Living separately after customary wedding?

rongsher

New Member
Any couples out there who are staying separately after customary wedding? My fiancé and I had no luck looking for a place, condo too ex and hdb resale too over valued.. We are seriously thinking of staying separately if we don't find a place by Dec after we are married.. Staying at each others place is not an option cos MIL demands additional $300 allowance and that I can only stay weekends.. As for him, his dad will say he ru zhui if he stay at my place..
 


cococherry

New Member
Hi Sheryl,

I do have a friend who stay separately with her hus after customary wedding. SG is small, they can still meet up with each other everyday.

Renting a master room will cost around $700, condo too ex and have to wait for completion of their flat.

Husband staying at wife's place after married is quite common these days so perhaps you guys can try to discuss with his dad again.
 

crystal_cloud

New Member
actually its very common...among my frens, a handful already staying with wife's parents for a couple of comon reasons..eg, far from work place, mil house is packed..etc

seriously, your husband should speak up and be firm for both of your sake..renting a room is ex
and abit awkward having your landlord in a strange house...

before my new flat is ready, i tried renting a room with hubby...end up encountered some issues with landlord and moved away next mth

then moved in to my mom's house...coz previously i dun realli can get along with mil

what you can do is to stay at your own house probably 1 mth aft marriage then get your hubby to move in to your house aft that..gradually and not so blatantly after marriage..

whats impt is wat your hubby feel-- whether he also buy the idea of lu zui or he is ok?
 

clipperjunk

New Member
since his dad cannot offer a solution then he shouldn't restrict you guys....anyways these days its common to live with wife's family...it's not as if he is changing the family name and marrying into yours...
 

crystal_cloud

New Member
actually i do agree..
should try to give solutions rather than give problems to couple...wedding can be stressful if not managed well.

dun let this get you upset

i wonder if 'lu zui' this term only exists in chinese families...after gone thru home moving process to our first home, customary wedding, i do feel chinese customs is a hassle to us young adults..dun follow = elders not happy...follow = us feeling vexed out and hassles
 

cys

New Member
to answer your question, yes it is common for married couples to stay separate before finding suitable place. so no worries.
 

powder

Active Member
so u stay separately even tho u're husband and wife... over pple talking, and $300???

ok, good luck with all the major decisions in life.
 

giantemu

New Member
300 is not alot to pay - if you are staying in someone's place, its reasonable to fork out a bit of money to the maintenance of upkeep. Food, utilities etc.

even if you stay outside, surely your monthly expense will be 300 if not higher.

Unless of course, you have other issues with your MIL.

Or r u angling to stay with your parents and hopefully your husband can convince your FIL to see your way?
 

powder

Active Member
seriously lady,

$300 is like soooooooo cheap. 1yr only 3.6k which is other pple's 1month rent! have u ever checked the mkt price for renting 1 room???

if your $300 includes like allowance to MIL, even better... else i'd think give them $500 and stay with them for the time being...

i'm giving my mum 1.8k allowance and she's staying with me (of cos)...

u only need give $300 to stay with MIL... i dun know what u are thinking, my only guess is that subconsciously - u were never ready for married life... u just wanted to get married in a ceremony.
 

ariel84

New Member
I think she got mention she needs to pay $300 additional and only can stay weekends... if I read correctly...
 

powder

Active Member
gotcha on the additional $300. the stay weekend part needs clarification cos could mean either it's her choice or MIL choice... if that's an issue then husband stay with her...

else if all else fails - i have shared with some forummers on how i did it in the past - by renting a semi-d, then renting out all the rooms separately to frens at the same stage who wish to cohabit or married.
 

snoopies

New Member
Sheryl

My HTB will be staying at my place after our customary in Nov.
In fact, he is happily staying over at my place during the weekends and slowly getting used to my family. We do not see the reason why a man cannot live at his wife house in this century.

We have yet make any plans getting our new place as we do not want to be heavily financial burdened on wedding and housing matters at the same time… so taking its pace as it goes and moreover we are both very comfortable staying at my place.

Think having your FIL making that comment, this shows he is a very traditional man, probably he needs time to open up.

Paying a sum of $300.Think it is reasonable to pay for the maintenance and utilities etc. My HTB is gg to pay $500 monthly to my mum even she nv request for it. We felt its just right to do so.

If having pple talking about you and your hubby behind… sometimes it’s just unavoidable. I have some of my relatives asking my mum about this, but not that they are thinking low of us, but they are surprised that my HTB is willing to stay with us as not many guys able to do it, and they felt it is a nice gesture from him. You know la, after marriage, girls are so called ‘married off’ to other family, so by doing so, its also letting me spending more time with my family... specially my dad travels a lot, usually away for one full month or more every 2-3months. My HTB hopes we can be there for her any time.
 

wat_are_dreamz

New Member
Hi Sheryl, i have the same qn as mei_zi: why rush to get married when u havent found a house? It sounds as though ur future FIL is quite traditional, tats why he feels tat it is uncomfortable for the guy to stay in the gal's house. Personally, i don't think its healthy for a newlywed couple to stay apart unless the circumstances are really tough. I think parents wld also discourage couples from staying apart cos it takes time to build a strong n happy marriage.

I would suggest renting a place outside after ur marriage or to stay with ur in-laws and give ur future MIL $300-$500/month out of filial piety. U can discuss with ur future MIL again about staying with them to help care for them n contribute to the household chores. If u are easy to get along with n help out at ur in-laws place sincerely, i believe they would be pleased to have u stay with them for 1-2yrs until u get a place of ur own.
 
Is it ok to stay separately after marriage? While we had our own plans, booked the BS and stuff and his parents disagree with him moving into my place till our flat is ready in 2017 (thinking like lu zui kind zzz most prob) But he said he will stay over my place during the weekends. I don't like the idea though but he said marriage is about 2 families as he compromised by having a banquet requested by my dad, he expect me to give in too.
 

buddhabar

Active Member
I suggest you either rent a room or stay separate till you get your apartment. Staying with in laws is never easy and once there are conflicts, it would create negative vibes which in most cases result in differences between couples. Marriage itself is not easy so why create unnecessary problems.
 
I suggest you either rent a room or stay separate till you get your apartment. Staying with in laws is never easy and once there are conflicts, it would create negative vibes which in most cases result in differences between couples. Marriage itself is not easy so why create unnecessary problems.


Isn't it weird to stay separate after the customary wedding?
 

ohsammy

Member
I think it is definitely an uncommon practice to live apart, but I have heard of such cases before. But I would hate living with my in-laws even more, so I'd rather put up with living separately.

Haiz.. in SG, your entire relationship must be planned around getting a flat. If can't secure a place together before tying the knot, you won't feel like a married couple even if on paper you are husband and wife.
 
I think it is definitely an uncommon practice to live apart, but I have heard of such cases before. But I would hate living with my in-laws even more, so I'd rather put up with living separately.

Haiz.. in SG, your entire relationship must be planned around getting a flat. If can't secure a place together before tying the knot, you won't feel like a married couple even if on paper you are husband and wife.

Not true. I got my own flat in a superb location. If I do get married again, it would be our matrimonial flat. If not, I would just use it for my parents to stay over when they get older.
 

xue12

New Member
I have a friend who lives separately with her husband cus they are waiting for their flat to be completed, both houses R too small to accommodate one more pax so I don't think it's weird as long as both of you are agreeable n comfortable with it! :) don't be so harsh on urself! :)
 
This is Fioeve. I have a close girlfriend who is living separately from her husband for 4 yrs already after their solemisation in 2011. TOP for their private apt is 2016. They are holding their wedding this 31/1/15. They are continuing to leave separately until their flat is ready in 2016. So I do not see why couple cant do that if both agree this arrangement. They are still happily married couple. The girl will stay with her husband over weekend in his rented flat as he is a Malaysian & his family is at KL.
For me, my BTO flat ready in end 2017. My solemisation & wedding banquet on 24/10/15. Will be staying with my HTB family after the official wedding till my flat is ready which is gg to b 2 yrs. They are now arranging to do a reno of the room for me. Its also a learning process to live with in-laws during the 2 yrs while waiting for my BTO flat. I dun see there is a need to get a more costly resale flat as I got a great deal of BTO flat near to Yishun/Khabit MRT. 4-room (93 sq m) at $296,500 on the 11th floor with good facing & good location. So for now, I dun have to worry too much about renovation cost. By the time of TOP, my CPF has accumulated fund to finance the flat with lower principal loan sum. This reduces my loan period & interest.
 
TS,

Worry not, because you will have more issues when both of you start staying together. More challenges will surface and you would surely wish that both of you had stayed apart.
 

life_is

Active Member
please don't even consider staying apart. it is the reason i am divorced. people who want to stay with parents should not even consider getting married. if a couple has problems staying with each other, then the marriage is bound to fail. don't even consider staying with in laws because they can be a big problem. until you learn to live together as a couple, don't get married. lawyers cost a lot of money.
 
please don't even consider staying apart. it is the reason i am divorced. people who want to stay with parents should not even consider getting married. if a couple has problems staying with each other, then the marriage is bound to fail. don't even consider staying with in laws because they can be a big problem. until you learn to live together as a couple, don't get married. lawyers cost a lot of money.
I agree with this as well. It's also partly the reason why I am divorced. If girls are expecting the guys to be like those tv shows who would go to their house and woo them back, then I should say good luck to you. In real life, there are too much things to be bother about than copying those tv shows.
 

Shal

New Member
Neither did I see any issues staying apart till real problem arise and we r separated now.Initially, we both agreed but finally, he pushed the blame on me. Its really not easy to go thru separation so better consider 100X. Rather stay under one roof and deal with life together.
 

life_is

Active Member
I don't see any issue with staying apart seriously. As long as both are happy.

Only works in short term. What it does is make a marriage fail over a long period of time. For many years I questioned why I got married in the first place if she kept finding excuses to stay with her mother (happened for the entire marriage). End of the day, you will feel nothing for each other, and divorce will be inevitable.

I am now a strong advocate of cohabitation instead, knowing how much men stand to lose here. Too many male friends have told me about how lousy Singaporean women are and how unsuitable they are for wives. I agree completely seeing how almost every male friend I have is happily married to a foreigner with minimal problems. They don't complain much, and are willing to make sacrifices for their marriage. Importance is putting spouse first. Women here put themselves first.
 

life_is

Active Member
Neither did I see any issues staying apart till real problem arise and we r separated now.Initially, we both agreed but finally, he pushed the blame on me. Its really not easy to go thru separation so better consider 100X. Rather stay under one roof and deal with life together.

Most definitely. Ask any divorce lawyer and they will tell you that if you live apart long enough, there won't be a marriage left to salvage.
 
htb and i have no place to call our own after we have the wedding later this year also. we wanted to wait until we get a place but aiya BTO fail, condo resale too ex.. and besides we couldn't wait so we decided to jump the gun and get married lor.. ok lar quite bad planning in the heat of the moment. but right now we plan that we will stay half half in his house half half in mine cos his mom doesn't like the idea that the guy move "into" the female house (even though my house always empty lor cos my brother already move out and my mother travel a lot). but htb is understanding and insist that we will gradually shift to staying put in my house cos his house simply no space left for us (think 7 people fighting over 1 toilet at 7am in the morning before work). i agree that staying apart only works temporarily and living together brings about its perks and little joys too. jia you!
 

naiyoucreamy

Active Member
Initially our idea was also to stay separately. His mum is very understanding because she had also suggested for him to stay at my home.. im luckier.. i got balance flats so im just waiting for keys now..
 

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