I chanced upon my HB's email and saw from his Sent box, that he had inputted 2 contacts of prostitutes and emailed to another email account of his. I know they are pros because I googled their names (plus nicknames)and found that they were copied and pasted from forums where men discuss abt their encounters with them. It also looked like they were pasted from his MSN and not from forums as there was his msn nick at the end of the sentences. I do not have any evidence on whether he did call them or had any dealings with them. I am afraid to confront him cos what if he really did not? I do not see any change in his behaviour towards me..You can say I am in denial but I am unable to understand why it might have happened. What should I do?
Paying for sex?
- Thread starter merito
- Start date
pink_sapphire
New Member
firstly wat do u intend to do if he admits to u that he had visited them
secondly will u be able to take it ?
thirdly he might say that u should not snoop into his mailbox
secondly will u be able to take it ?
thirdly he might say that u should not snoop into his mailbox
Yes i have thought about all that..I duno what to do..My period is late and I duno if i'm pregnant too, tmr i'm gg to test again. I had a test on the first day of missed period and it was -ve, then I was travelling and I kind of forgot abt it.
I dun tink i'll be able to tk it really. I married him cos he was different from my ex bfs. He is a v honest and good tempered guy who takes care of his family and me. These 2 days I've been very temperamental and he has been asking me whats wrong and I've been fighting to not ask him..
I dun tink i'll be able to tk it really. I married him cos he was different from my ex bfs. He is a v honest and good tempered guy who takes care of his family and me. These 2 days I've been very temperamental and he has been asking me whats wrong and I've been fighting to not ask him..
Merito.. my experience with my bf (HTB) is, he went to some website which similar to facebook and create an a/c.. he claimed tat he havnt been logging in since he know me.. so i asked him to log in now and show me.. He DENY all the way until i found tat he have been writing to some girls asking for sex and flirting ard.. He is a very honest person, good son, upright person and.. see wat he had done...
its hard for u.. esp ur result is positive.. have u break the news to him tat u r pregn? do he know tat u have the habit of checking his email?
its hard for u.. esp ur result is positive.. have u break the news to him tat u r pregn? do he know tat u have the habit of checking his email?
merito: i think its best for u to confront him rather to think of the links between him and the contacts he have. Perhaps its really nothing right from the beginning. Or perhaps u r able to tok to him to prevent anything from happening. To err is human. It might be a past he had.
better to stop guessing and verify with him honestly and direct.. i think should talk properly and calmly rather than accusing and interrogating him.. knowing the truth hurts but better than you letting your imaginations run wild everyday.. so think of the outcome of each possibility and what you will do about it.. i feel you should break the news to him too.. wishing you the best
hi SK, no I do not have the habit of checking his email. In fact I dun even know his password. He probably cant remember that on his laptop he had set as 'auto password', just a click can get into his email. I duno why i clicked that day oso..
Yes he now knows i'm preg cos he asked me to buy test kits. He's happy abt the news and has been even more caring.
hi guys..I know all of u advised that i confront him. But I'm pretty sure anyone will deny that he has been fooling around, except if that person wants to leave u, then he will own up.
If this is just a BGR i would hv broken off, cos I had an ex who was looking for sex on the internet and i too, chanced upon it when using his PC and i broke it off. The ex claimed he had never done anything like that b4 of cos..but I dun believe. Now that im in a marriage, i really hv no courage esp when I'm gg to have a baby. If he admits, i dun tink i'll ever let him touch me again. If he doesnt, am i supposed to believe? Oh god..why must this happen to me...
WIll you guys confront ur HB if you were me??
Yes he now knows i'm preg cos he asked me to buy test kits. He's happy abt the news and has been even more caring.
hi guys..I know all of u advised that i confront him. But I'm pretty sure anyone will deny that he has been fooling around, except if that person wants to leave u, then he will own up.
If this is just a BGR i would hv broken off, cos I had an ex who was looking for sex on the internet and i too, chanced upon it when using his PC and i broke it off. The ex claimed he had never done anything like that b4 of cos..but I dun believe. Now that im in a marriage, i really hv no courage esp when I'm gg to have a baby. If he admits, i dun tink i'll ever let him touch me again. If he doesnt, am i supposed to believe? Oh god..why must this happen to me...
WIll you guys confront ur HB if you were me??
hmmmmmmmmm... i know where u r coming frm.. i guess is abt the courage.. looking at the bright side, maybe he only flirting on net and didnt do any thing wrong phy leh?? in stead of guessing, why not find an ans.. i don know where i read abt this.. something posted here or other, it say do a normal conversation then in the middle, ask him wat u want to ask, frm the expression, u can know the ans.. but listen to what he say first.. really..
hope u don drag too long as a sad mummy will affect the baby..
stay strong
hope u don drag too long as a sad mummy will affect the baby..
yes... totally agree with SK. stop making wild guess and juz tok to him. not confrontation but a heart to heart tok so u will know if he's lying or not.
as his wife, i am very sure u will know straight away if he lie rite? anyway, if u keep it to urself, it'll not be gd for u and ur baby also. y drag it on further then?
as his wife, i am very sure u will know straight away if he lie rite? anyway, if u keep it to urself, it'll not be gd for u and ur baby also. y drag it on further then?
alcifertoh
New Member
Then how? Either way also same right? If you choose to have it this way what else can you do?
Merito: if u go on like this, u will think even more in the long run. trust me, no ending to this. and if u do confront him, do prepare urself if its a "yes".
I read it somewhere that u should forgive a guy if he will to commit adultery for one time. but do not forgive him if the second time happens. the ball is in ur court. its whether u can go pass urself and accept him once again if its a yes. but a heart to heart tok is advisable. at least give him a chance to clarify.
I read it somewhere that u should forgive a guy if he will to commit adultery for one time. but do not forgive him if the second time happens. the ball is in ur court. its whether u can go pass urself and accept him once again if its a yes. but a heart to heart tok is advisable. at least give him a chance to clarify.
dear merito,
I’m typing on the basis that he DID do something wrong (you’ll have to find that out by honest talk). I disagree with the generic notion that if you stick around, you’ll be deemed as a close-one-eye wife and your husband may further take you for granted. Would you consider the option of laying facts on the table with your husband, and seek his cooperation in making this marriage and new family work?
Is it out of his character to behave like this? Men and women fall into temptations, what was done once repeated again becomes a habit and a downward spiral into vice and sin. So if your husband has always been an honest guy and this comes along, he may just need someone’s help to pull him out of the trap.
It’s not use throwing the topic at him, catch him unaware and then… what next? Even before you start talking, prepare your response if his answer is a ‘yes’. If you are able to forgive and continue in this marriage, it’s not closing one eye. It’s making your stand to him that unfaithfulness is not acceptable to this marriage, but you are willing to seal this as a past and need his help to work with you.
As much as it hurts, it is not worth for the marriage to be broken up and a fatherless child to be raised, just because of some unknown parties who came into the picture (who can’t even care less what they did to your family).
You mentioned he’s very happy about the baby? That’s a great sign he wants you and this family. you shall decide if the man is worth giving a chance.
but be prepared to apologise for breaking into his account if his answer is genuinely 'no' though...
I’m typing on the basis that he DID do something wrong (you’ll have to find that out by honest talk). I disagree with the generic notion that if you stick around, you’ll be deemed as a close-one-eye wife and your husband may further take you for granted. Would you consider the option of laying facts on the table with your husband, and seek his cooperation in making this marriage and new family work?
Is it out of his character to behave like this? Men and women fall into temptations, what was done once repeated again becomes a habit and a downward spiral into vice and sin. So if your husband has always been an honest guy and this comes along, he may just need someone’s help to pull him out of the trap.
It’s not use throwing the topic at him, catch him unaware and then… what next? Even before you start talking, prepare your response if his answer is a ‘yes’. If you are able to forgive and continue in this marriage, it’s not closing one eye. It’s making your stand to him that unfaithfulness is not acceptable to this marriage, but you are willing to seal this as a past and need his help to work with you.
As much as it hurts, it is not worth for the marriage to be broken up and a fatherless child to be raised, just because of some unknown parties who came into the picture (who can’t even care less what they did to your family).
You mentioned he’s very happy about the baby? That’s a great sign he wants you and this family. you shall decide if the man is worth giving a chance.
but be prepared to apologise for breaking into his account if his answer is genuinely 'no' though...
miloice
Well-Known Member
Regardless whether or not he has done something, you are experiencing issues that you are not able to cope yourself. Can you live with a marriage where you need to hide your feelings and let it slowly burn in your heart? What kind of relationship and marriage are you trying to build and hold on here??
Be frank and open up the communication. You are losing faith and trust. Weight the odds. Hiding all these isn't going to get you anywhere. Even if you could hold on to the marriage cert, can you be happy living in suspicion??
Trust is build about open communication and willingness to give each other the benefit of the doubt. You are moving away from both. You trust someone because you recognize the integrity, character of the person. Likewise, u doubt also due to the lack of all these. For the marriage and relationship to move on and grow, u need to work this out together with him. Not hide it all to yourself.
Ask yourself, why does the marriage transform you from a strong confident woman to such a paranoid fearful state??
Be frank and open up the communication. You are losing faith and trust. Weight the odds. Hiding all these isn't going to get you anywhere. Even if you could hold on to the marriage cert, can you be happy living in suspicion??
Trust is build about open communication and willingness to give each other the benefit of the doubt. You are moving away from both. You trust someone because you recognize the integrity, character of the person. Likewise, u doubt also due to the lack of all these. For the marriage and relationship to move on and grow, u need to work this out together with him. Not hide it all to yourself.
Ask yourself, why does the marriage transform you from a strong confident woman to such a paranoid fearful state??
Been thinking abt what you guys said and i was having nightmares about the upcoming confrontation ..in my dreams, i threatened him using my unborn child, saying that he has put us at risk of Aids and VD and that I'm gonna kill myself and the child etc etc.. He was remorseful in the dream.
I'll try to put a closure to this by friday..thank you all.
I'll try to put a closure to this by friday..thank you all.
totally agree with stickymouse and milo. a gd and thorough explanation. =)
merito: put the nightmare behind u. it might juz be totally opposite in real life. and pls do not use ur dream to control wat u intend to speak to him if its a yes. never never threaten. its a precious life in ur stomach and ur life is as precious too! begin talking to him in a calm mood. accept the fact whether its a yes or no and find a solution from there.
merito: put the nightmare behind u. it might juz be totally opposite in real life. and pls do not use ur dream to control wat u intend to speak to him if its a yes. never never threaten. its a precious life in ur stomach and ur life is as precious too! begin talking to him in a calm mood. accept the fact whether its a yes or no and find a solution from there.
Hi All,
thank you for your your advice. I managed to speak to him last night. I was cranky after working 13hours straight and he tried to soothe me by telling me I shouldnt be so unhappy cos will affect baby etc. Then after struggling for a while, i asked him in a nice tone. He is someone who would stammer badly and keep changing subject if he lies (for eg if he has overslept b4 during football seasons and didnt dare tell me he missed work), yesterday he looked at me straight in the eye and assured me that he would never do be unfaithful to me, let alone look for pros. I cant say how relieved i was to hear that..i'm happy to know that he is still my sweet guy whos honest and kind..He said that someone had given him the contacts and he pasted in email to forward to people. He didnt mentioned who, else they will be blacklisted by me for sure and I didnt probe further. All i needed was his assurance...He wasnt angry at me for peeping at his mail too. i would say he really forgot his pw is autosaved cos he thought i hacked into his email using some software and this, i didnt clarify.
Now I can focus on my morning sickness and work stress already with 1 less problem..
thank you for your your advice. I managed to speak to him last night. I was cranky after working 13hours straight and he tried to soothe me by telling me I shouldnt be so unhappy cos will affect baby etc. Then after struggling for a while, i asked him in a nice tone. He is someone who would stammer badly and keep changing subject if he lies (for eg if he has overslept b4 during football seasons and didnt dare tell me he missed work), yesterday he looked at me straight in the eye and assured me that he would never do be unfaithful to me, let alone look for pros. I cant say how relieved i was to hear that..i'm happy to know that he is still my sweet guy whos honest and kind..He said that someone had given him the contacts and he pasted in email to forward to people. He didnt mentioned who, else they will be blacklisted by me for sure and I didnt probe further. All i needed was his assurance...He wasnt angry at me for peeping at his mail too. i would say he really forgot his pw is autosaved cos he thought i hacked into his email using some software and this, i didnt clarify.
Now I can focus on my morning sickness and work stress already with 1 less problem..
btw ladies..now i'm still very early in my pregnancy, when i saw gynae on 23 Oct, it was speculated at only 5-6 weeks old and did not have a heartbeat yet. the gynae could not confirm its age 100% because of my super irregular period. So here's my question..I have to wait another 2 weeks for my next checkup. So in the meantime, how would I know if the egg is still growing??
blingbride
New Member
Hi Merito, I am soo glad and relieved to hear that your hubby is still yours only and very 'chaste'.. Haha.. Take it as an obstacle thrown at you both and to bring you closer as a growing family! Dont worry anymore things are gonna be great from now on and hmm, bout your quest..
I wouldnt be able to advise on your particular question 100% but to my knowledge, the initial stage, the baby's just like a blood clot, no formation, no form. As months grow, they should develop nicely but the greatest sign of pregnancy is not having your mensus. So long as you are 'delayed' and not experiencing any great tummy pain and discomfort, you are doing fine.. Just take good care of yourself and dont stress up yourself mentally or physically. I pray all should go well for you. Do update us though, would love to hear how well you're doing and good news bout your new baby!
I wouldnt be able to advise on your particular question 100% but to my knowledge, the initial stage, the baby's just like a blood clot, no formation, no form. As months grow, they should develop nicely but the greatest sign of pregnancy is not having your mensus. So long as you are 'delayed' and not experiencing any great tummy pain and discomfort, you are doing fine.. Just take good care of yourself and dont stress up yourself mentally or physically. I pray all should go well for you. Do update us though, would love to hear how well you're doing and good news bout your new baby!
you would usually be able to see heartbeat from week 8 onwards. one way to know if your baby is still developing is the presence of morning sickness.
there is always the expensive way of using pregnancy test kit or ovulation test kit everyday but it may not serve your purpose (undeveloped egg or blighted ovum still can reveal pregnancy positives).
there is too much to worry about for the next 9 months and 20 years. human bodies are amazing, let it takes its own course.
go to sgmotherhood forum
there is always the expensive way of using pregnancy test kit or ovulation test kit everyday but it may not serve your purpose (undeveloped egg or blighted ovum still can reveal pregnancy positives).
there is too much to worry about for the next 9 months and 20 years. human bodies are amazing, let it takes its own course.
go to sgmotherhood forum
Hi everyone,
Just went for my 2nd check up last week. BB is now 8 weeks old and has a heartbeat. I have not gained weight at all, but my belly is gradually showing. I wonder how one gets big without increase in weight?
I'm getting worried..As i wasnt taking folic acid at all until I went for my 1st checkup. Very worried if BB's spine is ok? At the recent checkup the gynae said everything looks good and will see me in a month's time. I read at motherhood forum that someone discovered her bb has spine problem and the pregnancy had to be terminated and I'm so scared.
Just went for my 2nd check up last week. BB is now 8 weeks old and has a heartbeat. I have not gained weight at all, but my belly is gradually showing. I wonder how one gets big without increase in weight?
I'm getting worried..As i wasnt taking folic acid at all until I went for my 1st checkup. Very worried if BB's spine is ok? At the recent checkup the gynae said everything looks good and will see me in a month's time. I read at motherhood forum that someone discovered her bb has spine problem and the pregnancy had to be terminated and I'm so scared.
alcifertoh
New Member
Folic acid is just a supplement for the neural development of the baby. It is advisable to take one per day but it's not some wonder pill that work miracles. Our parents gave birth to us healthy and strong without any folic acids too.
What's most important is to keep your emotions in check. Stay positive because worrying and negative mindset is what that is going to affect the growth of the baby.
What's most important is to keep your emotions in check. Stay positive because worrying and negative mindset is what that is going to affect the growth of the baby.
maybe i shld stop reading too much negative stories... thanks folks..
I've not informed everyone of my pregnancy, only close family members..waiting for 1st trimester to be over. The vomiting is crazy! The only thing that stays in me is my lunch; breakfast and dinner get thrown up fairly quickly everyday..
I've not informed everyone of my pregnancy, only close family members..waiting for 1st trimester to be over. The vomiting is crazy! The only thing that stays in me is my lunch; breakfast and dinner get thrown up fairly quickly everyday..
Folic acid, if it is to be taken should be done before conception - before you get pregnant and during early pregnancy. By the time you know you are pregnant, it is probably too late.
But not to worry. If you are taking leafy green vegetables regularly, you may not be deficient in folate (folic acid).
Even if you do not have enough folate, there is also not much cause for alarm.
But not to worry. If you are taking leafy green vegetables regularly, you may not be deficient in folate (folic acid).
Even if you do not have enough folate, there is also not much cause for alarm.
merito,
i suffered from horrible pregnancy symptoms too.
i tried taking chinese tea and somehow it helps to curb to nausea a little. also sour plums work, but you might want to try out which kind works for you. some worked for me but some made me feel worse.
a friend suggested drinking milk right after you vomit so that your larynx doesnt get affected from the stomach acids, but i couldnt take milk and substituted chinese tea instead.
hope you'll sail into 2nd trimester smoothly!
i suffered from horrible pregnancy symptoms too.
i tried taking chinese tea and somehow it helps to curb to nausea a little. also sour plums work, but you might want to try out which kind works for you. some worked for me but some made me feel worse.
a friend suggested drinking milk right after you vomit so that your larynx doesnt get affected from the stomach acids, but i couldnt take milk and substituted chinese tea instead.
hope you'll sail into 2nd trimester smoothly!
alcifertoh
New Member
Stardust, drinking milk after vomitting makes you a merlion.
Have small meals. If you having problem leaving your dinner in, try to have your dinner earlier. The way to go is small meals at intervals.
To help the sickness, try to have hourly snacks. Snacking as in one or two pieces of biscuit and not a bag of chips. When there's something in your stomach, the acid level will be kept low and prevents the build up of the volume that leads to puking.
By the way, some ppl lose instead of gaining weight during pregnancy. It's normal.
Have small meals. If you having problem leaving your dinner in, try to have your dinner earlier. The way to go is small meals at intervals.
To help the sickness, try to have hourly snacks. Snacking as in one or two pieces of biscuit and not a bag of chips. When there's something in your stomach, the acid level will be kept low and prevents the build up of the volume that leads to puking.
By the way, some ppl lose instead of gaining weight during pregnancy. It's normal.
really? thankfully i didnt try then, i hate milk. =) but my friend's brother is a dr and he was the one who suggested taking a little milk after throwing up to neutralize the acidity..
unfortunately when i was pregnant i couldnt eat anything except macdonalds' fries. everything else came right back up, so merito, u've gotta try what you can take.
glucose water is good too.gives energy and dampens nausea for me.
unfortunately when i was pregnant i couldnt eat anything except macdonalds' fries. everything else came right back up, so merito, u've gotta try what you can take.
glucose water is good too.gives energy and dampens nausea for me.
alcifertoh
New Member
I see. Originally I thought milk was a remedy too till told about it from my wife's gynae. Try to do the hourly snacking thing. Helps to keep the acidity in check.