Needed opinions

[starling0808]

I have been together with my husband (then boyfriend) for about 8 years and we are married for 3 years. Recently we have a 4 months old baby and hired a domestic helper. Things have changed since. He will jump at every small mistake that I do, even to the extend of scolding me in front of the helper. Not only that, he will also stare or scold at me in front of family or friends. I have told him many times to spare a thought for my ego and talk nicely but he doesnt care. He felt that I deserved a scolding for making mistakes and should just suck it up. Most of the time I just endured and smile it off as I do not want to create a scene in front of everyone else. He became very intolerant to me. He will rebut when we say his mistakes, like driving too quickly as there is a baby in the car. He will never acknowledge his mistake and always thinks he is correct while others committing the same thing is wrong. This is something which I cannot accept.
There is only so much I can take before I decided to blow up. Baby and helper was in the car when i couldnt control any longer and scolded vulgarity on him. This is the first time i scolded someone so badly because I have reached my threshold. I realised I couldn't live with him anymore. I do not wish our child to grow up in such an unhappy family. I'm not too sure of the reason why he changed throughout these years. Perhaps he is more successful in his career and resulted in the distance between us? Regardless of the reason, I felt I will be happier without him. It has been a very stressful pregnancy and now a very stressful life. I have to be cautious 100% of the time else he will embarrass me in front of our helper or anyone else. Nobody is able to contain him, including his parents. He doesn't care about my feelings and ego whereas if I were to do the same, he will not let me off.
Pls advise on the separation procedures. We have a HDB which we bought together for 1 yr plus. Should we get a divorce straight? What about the custody of the child?

 

[miloice]

hi there, you mentioned that things changed after birth of your child. Calm down. Its a 8 years relationship and 3 years marriage.

Unfortunately, parenthood is a terribly stressful transition and not every person can handle this well at all. In my marriage, I see my wife losing it after our 2nd son is born, she is so stressed out and taking out on everyone, including my son and her own mother. She doesn't realize how much it is creeping into her psychologically. One needs to let go, align expectations to what is realistically feasible. Last month, she was admitted to hospital for pneumonia. It hurts to see her health failing. However, that hospitalization allowed her time to rest and recover. Away from the stress and the family.

Talk to your husband to understand his pov of view. Together, list out all the frustrations, and problems. Then, list all the solutions he thinks should happen. Lastly, list out all the positives. After that, PRIORITIZE the issues and solutions and figure what MOTIVATES both of you. Often, when you guys are so stressed out, you only see the negatives. Its a vicious cycle and reacting all the time. It is human to have emotions and we are all capable of caring or being complete jerks.

 

[Joes]

Maybe you should find out the real reason why he is blowing at you. That way you will know what caused it and problem can be solved. Divorce is not a simple procedure. It might seemed like an easy way out but the procedure is so harsh on the people involved physically and mentally that you really can't imagine. What I can perceive is he might be the one that is financially supporting the family. Probably it can be the cause of him disregarding as a human who also need the basic respect. To be honest, in Singapore, people regard the one that come out with the money 'deserved' to have all the rights to say and do anything they want. And it had already become a common thing here. So do find out what really 'went wrong' before you made any important decision in your life.

I have been together with my husband (then boyfriend) for about 8 years and we are married for 3 years. Recently we have a 4 months old baby and hired a domestic helper. Things have changed since. He will jump at every small mistake that I do, even to the extend of scolding me in front of the helper. Not only that, he will also stare or scold at me in front of family or friends. I have told him many times to spare a thought for my ego and talk nicely but he doesnt care. He felt that I deserved a scolding for making mistakes and should just suck it up. Most of the time I just endured and smile it off as I do not want to create a scene in front of everyone else. He became very intolerant to me. He will rebut when we say his mistakes, like driving too quickly as there is a baby in the car. He will never acknowledge his mistake and always thinks he is correct while others committing the same thing is wrong. This is something which I cannot accept.
There is only so much I can take before I decided to blow up. Baby and helper was in the car when i couldnt control any longer and scolded vulgarity on him. This is the first time i scolded someone so badly because I have reached my threshold. I realised I couldn't live with him anymore. I do not wish our child to grow up in such an unhappy family. I'm not too sure of the reason why he changed throughout these years. Perhaps he is more successful in his career and resulted in the distance between us? Regardless of the reason, I felt I will be happier without him. It has been a very stressful pregnancy and now a very stressful life. I have to be cautious 100% of the time else he will embarrass me in front of our helper or anyone else. Nobody is able to contain him, including his parents. He doesn't care about my feelings and ego whereas if I were to do the same, he will not let me off.
Pls advise on the separation procedures. We have a HDB which we bought together for 1 yr plus. Should we get a divorce straight? What about the custody of the child?

 

[life_is]

I have been together with my husband (then boyfriend) for about 8 years and we are married for 3 years. Recently we have a 4 months old baby and hired a domestic helper. Things have changed since. He will jump at every small mistake that I do, even to the extend of scolding me in front of the helper. Not only that, he will also stare or scold at me in front of family or friends. I have told him many times to spare a thought for my ego and talk nicely but he doesnt care. He felt that I deserved a scolding for making mistakes and should just suck it up. Most of the time I just endured and smile it off as I do not want to create a scene in front of everyone else. He became very intolerant to me. He will rebut when we say his mistakes, like driving too quickly as there is a baby in the car. He will never acknowledge his mistake and always thinks he is correct while others committing the same thing is wrong. This is something which I cannot accept.
There is only so much I can take before I decided to blow up. Baby and helper was in the car when i couldnt control any longer and scolded vulgarity on him. This is the first time i scolded someone so badly because I have reached my threshold. I realised I couldn't live with him anymore. I do not wish our child to grow up in such an unhappy family. I'm not too sure of the reason why he changed throughout these years. Perhaps he is more successful in his career and resulted in the distance between us? Regardless of the reason, I felt I will be happier without him. It has been a very stressful pregnancy and now a very stressful life. I have to be cautious 100% of the time else he will embarrass me in front of our helper or anyone else. Nobody is able to contain him, including his parents. He doesn't care about my feelings and ego whereas if I were to do the same, he will not let me off.
Pls advise on the separation procedures. We have a HDB which we bought together for 1 yr plus. Should we get a divorce straight? What about the custody of the child?

There are people who will never admit their mistakes. Maybe he needs a counsellor if you can't talk sense into him. Have seen people who always insist they are right at the expense of others. It is tiring to deal with such people, and if there is no way to continue, for the sake of your personal well being, leaving may be an option. But don't give up until you two have a good talk.