In LOVE with a married man
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sgbabydoll
Active Member
Pinkie, I have married men after me since I stepped in to the working society in my early 20s, up till today. Maybe most or all girls have had such an experience at some point in life. I don't think you have the so-called mistress quality in you. You decide what you are and how you live your life.
Hi Milo, I did. But all the above said did not explicitly said why men will fool around esp so when they have $. My thinking is, is it due to one being more affluence, you can now do something you can't initially? Or by being rich, natually attracts other women to come near to you? Sorry if I misinterpret your point.
isn't it too much of a generalisation to imply that all men would do such a thing, given the situation ie when they have more $$$?
i think people would stray regardless of whether they have the money or not .. and some 3rd parties are in it not for the money, but for the feel-good factor ..
i think people would stray regardless of whether they have the money or not .. and some 3rd parties are in it not for the money, but for the feel-good factor ..
shirleypoise
New Member
People (not just men) will stray whether or not they have money. Are you gg to ask if pretty girls will have the tendancy to stray next? It's a mindset thingy.
Like doll have said above, you decide what you are and how you live your life. Money n beauty are just material stuffs.
If you stray for emotional matters, then you should search your heart and think why u wanna hurt someone that close to you.
Like doll have said above, you decide what you are and how you live your life. Money n beauty are just material stuffs.
If you stray for emotional matters, then you should search your heart and think why u wanna hurt someone that close to you.
miloice
Well-Known Member
with money, one can do alot more things that were not possible without.
During reservist, we can hear how guys share (BOOAST) about the kind of 'power' money buy. They enjoy such trill. But for the rest of us, we shake our heads to such thoughts. Not all men will stray simply when their spending power expands. This is the point that was already brought up.
Ask yourself, are you will someone that is faithful to you only because of his situation doesn't allows him to?
If yes, then why choose him. If no, then why worry?
During reservist, we can hear how guys share (BOOAST) about the kind of 'power' money buy. They enjoy such trill. But for the rest of us, we shake our heads to such thoughts. Not all men will stray simply when their spending power expands. This is the point that was already brought up.
Ask yourself, are you will someone that is faithful to you only because of his situation doesn't allows him to?
If yes, then why choose him. If no, then why worry?
Think no matter rich or poor,pretty or ugly..
Each individuals have their own charisma that attract other individuals to them..??
Feel good factor might also lead to misery for 3rd party as time goes by..sometimes knowing what have to be done and to doing it is can be quite different..
Each individuals have their own charisma that attract other individuals to them..??
Feel good factor might also lead to misery for 3rd party as time goes by..sometimes knowing what have to be done and to doing it is can be quite different..
miloice
Well-Known Member
another point to add. Not everyone have what it takes to handle the situation we are in. Some people are geniuely honest and nice people when poor but turn ugly in wealth.
i.e. weaknesses in character over power, wealth and vices. No one is perfect. When exposed to our vunerabilities, we will react differently. Just as how some people cannot resist finishing the ice-cream. We see that in kids. Then, when we grow up and matures, we see adults fighting over properties and money with family and loved ones. The situation exposes the weaknesses and flaws in us. At the end of the day, it actually points back to the individual's character.
i.e. weaknesses in character over power, wealth and vices. No one is perfect. When exposed to our vunerabilities, we will react differently. Just as how some people cannot resist finishing the ice-cream. We see that in kids. Then, when we grow up and matures, we see adults fighting over properties and money with family and loved ones. The situation exposes the weaknesses and flaws in us. At the end of the day, it actually points back to the individual's character.
Hi Milo, thanks. Now i understand better from a man point of view. You are right to say,
"The situation exposes the weaknesses and flaws in us. At the end of the day, it actually points back to the individual's character." Since it's the character within and with character change over time, its quite hard to ascertain whether or not men/women will stray when they become richer.
Jus to add, I'm not saying all men will stray if they are rich, not trying to be over generalising here.
Thanks all for sharing!
"The situation exposes the weaknesses and flaws in us. At the end of the day, it actually points back to the individual's character." Since it's the character within and with character change over time, its quite hard to ascertain whether or not men/women will stray when they become richer.
Jus to add, I'm not saying all men will stray if they are rich, not trying to be over generalising here.
Thanks all for sharing!
Normally, I don't like to comment BUT I just can't stand another woman having an affair with a married man with kids.
You don't know the shit and hurt you are causing to the family!
You may not know what you are going to face when it's your time to meet the ONE up there ... but it's definitely not going to be an easy one!
The term adultery is used 15 times in the Old Testament and 18 times in the New Testament. Every mention is some sort of admonition about or against the act. In the book of Proverbs, we learn that whoever commits adultery lacks understanding and destroys his or her own soul. "You shall not commit adultery" is the seventh of God's Ten Commandments to us, and in Jewish law, anyone who committed adultery was to be given the ultimate punishment and be put to death. There were not a lot of offenses punishable by death in the Jewish law, but adultery was one of them. That's how strongly God feels about marital infidelity.
You don't know the shit and hurt you are causing to the family!
You may not know what you are going to face when it's your time to meet the ONE up there ... but it's definitely not going to be an easy one!
The term adultery is used 15 times in the Old Testament and 18 times in the New Testament. Every mention is some sort of admonition about or against the act. In the book of Proverbs, we learn that whoever commits adultery lacks understanding and destroys his or her own soul. "You shall not commit adultery" is the seventh of God's Ten Commandments to us, and in Jewish law, anyone who committed adultery was to be given the ultimate punishment and be put to death. There were not a lot of offenses punishable by death in the Jewish law, but adultery was one of them. That's how strongly God feels about marital infidelity.
miloice
Well-Known Member
well, no offence to the religion.
But, do we really need a book to tell us what's right or wrong? Quoting hundreds or even thousands from a book that another doesn't believes in isn't going to make a diff.
Most of us have the sanity to know what's right. We like to excuse our selfish needs with all kinds of bullshit reasons but we all have our conscience. Its really just how honest we are with ourselves.
But, do we really need a book to tell us what's right or wrong? Quoting hundreds or even thousands from a book that another doesn't believes in isn't going to make a diff.
Most of us have the sanity to know what's right. We like to excuse our selfish needs with all kinds of bullshit reasons but we all have our conscience. Its really just how honest we are with ourselves.
texasholdem
New Member
some bloody 3rd parties simply doesn't know how to back off or f*** off . just wait for the day to come, and soon just pay the price.In simpler term= “™Ž€ or dang xi
sgbabydoll
Active Member
"Normally, I don't like to comment BUT I just can't stand another woman having an affair with a married man with kids.
You don't know the shit and hurt you are causing to the family!"
I feel uncomfortable by such simplistic assumption that all marriages are perfect and happy, and only to be broken by a third party.
You don't know the shit and hurt you are causing to the family!"
I feel uncomfortable by such simplistic assumption that all marriages are perfect and happy, and only to be broken by a third party.
Hi doLL,
You are right, all marriages can't be perfect and happy....and of course may not be caused by 3rd party.
As the title suggested...In love with a married man...is already asking for all those who hated 3rd party to come in here trying to knock some sense in that 3rd party (some harsh word is inevitable). Whether a marriage is ok or not depending on the couple. But a person to get involved or allowed to get involved, makes the whole situation complex. Though not all the time, but it seems like when marriages needs to be ended is when a 3rd person appeared. Then those who have strayed would start to say "Oh, I think this is my true love. My marriage is wrong...etc". This is a very irresponsible thinking. If one has made his/her decision to live with his/her partner and even started a family...only to realise the "mistake" after many years....I can only say, too bad loh...since you have made that decision years ago, you would have to live with the "consequences". Thot we all should have been known that we are to face the consequences of the decision we make?
So....all married people, especially those with family, should stop venturing outside to look for your "true love" or "love of your lifetime". Keep your straying mind in control. Stay committed to your spouse and family. That's the "consequences" all married people should "face".
You are right, all marriages can't be perfect and happy....and of course may not be caused by 3rd party.
As the title suggested...In love with a married man...is already asking for all those who hated 3rd party to come in here trying to knock some sense in that 3rd party (some harsh word is inevitable). Whether a marriage is ok or not depending on the couple. But a person to get involved or allowed to get involved, makes the whole situation complex. Though not all the time, but it seems like when marriages needs to be ended is when a 3rd person appeared. Then those who have strayed would start to say "Oh, I think this is my true love. My marriage is wrong...etc". This is a very irresponsible thinking. If one has made his/her decision to live with his/her partner and even started a family...only to realise the "mistake" after many years....I can only say, too bad loh...since you have made that decision years ago, you would have to live with the "consequences". Thot we all should have been known that we are to face the consequences of the decision we make?
So....all married people, especially those with family, should stop venturing outside to look for your "true love" or "love of your lifetime". Keep your straying mind in control. Stay committed to your spouse and family. That's the "consequences" all married people should "face".
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Hi Tired Mom
What you have said does make sense from an emotional point of view.
I just happen to hold a different view on the part about "staying committed to your spouse and family. That's the 'consequences' all married people should 'face'". I can't agree that this is THE ONLY responsible way to live our lives. And do we really need to spend the rest of our lives as payment for this so-called consequence? Is that what you understsand as responsibility and commitment when it sounds more like punishment.
I do not think it is a good idea for two unhappy people to stay in a marriage for the sake of commitment and responsibility. I certainly do not want my husband (if I had one in future) or bf to feel that way toward me. That's more of an obligation, not love. Even though love is not everything in a relationship, the absence of love would render it meaningless.
With the children, our parental commitment and responsibility toward them can still be adequately discharged (if not better) even if we are no longer with our spouse.
What you have said does make sense from an emotional point of view.
I just happen to hold a different view on the part about "staying committed to your spouse and family. That's the 'consequences' all married people should 'face'". I can't agree that this is THE ONLY responsible way to live our lives. And do we really need to spend the rest of our lives as payment for this so-called consequence? Is that what you understsand as responsibility and commitment when it sounds more like punishment.
I do not think it is a good idea for two unhappy people to stay in a marriage for the sake of commitment and responsibility. I certainly do not want my husband (if I had one in future) or bf to feel that way toward me. That's more of an obligation, not love. Even though love is not everything in a relationship, the absence of love would render it meaningless.
With the children, our parental commitment and responsibility toward them can still be adequately discharged (if not better) even if we are no longer with our spouse.
may not be loh...who knows if the straying partner wants to confess about a 3rd party or not. Can still end even if didn't confess leh....
Anyway, this is the 100% true for all marriages lah....there would still be other reasons but seems like 3rd party existence would have a harder impact on marriages loh.
Anyway, this is the 100% true for all marriages lah....there would still be other reasons but seems like 3rd party existence would have a harder impact on marriages loh.
broken_hearted
New Member
In fact, this thread does not really apply to me though I hate to say that I am playing a part in "messing" up this thread. No, I am not in LOVE with the married men and neither will I intend to be in similar situation in the future. Some pple may just curse and swear at me after reading my entries. I knew what I did was wrong. But I am not going to say stuff like I can't help it.. weak in temptations etc anymore, knowing well that it is loads of bullsh*t excuses to others and even to myself.
I am not interested in letting the wife know about me, encouraging divorce or creating chaos. We could basically talk about anything under the sun, even his relationship with his wife etc. I do not create a fuss knowning that he is out with his family/ spending time with them. In fact, he is more like a close fren than a bf/lover to me. He ever mentioned that he wish that I am his wife instead. But sorry, I told him no thanks. Selfish as I am, I do not want to be put into his wife's shoes. Ever told him one day that if he chose to back out of this relationship, I will gave him my best wishes. Simply because, I am like him, looking for a relationship with no strings attached. No way is anyone going to come into my family and kids or his.
Marriage is too tiring, too much hard work and effort to maintain. I am not game enough and have that much energy to handle it. I rather focus on myself, more time for myself and my kids.
I am not interested in letting the wife know about me, encouraging divorce or creating chaos. We could basically talk about anything under the sun, even his relationship with his wife etc. I do not create a fuss knowning that he is out with his family/ spending time with them. In fact, he is more like a close fren than a bf/lover to me. He ever mentioned that he wish that I am his wife instead. But sorry, I told him no thanks. Selfish as I am, I do not want to be put into his wife's shoes. Ever told him one day that if he chose to back out of this relationship, I will gave him my best wishes. Simply because, I am like him, looking for a relationship with no strings attached. No way is anyone going to come into my family and kids or his.
Marriage is too tiring, too much hard work and effort to maintain. I am not game enough and have that much energy to handle it. I rather focus on myself, more time for myself and my kids.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Pinkie,
since u r looking for relationships with no strings attached, why do u choose one that is married?
You know that you will become a contributing factor to hurting his wife. It is exactly individuals like yourself that cheaters like your bf is looking for.
Find yourself a guy without commitments and is willing to play with you. This way, no one is hurt.
since u r looking for relationships with no strings attached, why do u choose one that is married?
You know that you will become a contributing factor to hurting his wife. It is exactly individuals like yourself that cheaters like your bf is looking for.
Find yourself a guy without commitments and is willing to play with you. This way, no one is hurt.
Hi doLL,
what I meant of the consequence is that once committed, even if one felt he/she no longer loves his/her spouse, do try to re-kindle that feeling you once had...else why get married and start a family? Committment as in, not just by saying no more love, so split. Worse is that he/she found "true love" outside.
Talk/communicate and try to "rescue" the marriage by all means. Don't give up just like that lah (of course there are exceptions).
what I meant of the consequence is that once committed, even if one felt he/she no longer loves his/her spouse, do try to re-kindle that feeling you once had...else why get married and start a family? Committment as in, not just by saying no more love, so split. Worse is that he/she found "true love" outside.
Talk/communicate and try to "rescue" the marriage by all means. Don't give up just like that lah (of course there are exceptions).
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Tired Mom, maybe you are just assuming that they never tried hard enough? But what is enough? And what is "enough is enough"?
Even if you want to remain in a loveless marriage or relationship, your spouse may not want it and wish out. What are you gonna do?
Even if you want to remain in a loveless marriage or relationship, your spouse may not want it and wish out. What are you gonna do?
Pinkie..
Get what you mean..You dont want him to leave his wife neither did he want to leave his wife..correct? just happy to be with him la?
Milo..
No string attached because that man nvr want to leave his wife and is just for the joy of having someone outside rather than his wife..so he wont divorce or ask pinkie to marry him..thus become no string attached..they just want to be happy together but never expect either party to give up their family..
For single man maybe he might cling to you when you wanna back off from r/s?
This is my interpretation..i might be wrong thou..
Get what you mean..You dont want him to leave his wife neither did he want to leave his wife..correct? just happy to be with him la?
Milo..
No string attached because that man nvr want to leave his wife and is just for the joy of having someone outside rather than his wife..so he wont divorce or ask pinkie to marry him..thus become no string attached..they just want to be happy together but never expect either party to give up their family..
For single man maybe he might cling to you when you wanna back off from r/s?
This is my interpretation..i might be wrong thou..
No lah...not assuming. To me, to get involved with a married person is already wrong in the first place....Once committed, stays committed.
Love should be able to re-kindle as there must be a reason why the couple fell in love in the first place and even start a family. But of course got exceptions as I don't know what the real reason is.
If can't stays on, then let go and not hang on to both parties. There are so many cases of keeping spouse in the dark so can carry on life as usual b'cos the straying person loves the kids??
Love should be able to re-kindle as there must be a reason why the couple fell in love in the first place and even start a family. But of course got exceptions as I don't know what the real reason is.
If can't stays on, then let go and not hang on to both parties. There are so many cases of keeping spouse in the dark so can carry on life as usual b'cos the straying person loves the kids??
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Tired Mom, I was expressing my views on troubled marriage or relationship, regardless of whether there is a third party. Third party is usually a catalyst, a trigger.
broken_hearted
New Member
Dreamz256,
So true. I mean, why make/ ask him leave his wife knowing that I do not have the intention to substitute her place. If I were to get married one day, who knows i might end up to be in the same situation.
Not that I do not want to be with single men, just that i have yet to come across one that can be so accomodating. What I meant was how many will not mind me being a divorcee with kids and knowning the fact that he will never be the 1st place and priority in my life,ever. It won't be fair to the guy either.I am very protective about them and will never even want to risk the slightest chance of hurting them emotionally when someone new enters my life. They already lose father's love, all I want is is fulfill both roles and protect them from any harm. I vow to be single till they are grown up cos I lose trust in men since. I enjoyed with my bf is simply because, we have our individual roles to fulfill and I dun have to worry about going home late cos we need to attend to our own kids with dinner and tucking them to bed by the right time. With a single guy, I might have to spend my weekends with him etc..Argh..! Contradicting with what I did right ?
So true. I mean, why make/ ask him leave his wife knowing that I do not have the intention to substitute her place. If I were to get married one day, who knows i might end up to be in the same situation.
Not that I do not want to be with single men, just that i have yet to come across one that can be so accomodating. What I meant was how many will not mind me being a divorcee with kids and knowning the fact that he will never be the 1st place and priority in my life,ever. It won't be fair to the guy either.I am very protective about them and will never even want to risk the slightest chance of hurting them emotionally when someone new enters my life. They already lose father's love, all I want is is fulfill both roles and protect them from any harm. I vow to be single till they are grown up cos I lose trust in men since. I enjoyed with my bf is simply because, we have our individual roles to fulfill and I dun have to worry about going home late cos we need to attend to our own kids with dinner and tucking them to bed by the right time. With a single guy, I might have to spend my weekends with him etc..Argh..! Contradicting with what I did right ?
maybe depends on what kind of troubled marriage we are talking about. The marriage here did involve a 3rd party, whether its a trigger or not. Getting involved with a married man is a no-no.
Without the 3rd party, maybe there's still a chance that the couple would give their marriage a try?
Without the 3rd party, maybe there's still a chance that the couple would give their marriage a try?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
"Totally agree. A 3rd party is usually the trigger. Without them, most marriage would last (maybe). But with them, marriage would be easily broken down"
>> Is a lasting marriage the ultimate aim even if it's loveless?
"maybe depends on what kind of troubled marriage we are talking about. The marriage here did involve a 3rd party, whether its a trigger or not. Getting involved with a married man is a no-no."
>> Couples usually fight over issues like money, children, sex, etc. Like I have explained, I look at the underlying problems presented in a marriage separately from the involvement of a third party. The third party could be just "noise" even though no less an important piece of the puzzle.
"Without the 3rd party, maybe there's still a chance that the couple would give their marriage a try?"
>> What makes you think the couple never tried hard enough before a third party gets into the picture?
>> Is a lasting marriage the ultimate aim even if it's loveless?
"maybe depends on what kind of troubled marriage we are talking about. The marriage here did involve a 3rd party, whether its a trigger or not. Getting involved with a married man is a no-no."
>> Couples usually fight over issues like money, children, sex, etc. Like I have explained, I look at the underlying problems presented in a marriage separately from the involvement of a third party. The third party could be just "noise" even though no less an important piece of the puzzle.
"Without the 3rd party, maybe there's still a chance that the couple would give their marriage a try?"
>> What makes you think the couple never tried hard enough before a third party gets into the picture?
Milo..
maybe Pinkie cant find the good single man??
Pinkie
Think no one in this world can really substitute another person that exist in one life bah.. cos all individuals are different??So your affair only occur during the so called office hours butit ended the moment you two knock off mah??cos need to go home for own family??
Eh..maybe u pm me bah..
maybe Pinkie cant find the good single man??
Pinkie
Think no one in this world can really substitute another person that exist in one life bah.. cos all individuals are different??So your affair only occur during the so called office hours butit ended the moment you two knock off mah??cos need to go home for own family??
Eh..maybe u pm me bah..
shirleypoise
New Member
Personally, it's quite lame to say that a gal should go for a married man when she can't find a good single man. If u can't find, then stay single w/o having a man lah. Why take someone impt away from another?
No matter what problems a couple are having, that's between them. A 3rd party should stay out and let them resolve the issue (whether to stay married or to separate) between them b4 getting involved. Whether they want to allow the 3rd party to trigger the separation, that's the decision bet the married couple.
There's no right or wrong whether a couple stay tog cuz of kids or purely out of committment issues. Ultimately they are answerable to themselves individually and not any one else. If they have made that decision to stay in a loveless marriage then who are we to say that it's wrong?
Pinkie, I'm just curious, but if his wife were to find out about your r/s w her hb and comes to confront you, r u gg to hold your head up high and say that it's her husband who strays and that u have no wrong??
No matter what problems a couple are having, that's between them. A 3rd party should stay out and let them resolve the issue (whether to stay married or to separate) between them b4 getting involved. Whether they want to allow the 3rd party to trigger the separation, that's the decision bet the married couple.
There's no right or wrong whether a couple stay tog cuz of kids or purely out of committment issues. Ultimately they are answerable to themselves individually and not any one else. If they have made that decision to stay in a loveless marriage then who are we to say that it's wrong?
Pinkie, I'm just curious, but if his wife were to find out about your r/s w her hb and comes to confront you, r u gg to hold your head up high and say that it's her husband who strays and that u have no wrong??
Yes, a lasting marriage may not include love but that is the couple's decision. Having a 3rd party to trigger it, make the entire situation complex. They are called a 3rd party because the marriage and family does not include them at all (in fact no room for them).
Whether the couplet ries hard enough or not, a 3rd party should also never step into the picture at all. They will forever be labelled a 3rd party whether or not they contribute directly or indirectly to the break up of a family.
Whether the couplet ries hard enough or not, a 3rd party should also never step into the picture at all. They will forever be labelled a 3rd party whether or not they contribute directly or indirectly to the break up of a family.
Guess what MrsfOngb, The wife will not confront Pinkie because her husband still goes home and Pinkie doesn't want the man to be her husband at the moment. As times flies, when Pinkie changes her mind and decide to replace that Mrs, thats when the she become the factor to break up the family. Now Pinkie will not harm the family. When Pinkie children grows older and she has more time that will be a different story.
And for those who are are 3rd party and break up another family, I wish them no happy ending.
And for those who are are 3rd party and break up another family, I wish them no happy ending.
shirleypoise
New Member
Carrie, why won't the wife confront Pinkie even tho she has no intention of replacing her? My question is "if she found out..". If you ever find out that your hb/fiance is romantically involved with another woman on a perm basis, would u?
Whether or not the other woman is interested to replace the wife is a separate issue, rite..
Whether or not the other woman is interested to replace the wife is a separate issue, rite..
