Is this revenge?

[Ting2.1]

Hi all,
Been feeling really miserable these days. Can I get some advice? Or for someone to please scold me? My husband of 10 years recently admitted to adultery. He had an affair and had physically and sexually betrayed me with an ex-colleague whom I actually know. This betrayal really crushed me! We have 2 young kids and I always thought our relationship is stable. He is generally a good husband and father who spend lots of family time with us.I really cannot understand why and how he manage to squeeze time to have affair. couldn't believe my ears when he said sex with that b*tch was what he didn't know he need. Well, this indirectly means I'm lousy right? Actually, I don't think he is any expert either. Between us, our intimacy for these 10 years seldom go all the way to actual intercourse.. Always thought he enjoyed the bj.. N the rest.. Embarrassed to say this, I feel both of us are incumbent in sex, being vigrins before marriage and "innocent".. Anyway, my point is, we tried but usually just resort to other ways. Ok, the point is this, after the initial confusion and hurt, I have this intense feeling of revenge these days! I wanted to try out what he claimed "exciting" and thrill he experienced.. doing it be that b*tch. Am I dead? Why do I have this impulse? Why do i think of getting into an affair too.. For revenge? For thrill? Of course, not easy to find one la.. Is this thinking terrible? How can i help myself?

 

[clem]

Hi Ting2.1,
Please think twice... don't do something on impulse which you may regret in the rest of your life... it simply not worth it.

I believe you have also seen what others have shared in this forum, you are not alone. The husbands made stupid mistakes, the wives have all the reasons to feel angry, sad, lost, etc, and for sure the husbands are to blame... but don't make the same mistake your husband did.

You may think you also have the rights to revenge, since your hubby did it to you first... but trust me, you will feel even worse if you choose this path... deep inside your heart, you know this is wrong... hence if you choose to do it, you won't pass your own conscience.

If you really want to revenge, make your hubby regret the rest of his life by forgiving this time and let him make up a better family/marriage. Of course the prerequisite is you are willing to give him another chance.

If you must revenge by trying out those thrill with other guys... then I suggest you sort out your marriage with your hubby first before doing so... because by doing so at leat you are far more noble as compared to him.

Think again. Cool down first. People are here to support you.

 

[littlepinkpointes]

Hi all,
Been feeling really miserable these days. Can I get some advice? Or for someone to please scold me? My husband of 10 years recently admitted to adultery. He had an affair and had physically and sexually betrayed me with an ex-colleague whom I actually know. This betrayal really crushed me! We have 2 young kids and I always thought our relationship is stable. He is generally a good husband and father who spend lots of family time with us.I really cannot understand why and how he manage to squeeze time to have affair. couldn't believe my ears when he said sex with that b*tch was what he didn't know he need. Well, this indirectly means I'm lousy right? Actually, I don't think he is any expert either. Between us, our intimacy for these 10 years seldom go all the way to actual intercourse.. Always thought he enjoyed the bj.. N the rest.. Embarrassed to say this, I feel both of us are incumbent in sex, being vigrins before marriage and "innocent".. Anyway, my point is, we tried but usually just resort to other ways. Ok, the point is this, after the initial confusion and hurt, I have this intense feeling of revenge these days! I wanted to try out what he claimed "exciting" and thrill he experienced.. doing it be that b*tch. Am I dead? Why do I have this impulse? Why do i think of getting into an affair too.. For revenge? For thrill? Of course, not easy to find one la.. Is this thinking terrible? How can i help myself?

Don't!
Think about your kids. Don't transfer the hurt to your kids just because u want to revenge and spite your husband.

Is your husband remorseful of what he did?
Measure for measure, eye for eye... it will never end and eventually the one who will get hurt the most are your innocent children. They are more sensitive and observant than we think they are.
Try getting help and/or seek marriage counseling. And while trying to fix the damage, have your focus and attention on your kids.
Really, they can be your strength! Hugz!

 

[smallstar]

noone will stop u if u want to feel what he feel...eg revenge by also affairs with other men.. in the 1st place why would u want other men to get free lunch on ur own expense. my verdict is at the end of it if u really do just to satisfy ur curiosity.. u end up feeling cheap and worthless about yourself. and that's not helping.

as woman we have to have dignity. sometimes we chuck it aside for the man we love. but if the man don't love us, then we have only ourselves to love. or the kids who love u also unconditionally...forever love u type.

I'm not sure if u can forgive ur husband. this only you will know. but I find to have affairs with other men... is not worth it at all. I rather you go do Smth and make urself nicer prettier fitter and more capable than now. to me that's a better revenge.

 

[life_is]

Hi all,
Been feeling really miserable these days. Can I get some advice? Or for someone to please scold me? My husband of 10 years recently admitted to adultery. He had an affair and had physically and sexually betrayed me with an ex-colleague whom I actually know. This betrayal really crushed me! We have 2 young kids and I always thought our relationship is stable. He is generally a good husband and father who spend lots of family time with us.I really cannot understand why and how he manage to squeeze time to have affair. couldn't believe my ears when he said sex with that b*tch was what he didn't know he need. Well, this indirectly means I'm lousy right? Actually, I don't think he is any expert either. Between us, our intimacy for these 10 years seldom go all the way to actual intercourse.. Always thought he enjoyed the bj.. N the rest.. Embarrassed to say this, I feel both of us are incumbent in sex, being vigrins before marriage and "innocent".. Anyway, my point is, we tried but usually just resort to other ways. Ok, the point is this, after the initial confusion and hurt, I have this intense feeling of revenge these days! I wanted to try out what he claimed "exciting" and thrill he experienced.. doing it be that b*tch. Am I dead? Why do I have this impulse? Why do i think of getting into an affair too.. For revenge? For thrill? Of course, not easy to find one la.. Is this thinking terrible? How can i help myself?

Make yourself look so good that he regrets.

If you can't forgive and forget, this will be a problem.

Best revenge is simply to lead a happy life, with or without him. Revenge sex will only make you feel cheap inside.

Make him work to get your attention and affection, until he can learn to cherish you. Seems like you are quite giving.

Most importantly, have a good talk to see if this can be salvaged. Don't waste time thinking of revenge.

 

[Ting2.1]

Thanks for all the advices. I know it's wrong to think this way. Yes! I should focus on my kids and other important aspects of life. My kids are the most pitiful, have to live the rest of their lives in a broken family.. The social stigma will always be there.. But I must be strong for them. I don't think I can forgive let alone forget.. That woman was a friend.. This just make me realise how naive I was to treat her as a friend. I even went massage and manicures with her before as a group, of course. This woman is from banking.. Really cheap and shameless.

Now I need time to accept this, get a divorce and start afresh with my kids. No more trust in man or what friends..

 

[jiakliaobee]

Don't harbour any bitterness if you can... There are good and nice people out there. Its just that it wasn't meant to work out between you and your husband.

 

[gladjo]

Hi Ting2.1

Its always easy for ppl to say dun revenge, think of kids, you will regret dun this ..dun that ... but when you see his face, everything comes back in n your emotions ran high.

Speaking from experience ...done all of that n more.

Broken mirrors will always reveal the cracks. What you can do ... since he confessed..not sure why ... it takes alot of effort on you to forgive though you can never forget ...and he have alot of effort to mend the pieces he broken.

But for you..this is a wake up call....prepare to safe guard your finance for that rainy day. I also thought my ex learnt his lesson .... my ex reason was she strip naked, how to tahan .... .well, leopard nv change its spots n i discovered more n more women ... he confessed to all n try to change but it was just a show for me to see. So gal.. just an advise...be prepared from now onwards. God bless.

 

[miloice]

I also thought my ex learnt his lesson .... my ex reason was she strip naked, how to tahan .... .well, leopard nv change its spots n i discovered more n more women ...

Your ex excuse is lame actually. There are entertainment in some job scopes. In SPA, KTV, if the guy want, anytime, he can cheat. If women know what really happen in these places, many will be very insecure about it. There will be situations that the temptation is damn great.

 

[gladjo]

Yes...that excuse was totally lame but for the sake of the kids who were in K1 & K2 .. i gave him a chance...now looking back, i shud hv walked out yet again .. i live now with clear consious

 

[Roxie88]

Yes...that excuse was totally lame but for the sake of the kids who were in K1 & K2 .. i gave him a chance...now looking back, i shud hv walked out yet again .. i live now with clear consious

Hi gladjo,
Did your ex cheat again after you forgave him the first time? Kids are really our a big consideration in a broken marriage. I'm struggling everyday to stay in this marriage. Telling myself to forgive, taking in all his positive signs that he will not repeat the same mistake but frankly, it's hard to guess the real feeling of a cheater.. Can't help but to think if they are sincere and are really doing what they claim to do. What if he cheats again and Im kept in the dark.

 

[life_is]

Hi Ting2.1

Its always easy for ppl to say dun revenge, think of kids, you will regret dun this ..dun that ... but when you see his face, everything comes back in n your emotions ran high.

Speaking from experience ...done all of that n more.

Broken mirrors will always reveal the cracks. What you can do ... since he confessed..not sure why ... it takes alot of effort on you to forgive though you can never forget ...and he have alot of effort to mend the pieces he broken.

But for you..this is a wake up call....prepare to safe guard your finance for that rainy day. I also thought my ex learnt his lesson .... my ex reason was she strip naked, how to tahan .... .well, leopard nv change its spots n i discovered more n more women ... he confessed to all n try to change but it was just a show for me to see. So gal.. just an advise...be prepared from now onwards. God bless.

Still don't revenge. I got more than enough reason to take revenge on that dammed family. Been almost 7 year of hell. Divorced already she and her parents still giving problems. Complain to MSF also no use because counsellors are biased women who won't be fair. All they can say are double standards. I'm totally hands on parent while she outsources everything to parents, yet I'm deemed as unsuitable for being a parent whereas she gets away with not even doing anything for the child. Definitely biased.

Sometimes the best course of action is to share our experiences and teach others how all the government agencies work and let them decide if marriage still makes sense. For now I think marriage is pointless because of our legal system and the gender bias.

Don't bother with revenge. Let divine intervention deal with it. I'm just waiting to see how the ex in laws from hell are going to suffer for what they did.

 

[gladjo]

Hi Roxie88

I tried but he wasnt sincere n i found there were other women. I became a single married mum...i can only sugguest you make sure you are financially strong enough to weather it.

Life_is

Court is always fair...you didnt gave much detail but u may contest and throw out her hidden lifestlye to prove your case. Dont live a life of vengence.

 

[infojunkie]

how did u get to know abt the affair?

u found out or he voluntarily confessed?

it’s ok to seek revenge but what if ur whoring around isn’t going to affect him one bit?

u might want to do a reality check before doing anything rash.

 

[gladjo]

If u revenge n u divorce...all these will surface ugily in court n you might end up the lossing one. Think twice n dun let your emotions ran high. My ex tried ..and i caught him n proof it to court everything. So..for the benefit of everyone here reading, dun play tit for tat, it doesnt get you anywhere ..worst it will hit you back un your face. As i say..Court is always fair n the judges arent stupid. PM me if u need advice

 

[smallstar]

Thanks for all the advices. I know it's wrong to think this way. Yes! I should focus on my kids and other important aspects of life. My kids are the most pitiful, have to live the rest of their lives in a broken family.. The social stigma will always be there.. But I must be strong for them. I don't think I can forgive let alone forget.. That woman was a friend.. This just make me realise how naive I was to treat her as a friend. I even went massage and manicures with her before as a group, of course. This woman is from banking.. Really cheap and shameless.

Now I need time to accept this, get a divorce and start afresh with my kids. No more trust in man or what friends..

not all from banking are bad lah. I also work in bank but u don't flirt and I don't do mani pedi lololololx.

u are bitter that's expected. and children yes initially u will feel they so poor thing broken family lah no daddy not complete lah etc... but look here...many kidd have complete parents but also neglected. isn't that worse than broken family but a loving and peaceful one? I rather chose the latter. and also single mom or single dad are nowadays quite common. maybe we will face difficulties finding love or companion but actually if u can stand on ur own, it's quite a liberating feeling. u are ur own woman and u decide for urself...no more argument and bowing down lol...but of course if nice ppl come along and suits u ... grab him. never shun anyone whatever their past is. if u are down then just share and time will also heal

 

[life_is]

Hi Roxie88

I tried but he wasnt sincere n i found there were other women. I became a single married mum...i can only sugguest you make sure you are financially strong enough to weather it.

Life_is

Court is always fair...you didnt gave much detail but u may contest and throw out her hidden lifestlye to prove your case. Dont live a life of vengence.

Oh please. If lawyers tell you wait for them to die before justice, you know the courts aren't going to be fair under any circumstances. All I can say is pray. Every day. Until they really die. As advised by lawyers.

 

[gladjo]

Wrong ..if lawyers tell u to wait for them to die, then u hv just bn con by the lawyer. Cant hold other ppl respomsible for your own stupidity. I hv told alot of ppl, dun believe all your lawyer say .. bear that in mind. Let it go n move on if you had made a terrible mistake ...vengence will eat you health away. I made my mistakes n yes though unfair...i let it go..i can live a more happy life. Cheer up.

 

[newproject]

If u revenge n u divorce...all these will surface ugily in court n you might end up the lossing one. Think twice n dun let your emotions ran high. My ex tried ..and i caught him n proof it to court everything.

Hmm so you cheated first and your exhusband cheated in revenge and you used it against him?

Slow clap for you.

 

[life_is]

Wrong ..if lawyers tell u to wait for them to die, then u hv just bn con by the lawyer. Cant hold other ppl respomsible for your own stupidity. I hv told alot of ppl, dun believe all your lawyer say .. bear that in mind. Let it go n move on if you had made a terrible mistake ...vengence will eat you health away. I made my mistakes n yes though unfair...i let it go..i can live a more happy life. Cheer up.

I didn't just consult a single lawyer. All of them know very well how our legal system works. So I'm hoping all the judges will be punished with the equivalent pain they cause every time they make a bad decision to take sides with people who lie in court and abuse the system for personal gain. Hope all of them see how their actions have led to their own suffering.

 

[Carousell]

Hi Ting2.1

Its always easy for ppl to say dun revenge, think of kids, you will regret dun this ..dun that ... but when you see his face, everything comes back in n your emotions ran high.

Speaking from experience ...done all of that n more.

Broken mirrors will always reveal the cracks. What you can do ... since he confessed..not sure why ... it takes alot of effort on you to forgive though you can never forget ...and he have alot of effort to mend the pieces he broken.

But for you..this is a wake up call....prepare to safe guard your finance for that rainy day. I also thought my ex learnt his lesson .... my ex reason was she strip naked, how to tahan .... .well, leopard nv change its spots n i discovered more n more women ... he confessed to all n try to change but it was just a show for me to see. So gal.. just an advise...be prepared from now onwards. God bless.

Can i ask you, what did your ex do to make you feel that he learnt his lessons but later on you discovered that he did not change? Isit just words from his mouth that he regret and will nv do it again but theres no actions to prove his loyalty?