Pls advice.

[lzw]

I'm married to my wife for 2-3 years. Things starts to go downhill. We can't communicate, we can't stand each other's way of doing things.

We lived together, and I never bring my friends home. Not even my best friend. Recently, my wife accused me of bringing woman home. I swear I didn't, I have nothing to hide.

She found clothes that does not belong to her. And hence, the accusation begins. To prove my conscience is clear, I told her NOT to throw away the clothes, and I wan to get to the bottom of this. My name is at stake here.

I wouldn't mind bring it to some lab to get it test or something.

Can anyone advice what can I do? I'm willing to try anything to prove my innocence.

Thank you.

 

[life_is]

Just be nice to her and spend as much time together as possible. Build trust through actions.

 

[jkwedding308]

I'm married to my wife for 2-3 years. Things starts to go downhill. We can't communicate, we can't stand each other's way of doing things.

We lived together, and I never bring my friends home. Not even my best friend. Recently, my wife accused me of bringing woman home. I swear I didn't, I have nothing to hide.

She found clothes that does not belong to her. And hence, the accusation begins. To prove my conscience is clear, I told her NOT to throw away the clothes, and I wan to get to the bottom of this. My name is at stake here.

I wouldn't mind bring it to some lab to get it test or something.

Can anyone advice what can I do? I'm willing to try anything to prove my innocence.

Thank you.

Did you or your wife have any other visitors to your home e.g. family members? Those clothes could belong to them... Or it could be new clothes that a family or friend bought for your wife that she has forgotten about... But more importantly, the trust issue at hand here stems from what you have pointed out yourself: both of you can't communicate and you can't stand each other's way of doing things. If you can get to the bottom of these root problems, you will soon realize that many other issues will resolve themselves. Try to analyze why it is that communication between you and your wife hasn't been working and what you can both do to improve it. When your communication has improved, you will both also learn to express constructively why you prefer things to be done a certain way rationally but also at the same time, be able to make compromise so that things aren't always done by one party's standards only...

 

[lzw]

Thanks for all advice. It takes 2 hands to clap. If the other party if not willing to listen and give a little bit of trust, things are not that simple to solve..

Thanks everyone. I will take one step at a time see how things will turn out to be.

 

[miloice]

are you sure she doesn't have a psychological issue? Is she constantly suspicious?Jumping to conclusions? Maybe you can share more. Her level of paranoid might not be so normal and could be trig by some underlying condition.

 

[lzw]

I'm not sure. My guess is that she was affected by her dad's affair since young. She feels all men will change and tend to have affair.

The point is not I don't love her. The accusations and the unknown shirts made it very hard for me to prove my innocences. And the accusations are getting worse. Pestering me to admit something that I did not do.. I'm really at wit ends.. I insist that there is nth to admit, she feels I'm acting all these out. I'm really very disappointed.

 

[miloice]

From your description, she might be having some psychological issue. Consider to speak to a counselor? At least a neutral party to listen to both sides. Someone experience and able to detect if she has any condition. The thing is most sufferers will never admit to their problems.

 

[lzw]

Tried suggesting before. She feels there's no point to seek counsellor.

Thank you all your advice. We have decided to separate for awhile.

It's very sad to be accused of something that I didn't do. Trust is very impt in marriage. The slightest things can ruin it.

Thanks again.

 

[miloice]

Sorry to hear about your situation. If the trust is this fragile, maybe it is time to reflect over the entire marriage.

 

[lzw]

I'm lucky to have found out whose shirts are those. I'm trying to attend counselling with my wife. Is there any counselling you can recommend?

Thank you.

 

[jkwedding308]

I'm lucky to have found out whose shirts are those. I'm trying to attend counselling with my wife. Is there any counselling you can recommend?

Thank you.

Glad to hear some doubts are now resolved.. Hope things work out better for you and your wife..

 

[lzw]

Thank you.. I agree to go counselling with her. Hope things will be better..

 

[jkwedding308]

Thank you.. I agree to go counselling with her. Hope things will be better..

You're welcome..

 

[miloice]

I'm lucky to have found out whose shirts are those. I'm trying to attend counselling with my wife. Is there any counselling you can recommend?

Thank you.

now it is clothes, what could be next. Frankly, she needs to reflect. What trust is there when she has completely no faith in you. I don't know about you. Personally, I cannot maintain a relationship and marriage with a partner that cannot trust me fully. This is a fundamental need for me. Without that, I know I cannot be happy in the relationship.

So, you need to think how impt is trust to you. If it is something you cannot compromize, realize it is something you probably have to deal with for a lifetime with her.

 

[kumara]

Why would you leave another woman's clothes in the house if you really did what she said? Sometimes men need to tell their wives that she's gone too far to the point she is abusive.

Hope things work out better.