My 1st bf cheating on me?? Need all u gals advice please..

S

sandwich

New Member
I'm 25 this yr and nvr had bf before. We were classmates for 4yrs.

After we grad, he went out with my sec sch classmate who is v high flying. And he sometimes ask me out but I always asked him "pls tell her also that I am out with you" cos dun want love triangle.. He proposed to her this yr but she dumped him, he was v traumatised.

Now we r together for 1.5 mths. I knew tt he was dumped but also thought we could try together cos i was also attracted to him. Then his ex kept smsing him saying "why dun u stay with her for 2-3mths and do your duty to her then we can be tog again" we quarrelled a lot. he even told me his ex hates me. I dunno why she hates me when i try to be fair to her last time. Now he is still in touch w her and when she sms "i am thinking of you" he also reply the same thing. and sometimes she also sms him "I love you".

I feel I really suffer a lot, try to be gd gf and stand by him when his ex's mum call him and scream at him for hurting her daughter, and when his ex's frens call him up and scream at him. I will just sit beside him and comfort him. I told him I wanna be v and he said he dun go "full" but I felt a lot of pain I think I'm not v anymore. I gave up my body and my religion to him, try to lose weight cos his dad said i not as pretty as his ex. and he said i am fat too, although he also says he is fat..

I went to Kuan Im temple to pray cos I'm v confused already but the chiam say to wait and that future is very misty, things ??may get better (I dunno) when we quarrel he always reassure me and say he love me v much and he "is working on it" to not cheat on me in future, but also say that 1 out of 2 couples will cheat.. is this normal? my heart so torn. feel like crying everytime. why so sad that my first bf is like that? and his ex is such a @#$%. maybe we only tog for 1.5 mths but at least respect me and dun keep in touch w her? he already promised me he will sms her like once every 3 days but he don't do that. when i sms him he reply v short but he smsed her what he is having for supper. he keep saying he is frens with all his ex (and he has 6 ex) but he also told me last time that he always liked me since 4yrs ago when we were classmates..

I want to spend some gd times building happy memories w him but so confused now,
gals/guys out there pls help me and advice me! :'(
 


i love him.. i used to wish he wld ask me out last time too. but then again didn't noe he was this kind of person. anyway if i dun love him i wld dump him already right
 
tell me the reasons u won't dump him, besides loving him.

wah so late liao, i gotta go.

and u gotta go figure it out urself
happy.gif


gd nite~
 
my dear girl, u have to respect urself first before others will respect u.

to keep my answer short, this is relationship is not normal. u should break off with him right now (send him an sms right now) and not contact him ever again.

i am going to be harsh here. u may think that u r sacrificing a lot for this guy, but to him and to his ex and to his family, u are just a cheap girl.

they are stepping all over u, he is using ur body when he doesn't care about u, and u don't even dare to make a sound.

let me decipher the chiam for u, the future is misty because u r confused. it will get better if u finally come to ur senses and break off with him.

learn ur lesson well. if u don't know what a normal relationship is like, please go and read some books or women's magazines.
 
well hamandcheese,

u're in love with an unknown past which u wish u had, and now tat u have, u FEEL u should grab on to it. actually more like grasp...

i Dun see a longlasting relationship here at all, in fact i think u're on your way tp be one of those sad cases which i see every now n then.

Until u learn to love yourself, things are not gonna happen for u... this guy is not serious abt u.
 
sorry to hear this, but u should learn to love yourself.

Like wat others said, this guy doesnt deserve ur love & time at all. no one is showing respect to u (from the comment u have put)

love urself, take care babe
 
You know when a person steps into a relationship, the relationship should improve the quality of life, not DIMINISH it. By quality of life, I meant that as an individual, you should be a happier person and not have to give up so much that you become a mere shell for others to impose their wills on you. I see so many girls like you venting their frustrations on the forums but really, I think you know deep deep inside somewhere what you should do. It's a matter of whether you love yourself enough to step out of this lousy relationship or not. Learn to 自爱 a bit more, can? Stop thinking like a Qiong Yao heroine, pls. Self-suffering is both needless and stupid.
 
Hamandcheese, you need not suffer so much. Perhaps he's your lst bf so you are willing to go this extra mile for me. Trust me, you'll meet men who are a lot better than him and you deserve someone better. Looks like he's not willing to even 'sacrifice' a little for you but you could go all the way for him. Try to exit from this one-dimensional relationship.
 
hamandcheese: no doubt he is your first, but that doesn't mean he will be your last and apparently, he is also not returning your love as much as you love him. I am not saying that love has to be equal but is it fair if you are the one giving and he is the one receiving always?

It is true tat we can be friends with our exs and we can still remain in contact with them, but I see a need to prioritse and be clear of the line. Do you think your bf is doing this?

Do you realli think / believe that your bf is treasuring you? Endless wait might not leads to good results.
 
Hamandcheese: I agree w ajumma. Pls read her post again n take a few days break from ur bf to think abt ur own life. Honestly, at the age of 25, u shd be more matured n sensible n open ur eyes to c the kind of guy ur bf is. Y are u taking in 'unwanted goods'? His gf broke off w him n u are so conveniently by his side as always, so he just selfishly took u as his new gf n had sex w u despite u telling him tat u want to keep ur virginity. It clearly shows he doesnt care abt u at all. Chances are he may not have been telling u the truth abt his gf.

It is only u who is silly enough to allow urself to suffer. The choice is urs. If u dun step out now, he will break up w u soon after using u n when he has found another gal to be w or he mite be cheating on u w his ex-gf.

Btw, i think u have no rights to blame his ex-gf. U shd have kept a distance from him in the past when he was attached. Plus for him to get tgr w u so quickly after he broke up w her, speaks volumes abt the both of u. Him just using u as a temporary float n free sex object. U being brainless. Y shd his ex stop msging him, when it is actually him who shd cut off all contact w her? It doesnt matter wat his ex does. It matters wat he does n how he responds to her actions. Think abt it. Otherwise, u can lament ur 'sad life' n wallow in self-pity n regret in time to come.
 
I read this oso faint liao.

Singapore has close to 6 million people and you are going to settle with this moron?

Go out a little more, have a drink, losen up a bit. (Don't forget to buy some nice panties.. that's important)

Maybe if you get laid a few, you wouldn't ponder this matter so much.

I'm not trying to be cheesy. I'm trying to say, you are only trapped by your own perspective. Free from that, the world is full of possibilities.

Oh yes.
 
thanks everyone for their kind advise! I talked to him today and said that he has to make a choice once and for all. and I dun want to meet him anymore until then. you all are right he is my first bf and this is really breaking my heart but I do want to give him a chance too. after all he did propose to his ex and she rejected him 3 times. so maybe their relationship is also quite deep. I will give myself some time to think maybe by 2011 if it dun get better I will leave.. you are right deep in my heart I know I should leave. but I want to give him chance to change
 
Propose 3 times = deep relationship. I cannot believe what I'm reading is from a 25 yrs old. you don't talk nor reason your age. Go date more and be confident with yourself and know what you really want and need. What you have described is more like puppy love amongst teenagers.

So what he is your 1st bf. Most people don't marry their 1st. There is a reason why. Most do not have the exposure and experience to understand what they really want yet. We learn from experiences in life. Its completely normal.

If the relationship is deep, it would survive much more than this. It will not waiver like the way they are. You are being made use of. Wake up. Chance to change? Change what? You are a float for him to cling on to. You need to change your thinking and wake up.
 
its abt her need to live in a Korean / Taiwanese drama as the pitiful main lead that is so pure and innocent. its a dream and fantasy... The truth is flat in front of her. But, she choose to dwell in her dream still.
 
make sure u keep ur promise to urself, TS. don't meet him anymore until he cuts off all contact with the ex.

in the meantime, u have to change too. don't sacrifice everything for a guy as if ur religion and ur body are worthless. that is very sad. nobody will treasure u if u are so willing to throw everything away for a man who treats u badly.

relationships last when both parties respect each other. if ur bf does not respect u, he will not stay with u for long.
 
whats with all that venomous foaming at the mouth milo? i thought she is fairly sensible all things considered. she chose to do the right thing despite meeting a sucky guy on her first relationship. cut her some slack!
 
"after all he did propose to his ex and she rejected him 3 times. so maybe their relationship is also quite deep. I will give myself some time to think maybe by 2011 if it dun get better I will leave.. you are right deep in my heart I know I should leave. but I want to give him chance to change."

'So sensible' of her. Go temple for answers and give excuses to hold on to give him chance to change. In 2 months time, she will still be looking for new reasons to hold on. And living new dramas of misery that she put herself through.

Chose to do the right thing? LMAO. which temple did you go to for such a retarded thinking Toma?
 
one thing that always baffles me is WHY girls are always giving chances to guys who dun ask for them, nor actually bother to show that they want the chance...

i guess the girls are Actually giving an excuse to themselves, not a chance to the guys...
 
the thing that always baffles me, retards like Toma that encourage her 'sensible' thinking to continue giving chances to such men.
 
oh i forgot, you are the automaton that operates on a binary level - yes no, black white, 1 2, on off. no shades of gray, no empathy, and no intelligence. all is left is a dirty gutter of self righteous invective.

she is sensible because she took in sound advice, overcame her struggles and issued the guy an ultimatum. this from a young girl who is experiencing her first relationship. i don't understand all the vehement chest beatings. just remember you were once young and stupid too.
 
Seems quite obvious that he doesn't love you like he claims. His heart is obviously with the ex.

Please do yourself a favor and leave him.
 
Hamandcheese> I can somehow understand you. I wish I could marry to my 1st bf also, even he is not mature. Do you really love him? Or bcos he said he likes you for the past 4 yrs when you were classmates (while he has ex?)? Or becos he is the 1st guy ‘gao bai’ to you and wan you to be his gf? Or bcos you lost your v to him? Do you think this ‘love’ can last long? Sometimes, guy should responsible for certain thing that girl should not be take care/worry of. Do you think you should be with him for the rest of your life? If not / if you’re confused, why don’t stop now since only 1.5mths? Maybe you will think that you already ‘give’ to him, but in this era, it does not really mean anything. Maybe you can blame you are too naïve but let go now, definitely can lighten your hurt. 25yrs, you’re still young. You have to love yourself 1st before others can love you. Live confidently and a better man will come in near future… Word is easy, I told all this to myself last time when I was with my ex but I just simply cannot release, esp when he beg for patch back, we will be good for the first few months when problem come again. I tried very hard to be a good gf (I nv been in a relationship, I don’t know wat should a gf does) even we’re really not match. He likes this, I don’t like; I like this, he doesn’t. I told myself nvm, this is called ‘Pei He’. I can learn wat he likes to do, wear what he likes to see, etc. End up, I find myself too tired to maintain the relationship. Until I met another guy, we bcon ‘good friend’ as he knows I have bf already. One day, I told my ex I fall in love with somebody else then I make myself uncontactable. I have a lot of worries last time, e.g. we are poly classmates, all our grp of friends are same, if they know we break off sure a lot of qns. My exclassmates will think that I am bad girl, why ‘pi tui’. But now I am proud to say, nobody is going to responsible to your own happiness, only yourself. Outsiders can say very ugly word but if you continue to stay/leave, good or bad, will they feel it? They only see the surface… When you cried, even your best friend sit beside you, your heart is bleeding, they cannot share the pain.

I didn’t start relationship with the guy immediately (he never say like me also), I just wan to give myself a break then I found w/o ex, life still on, earth still running and nobody will cry for you…
 
Hamandcheese, it's obvious your BF doesnt love you the way you think he was... no point in giving him chances set him free! if he truly loves you he will come back to you!

PS. i'm a guy so base on what you wrote it's obvious he doesnt love you. So some respect and dignity to your self dont stoop too low for him he's not worth it.
 
Its yr choice to give up yr body / religion, he too have the choice not to appreciate all this. I doubt he isn't bedding this ex gf behind you. She doesnt sound like those who will not make moves to get him back.

U need to learn to love yourself more than this idiotic bf.
 
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