your most treasured possession so i can relieve you of your burden. diamonds were loved by many ancient cultures... way before de beers coined their famous 'a diamonds is forever' tag line. if you think it is all just marketing hogwash, i'd like to see you come up with a tag line so bean curd can be sold by the carat. i know this is completely out of topic but hey, you are talking to someone who is fascinated by diamonds. i can't stand by while you denigrate the noblest of minerals just to prove a point.
 
I would just conclude that the above savings definitely ain't gonna be enough with the things listed out by TS. You can simply do a survey with married couples and they can give you the realistic figure.

But if you intend to carry on, well be prepared about what is to come. You will wake up the next day of your wedding feeling like any other day with an empty saving. And seriously, I would not consider taking a break when wedding is on the agenda. I would try to earn whichever penny I could to have more than enough to cover everything. Those costs that you can calculate is not scary. It's those hidden cost you should be worried.
 
I'll just do a rough estimation, marking all costs down to the lower end.

Proposal ring = 2k
Wedding band = 1.5k
Rom (And a simple reception for attendees) = 1k
Wedding photos and gown package = 3k
Pin jin = 1k
Diamond set = 2k
Guo da li = 1k
Ang pows on actual day for helpers = 1k
Actual day photography and video = 1k
Misc charges on meals for helpers, make up artist, lunch during tea session = 1k
4 star hotel 10 tables weekdays = 8k
Alcohol = 1k
Honeymoon (Flight and accomodation only) = 4k

Total = 27.5k

*Other hidden costs such as holiday expenses, Roast pig if required, cakes, outfits for self and parents, transportation all not included. Above expenses all marked down with most items round down to the lower thousand.*
 
Mine as below:

Reno = 30K exclude furniture and electrical appliances
Proposal Ring = NA
Wedding Band = 1.2K
ROM/House-Warming Reception = 1K
ROM Photoshoot = 500
Bridal Studio wz top up pics = 4.2K
Pin Jin = Not set yet
4 Dian Jin = Not set yet
Guo Da Li = Not set yet
AD PS/VG = 2K
4 Star Hotel on Weekend = 30K
Alcohol = Not set yet
Honeymoon = No $$ to go

Spent = $68,900

Alot of things not added in yet... guess "chao chao" need 80K..

We are not being "Haolian" to show off how much we spend on our Wedding. This serve as a guideline only....
 
Iris, you had provided the much more realistic figures. The numbers I provided are very optimestic marked down to kinda the lowest you can find in market which some I doubt you might really able to find them at that price.

As of current, I do see TS not being ready yet for the list of items he stated. Marriage takes alot of planning and getting ready. The actual figure could come up to several folds of the round down amount I stated depending on individual wants.

On the side note Iris, be prepared that with furnishing in, ur final figure is likely to cross the 100k mark. Do set aside some spare cash for certain electrical appliances like lightings and etc as they normally does not include it in the reno quote but has to be installed during the phase itself.

Mine kinda similar with yours and currently also posphoning the honeymoon as both me and my wife embarked together on studies ourselves straight after marriage. The rest can come later.
 
Yep but try not to think about the ang pow money first. Have enough to cover and whatever is to come later is bonus. You would not feel dry up then.

I've heard of couples not preparing enough for banquets hoping to use the ang pow money they receive to pay up. Ends up not collecting enough to cover and have to seek emergency help : \
 
Hi Iris,
Just a note for your banquet 4 Star Hotel on Weekend = 30K, normally will break even or spend 1-5k after all ang-paos collected, so will not contribute to the wedding expenses as $30k, so U will still have $ to go for honeymoon.
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I would think that the money might come in more handy for the furnishing, as Iris had mentioned that she's doing reno and furnishing not included in her overall bills yet.

Furnishing can cost quite an amount but as of now they are having alot of sales for electrical appliances esp TV. The prices keep falling.
 
wait wait wait... guess we stray too far liao..hehehe...

My issue is not a problem.. already mention, juz a guideline
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I'm not complaining
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Well, it depends on individual..

I don't think it's necessary. To have is a blessing. Don't have oso won't lose any meat.. so no big deal...

Have to prioritise what is more important
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The cost is only going to be that high if everything is done at the same time. What is wrong with doing things one step at a time?

With 15k, he could have ROM first then get a house, and maybe a year or two later, hold the banquet. A lot of couples are doing that and I don't see what is wrong with it.

If you are rich enough and have 100k in your bank of course no one is stopping you from having everything at one go. But when you do not, you have to prioritize and see what can be done first and what can be done later.

Plus some of you might think that banquet are not important so it can just be scraped...but do you truly think that wedding just involves two people? Most of the time it is the family member especially parents who want to have the banquet and all the traditions followed. As children, we have no choice but to compromise so as to ensure our wedding day is a happy one.
 
moonlightprincess - Agreed that doing things step by step.. But this Alan is doing all at one go.. that's why Q&A starts coming in..

If your PIL don't sponsor you with that 20K to 25K, would U go ahead and take loan to purchase your flat?? Would U go find a job first before committing into a marriage and flat? Would U think of going Japan and Maldvies for Honeymoon??

No one say 15K cannot do anything.. but if lump everything together where got enuff.. that's why we did a breakdown for him to see... Be rationale..
 
Ok, my mistake...now that I read what he had written again, he did indeed want to do things at one go.

Well, just treat it as an advice that 15k is not sufficient to do everything at one go. If the gf is considerate enough, she will agree to doing things step by step.
 
moonlightprincess ,

Yep the cost comes from the list of what TS stated as wants being listed. Hence undeniable fact to have those expenses incurred if adhering to the wants during this period which, TS is still jobless and the reality of 15k savings. To top it off, TS is not holding a stable form of income except the $700 monthly as a sleeping partner. Hence now is not the time to fulfill those wants.

Alot of couple are doing that but at the same time they are aggressively building up their income. I do not think that I need to elaborate more on this part.

It is fine for him to ROM first and get a house. But do remember that all these still cost money as buying a house, u need a 2k deposit and very likely reno and furnishing comes thereafter. Expenses again.

The gist of it is not being rich or not, but prioritizing needs against wants, what to spend and what not to, what's not good to have and if it is the right time to have?

A simple wedding can be just the signing of paper. It just cost $30 plus dollars but marriage certainly does not define in such context under what TS GF looks for.

As children, I believe we have choices if we apply negotiation and understanding with our parents. For one, our parents encouraged us to just rom and go for honeymoon but instead we were the ones who wanted the dinner as we wanted to have the mass celebration with relatives and friends which we had planned for together for years and save up the amount to do so.

On knowing what we want during our wedding, we tightened our belts, work hard and save hard to realise it. Which I am proud to say, not a single cent of parental assistance.

On another note do you think that parents would be happy if you have to take a loan for wedding or stress over the bills and expenses for the wedding? To enjoy a day for that dream wedding and bring pride to parents while suffer the very next day?

I agree there might be factors to overcome but it's not a definitely no choice scenario being children. A happy wedding day to me is one which you wake up the next day knowing everyone enjoyed the celebration, bills all cleared and embarking with your partner to the new chapter of life with ease, not liabilities.
 
Hei Bee Hiam - Wow, super long "composition" leh,, hehehe...

We are not born Rich.. Set a Goal for yourself and strive for it.. When it come to marriage, we really save hard to fulfil our dreams.. Everyday bite "roti".. People will say "no $$ then dun married lah, make until so big for wat. No such big head dun wear such big hat lah"... But well, I dun go around borrowing $$$ from relatives/friends for these..

Frankly speaking, I'm a spendthrift. Was juz telling my hubby last nite Gucc* having SALE. Let's go window-shopping. The respone is "Dun bluff,, it's never window-shopping if U step in".. wahahaha..

Put the "needs and wants" on the scale and weigh.. which is more important to U
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Always start from the minimun.. Chinese say: Havn't learn how to walk want to learn how to fly.. mm zai si...
 
Yep precisely. The sentence "Do within your means" You want something, you work for it.

Yeah heard about the Gucci sale too 50% discount haha. I was a spendthrift too. Spent heavily on entertainment in the past but when we decided to get married, we started to chalk away major chunk of our salary. I still rem when my friend knew about the percentage I was saving, he claimed that it was impossible.

True, a complete change to lifestyle which you have to get used to but end of the day when the goal is achieved, it's worth it. I don't believe in borrowing money from people to achieve my wants. Because you never really deserve it as it is from others.

Hokkien saying, graft the skin from other's ass and paste on the face.
 
"Hokkien saying, graft the skin from other's ass and paste on the face."

Huh Hokkien got such a phase meh? I must ask my mum who's more pro at Hokkien than me hehe.
 
Green - It's "Gia lang eh kar chng chor min puay"

Hahaha,,, hope U understand wat I trying to tell U in Hokkien...
 
"which girl doesn't dream of having a let's say a 1-carat Tiffany ring which costs 5k or more? "

Which guy don't dream to have threesome with some really hot babes?? But, what's the relevance of dream vs reality?
 
Milo,

I never dream of having threesome with some really hot babes.... ha ha if that answer your question.

Not relevant.. but what so great about threesome?
 
"Dreams are my reality
The only kind of reality
Maybe my foolishness has past
And maybe now at last
I'll see how a real thing can be."
 
Thats why singapore girls so materialistic one..
Yea must have big diamond ring! must have go japan Europe for honeymoon!!

MILO u rock.. which guy dont wnat a 3some with hot babes.. how many come true.

SM - hope u did not dream of SM ones.. hahahahaa

even if u ahve a $50K tiffany ring on your hand..yea nice to look at.. later lost .. heat pain sia!
 
i never dream of 3some. why not change your name to multi dicks? Sg gals are materialistic one? Based on a few examples of that u came across and u give such a statement

OMG...help.. we will have other ladies saying.. how how come SG guys got such a big dick without brains one after reading your post.

true. 50k tiffany ring lose heaRt pain but having a big useless dick then how...
 


Singaporean Gals are not really that materialistic ok... I had heard foreign gals talking to their boyfriends bout bag more expensive then mine! At least you marry a SG gal with a stable job they can help to loosen the financial burden incurred. IF you marry a foreign woman who depends on you to apply a PR, the amount of BRING HOME PAY is like miserably low and need you to support more on the family. This will mean "wave goodbye" to fancy cars which obviously guys enjoy more than gals!

Yesh! At least gals don't use their V to think and say that they wanted a diamond ring whereas guys can use their P to think that they need a virgin or woman who is willing to have SEX with them! FC dont insult SG gals by saying they are materialistic when you only meet your Msian GF for SEX! One day if she dont give you you will also start to think Msian gals very materialistic and then start to look for China gals? Sorry for being rude.. But i dont think you are being fair if you refer SG gals as materialistic.

To the threadstarter, you may want to start by giving your gf your budget. 5K for a ring you can get a small good diamond or a big normal GIA diamond.

It will probably be a good start when you give her your budget and she can work towards it without fantasizing too much fanciful stuff. This will prevent you from any future conflict if you cannot fulfill her wants. Remember its only WANTS not NEEDS.

My Fiance and I started our wedding planning with stated budget. Like his budget for proposal ring, our wedding bands, per table price and cost of bridal boutique services etc. The cost will also need to include your PG and VG also if you want fanciful things like photo montage or animation.

Bear in mind now that you don't have a job and 15K is really a limit. Like what the others had mentioned, you may want to start from a small solemnization ceremony and Banquet in 1 or 2 years which will give you enough time to save up.
 
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