Innocent flirting?
- Thread starter star_dust
- Start date
sgbabydoll
Active Member
"Ya, just because they been to such a such a restaurant or being to such a such a hotel, we have to think so much?"
Could be a woman's thing.....though not all women are like that.
Could be a woman's thing.....though not all women are like that.
make_it_happen
New Member
I am sure we all want to let go. But it is always easier said than done. We need the other half to really help us to go thru....
xiao_nu_ren
New Member
Probably... it's simpler to say it this way.
<font color="119911">Things will never be the same as before. We can't turn back the clock and rewrite history. The scar remains forever.... Nobody can fix a crack in a mirror, isn't it?</font>
Problem with mose sinners are.... They felt that since they are willing to repent and make up for their mistake. It's only right that they should be able to get away with their faults. And expect their spouse to live on, living for now, as well as the future. However, where is the rights of the spouse to learn to heal their own wounds and try to lead life as normal as possible?
<font color="119911">Things will never be the same as before. We can't turn back the clock and rewrite history. The scar remains forever.... Nobody can fix a crack in a mirror, isn't it?</font>
Problem with mose sinners are.... They felt that since they are willing to repent and make up for their mistake. It's only right that they should be able to get away with their faults. And expect their spouse to live on, living for now, as well as the future. However, where is the rights of the spouse to learn to heal their own wounds and try to lead life as normal as possible?
make_it_happen
New Member
You can choose the right to walk away. But it is easier said than done. Esp when kids r involved.
all of you were right. he slept with her. 3 times, so he said, since april last yr.. the most recent time was when he was in hong kong during my confinement. in november.
i left home but he convinced me to return. he told me he wanted to break it off with her but she threatened to tell me abt them, so he had to continue going out with her. he even bought her an LV bag, when he was knee deep in debts. he paid for her trip to hk. when he was in reservist and i was pregnant,he lied to me he couldnt book out but he spent nights with her and even a night in jb.
she called him just now and i answered. she told me he told her he doesnt love me anymore, and was only in the marriage because of the kids. she told me on his bday, the day i was admitted to hosp for premature contractions, he spent time with her while i was in hosp alone. he told her that he couldnt bear to touch me any longer, and he doesnt love me anymore. then i couldnt talk any more and he took over the phone telling her that he cant be with her anymore, that he loves me.
he told me he realised that he couldnt do without me after i walked out that day. and he realised his mistakes and will change. i asked him if whatever she said was true, he admitted and said yes he did say those things to her but hedidnt know why. and said maybe he was too smitten with her. he told me to call the police if she continues to harass me or him.
i feel so blank. i'm so scared of him now. how can someone i've known for be so different. how should i continue to live on now?
i left home but he convinced me to return. he told me he wanted to break it off with her but she threatened to tell me abt them, so he had to continue going out with her. he even bought her an LV bag, when he was knee deep in debts. he paid for her trip to hk. when he was in reservist and i was pregnant,he lied to me he couldnt book out but he spent nights with her and even a night in jb.
she called him just now and i answered. she told me he told her he doesnt love me anymore, and was only in the marriage because of the kids. she told me on his bday, the day i was admitted to hosp for premature contractions, he spent time with her while i was in hosp alone. he told her that he couldnt bear to touch me any longer, and he doesnt love me anymore. then i couldnt talk any more and he took over the phone telling her that he cant be with her anymore, that he loves me.
he told me he realised that he couldnt do without me after i walked out that day. and he realised his mistakes and will change. i asked him if whatever she said was true, he admitted and said yes he did say those things to her but hedidnt know why. and said maybe he was too smitten with her. he told me to call the police if she continues to harass me or him.
i feel so blank. i'm so scared of him now. how can someone i've known for be so different. how should i continue to live on now?
u would have been right if u were not in the centre of it. but the point isn't in being right, it is in being Happy...
if u want to find something in yourself, read this thread from the 1st post until the last. u will come to a Realization.
most here are still rooting for u to find your footing.
if u want to find something in yourself, read this thread from the 1st post until the last. u will come to a Realization.
most here are still rooting for u to find your footing.
xiao_nu_ren
New Member
just do it
I'd so much wanted to walk away. But with a MIL that cried while talking to me on the phone (*at that time) and my 2 kids.... The slightest thought of making them grow up in a broken family, breaks me so much! I still shed tears whenever I thought of that now.
Stardust
Quoted from a friend I spoke to during the period my hubby had the affair:
<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
No normal guys can ever not have sex with a girl in a hotel room. All guys are not SAINT!<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
I'm not surprised that he already went to bed with her. But for him to do that during your confinement! I wish I could slap him for you.
But you know, when you said this:
*She told me he doesn't love me anymore.*
*He told her he couldn't bear to touch me any longer, and he doesn't love me anymore.*
This is such a common words for guys committing the affair to say that! For, my hubby said exactly the same words. They are so eager to please the new lady in their life! For he promised her right from the beginnin, for countless times, that he won't/didn't touch me for months!!!! And for the months to follow. Pathetic.
The lady continues to harrass me. With the stories of their rendevous. As much as I wan to get our life back to normal, there's so much hurdle!
He bought her a diamond necklace, from Soo Kee Jewellery. Knowing that Soo Kee is my favorite accessories store. I am aiming at Brilliant Rose diamond ring. And he did that to me.
When guys are out to hurt, and allowing their 'brother' to rule their head. Nothing can stop these selfish bastards. Their universe only contains themselves.
I'd so much wanted to walk away. But with a MIL that cried while talking to me on the phone (*at that time) and my 2 kids.... The slightest thought of making them grow up in a broken family, breaks me so much! I still shed tears whenever I thought of that now.
Stardust
Quoted from a friend I spoke to during the period my hubby had the affair:
<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
No normal guys can ever not have sex with a girl in a hotel room. All guys are not SAINT!<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
I'm not surprised that he already went to bed with her. But for him to do that during your confinement! I wish I could slap him for you.
But you know, when you said this:
*She told me he doesn't love me anymore.*
*He told her he couldn't bear to touch me any longer, and he doesn't love me anymore.*
This is such a common words for guys committing the affair to say that! For, my hubby said exactly the same words. They are so eager to please the new lady in their life! For he promised her right from the beginnin, for countless times, that he won't/didn't touch me for months!!!! And for the months to follow. Pathetic.
The lady continues to harrass me. With the stories of their rendevous. As much as I wan to get our life back to normal, there's so much hurdle!
He bought her a diamond necklace, from Soo Kee Jewellery. Knowing that Soo Kee is my favorite accessories store. I am aiming at Brilliant Rose diamond ring. And he did that to me.
When guys are out to hurt, and allowing their 'brother' to rule their head. Nothing can stop these selfish bastards. Their universe only contains themselves.
miloice
Well-Known Member
quote:
"No normal guys can ever not have sex with a girl in a hotel room. All guys are not SAINT!"
The statement is factually correct. The keyword is CAN. All normal men CAN do it.
Does it mean all normal men WILL whenever they CAN? Please give men more creditibility. Every individual is different. Just become I'm normal male doesn't mean my actions are already predefined for me. I alone is responsible for my own actions. This applies to everyone regardless of gender. It doesn't take a saint to be faithful, it takes discipline, commitment, values, trust and also situational factors. Everyone has weakness. It doesn't mean we will fall to our vulnerabilities ALWAYS. What is with this sweeping mindset to excuse individual mistakes of their spouse with the entire gender. Does it make you feel better that he is just being a normal guy? He made the mistake, just face it like adults. No one is saint. be it man or woman. He cheated because he wanted it. Not because someone put a gun on his head.
"No normal guys can ever not have sex with a girl in a hotel room. All guys are not SAINT!"
The statement is factually correct. The keyword is CAN. All normal men CAN do it.
Does it mean all normal men WILL whenever they CAN? Please give men more creditibility. Every individual is different. Just become I'm normal male doesn't mean my actions are already predefined for me. I alone is responsible for my own actions. This applies to everyone regardless of gender. It doesn't take a saint to be faithful, it takes discipline, commitment, values, trust and also situational factors. Everyone has weakness. It doesn't mean we will fall to our vulnerabilities ALWAYS. What is with this sweeping mindset to excuse individual mistakes of their spouse with the entire gender. Does it make you feel better that he is just being a normal guy? He made the mistake, just face it like adults. No one is saint. be it man or woman. He cheated because he wanted it. Not because someone put a gun on his head.
miloice
Well-Known Member
"*She told me he doesn't love me anymore.*
*He told her he couldn't bear to touch me any longer, and he doesn't love me anymore.*
This is such a common words for guys committing the affair to say that! For, my hubby said exactly the same words."
Agree. he just want to sleep with her. And he would say and promise anything at that moment to bed her when he is horny.
*He told her he couldn't bear to touch me any longer, and he doesn't love me anymore.*
This is such a common words for guys committing the affair to say that! For, my hubby said exactly the same words."
Agree. he just want to sleep with her. And he would say and promise anything at that moment to bed her when he is horny.
yoz stardust,
"this stranger" has always been the guy whom u fell in love with. just that u either have had not seen this particular facet of his or chose not to see, until a time like now - the ears tell u as well.
come to think of it, it's abt time isn't it? at least, this channel of affirmation led u to fully believe the other side of the cube liao, and u won't have to fight your own demons to believe or not to believe any longer.
and yes, u prob need more shoulders to get through this phrase. don't try to carry this burden on your own esp. if u find that those on-going mind therapy sessions do not help much.
we'll be here for you.
"this stranger" has always been the guy whom u fell in love with. just that u either have had not seen this particular facet of his or chose not to see, until a time like now - the ears tell u as well.
come to think of it, it's abt time isn't it? at least, this channel of affirmation led u to fully believe the other side of the cube liao, and u won't have to fight your own demons to believe or not to believe any longer.
and yes, u prob need more shoulders to get through this phrase. don't try to carry this burden on your own esp. if u find that those on-going mind therapy sessions do not help much.
we'll be here for you.
stardust, take good care of yourself and stay strong! Followed this thread for a while, and i was quietly hoping that you're right that as you always mention on this thread that the only thing that your husband has did u wrong was to lie time and again... never cheated.
... think you hv indeed suffered enough already... really it's time to think for yourself and your kids now...
Take care!
... think you hv indeed suffered enough already... really it's time to think for yourself and your kids now...
Take care!
dear friends,
thank you for all the support you;ve all given me these past 6 months.. i think the forum is indeed a good outlet and now when i reread the above, i realised how naive i was, and how blinded. but then again, if i were to go through it all over again, i think my initial posts will still stand.
right now he keep saying sorry and showed remorse. he said he felt as if he was hypnotised and he didnt know what he was doing initially. he felt smitten with her. and then later on he said he became afraid of her when she started throwing threats..etc.
i just find it really really difficult to forget.. i dont know if i'll ever forgive and forget, but he pleaded time and time again to give him a chance to make amends. he said lots of things. i think when i left home, he got really scared when he realised i was serious about leaving. he said he wants this family and would do anything to keep us.
he also told me that he called the woman's mother and told her to keep an eye on her daughter, and make sure she doesnt harass him or us again or else he would call the police.
i guess i'm in sort of a limbo state.. nothing really is going on my head. just periods of blanks, followed by recollections, and then hurt and fear. and then followed by bouts of uncontrollable memories and crying.
images of them together, and times when he'd lied about not being able to book out while reservist, but he booked out almost every night and even took her to a hotel in jb. took her to hk, and he didnt even call me once when he was there. and i was in the midst of my confinement! on his bday, he told me he cant have dinner with me because he had a official function, but he was celebrating with her. why did he choose her over me to celebrate with him? and he still acted so concerend when he got home and realisd i was having premature contractions, sent me to hosp, and then went to meet her again?
all the times he blamed me for being mistrustful of him, for being suspicious. when all the while i was spot on!
why was i chosen to suffer all these? how much more can i take before i really call it quits to this sucky world? i wanted the truth, and when i got it, did it make it better?
he said the first time with her was a moment of folly - had time to park the car, walk to the lift, take the lift up, walk out, open door, open bedroom door, what folly?!?!? i dont even know how many times they'd done it. each time i recall, my heart breaks a little more. and when i feel like my heart cant be broken anymore, there's still that little more to hurt.
the big rock in my chest keeps getting bigger and bigger, and nothing is going to make it feel better anymore? why has he changed so much? why did he choose to hurt me so much and so deep and so bad.
pls dont tell me to stop asking why, because i know i should stop. but i cant. i cant even summom up enough strength and energy to comfort my sons when they cry. and i'm scaring my elder son because i cant stop crying..
why was i so blind? why did i choose to believe him again and again? why was i so stupid? all the while he was having the time of his life. and exciting double life and he forgot about me waiting at home for him. he forgot that i'd always turn on the heater so that he'd have enough hot water to bathe with. he forgot that he had a wife who loved him more than anything in the world, and loved him for almost half her life time. he forgot me and this family..
oh God.. when will the hurt stop? when will the tears stop? everytime when i think i can be strong, i crumble and i have to start picking myself up again. he's never around to pick me up, he's never around to love me back. he was always with her. loving her, not me any longer.
now he tells me he's going to change. i know i still love him, call me stupid or what. if i had no love, then it wouldnt hurt so bad...so bad... he played me like a fool while he was showering her with care and attention and love, and i was alone at home, pregnant and alone.. and no one knew, no one bothered.. least of all him..
ppl keep telling me to be strong, but no one can tell me how.. just tell me how..
thank you for all the support you;ve all given me these past 6 months.. i think the forum is indeed a good outlet and now when i reread the above, i realised how naive i was, and how blinded. but then again, if i were to go through it all over again, i think my initial posts will still stand.
right now he keep saying sorry and showed remorse. he said he felt as if he was hypnotised and he didnt know what he was doing initially. he felt smitten with her. and then later on he said he became afraid of her when she started throwing threats..etc.
i just find it really really difficult to forget.. i dont know if i'll ever forgive and forget, but he pleaded time and time again to give him a chance to make amends. he said lots of things. i think when i left home, he got really scared when he realised i was serious about leaving. he said he wants this family and would do anything to keep us.
he also told me that he called the woman's mother and told her to keep an eye on her daughter, and make sure she doesnt harass him or us again or else he would call the police.
i guess i'm in sort of a limbo state.. nothing really is going on my head. just periods of blanks, followed by recollections, and then hurt and fear. and then followed by bouts of uncontrollable memories and crying.
images of them together, and times when he'd lied about not being able to book out while reservist, but he booked out almost every night and even took her to a hotel in jb. took her to hk, and he didnt even call me once when he was there. and i was in the midst of my confinement! on his bday, he told me he cant have dinner with me because he had a official function, but he was celebrating with her. why did he choose her over me to celebrate with him? and he still acted so concerend when he got home and realisd i was having premature contractions, sent me to hosp, and then went to meet her again?
all the times he blamed me for being mistrustful of him, for being suspicious. when all the while i was spot on!
why was i chosen to suffer all these? how much more can i take before i really call it quits to this sucky world? i wanted the truth, and when i got it, did it make it better?
he said the first time with her was a moment of folly - had time to park the car, walk to the lift, take the lift up, walk out, open door, open bedroom door, what folly?!?!? i dont even know how many times they'd done it. each time i recall, my heart breaks a little more. and when i feel like my heart cant be broken anymore, there's still that little more to hurt.
the big rock in my chest keeps getting bigger and bigger, and nothing is going to make it feel better anymore? why has he changed so much? why did he choose to hurt me so much and so deep and so bad.
pls dont tell me to stop asking why, because i know i should stop. but i cant. i cant even summom up enough strength and energy to comfort my sons when they cry. and i'm scaring my elder son because i cant stop crying..
why was i so blind? why did i choose to believe him again and again? why was i so stupid? all the while he was having the time of his life. and exciting double life and he forgot about me waiting at home for him. he forgot that i'd always turn on the heater so that he'd have enough hot water to bathe with. he forgot that he had a wife who loved him more than anything in the world, and loved him for almost half her life time. he forgot me and this family..
oh God.. when will the hurt stop? when will the tears stop? everytime when i think i can be strong, i crumble and i have to start picking myself up again. he's never around to pick me up, he's never around to love me back. he was always with her. loving her, not me any longer.
now he tells me he's going to change. i know i still love him, call me stupid or what. if i had no love, then it wouldnt hurt so bad...so bad... he played me like a fool while he was showering her with care and attention and love, and i was alone at home, pregnant and alone.. and no one knew, no one bothered.. least of all him..
ppl keep telling me to be strong, but no one can tell me how.. just tell me how..
Stardust,
My heart goes out to you. I know its very very tough for you now (esp. with a new born). I hope your 2 sons will give you strength to tide over this difficult period.
Sometimes in life, there are things which we need to rely on ourselves and it takes time to heal.
We are here for you.
My heart goes out to you. I know its very very tough for you now (esp. with a new born). I hope your 2 sons will give you strength to tide over this difficult period.
Sometimes in life, there are things which we need to rely on ourselves and it takes time to heal.
We are here for you.
stardust,
I have been there and done that... not easy but not impossible.
You now have 2 choices:
a) Will yourself to forgive him.. and give him a chance.. But the condition has to be he has to give her up completely.. whatsoever no contact with her.. No compromise on this.
b) Or you prefer to separate for a while to give space to each other. This can be fatal for your marriage (assuming if you still want it). Or it can signal a new beginning.
I have been there and done that... not easy but not impossible.
You now have 2 choices:
a) Will yourself to forgive him.. and give him a chance.. But the condition has to be he has to give her up completely.. whatsoever no contact with her.. No compromise on this.
b) Or you prefer to separate for a while to give space to each other. This can be fatal for your marriage (assuming if you still want it). Or it can signal a new beginning.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Hi Stardust, you might have hit rock bottom now, but what comes down must go up. As for how to be strong, to carry on or to move on, you do need to explore this yourself.
joiedevivre
New Member
hi stardust,
sorry to hear about the developments. really very sorry. you must in such pain now and i don't know if what any of us say will be able to make you feel better.
it seems to me that your hb has the guts to do it, but no guts to admit that it was his fault, claiming hypnosis (what rubbish) and that it was the other woman's fault. do you believe what he says?
my two cents' worth, if it was my hb who is a philanderer, if he was truly remorseful and said that it was all his fault and nobody else's, i may forgive him.
but to shirk responsibility after an affair... to do it during your confinement... sorry, it sounds like he has been behaving like a scumbag. maybe he wasn't like this when you fell in love with him years ago, but now, from what has happened, do you think he can still bring you happiness?
i think something is not quite right with your hb's character. i feel that you should reconsider if you want your kids to grow up with such a father...
sorry to hear about the developments. really very sorry. you must in such pain now and i don't know if what any of us say will be able to make you feel better.
it seems to me that your hb has the guts to do it, but no guts to admit that it was his fault, claiming hypnosis (what rubbish) and that it was the other woman's fault. do you believe what he says?
my two cents' worth, if it was my hb who is a philanderer, if he was truly remorseful and said that it was all his fault and nobody else's, i may forgive him.
but to shirk responsibility after an affair... to do it during your confinement... sorry, it sounds like he has been behaving like a scumbag. maybe he wasn't like this when you fell in love with him years ago, but now, from what has happened, do you think he can still bring you happiness?
i think something is not quite right with your hb's character. i feel that you should reconsider if you want your kids to grow up with such a father...
confused09
New Member
stardust,
what we give, what we get and what we ultimately deserve don’t always even out.
maybe the key is to accept all that happened. 10 years ago, 6 months ago, even yesterday... they belong in the past. the past is a cancelled cheque.
what you have is today.
as for now, it is okay to cry and be sad. accept these feelings... don’t fight them. because the hurt and pain you are feeling right now will pass. emotions always pass.
when they do, you will gain a newfound perspective. you may not believe or know it yet but you will be confident, strong and sure again in time to come.
rely on your instincts when you make your next move.
behaviour reflects intent far more accurately than verbal promises. believe not in what he says, but in what he does.
meanwhile, please be resilient. confide in those who have been sincere towards you. take care...
what we give, what we get and what we ultimately deserve don’t always even out.
maybe the key is to accept all that happened. 10 years ago, 6 months ago, even yesterday... they belong in the past. the past is a cancelled cheque.
what you have is today.
as for now, it is okay to cry and be sad. accept these feelings... don’t fight them. because the hurt and pain you are feeling right now will pass. emotions always pass.
when they do, you will gain a newfound perspective. you may not believe or know it yet but you will be confident, strong and sure again in time to come.
rely on your instincts when you make your next move.
behaviour reflects intent far more accurately than verbal promises. believe not in what he says, but in what he does.
meanwhile, please be resilient. confide in those who have been sincere towards you. take care...
Hi stardust,
My heart really aches for you. Reminds me of the experience of someone dear, let's call her M. When M was giving birth to her 2nd child, her husband wasn't with her. She went through the crazy times like u did when she was expecting her second child. If you are interested, here's what happened to M and her family subsequently:
Despite the betrayal, M held on to the marriage because of her kids. Both adults protected the kids well so the kids didn't undergo any unhappy childhood. However, at a young age (like your elder son) the kids somehow already know their daddy "zai wai mian wan nu ren" and it continued for years. At times, the family changed house number because of harassment calls from "mad woman". There was once this mad woman actually came to their house in the middle of the night to attack the girl (threw a shoe through the window at the sleeping girl) and created a scene. Yelling at the corridor, telling M explicitly what she and the husband did and challenging M. The husband called police. Neightbours were awaken and watched drama. The girl was deeply affected and upset, she cried uncontrollably but her mama scolded her,"What's there to cry about?" I think M had long detached herself emotionally to her husband's doing.
I am not saying this is the right way but that's what M did to preserve her sanity for the sake of her kids. Focusing on her kids. Her kids were her strength. Inevitably, she became a woman of low self-esteem. She often felt that she is "useless" and called herself "wo nang fei". Well, eventually M's perseverance did paid off. Her husband's nonsense stopped... but it was after more than a decade. Do you think you can take it this long? Do you think you want your boys to go through this?
If you are interested in M's advice: as a woman, you have to be self-sufficient. Never put a stop to your career for the sake of your kids. Never give up yourself.
To answer your question, in my opinion, to be strong means, focusing on getting back your health, redirecting the attention from "him and her", "lies & trust" etc. back to you, you, you... work on financial independence, self-esteem. Now that the truth is out, the way I see it, the ball is in his court, he is the one responsible to get himself out of this mess. What you can do and should do is take good care of yourself so that you can take care of your boys.
Best wishes.
My heart really aches for you. Reminds me of the experience of someone dear, let's call her M. When M was giving birth to her 2nd child, her husband wasn't with her. She went through the crazy times like u did when she was expecting her second child. If you are interested, here's what happened to M and her family subsequently:
Despite the betrayal, M held on to the marriage because of her kids. Both adults protected the kids well so the kids didn't undergo any unhappy childhood. However, at a young age (like your elder son) the kids somehow already know their daddy "zai wai mian wan nu ren" and it continued for years. At times, the family changed house number because of harassment calls from "mad woman". There was once this mad woman actually came to their house in the middle of the night to attack the girl (threw a shoe through the window at the sleeping girl) and created a scene. Yelling at the corridor, telling M explicitly what she and the husband did and challenging M. The husband called police. Neightbours were awaken and watched drama. The girl was deeply affected and upset, she cried uncontrollably but her mama scolded her,"What's there to cry about?" I think M had long detached herself emotionally to her husband's doing.
I am not saying this is the right way but that's what M did to preserve her sanity for the sake of her kids. Focusing on her kids. Her kids were her strength. Inevitably, she became a woman of low self-esteem. She often felt that she is "useless" and called herself "wo nang fei". Well, eventually M's perseverance did paid off. Her husband's nonsense stopped... but it was after more than a decade. Do you think you can take it this long? Do you think you want your boys to go through this?
If you are interested in M's advice: as a woman, you have to be self-sufficient. Never put a stop to your career for the sake of your kids. Never give up yourself.
To answer your question, in my opinion, to be strong means, focusing on getting back your health, redirecting the attention from "him and her", "lies & trust" etc. back to you, you, you... work on financial independence, self-esteem. Now that the truth is out, the way I see it, the ball is in his court, he is the one responsible to get himself out of this mess. What you can do and should do is take good care of yourself so that you can take care of your boys.
Best wishes.
dear all,
today was a day i fell so low that i thought i've never be able to stand up ever again. i dont even know how to put it in words.
i go through endless cycles of crying from the bottom of my very soul, from where all the hurt and pain originates and congregates, to feelings of deep hurt and pain where no tears can ever fully represent, to an ice cold numbness where everything's a blank, to feeling hope that we can start over again since the truth is finally out.
i dont think i will give up on him and this marriage. as much as i need him, i think he needs me now too. both of us has taken such a great fall, so spectacularly. i dont think its any fault of mine, its just pure foolishness and stupidity on his part. i think he did say lots of hurtful things about me to that woman.and he's very worried that i would call her or if she would call me to tell me about all of it. and then i'd fall into another bout of ....
he cried so many times over the past two days. i told him not to cry anymore. i love him just as before. i was badly hurt by him, and i will still cry every now and then when i recall it. but everything will get better with time. he has the rest of his life to make it up to me.
today was a day i fell so low that i thought i've never be able to stand up ever again. i dont even know how to put it in words.
i go through endless cycles of crying from the bottom of my very soul, from where all the hurt and pain originates and congregates, to feelings of deep hurt and pain where no tears can ever fully represent, to an ice cold numbness where everything's a blank, to feeling hope that we can start over again since the truth is finally out.
i dont think i will give up on him and this marriage. as much as i need him, i think he needs me now too. both of us has taken such a great fall, so spectacularly. i dont think its any fault of mine, its just pure foolishness and stupidity on his part. i think he did say lots of hurtful things about me to that woman.and he's very worried that i would call her or if she would call me to tell me about all of it. and then i'd fall into another bout of ....
he cried so many times over the past two days. i told him not to cry anymore. i love him just as before. i was badly hurt by him, and i will still cry every now and then when i recall it. but everything will get better with time. he has the rest of his life to make it up to me.
Be strong, stardust. Know it's not easy. I can sense that u are a very great wife. Maybe after this episode, your husband will cherish you and will never betray you anymore. Just hope for the best. But if he still choose to maintain contact with TOW (behind your back) Don't think he deserve another chance then. All the best.
when i left i made unreasonable demands to him before i was willing to return. i told him to kneel outside my friend's home through the night and he was willin to although he asked if he could do it in the room where i slept instead. i told him from now onwards he'll have no freedom. i'll check his phone whenever i want, his emails, bills..etc..no more entertaining unless i okayed it first. i knew it was horrible of me, but i asked him to think if i'm worth all these restrictions. if not then dont bother coming.
when i woke up to feed bb last night, i thought of how he booked out of reservist and then brought her to hotels in JB for the night, when all along he told me he had night training. i was pregnant and alone.. my husband that i loved and trusted went to bed with another woman in a hotel when i was alone.. what happened to him? why did he become like this??? what great wrong did i do to make him do this to me? why did he hate me so much to make me suffer like this? its so unfair.. he had his fun and i'm the one suffering.. now he says sorry and am i supposed to accept it and move on just in matter of days??!! i cant! i really can't!!!
now everything is tainted. everywhere i go, things that i see would remind me of them together. when hurtful things he had said about me to her. he told me he didnt mean anything he said to her but i think he did. at leats i think he meant it when he said it to her, and that's what hurts me the most..
13 years, 13 years i stood by him.. i never made demands, i never threw tantrums, i was patient and i was understanding. i was gentle and i was loving. when his business failed and he lost money, i didnt blame him. i told him we'll work together to build our savings again. when he gambled away a huge sum of money, i didnt rant and rave. i told him let's clear the debts together. when he lost again and doubled the debts, i thought of changing my job to a higher paying one to help him clear the debts so that we can start saving again soon. i even suggested selling our flat to pay off part of the debt. he cant change his lifestyle, and i didnt like being alone, so my decision to change my job was to fit into his work hrs..
everything i did revolved around him. everything decision i make i'd think of him first. and its not enough. i wasnt exciting enough to satisfy him, and that woman was.
when i close my eyes i see them rolling on the bed together, making sounds i try to hard not to hear but its echoing so loud in my head!! he touched her like he touched me, he allowed her to touch him like i did. he kissed her like he kissed me, and he hugged her like he hugged me. he whispered sweet words to her that i dont think he ever said to me. he speaks softly and gently to her which i think he never did to me. how can i forgive and forget all these...
i cant bear the pain any longer.. sooner or later i'll break down again.. but i know i cant afford to have the luxury of breaking down. each time i cry i tell myself - cry all i want, but when it stops, it stops. and i go on about doing what i do in my life. and when the next crying bout begins, i put down everything, cry my heart out again, stop, and then continue..
this is the best i can do now....
when i woke up to feed bb last night, i thought of how he booked out of reservist and then brought her to hotels in JB for the night, when all along he told me he had night training. i was pregnant and alone.. my husband that i loved and trusted went to bed with another woman in a hotel when i was alone.. what happened to him? why did he become like this??? what great wrong did i do to make him do this to me? why did he hate me so much to make me suffer like this? its so unfair.. he had his fun and i'm the one suffering.. now he says sorry and am i supposed to accept it and move on just in matter of days??!! i cant! i really can't!!!
now everything is tainted. everywhere i go, things that i see would remind me of them together. when hurtful things he had said about me to her. he told me he didnt mean anything he said to her but i think he did. at leats i think he meant it when he said it to her, and that's what hurts me the most..
13 years, 13 years i stood by him.. i never made demands, i never threw tantrums, i was patient and i was understanding. i was gentle and i was loving. when his business failed and he lost money, i didnt blame him. i told him we'll work together to build our savings again. when he gambled away a huge sum of money, i didnt rant and rave. i told him let's clear the debts together. when he lost again and doubled the debts, i thought of changing my job to a higher paying one to help him clear the debts so that we can start saving again soon. i even suggested selling our flat to pay off part of the debt. he cant change his lifestyle, and i didnt like being alone, so my decision to change my job was to fit into his work hrs..
everything i did revolved around him. everything decision i make i'd think of him first. and its not enough. i wasnt exciting enough to satisfy him, and that woman was.
when i close my eyes i see them rolling on the bed together, making sounds i try to hard not to hear but its echoing so loud in my head!! he touched her like he touched me, he allowed her to touch him like i did. he kissed her like he kissed me, and he hugged her like he hugged me. he whispered sweet words to her that i dont think he ever said to me. he speaks softly and gently to her which i think he never did to me. how can i forgive and forget all these...
i cant bear the pain any longer.. sooner or later i'll break down again.. but i know i cant afford to have the luxury of breaking down. each time i cry i tell myself - cry all i want, but when it stops, it stops. and i go on about doing what i do in my life. and when the next crying bout begins, i put down everything, cry my heart out again, stop, and then continue..
this is the best i can do now....
miloice
Well-Known Member
stardust,
"everything i did revolved around him. everything decision i make i'd think of him first. and its not enough. i wasnt exciting enough to satisfy him, and that woman was."
frankly, what is so exciting about revolving your entire life around him? I don't meant to be rude or harsh. But, it takes 2 to tango and sustain the sparks. And it is always tempting exciting offer in affairs. Everyone is opened to this temptation of the trill of a new relationship especially when its 'forbidden'. The pastures is always greener elsewhere. Its pretty much human nature.
"everything i did revolved around him. everything decision i make i'd think of him first. and its not enough. i wasnt exciting enough to satisfy him, and that woman was."
frankly, what is so exciting about revolving your entire life around him? I don't meant to be rude or harsh. But, it takes 2 to tango and sustain the sparks. And it is always tempting exciting offer in affairs. Everyone is opened to this temptation of the trill of a new relationship especially when its 'forbidden'. The pastures is always greener elsewhere. Its pretty much human nature.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
I believe Stardust did not mean that her husband should find her revolving her life around him to be exciting. I think she now realised that despite making him the centre of her life, he became attracted to someone more exciting.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Doll, my point is making him the centre of her life isn't going to make the relationship exciting and keep it going. The temptation outside will always be around. Its up to how each individual chooses to guard it ourselves.
She can focus on the push factor but not the pull. And revolving her life around him isn't really helping. Relationships is an art. Not so simple as occupying all your time in the relationship and then expect things to be well. In fact, too much of anything is counter productive.
She can focus on the push factor but not the pull. And revolving her life around him isn't really helping. Relationships is an art. Not so simple as occupying all your time in the relationship and then expect things to be well. In fact, too much of anything is counter productive.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
I agree with you. But to some women, making the man the centre of their lives was supposed to be good enough or the right thing to do. We were all taught about being a virtuous (not exciting) wife.
What they probably did not realise is that it may take something different or something more to keep a marriage going strong.
What they probably did not realise is that it may take something different or something more to keep a marriage going strong.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Exactly, I'm not faulting her. But pointing out that her expectation and assumption is a wrong one.
Being a virtuous wife isn't all it takes to sustain the marriage.
We need a balance to sustain a healthy life for both the marriage and ourselves. She needs to draw value and meaning in life beyond her marriage and children. And still, its never ever a guarantee.
Being a virtuous wife isn't all it takes to sustain the marriage.
We need a balance to sustain a healthy life for both the marriage and ourselves. She needs to draw value and meaning in life beyond her marriage and children. And still, its never ever a guarantee.
stardust,
you mentioned in you earlier post that we can be expecting severe swings in mood from you - one post being all calm and collected, then the next post ranting. I guess this is expected and we won't be judging you...
It seems like what you're going through now is the "grieving process", much the same process as for when one going through during a bereavement. But in your case, it's the losing of a trust in the relationship and also "losing" the man you knew and married and gaining this "stranger" of a husband.
The 5 typical stages of grief are:
1-Denial - "this can't be happening to me".
2-Anger - "why me?".
3-Bargaining - attempting to make dealsto stop or change the loss.
4-Depression - overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, Feeling lack of control, feeling numb.
5-Acceptance - Accept the loss, the facts, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing.
Guess staying strong means going through each of these stages bravely - or as bravely as you possibly can. And then focusing on yourself and your kids, and anything good more than thinking of the bad. You will heal... over time...and don't give up the fact that you will find happiness once again.
you mentioned in you earlier post that we can be expecting severe swings in mood from you - one post being all calm and collected, then the next post ranting. I guess this is expected and we won't be judging you...
It seems like what you're going through now is the "grieving process", much the same process as for when one going through during a bereavement. But in your case, it's the losing of a trust in the relationship and also "losing" the man you knew and married and gaining this "stranger" of a husband.
The 5 typical stages of grief are:
1-Denial - "this can't be happening to me".
2-Anger - "why me?".
3-Bargaining - attempting to make dealsto stop or change the loss.
4-Depression - overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, Feeling lack of control, feeling numb.
5-Acceptance - Accept the loss, the facts, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing.
Guess staying strong means going through each of these stages bravely - or as bravely as you possibly can. And then focusing on yourself and your kids, and anything good more than thinking of the bad. You will heal... over time...and don't give up the fact that you will find happiness once again.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Milo, I do agree with you but how exciting can a wife be when the husband is giving her headache cum heartache with lies, excuses, debts, vices like gambling, too much of work-related socialising or entertaining, and whatnots. How exciting she can be when she is being left alone.
stardust
i understand it's tough at this juncture. all the emotions, all the frustrations going through your mind. hence i'm not too sure if it's good for you to be rushing yourself into getting back with him - same like before.
if you know you will, it's a matter of time. but u prob require some private space for your mental well-being, likewise it took some time for the truth to be unfolded.
pls don't self-blame anymore. u gotta move out of that phrase liao.
take care.
i understand it's tough at this juncture. all the emotions, all the frustrations going through your mind. hence i'm not too sure if it's good for you to be rushing yourself into getting back with him - same like before.
if you know you will, it's a matter of time. but u prob require some private space for your mental well-being, likewise it took some time for the truth to be unfolded.
pls don't self-blame anymore. u gotta move out of that phrase liao.
take care.
perhaps we really did make the mistake of marrying and settling down too early. we were each other's first and when he was thrown into the exciting life of sales where beautiful, sweet talking women are everywhere, the hustle and bustle of nightlife, the wonderful blasting loud music that drains out any logical thoughts and the lure of alcohol which drives away worries and frustrations. to steep oneself in a world where one can do anything that he wouldnt normally do.
frankly, if i were in such a situation, i probably would fall to the temptation to guys who can sweet talk me and make me feel the queen of the world. i may even be tempted to give myself to them just for the fun of it because the only man i've ever been with is my husband. but i'm not special enough for him. but of course i know i wouldnt even place myself in the situation in the first place. but with my new job, who knows? i might even go crazy and sleep with someone so that i can get back at him. but i value myself too much for that. i think i'm worth much more than a fling. i think i'm worth to have someone love me and treasure and cherish me like he didnt. but i'm staying in thie marriage because i feel he's sincerely remorseful and i'd like to give him the last chance to treat me the way i deserve to be treated.
on one hand, i'm tempted to thank that woman for showing my husband his weakness so that he may be wary of it in future. and the he's learnt his lesson that although i love him and revolve myself around him, he, in a way, has got no hold over me now. the worst has happened, and i'm prepared to walk out any time. what can be more powerful that having nothing to lose? he asked for this chance and he'd jolly well make good use of it to win me back. i dont know how many years its going to take. he may get frustrated with my behaviour at times, in the past i would worry about him being angry with me, but now i wouldnt anymore. its now me, me and me because he's lost all the rights to calling the shots.
i want to see how far he can go to make me trust him again.so i guess at times i'm being difficult on purpose. i feel sorry for him when i go too far, but then i remind myself he's made me feel a million times worse, why should he be let off so easily?
if he thinks i'm not worth it, then i can leave any time.
i'm prepared to weather this out with him, because i feel that our love was indeed built on solid foundation. the world has rocked, but i'm falling back on this foundation to build up the trust and security again. but when i think of it - sometimes i feel sad, and then i cry. but sometimes i feel angry, and i'd want to say things to make him feel bad. but sometimes i feel resigned, and i mumble random thoughts which actually kinda echo my angry thoughts.
if i had a lifestyle of socialising,drinking, clubbing, i think i'd be exciting too. but i have my kids to think of. as it is, i'll be rejoining the workforce in a totally different industry. i'd probably meet lots of exciting people there. perhaps this is the type of wife he needs now, not the me i was for the past 13 years. being virtuous and understanding wasnt enough for him. being loving and caring wasnt enough for him. everything that i was wasnt enough for him. so forget it. i'm just going to be the person i want to be from now on.
frankly, if i were in such a situation, i probably would fall to the temptation to guys who can sweet talk me and make me feel the queen of the world. i may even be tempted to give myself to them just for the fun of it because the only man i've ever been with is my husband. but i'm not special enough for him. but of course i know i wouldnt even place myself in the situation in the first place. but with my new job, who knows? i might even go crazy and sleep with someone so that i can get back at him. but i value myself too much for that. i think i'm worth much more than a fling. i think i'm worth to have someone love me and treasure and cherish me like he didnt. but i'm staying in thie marriage because i feel he's sincerely remorseful and i'd like to give him the last chance to treat me the way i deserve to be treated.
on one hand, i'm tempted to thank that woman for showing my husband his weakness so that he may be wary of it in future. and the he's learnt his lesson that although i love him and revolve myself around him, he, in a way, has got no hold over me now. the worst has happened, and i'm prepared to walk out any time. what can be more powerful that having nothing to lose? he asked for this chance and he'd jolly well make good use of it to win me back. i dont know how many years its going to take. he may get frustrated with my behaviour at times, in the past i would worry about him being angry with me, but now i wouldnt anymore. its now me, me and me because he's lost all the rights to calling the shots.
i want to see how far he can go to make me trust him again.so i guess at times i'm being difficult on purpose. i feel sorry for him when i go too far, but then i remind myself he's made me feel a million times worse, why should he be let off so easily?
if he thinks i'm not worth it, then i can leave any time.
i'm prepared to weather this out with him, because i feel that our love was indeed built on solid foundation. the world has rocked, but i'm falling back on this foundation to build up the trust and security again. but when i think of it - sometimes i feel sad, and then i cry. but sometimes i feel angry, and i'd want to say things to make him feel bad. but sometimes i feel resigned, and i mumble random thoughts which actually kinda echo my angry thoughts.
if i had a lifestyle of socialising,drinking, clubbing, i think i'd be exciting too. but i have my kids to think of. as it is, i'll be rejoining the workforce in a totally different industry. i'd probably meet lots of exciting people there. perhaps this is the type of wife he needs now, not the me i was for the past 13 years. being virtuous and understanding wasnt enough for him. being loving and caring wasnt enough for him. everything that i was wasnt enough for him. so forget it. i'm just going to be the person i want to be from now on.
its true that even if you have the best food all the time, you get bored of it too.
i can be as exciting as i am, but after 13 years, boredom would set in. if you ask me if i'm bored with my life? then i have to say - yes i am. but i dont go around flirting and sleeping with men. maybe peers do make a big diff. if i were surrounded by ppl who are like that and could get away with it, who am i to say that i wouldnt do it too? but the ppl i mix with are all tame by comparision, so luckily for him. he did say that his friends played a part, but he didnt shift blame - he admitted that he was weak too.he can say that he was forced to continue to be with her because she threatened him, but i dont believe he didnt enjoy himself with her. but i guess now when he recalls, he'd feel shame and guilt. i dont know how this will last though.
no wonder he bought me such an expensive ring for christmas - its to salvage his guilty conscience. i cant bear to look at that ring now. i'd rather wear the cheap one he bought for me so many years ago when we were still schooling. i'm also going to sell away whatever LV bags that i have - the brand has been cheapened by her. everytime i see that i'd be reminded of her. i'm really reluctant though, coz i do love my neverfull and my speedy, but how can i bear to use them now???
i think i'm starting to rattle rubbish.. pls forgive.
i can be as exciting as i am, but after 13 years, boredom would set in. if you ask me if i'm bored with my life? then i have to say - yes i am. but i dont go around flirting and sleeping with men. maybe peers do make a big diff. if i were surrounded by ppl who are like that and could get away with it, who am i to say that i wouldnt do it too? but the ppl i mix with are all tame by comparision, so luckily for him. he did say that his friends played a part, but he didnt shift blame - he admitted that he was weak too.he can say that he was forced to continue to be with her because she threatened him, but i dont believe he didnt enjoy himself with her. but i guess now when he recalls, he'd feel shame and guilt. i dont know how this will last though.
no wonder he bought me such an expensive ring for christmas - its to salvage his guilty conscience. i cant bear to look at that ring now. i'd rather wear the cheap one he bought for me so many years ago when we were still schooling. i'm also going to sell away whatever LV bags that i have - the brand has been cheapened by her. everytime i see that i'd be reminded of her. i'm really reluctant though, coz i do love my neverfull and my speedy, but how can i bear to use them now???
i think i'm starting to rattle rubbish.. pls forgive.
one moment i'd feel like i had lost spectacularly. my husband turned to another woman for comfort and love. and gave his comfort and love, care and attention, time and money to her instead of me.
but the next i realised that he'd turned back and he fought for our marriage. have i really lost then?
but the next i realised that he'd turned back and he fought for our marriage. have i really lost then?
the reason of your self-declared utter loss is due to the fact that you've truly revolved your every life aspect around the husband. to do yourself some justice for now, u prob have had to loathe those restaurants & bags. it's like the only link to the external world has left, whereby you can actually also explore on your own, or with friends.
on a lighter note, i hope you are not going to drop bombs on Hong Kong....
on a lighter note, i hope you are not going to drop bombs on Hong Kong....
sgbabydoll
Active Member
"perhaps we really did make the mistake of marrying and settling down too early. we were each other's first....."
I have to agree on this as you probably have not handled a heartbreak or break-up before.
"and when he was thrown into the exciting life of sales where beautiful, sweet talking women are everywhere, the hustle and bustle of nightlife, the wonderful blasting loud music that drains out any logical thoughts and the lure of alcohol which drives away worries and frustrations. to steep oneself in a world where one can do anything that he wouldnt normally do."
I think you should stop attributing his falling to external forces only. You have already gone through that before, just six months ago.
I have to agree on this as you probably have not handled a heartbreak or break-up before.
"and when he was thrown into the exciting life of sales where beautiful, sweet talking women are everywhere, the hustle and bustle of nightlife, the wonderful blasting loud music that drains out any logical thoughts and the lure of alcohol which drives away worries and frustrations. to steep oneself in a world where one can do anything that he wouldnt normally do."
I think you should stop attributing his falling to external forces only. You have already gone through that before, just six months ago.
make_it_happen
New Member
The trust is broken. You will never be able to believe him again. When he is nice, u will hear voices telling u he must be doing something behind your back. Your doubts will kick in. And when u throw tantrums tat drive him away, u will start to question y u did it? Maybe u have wronged him? Then u blame yourself for your insecurity. When he tells u he is really working, seeing clients.....u hear voices telling u "REALLY??", then u start your "interrogation" again n the whole cycle repeats. At times u feel hopeful tat you can make it!! At time u tell yourself u wanna give up cos the past is like a shadow following you everywhere....At times you feel he is sincere n genuine....At times u feel he doesnt deserve you anymore....At times u feel u really want to be intimate with him....At times u really dun want tat pair of dirty hands to touch you at all.....the list goes on! days past, weeks past, months past...soon, years past!! you will realise u r still at day one....You will feel maybe you r driving him away with your inability to stop your doubts, imagination & suspicion. And you will blame n hate yourself. But at times you will feel he is not helping you or doing enough to help you forget the past, n you cant take it anymore......
yeah, abt the waters, i'm simply floating..
just met with my dr today. he said i basically have 3 options - stay and work on it if i'm ready, leave, or let things remain status quo until i'm ready to work on it. i suppose the third option is best for me now.. i havent regained the energy i;ve lost. i've stopped eating for two days and just only began to take little nibbles every now and then now. even the cheating fella commented that i've lost so much weight in the past 3 days and i saw the hurt in his eyes when he said that.
i know if i can get out of this trough, we can work on beginning again once more. i just have to try and not think about the issue. but at times i feel so irrational.. and my behaviour just becomes irrational too. i trashed our wedding photos at our home, i tore up photos of happy times, i was just THIS close to tearing up our wedding cert too but the thought of breaking up hurt me just as bad as the betrayal.
i dont think i ever want to go to hk again..but its one of my fav places.. but the thought of walking down the airport where they've walked together,hand in hand, just makes me want to rant and rave and hurt him as much as i possibly can. hurt him as much as he did to me.
not that i'm helping him to blame external forces,but i must say that it is indeed a factor. but he'd also admitted his weakness.
my dr said it'll be good for us to go together for the next session because he says he thinks he needs counselling just as much as i do.
just met with my dr today. he said i basically have 3 options - stay and work on it if i'm ready, leave, or let things remain status quo until i'm ready to work on it. i suppose the third option is best for me now.. i havent regained the energy i;ve lost. i've stopped eating for two days and just only began to take little nibbles every now and then now. even the cheating fella commented that i've lost so much weight in the past 3 days and i saw the hurt in his eyes when he said that.
i know if i can get out of this trough, we can work on beginning again once more. i just have to try and not think about the issue. but at times i feel so irrational.. and my behaviour just becomes irrational too. i trashed our wedding photos at our home, i tore up photos of happy times, i was just THIS close to tearing up our wedding cert too but the thought of breaking up hurt me just as bad as the betrayal.
i dont think i ever want to go to hk again..but its one of my fav places.. but the thought of walking down the airport where they've walked together,hand in hand, just makes me want to rant and rave and hurt him as much as i possibly can. hurt him as much as he did to me.
not that i'm helping him to blame external forces,but i must say that it is indeed a factor. but he'd also admitted his weakness.
my dr said it'll be good for us to go together for the next session because he says he thinks he needs counselling just as much as i do.
just do it,
erm, i dont think so. i think trust can be built up again.. if only both parties are open to each other. but you're right on one point - i cannot bear to let him see or touch me where my clothes cover. i dont think he wants to anyway - otherwise he wouldnt have said what he did to that woman - that he didnt even want to touch me.
i felt so cheap when i recall the times when i asked him to kiss me, to cudde me to sleep, when i reach out to hold his hand but he somehow always pulls away. and i feel so disgusted with myself. my body is now mine and i want my privacy back now.
now the whole building has collapsed - security, trust, confidence, responsibility, loyalty. what we have left is only the foundation of love. i dont know how difficult is it to build it up again, but i'm sure it can be built up - only a matter of time, and whether we can hang on until its built up again, or we find it too tiring and we give up halfway. but at least i've given him the opportunity to convince me that i have indeed married the right person, just that this person had made a foolishly devastating mistake.
the ball is now in his court. i'm just sitting and waiting to be convinced.
erm, i dont think so. i think trust can be built up again.. if only both parties are open to each other. but you're right on one point - i cannot bear to let him see or touch me where my clothes cover. i dont think he wants to anyway - otherwise he wouldnt have said what he did to that woman - that he didnt even want to touch me.
i felt so cheap when i recall the times when i asked him to kiss me, to cudde me to sleep, when i reach out to hold his hand but he somehow always pulls away. and i feel so disgusted with myself. my body is now mine and i want my privacy back now.
now the whole building has collapsed - security, trust, confidence, responsibility, loyalty. what we have left is only the foundation of love. i dont know how difficult is it to build it up again, but i'm sure it can be built up - only a matter of time, and whether we can hang on until its built up again, or we find it too tiring and we give up halfway. but at least i've given him the opportunity to convince me that i have indeed married the right person, just that this person had made a foolishly devastating mistake.
the ball is now in his court. i'm just sitting and waiting to be convinced.
make_it_happen
New Member
your insecurity, mood swings, inability to forget the past will hinder your building of trust again. Your negative reactions tat u mention will drive him faster back to the woman, or another woman, whom he feels less burden, less stress & able to smile & laugh & joke & feel good....We r all human beings. To make this work again u must be even nicer to make him feel he really wants to come back to you. But u cant let the past go, when u start ur mood swings, he will feel helpless & guilty initially but soon, he will want to try to escape! If the other woman is all nice & sweet & waiting for him with open arms & smiles, he will be back sooner than u tot. But to ask u to forget the incident immed is impossible, cos u know too much details, n they hurts so much even till now u still ask y did he did this to you....