In LOVE with a married man

You are thinking ahead of what I have never thought before.. You are not me, so no point speculating what will/ will not happen in the future. For pple whose heart is filled with bitterness and hatred, I wish them the best too..

No idea if the wife will confront the 3rd parties or not, but rest assured that it will be the men who will make the choice. If the husband feel that the marriage is not worth keeping, its between them. Till now, I am never spoken a word near "divorce" yet and doubt I will use it ever. In fact, I enjoy listening to him talking about his family or even, when his wife called while we were out, I dun nag or pull a long face. Guess these are what men dread. to go home to a naggy or long winded wife.

For those who are divorced (like me), stop grumbling and badmouthing how much yr ex has let u down. Learn to move on. I have no hatred for my ex even though he gave me so much shit b4. forgiveness IS a virtue.
 


What's the point of confronting a woman like pinkie? Pinkie trying to replace the wife currently. If the wife is smart to detect, she should concentrate on getting the husband back not confronting. Confronting might just make the whole matter worst. Maybe the man should know best.

My case is different, the 3rd party wants to replace me. I can't find her to confront! Neither of them wish to confront and yes I am not so forgiving. I only forgive the right person not everyone.

If you are affected by my prediction, you have the thoughts of replacing the wife. Otherwise why get so upset by my comments?
 
Damn, I don't understand why some woman just can't leave married men alone?

I used to be single and if any married men attempts to come after me, I'd run far far away from them. I dun want to be splash acid on the face for breaking up families man.

And damn the b*tch who was waiting for my hubby to divorce me. Sad to say, my hubby said even divorce, she'll nt be the one he'll marry. And I want to see how she wants to accept my man and my baby.
 
Simple Reason- I find it hard to swallow the idea of someone putting words in my mouth, when they are obviously not anywhere in my shoes. Well, I shall rest my case here. No point wasting time bickering with pple who clearly do not understand what i am trying to say. Not constructive.Rather than pointing fingers than the 3rd party of their ex, probably it will do more good by doing some self reflection on yr hubby strays. I am just going to do that too.
 
Oh sorry I re-read my post and realise that I have typo mistake, no wonder Pinkie is so disturbed. Ignore my previous post, I mean NO point confront pinkie since she does not wants to replace the wife.
What I feel of course is not absolute, but is advisable for woman whom can't control the anger and thus creating a scene will be worst.
 
pinkie

maybe some of them been through b4.... i myself been thru b4...

wat i feel is if the 3rd party knw that the men is MARRIED. they shd have avoid stepping into the r/s with the men.. y are they stepping into the r/s, although some dun wanna replace the wife or not wanting to break up the family... it is still consider breaking up the family if the wife will to find out...
 
If your hb didn't want to stray, no woman can make him stray.. So don't blame 3rd party.. you can only control your HB and not other people..

Who allows the family to be broken up? It is your bloody HB.... so don't start to give excuses for him and push the blame to other woman.
 
you know sometimes it's the journey of the hubby straying or the chance to stray because of a giving 3rd party (like pinkie) that hurts the most! may be in the end, the hubby didn't stray but do you know during that few weeks/months, the hurt and hell the wife experienced??

i had the "liberty" to experience this and thank God, my husband didn't stray but he got all his chances because this lady was basically throwing herself at him! i knew all this because my hubby didn't hide all the phone calls, the sms from me and at the end of the saga told me everything including the incident she tried to hanky panky with him! my hubby told me he pitied the lady and just want to help her out during her difficult time with her hubby. in the beginning, i pitied her too and think it's ok for my hubby to meet her and talked to her. but soon, this meetings became so regular and went into the wee hours of the night and sms came in fast and furious..

everytime he would always ask my permission to meet her and as much as i know how truthful he is, i cannot help but being worried.. i was very worried he will fall into temptation.. those weeks were nightmares to me! i cried to sleep almost every night...every freaking moment, i think of the chance of him straying! every moment, when the sms came, my heart skip a beat and from time to time, i sneaked to check his mobile! i was paranoid! it was a living hell to me..

thank god, in the end he came to realise how much his meetings with this lady had affected me and he slowly distant himself... till today, this lady still sms and ask him out for a drink but my hubby rejected her from time to time. i no longer check his HP and no longer paranoid.. i can slowly breathe...

so, pinkie, you might not have the intention of breaking up your bf's family, but sooner or later, you're hurting his wife's heart unintentionally and that is a hideous things to do to a fellow woman..
 
grey,

If a married man knows a lady is throwing herself at him, then he should heed the signal and pull the emergency brake.

If he cannot resist the temptation then he shouldn't be helping.. asking for trouble.

If he can, then you should trust your hb.

Ultimately if your hb strays it is him.. and not the girls throwing at him.. yes, they may be seducing or throwing themselves at him.. but if he didn't want to - no one can force him..
 
grey,

to add

"so, pinkie, you might not have the intention of breaking up your bf's family, but sooner or later, you're hurting his wife's heart unintentionally and that is a hideous things to do to a fellow woman.."

the 3rd party wouldn't be able to hurt you if your hb is firm. Just reject her lah.. what is so difficult in rejecting a woman? Can even ask her to go fly kite.. even if she wants to commit suicide also none of your hb business if they have no relationship.. so if you hb kaypoh.. it is your hb that is hurting you.. don't blame the 3rd party..
 
I am not commenting on whether what pinkie is doing is right or wrong.. but the fact remains it is the guy that is the main thing. If the guy rejected pinkie.. that is nothing she can do..
 
Sorry..cant help but to add in a few words. Consider that I never "threw" myself at him and he has been asking me out for the past 2 over years (not persistently lah) but I rejected quite a couple of times. But because we are working within the same building, I find it hard to turn him down. I know it was my fault (I do not deny that)that I finally decided to go out with him (and his friends). Only from then and subsequent outings, I develop feelings for him and this is how it started. I hate to say that I find it hard to resist him (character + physical outlook). He is smart in pleasing women and I fall for him partly due to that.

Having said all these, I do wish to clarify that I do feel remorseful and trying hard to slowly move out of this relationship. I got to admit that it is hard.I need time to do so. Right now, I have cut down on meeting him not more than twice a week and focusing more on my family instead.

To maintain an intact family is not easy, thats why I do not wish or even dare to think of the harm it will bring to his children. They are innocent, just like mine- whom I feel really sorry for them cos their dad didnt want to even contact us since 2007. Nevertheless, I am doing everything that I can be to take on both roles. No point blaming. In fact, I feel blessed to have them all my own.
 
Don't blame pinkie yet, its my typo mistake that causes this and I am sorry. She didn't think so far yet. She only know she is also a victim, just wish to be happy too.
Lets just put it as a warning from lots of woman sees for a future woman or man whom have the intention to break another party family.
 
Sm,

yep, true.. if a man wants to stray, he will but if there's is a free outlet, worse right? just like you keep telling yourself you will not fall in love with your gf, but somehow along the way, things just develop and now you're with her. that's the risk you see.. that's the thing i was afraid of, afraid things will move to another stage without him knowing it.. it was so gradual, so natural that things just happen..

yaloh, i was furious how come he cannot reject her request to meet again. after all, they have met so many times and all the talking should have be done by then..but i think my husband is really a very very kind hearted man. he felt it's not the right time, and she’s not stable yet and he felt compelled to help her..anyway, the last straw was when i cried like nobody business until breathless (very very drama) and told him tearfully, is it worth it to help an outsider to the extent of jeopardizing our marriage? i think that question woke him up.. you know, this lady has indirectly hurt me so deeply during that few weeks… I can’t hate/blame her because I too pitied her but I cannot understand why she has a heart to do that to me since she too was hurt by her husband TOW.
 
sm,
the guy not here mah, how to tell him to reject pinkie? we can only tell pinkie to have a little heart for her bf's wife lor..
 
Frankly... I feel that the 3rd party should not be entirely condemned. No doubt that they are at fault being a 3rd party. However, not all jumped into the relationship willingly. Has it occurred to you pple out there that there might be situations whereby the 3rd party is also the victim? He/She may not know that the person they are involved with is married at all. Or in certain situation, they may be lied to that their partner is already in the plan for divorce but only learnt bout the truth much later when they're further into the relationship.

I would say that no one should be condemned in that manner. All faults should lie with the person who cheated out of his/her marriage.
 
sorry forget to add on..
this kind of thing. the husband, wife and 3rd party also in the wrong. the husband cannot resist the temptation...
i dun condemn the 3rd party but even if the men cannot resist the temptation, the 3rd party shd not be stepping in rite? it takes 2 hand to clap leh... if u dun wanna have a r/s with the men, what can the men do to u? he cant be forcing u to be with him
 
Pinkie..
Yah is hard..least you are tyring to distance yourself..but sometimes is easy to say but hard to do so.

Cabbage
Agree..I think only the 3rd party or the other woman know how it uneasy to be the other woman
 
grey,

Don't drag me and gf into the picture.

Yes, maybe I can't help from falling in love. But I CAN STOP the relationship if I want. there is a difference here.
 
guy not here doesnt mean we push all the blame to the 3rd party..

all also at fault.. in fact I find it pointless to assign blame.

Better to evaluate relationship with wife/hb and to see how to improve .. blame also no use.
 
sm,
oops..sorry if i offended you.. should have make that statement more generalize because it happens to anyone...anyway, my sincere apology..
 
grey, No.. not offended.. just that I don't believe we have no control over our lives - we can make decision.. even when we fall in love, we still can make sound decision.
 
Both the HB and the 3rd party is at fault. One knwing tt married man are out of bounds n still try their luck while the other didn't flee from temptations.

I'd appreciate men who can decide wat they want rather than having an affair only to find out later that it is the family he wanted to hold on to. Why made everyone go through the pain?
 
Milo, cuz it's a wife who's typing the post...
But I agree w u that the wife is also at fault. If she's fulfiling to the husband as a wife in every aspect, which husband would want to flee, right...
 
its not so about fulfilling every aspect. Its more dynamic than simple supply & demand. It is not healthy to continue long arguments to condemn the 'cheaters' and hide behind 'victim' role to seek refuge.

The burn the bitch hatred and jin zhu long tradition has gone long enough for so many centuries. Has it really achieve anything?

Not pointing at anyone specific. When we read what's written. It also reflects alot about the poster even to strangers. But, do they reflect?
 
no, not faultless.. just too upset to see the fault.. she has been sharing in so many threads of how heartbroken she is currently...

Wives are usually the ones who r complaining: "Why is he doing this to me when I've done SO MANY things for him n the family?" instead of asking "What can I do to make him happier?". Of course, some husbands too.
 
she's still at the denial-stage...
in which she would find it difficult to look at another angle..

it does takes some courage and effort to do that.
 
When I use the term "fulfiling" i dun just mean physical fulfillment.. I meant emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc...

Boy, must really b very careful w the choice of words when posting..
 
Hey, I nv said I wasn't at fault. But wat I meant is tt no matter wat happens, betrayal is a line tt shouldnt and never be crossed. Cos it will always leave a scar in the marriage no matter wat. Ok, I admit, I am a perfectionist. I would do anything to make my marriage flawless in a way. Demanding PILs, I try to give in n pretend to love them for e sake of my hubby. Not ready for a baby, but gave in to hubby's request because he said a baby completes a family. Hubby thinks that a wife MUST learn know how to cook, I'd search e bookstore n internet for recipes n attempt cooking although I dread cleaning e kitchen after cooking. Yeah, tt's me, I would do EVERYTHING juz to make my marriage work. And I tot my hubby would appreciate it, but he broke it, broke my efforts etc. Yes, now he wanted the marriage back, but I am kinda reluctant cos the marriage is scarred and it will last until e day one of us part this earth. The only concern is my baby. Other than that, any betrayal, I would pack and say bye bye and move on. I did it to 2 of my ex bfs. And it involves only a lie. No woman. Yes, I wanted a truthful relationship, That's me. And I still wanted it now despite of wat happened.

Vios,
Yesterday I was in denial lah. TOday better liao. After speaking to one of my hubby's close friend. Cos even they noticed tt he was harsh on me the past few mths. And he told me, the best gift and punishment to give to a betrayal relationship is to be a better person. And I will.

I will pursue dreams tt I shelved aside because of him. Now looking at Aussie immigration websites, looking to continue my masters or practise my profession in Aussie. I want him to kick himself in e ass and regret on the mistake he made. Esp all along he and his parents had been pinning hopes to be granted Aussie PR through my profession entry. Now, I am thinking of doing it myself. But I pitied my gal.
 
seems that the mental attributes of pple remain rather stagnated... i wonder if pple actually bother to improve themselves? or if most pple think they are the final product and have completed their education as human beings...

i see that the thoughts seem to focus largely on Blame, Hurt, Rights, Possession, Self-Matyrdom and basically the focus tells me that Many pple remain blind and uninitiated in life...

if i wasn't human, i'd be wondering why humans seem rather obsessed with finding reasons to hold on to things that are broken or already broken. Some pple think just becos they were there First - that they claim the rights to that matter...

u know, the moment u Stop Trying, Start taking for granted... u're already as guilty of a marriage breakdown. no amount of 3rd, 4th, 5th party can change u unless u're already open to them. if your heart doesn't open, how can u receive?

i can't believe the multitudes of women here who blame the 3rd party... i feel ashamed being the Man - knowing full well that me and my fellow men are led by our hormones, need to conquer, and instinctive nature to hunt and win... funny pple seem more keen to blame the women than the men... WOW!

honestly, damn bloody honestly... u know how easy isit to get laid? or get a date? it's so freakin easy that it's not even a challenge... it's easy to fill up my schedule with dates and sexual possibilities every other day...

the Keyword is - "do i do that or do i wanna do that?"

i think some wives prefer to hang 3rd parties becos they want to remain blind to the flaws of the man they married. When they see a husband who is unfaithful - they see themselves as failures becos of their choice in this man. so they skip the husband and go straight for the 3rd party... thinking that by removing the 3rd party, their husband will miraculously become good again, and faithful. the self-denial is incredible n strong...

to those who say "he's my husband" with such sense of possession... pls remember u dun own the man, u merely married him.

to those who say "stay off married man"... pls remember to pick a man who can fight the temptations (or at least try) After he's married.

to yogibear - u're all emotions and rules... it's not fun being your husband. u dun reason, u impose rules and demand your way via rules. u dun convince, u insist.

to carrie - your vengeful state might be translated in other areas before the Big problem came abt.

i must admit, if my wife behaved like any of u... i'd probably seek solace in another woman. it's such a turnoff to have a Miss Rulesy and a Little Miss Vengeful. oh not to forget Miss Control-Freak. of cos, i'm man enough to know i'm half at fault. doubt i'll blame the 3rd party... if i behaved like You, i'd be very forgiving if You Strayed instead...

end of the day, this whole darn thing seems to be focused on who's to blame, she shouldn't do this, blah blah...

it seems a large number of pple forget they are Still individuals... instead of seeking release, closure, happiness and a better future... they stick on the negative aspects. no wonder some travel round n round in circles...

oops, hope noone tells me tat i never been thru it so i won't understand... and there they go and glorify their pain/sufferings again.
 
Powder,
No offence here. I was blown off by your postings on the contentment issues in life based on other thread and I awe in favor that you do try to see things in different perspective in life. However, I believe that people like me, like the rest of the ppl in the forum came in to seek comfort. Yes, we may b able and not logical enough to think and do bear in mind that woman thinks from the heart while men thinks from the brain. No one is right or wrong here. We are juz trying to get our pts across in a public domain. To release the emotional cope ups that was boiling inside.

Do let us say wat we want. Yeah, e vicious cycle goes on. It's always either out, change or continue the vicious cycle. This is life. Everyone makes their own decision. And coming to forum to some ppl is to seek affirmation to the decision that they already had. Or perhaps some really lost ones do get abit of insights from logging into e forum. On the other hand, there are also another group of ppl who log in to "try" to hear the voice of their conflicting parties through the others mouth. Yes, we are all humans. No one is perfect. We failed, we cry, we mourn, we learn and eventually move on.

Nobody enjoys glorifying their pains cos it is almost the same as airing dirty linens in e public. Everyone have their thoughts and their say, this is why a forum is created for.
happy.gif
 
ethel,

no offence taken. by the way, i'm not policing the forum and everyone's free to air their views... i'm just taking the position of a mirror. u'll note i seldom apportion who's Right, and who's Wrong... i just share the consequences and roots from what i see. i dig deep becos it's in my nature... i dun feel sorry uncovering our flaws from within. if u feel it's wrong, then u probably know it is... it's all a mirror/self-reflection effect. so the voice Isn't from me, it's from yourself After reading my post.

1stly, dun use 'we' when rebutting. never ever use 'we'... learn to stand alone and use 'i'. as time goes by, u will gain strength and self-belief. try not to represent pple whom u dun know personally... it shows your need to 'group', it shows your insecurity. Dun 'defend' them by generalising into this whole 'share views/public domain/this is a forum' reasoning... it's shallow as hell if u dun even know wat u're defending. so actually, tat's the reason why u shouldn't use 'we'.

2ndly, dun use 'we' when u say u're weak at something. u're sharing the weakness and not admitting to it Wholely and embracing it as your own. u'll continue to stay in denial becos u keep it constantly in your blind spot.

3rdly, u want me to treat u like a woman with a stereotypical view of women??? for all the years spent fighting for women... dun undo all the good work by saying u thnk from the heart becos u're a woman. Admit to it wholely and embrace it as being YOU, not becos u're a woman. by the way not all men think from the brain hor... and definitely not so for the husbands in this thread.

i'm surprised actually... i'm exposing the whole nature/roots/source and bringing the much forgotten husbands into the firing line, saying that the husbands/guys are just as much at fault and u didn't get this but instead u're educating me on wat a forum is abt???

whilst i understand your release, i also respectfully wanna tell some of u to stop releasing in such a manner... Does it help?

it"s better to seek for a permanent cure than for medicine to keep things under control...

nobody enjoys glorifying their pain - ARE U SURE??? this is one of the most used and lamest way of trying to tell me u have "no choice". should i start elaborating on 'no choice' again?

that's just the thing... why do pple hide under layers n layers of self-deceit???

from your post, u're basically telling me to butt-out. but why ask me to do that when u're not happier, the rest are as miserable, and this forum is for.....?? daily release?

if u respect and treasure life as much as u're trying to imply, the find the cure... stop taking the daily dose of medicine and turning it into an addition.

ps: how come it wasn't very "this is a forum" when everyone is interrogating the 3rd parties... but when i interrogate the wives who feel in their right to act this way, i kena the "this is a forum" things? - more food for thought?
 
Powder,
I think u hit a pt, I truly agree with u that the forum is mostly used as a daily dose of medication and it turns into an addiction eventually. It hits me because I know at the point of time now, yes, it has become my source of release and escape to the problems that I am facing at the moment. Yeah, And I think I need to resort to a conclusion soon cos I am feeling unhappy. And I wonder. Should I pass this stage of unhappiness, will I still log in?

I think u misunderstood that I am asking u to butt off because cos this is a public media. I do think that for ppl like me, these are things I'd talk in the forum than to other personal friends because they do not know my hubby personally and it's easier. Cos knowing and thinking tt one day, wat if, I get back with my hubby and sharing with my friends, wat will my friends judge of him as a person? For me, this is my source of outlet at the moment, so do bear with me for this. Give me sometime to chew on the raw wound that has yet to show signs of recovery although Hubby made the choice of me rather than the gal.

Yes, I admit. I carried the hatred for the 3rd party now because she knowing tt my hubby is married with a child, can still bear hopes n doing destructive measures to bring things to another level. Of cos, my hubby is not spared from his mistakes either. Neither do I. I sort of figured out that our communication had somehow broken down because of our lifestyle. Yet I dunno how to change it because our lives and conversation seem to revolve around the child. Or mayb he got bored that I have no interesting topics to keep him going.

I am sorry to use the term we in which when I should be voicing based on my point of view. I don't feel insecure speaking up becos to me, this is still afterall a virtual release and I need nt fear of who I am actually dealing with as most of the accounts do not reveal true identities.

If u were to ask me to seek a permanent cure, I do feel like walking away because what had happened had crossed my line of integrity and principles in life. While everyone is trying to comfort and giving me suggestions, I guess it is through constant talking about it tt gives me somewat an insight now what I really actually want. But this is a decision when I do not see my hubby and feeling stronger. I do hope to stay firm as wat I had intended.
 
well it's a 'butt out' by telling me this is a forum blah blah... but anyway tat's a side issue, i'm not offended or anything... the focus should remain on dealing with issues rather than whether we've offended each other.

actually when i read your latest post, i feel that your answers to yourself are all in there... it's whether or not u'll be able to dig deep enough and be absolutely honest with yourself. read your post again... there's answers there.

to be honest, the forum is kindof periodic for most... i see it as a good thing, and everytime pple disappear, i hope it's becos they've finally found their peace and improving their lives outside the forum.

Life is bigger than most of our problems...
 
shirleypose,

"Boy, must really b very careful w the choice of words when posting.."

i am aware that its more than just physical. But, it is not true that cheaters do so only because they are unfulfilled. No marriage is perfect ad everyone have unlimited needs. The contentment of the marriage is going to differ for every single person. Also, factors like peer pressure, external influence, temptations and increase in spending power.

There are so many dynamic factors that will expose us differently. There are holes, limits and threshold in every person. When we reflect, we understand ourselves, the marriage, relationship, the individuals better. When we curse, condemn and hope the death of other unknowns simply because they fit into this generic categorization of 'cheaters' or '3rd party', it really fuel more of the negativity and flaw mentality.
 
sometimes emotions are ERRONEOUS...and its not really all about EMOTIONS... just treat urself a spa ..free vouchers are given here.. http://sg.88db.com/sg/Discussion/Discussion_reply.page/88DB_Interact/?DiscID=37309 after ending such relationship

also u may affect the family of the person..u might not know how it damages the children..knowing such..so think of it through and through.. u can anytime ..if u want to..u have free will......and ur not confined and u can always break free-at-any-moment...
 
U know, the more I reflect, the more I feel like packing and say bye to this whole episode. I've stopped crying cos I know it doesnt give me any solutions. And found what I wanted to do if I leave. I seem more excited in my life after marriage than going back to the scarred marriage. Not sure if anyone can understand how I feel.
 
Ethel, I can understand fully. Just remember to think about your decision over and over again, ensure your child is well taken care. If they can't showel enough love for your child, you better fight for the child.
Channel your hate to planning other things your future, don't waste your energy on someone not worth it.
Hate causes me to be emotionally unstable and blind my foresight to make the best decision. I don't want to regret and I still did not forgive them.
My son is young but he told me one thing, "My Mummy is poor I will take care of you poor little mummy, when I am grow up." This is larger then life.
 
To add on one statement, forgiveness also have a degree. Don't forgive people who have zero ingratitude. (People who think from the ass, easily surcome to temptation!) Forgive my strong words.
 
On the contrary, I believe that we all can forgive any wrongdoings of our spouse's or partner's. But forgiveness does not equate to reconciliation. You can forgive and move on to a new life. This is what I did.
 
Hatred sucked the life out of me.

Forgiveness, on the other hand, breathed new life into me. By this, I meant complete forgiveness on both myself and my ex-husband. You cannot forgive to a certain degree and yet, expect to live a full life after divorce. That equation does not work.

And before one learns to forgive, he/she needs to accept part responsibility for what has gone wrong, instead of blaming everything on the person who has cheated. Affairs outside of marriage are usually, simply 'wake-up' calls to an already troubled marriage.

quote Doll: "forgiveness does not equate reconciliation" very true. That is exactly what I did as well.
 


U know something? We went to see a counsellor on Tue. The counsellor told him to resolve e problems we had. And guess wat? He gave the problem exist becos I cannot get along wif his mum, and financial problem in which I wanted to go out n work but he didnt wanted me to cos he wants me to take care of our gal.

I feel tt given such problems which can be solved, he claimed tt it lead him to the betrayal. I cannot accept it. If he tells me tt our communication had broken down or wat, I would accept admit tt yes, I have a big part to play. But all along he gave me an impression tt everything was well, he was happy with all e arrangements. I feel like I had been stabbed so badly becos I feel tt he meant to cheat, nt becos of circumstances.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

T
Confession of a married woman
Replies
0
Views
4K
Troublegal20246
T
C
Cheong Yip Kwong, William - The Wedding Solemniser From Hell
Replies
0
Views
2K
Chewmida
C
O
WTS [Made With Love] Harlow V2 Wedding Gown with Belt and Veil
Replies
1
Views
323
otonat
O
Sophie19
Surprising my husband with a trip to the Singapore GP
Replies
0
Views
269
Sophie19
Sophie19
L
Feeling Lost in Marriage Life
Replies
1
Views
2K
DLo
D

Back
Top