Innocent flirting?

[miloice]

stardust, why could the father celebrate bday for the child together after divorce? You seem to be mixing things together here. If you have confidence with him being a good father, then your concerns about child losing a parent is irrelevant.

But, if he isn't committed and involved with his children now, holding on the marriage also does nothing to change that either.

 

[powder]

Hope u reach a point where u realize it isn't support u need, but resolve...

 

[kittenpie]

stardust, it may sound like i am asking a ridiculously, painfully basic question. but have you gone to the library or the bookshop to pick up some self-help books on how divorced parents can coach and nurture children? all over the world, parents are getting divorced and i do not believe that all their children turn out maladjusted.

 

[powder]

i am skeptical on the children being the bulk of the motivation to stay... often the children thing is a conplex excuse designed to make oneself convinced to stay... sori for the cruelty, but i'm seldom wrong...

the complexities is mostly on self-focal reasons... can be as simple as not wanting to admit 'defeat' to being totally helpless when out of marriage. this will always be a problem as long as ladies continue to ditch their lives after they marry and totally cut themselves off from the many aspects that formed them in the first place.

 

[simpleman]

Having children myself I can understand the impact on them in a divorce situation.

It will only be a fool to think that the children will come out unaffected. But the fact is that nothing cannot be overcome.

The parents attitude towards the divorce is very important. And I had said many times that it is possible for parents to remain parents and in fact better parents than before they were divorced. The parents with the right attitude will remain so much driven to be better than when they were married. I am a case in point.

For the specific, why couldnt the father be at the child's birthday party? Wheen my little girl celebrated her 6th birthday at the childcare last year - both my ex-wife and I were there. There was never a question why both parents (even in divorce) cannot be part of the every step of life of their growing children. Their role as parents has not changed. The only change is their marital status.

 

[powder]

well sm (& stardust more meant for u),

it's one thing to anticipate and prepare for likely scenarios and problems...

but it's another thing to embrace other pple's problems, other pple's story - to add to your list of reasons to stay... there's a fine line between 1 and the other. my inclination is towards believing that the whole reluctance, is often to do with Self-preservation.

 

[vios]

stardust,

using the analogy of "toyota vios", let's just say that you decided to retain the modded car because you have spent a great deal of time and money on it. however, you know that you gotta let go of the very fact that it will forever be 1.5cc despite all the mods...

otherwise, don't look back at the wasted efforts and just sell it.

and yes, the driver-owner must understand that the extensive inputs do not necessarily equate to getting what he/she thinks is deserving and fair - at the end of if all.

 

[sgbabydoll]

When you are still in self-pity, do you actually think you have the ability to forgive?

 

[star_dust]

hi everyone,
im so sorry i missed the last few posts..

i managed to survive his reservist for the whole of last month.. wasnt easy at all.. the memories are still very fresh..

i guess we've both been shaken down a little more..and i can finally feel that he's sincere in repairing our marriage and moving on together. his debt problem is more manageable now that the banks have offered him a more workable repayment amount over a longer period.

i still think of the past every now and then, but i try to distract myself from it. he's also begun to be more sensitive and patient. and i know i can't possibly be languishing in the past anymore.

the pain is still there, but somewhat duller now, and it becomes more manageable especially at times when i can really see that i do matter to him.