Needed advice

P

pots

New Member
Can someone advice me what should i do? i going into depression soon.

I have been noticed my hubby has been sending sms to a lady at his workplace? Those caring msg like asking her to leave early, n i don seem there is a need to tell her, his going back home. y he need to do that? i have ask him what he want, he chosen this family, but he still sending sms to her.
 


Sometimes men have this tendency to flirt around with women...frankly there is really nothing much u can do...just do ur best to make sure he dun cross the line..this is how adultery starts after all....><"
 
Thank you for your reply. But whenever i saw this msg, can't control my anger n start questioning all this but he will never wan to speak out. then what am i suppose to do?
 
yes, as a wife u got the rights to tell him that u don't like it. If u don't enforce this, he will take it for granted and he will get worse
 
my hubby think that he didn't do anything wrong. he still want this family. he say each of us need some privacy. haiz.
 
Its not about taking for granted. He is lying and concealing information. No one will get communication channels opened by demanding the right to. It only shuts it.

Look at the line of reasoning...
"But whenever i saw this msg, can't control my anger n start questioning all this but he will never wan to speak out. then what am i suppose to do?"

It makes the partner fully at fault and the wife is 'right' to behave in any manner she deems.
 
milo, i tink i don need your comment seriously. did i ever say is my partner fault? i just want to know what can i do to make is marriage work again.
 
1stly, u should cool down.

and 2ndly, if u hv chosen ur family too, u should start working on ways to improve ur marriage... 冰冻三尺，éžä¸€æ—¥ä¹‹å¯’ u know?

getting hysterical is a big no-no...

u're creating reasons for him to dump u.
 
This is a difficult situation and my heart goes out to you because I FEEL (sorry must write in bold so that ppl in the forum will not accuse of being prejudiced)his heart has already wavered and that he PROBABLY has something going on with her but just didn't want to admit to you.

I think you have to draw the line with him and get him on the topic again. Some men like him may not admit until they are caught redhanded and their behaviour turned 360 degrees and would either start pleading for your forgiveness or bid gdbye to you. A rare group might fight back instead of taking flight.

You must be prepared for all kinds of consequences whether you choose to keep quiet, monitor and collect info (like a research) or bring this up to him again and start a conversation on what you think is appropriate/inappropriate in terms of closeness with friends of the opposite gender.

The good thing is..you're at least not in self-denial that everything is okay since he tells you so.
 
tell your husband that u respect his privacy, but not in using the trust in him to send those kind of message to another lady. If u were to do this to another man, can he take it?
 
denise, hmm but he always at home with me, weekend also with me. how am i suppose to get him to the topic again? cos whenever i start on the topic, he would ask me want i wan to prove when there is nothing happen between them, just the caring msg only.
 
if he love the family and u, he will not take the risk to still communicate with that lady.

Also since u have confronted him, he might just do his homework before he comes home and make he deleted all the messages. Like this u will never know what is going on.
 
Nikki, he didn't know i peek into his hp. but i saw the msg in the the delete folder rather in inbox msg, so what this mean?
 
he did not say, he say there is nothing wrong between us. ask me what i wan to proved by those sms i saw.
 
you got a choice to flirt with other man too. do back the same to him. see what his reaction. life is short. why make yourself unhappy?
 
Frankly speaking u r treading on dangerous ground rite now....i mean if u r to rein in on ur hubby now...there is the possibilities that he get all frustrated n u end up pushing him to the other party....

If u dun reins in on him....he might just do watever u want.....

Maybe u should really have a good talk with him...minus all the frustrations blah blah....

Tell him how u feel etc etc...wat solution u propose...

If he still insists on doing what he does...u better keeps a close eye on him...

Coz one of my friend actually is also a family man....go home on time...weekend with wife....but yet....have quickie with the secretary during lunch time in the office...><"

And pls dun flirts with other men unless u want to end ur marriage....doesn't mean one party is doing something wrong ..u need to payback....

Erm do try to find out more info on the other woman 2...it will helps...><"
 
PI will helps...as long as u willing to part with ur money...not possible for ur hubby to know anyway....if it buys u a peace of mind...just engage PI...><"

But prepare to spend money big time....><"
 
Pots....
read your msg again...
"But whenever i saw this msg, can't control my anger n start questioning all this but he will never wan to speak out. then what am i suppose to do?"

You are faulting your inability to control your emotions and reactions to his behavior. It is not groundless, yes, his behavior makes you insecure. Tell him that, communicate with him. Losing your temple and over-reacting solves nothing. We see children fighting over with initiated the 1st provocation, but completely blind to their bad reactions. This is the point I'm putting across. Get a grib of yourself.
 
"just want to get some advice what is the correct way to talk to my hubby"

nobody can help u on that... u'll hv to find it urself...

use the eyes in ur heart to see
happy.gif
 
Personally speaking i thinks u need to find a guy to relate ur problem n ask him how u should talk to ur hubby...

But not someone from this forum la...got to be someone u know in real life n u r willing to relate everything to him....not just any tom dick or harry....

Becoz it takes a guy to know how a guy thinks.....coz man n woman thinks very differently....><"
 
Pots, It is too early to tell whether there is anything going on with the two of them. If that someone is a guy, are you going to suspect that he is a gay? Creating Scenarios in the mind is far more destructive to yourself than to find out the real truth. Or it will come to a point that you believe those self created scenarios when it is completely different from the truth.

You need to tell him about it when you don't like it. It is up to him to decide what to do. Relationship is like treating small animals, hold gently but firmly so they don't get away but not to tight that they will die from it.

To make the marriage work again? Restart the relationship, Introduce yourself and get to know your husband all over again.
 
Getting angry and emotional, then coming with a string of questions probably isn't going to help. If you just address that as you can't help it, you will forever behave this way in crisis in your marriage. Think about it.
 
hi pots,

some questions - are you needy by nature? as in, you want him to be by your side if it's not due to work?

perhaps i'm kinda seeing it as him having a poor social life - by nature or some external forces - and it may be getting accumulative in the emotional sense.

pls correct me if i'm wrong.
 
Hi pots,

Since you know your hubby's lady colleague, you can source more information about her discreetly.

What has the other woman has that you don't have.
Eg. caring, gentle, aspiring, pretty, sexy etc....
What makes your hubby attracts to her?

After you know the answer, work on yourself and be better than her.
See the situation and act accordingly, be natural always and never get emotional or angry.

Involve your hubby more in your life, with you, with his parents, siblings, his best friends.

When your hubby has a more enjoyable time with you than her. He will gradually forget her and the other woman will give him a hard time while you give your hubby a good time.

Be the angel and let her be the witch.

From what I see from your post, you seem to get angry, hysterical, emotional, you are letting yourself be a witch and the other woman be the sweet angel.

Try to turn the situation around but remember be natural and subtle so that it doesn't back fire.
 
Face it. If he really want to stray, there's little you can do. If you keep checking on his hp, he can always resort to deleting smses before going home. Regular confrontations and questionings will just turn him away from you. You might want to continue to be a loving wife and remind him of the consequences if he ever stray.

Make sure he gets the consequences if u really catch him straying.
 
360 degrees is one full circle, back to square one. Half of 360, 180 degrees is like `six o´clock`, the opposite.
 
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