Need Advise for Guo Da li as facing problem with future MIL

[xiaomei06]

Hi all,

I wanna check is it a must to Guo Da li for chinese ?
As recently I meet some problem with my future MIL..
She dont want to held Tea Ceremony, She just want us to ROM.
Tea Ceremony & others will be done 2 years later after we settle down with our coming new flat..
After discuss and she consider for months!! She finally agree we will do Tea Ceremony at the venue but not groom house..
So I'm wondering if i should voice out for Guo Da li as i not sure if it a must to do anot. Sigh....

Hope to get some advise here..
Thanks in advance!!

 

[Esvta]

Hi all,

I wanna check is it a must to Guo Da li for chinese ?
As recently I meet some problem with my future MIL..
She dont want to held Tea Ceremony, She just want us to ROM.
Tea Ceremony & others will be done 2 years later after we settle down with our coming new flat..
After discuss and she consider for months!! She finally agree we will do Tea Ceremony at the venue but not groom house..
So I'm wondering if i should voice out for Guo Da li as i not sure if it a must to do anot. Sigh....

Hope to get some advise here..
Thanks in advance!!

What I understand is that.. To the older generation, ROM is like engagement though is legally married la .. Normally traditional parent are more concern about the Chinese tradition and banquet which they see as "officially married" to them.. Does not make sense though cause to me, legal and official means the same thing..

Those who does banquet after ROM, usually guo da Li and tea ceremony goes together with banquet since they all belong to the Chinese tradition..

I think you have to explained to your MIL on the meaning of Guo da Li.. And the steps for Chinese custom..

Meet the bride's family (traditionally known as 提亲)
Groom's family thank bride's family 过大礼
Bride's family return part of their kindness 回礼
Groom's fetch bride (actual day)
Bride goes groom's house with her dowry
Offer tea to groom's family - acknowledge and respect
Then return to bride's house
Offer tea to bride's family
Banquet and celebrate..

When is your gate crashing? If not, then will there be tea ceremony again 2yrs later? I think it will confuse the procedure..

Above is just my understanding la.. Of cause in the modern society now, it does not really matter what u do actually.. As long as both families come to a common understanding and agreement on how the wedding should be..

Actually I don't like to complicate this too so im having everything together..

 

[xiaomei06]

What I understand is that.. To the older generation, ROM is like engagement though is legally married la .. Normally traditional parent are more concern about the Chinese tradition and banquet which they see as "officially married" to them.. Does not make sense though cause to me, legal and official means the same thing..

Those who does banquet after ROM, usually guo da Li and tea ceremony goes together with banquet since they all belong to the Chinese tradition..

I think you have to explained to your MIL on the meaning of Guo da Li.. And the steps for Chinese custom..

Meet the bride's family (traditionally known as 提亲)
Groom's family thank bride's family 过大礼
Bride's family return part of their kindness 回礼
Groom's fetch bride (actual day)
Bride goes groom's house with her dowry
Offer tea to groom's family - acknowledge and respect
Then return to bride's house
Offer tea to bride's family
Banquet and celebrate..

When is your gate crashing? If not, then will there be tea ceremony again 2yrs later? I think it will confuse the procedure..

Above is just my understanding la.. Of cause in the modern society now, it does not really matter what u do actually.. As long as both families come to a common understanding and agreement on how the wedding should be..

Actually I don't like to complicate this too so im having everything together..

Thank you for your reply..
I also dont wanna make it complicated that why I wanted to put everything together. But I spoken to my future MIL about this. But she want us to make it simple.
So she suggest us to do ROM only (Not even gate crashing & dinner). After this and that blah blah..
She finally agree that we have our gate crashing, tea ceremony & ROM lunch on same day. (I had remove the dinner as I lazy to hold it 2 years later)
But as for Tea Ceremony for groom side all will be held at ROM venue and brides can held at my own house.

Well, I know she is making my life hard.. But i can't do anything. sigh..
I really dont know should i bring up the guo da li to her when i meet her tomorrow. As I worry she will start to think all over again..

And also, I checked with my master is it a must to step in to groom house during auspicious hour? My master replied that is a must to step in to groom house for the sake of our relationship.

But now my future MIL wanted to hold the tea ceremony at ROM venue means I got no chance to step into groom house? I really don't know how to carry on with the plans..
Sigh.....

 

[innocentwar]

Normally it's the older generation who wanted all the traditional customaries, and the younger generations wants a simpler one. But in your case, it's the opposite.

FYI, i had a simple one, just like what your MIL prefer. We do away the Guo Da Li, morning gate crashing, and tea ceremony (both groom and brides side)was at the lunch venue. We din really bother about the auspicious hours either.

So all these are really up to individuals as to whether they think those customaries are a must or not...

 

[Esvta]

actually after reading what you said... i agreed with innocentwar... usually is the younger generation that wanna do away with the traditions and yours seem to be the opposite case.. i actually wish for a simple wedding like yours.. Fetch the bride - Go ROM venue place - tea ceremony - ROM ceremony - buffet / party - honeymoon!

Custom and their belief is up to individuals... must not read too much into it cause it is not healthy.. there is never a must-do or must-not.. there are couples who go through the custom and their marriage still turn sour.. vice versa.. one marriage is build up by 2 person; not by custom / traditions..

maybe you will be glad that your MIL do away with the custom.. because it is really alot to do and plan and coordinate.. with the different dialect and all.. plus it increased the wedding budget.. and you see alot people selling their guo da li stuff on forum because they have no use for it after the ceremony.. so look on the bright side! what about your parent's opinion?

more and more people are having a simple ceremony.. without the chinese custom (except tea ceremony) and no banquet.. it's ideal as having a wedding banquet in SG is not cheap and not interesting..

 

[xiaomei06]

actually after reading what you said... i agreed with innocentwar... usually is the younger generation that wanna do away with the traditions and yours seem to be the opposite case.. i actually wish for a simple wedding like yours.. Fetch the bride - Go ROM venue place - tea ceremony - ROM ceremony - buffet / party - honeymoon!

Custom and their belief is up to individuals... must not read too much into it cause it is not healthy.. there is never a must-do or must-not.. there are couples who go through the custom and their marriage still turn sour.. vice versa.. one marriage is build up by 2 person; not by custom / traditions..

maybe you will be glad that your MIL do away with the custom.. because it is really alot to do and plan and coordinate.. with the different dialect and all.. plus it increased the wedding budget.. and you see alot people selling their guo da li stuff on forum because they have no use for it after the ceremony.. so look on the bright side! what about your parent's opinion?

more and more people are having a simple ceremony.. without the chinese custom (except tea ceremony) and no banquet.. it's ideal as having a wedding banquet in SG is not cheap and not interesting..

Thank you for your advise.
My parents have no opinion. They just let me handle as long as Im happy.
Noted with all your advise. I shall wait and see what they say tomorrow when i meet my future MIL.. ^_^

 

[Esvta]

Try to accommodate and compromise... And let the wedding planning be a happy process all the best and congrats!

 

[xiaomei06]

Try to accommodate and compromise... And let the wedding planning be a happy process all the best and congrats!

Thanks my dear.. I really hope everything will goes smoothly..