In LOVE with a married man


I hope too...

I recently found my hubby enrolling in a dating forum looking for female fren are willing to friend him but with no strings attached....

Sigh....MAN....is this call unrepentant and straying?
 
Tired Mom, even if your husband did not stray in the first place, I can hardly call his latest act conducive to the marriage.
 
DOll,

You are right....I wanted to confront but holding back for now....need to monitor the situation.

He too had mushy messages to and from a gal but commented that it was out of fun. He had promised me to stop communicating with that gal and to trust him. I can see that the gal's contact was deleted but then, found this new happening...

Sigh....if history repeats again....I don't think I will ever give him another chance.

Wish me luck....
 
Haha...some way it's true...

I'm already prepared to face it as I was almost ready to step on the path of separation/divorce and already planned what to do and how to carry on my life as a single mom but he asked me to give him a chance.

Hopefully you don't see me starting a thread about divorcee/single mom woes. hahaha....
 
Personally, I won't give a chance if the other party does not come clean. I walked out on an ex-bf who was seeing another lady because he refused to come clean, only to be called heartless. Darn ironic. But that's me lah.
 
That's the way to go. I would too if I'm not married. But when you have a family....it's a little complicated. So 1 chance given loh.

Probably due to years of volunteering, I see alot of different people with different problems, I believe I can handle my marriage problems better with an open mind, i.e. there's many paths and options I can take if things really don't work out. It's not the end of the world
happy.gif
 
Wanna ask this, is emotional betrayal more hurtful than physical ? (As in no feelings involved ) For me, I feel both, cos my ex betrayed me physically and went to look around for flings with no strings attached. And I drop him. I understand that some women dun mind cos I have a close fren who is like this. she does not mind her hubby straying as long as he comes homes to her family.
 
Whether physically or mentally, it's still betraying. Both very hurtful.

Nobody can guarantee that the mentally would not eventually become physical. Physical would mean that he may harm his wife by passing disease to her???

I can't tolerate such acts.
 
Pinkie,

I agree with TM that both physical and emotional betrayals are hurting. While physical are dangerous (STDs), emotional ones may make him lose all feelings for you.

I too would want him back if my hubby strayed yet choose to come back but not if he intends to carry on the fling outside. I can forgive accident but if accidents happened too often they become intentions.
 
The divorce route may seems to be an tough path to take but it is not necessary the case all the time(Not that I am advocating divorce here) but if you are suffering and unhappiness builds up in the marriage, it is time to let go. Follow yr heart. Do you want to stay on the marriage because of the kids and close one eye ? If yr hubby ask for forgiveness, prob. u can give it a final try. If he is still not rependent (like my case), you should know what is better for you.

For me, life is happier after the D, because I am finally "freed" from agony and emotional sufferings. My kids are coping well cos they are never close to him (he visit them once every 2-3 months). Every case is different. If yr hubby is a good and responsible father, at least u know that it is still worth mending the marriage. If my ex is not abusive to me and I have to file so many police reports against him, I would definately gave him a chance to be together with him. Anyway, everything is already over, though it took me nearly one year to build up my confidence better again.

Tired mom, be strong.
 
Hi, am a silent reader but cant help contributing.
I dont fault 3rd parties. Its the man/ woman involved that I fault cos they chose to lead the other party on because they are unable to control their emotion.

being the 3rd party isnt fun. they get cursed and blamed and worst when they r together, the same cycle will repeat, this time, they r the victim.

So my advise for those involved with a married man, find your strength to get out.

I'm nt the 3rd party. I'm someone's wife.
 
Actually, to love someone is nothing wrong but there may be serious consequences impacting many lives other than yours and your beloved.

If a man's marriage has gone wrong, I certainly do not want to have a hand in contributing to the mess. Very simply that.
 
Yup, I totally agree with Doll.

Let the man/ woman settle his/ her problem first. Vicious cycle will cont if he/ she doesnt solve their problem.
 
I don't condemn third parties because they are usually the catalyst of an already troubling marriage. But like I have said, their presence in someone else's marriage does have a consequence or impact.
 
Actually both the third party and the adulterer should take responsibility for the affair. Unless the third party did not know that the other party was married or attached. Some third parties proceed to begin the affair even though they knew from day one that the man/woman is married.
 
hi tired_mom

i mentioned before i am in the same situation as u, except it's my wife who stray.

would like to ask u, how do u find trust/faith to give him another chance when trust/faith has been shattered?

won't u feel uneasy when someone call/sms him? or he is going out with "friends"? and how to do handle this?

thanks
 
Some 3rd party will take the advantage of the situation to sponge n break it further for the thrill of it.
 
Hi newbeginining,

It's definitely not an easy task...to regain trust.

For me, I set my objectives very clearly. Either he leaves the gal or I leave the house with the kids. Since he has chosen the first option, I told myself I have to trust him. Of course not possible to trust 100% lah....so I would still secretly checked his phone and if possible emails. That have to be done in discreet.

What I also do (now) is to monitor his behaviour and attitude towards the family. If he were to go astray, he would eventually felt uncomfortable staying at home or becoming less patience towards his family. This was what happened during his straying times....

So basically, this is what I am doing right now.

Most importantly, I need to constantly tell myself to trust him loh....no other way. Everything takes time. I also have kids to consider so I would not want my emotions to affect them.

Hope I have answered your questions
happy.gif
 
Hi newbeginining,

It's definitely not an easy task...to regain trust.

For me, I set my objectives very clearly. Either he leaves the gal or I leave the house with the kids. Since he has chosen the first option, I told myself I have to trust him. Of course not possible to trust 100% lah....so I would still secretly checked his phone and if possible emails. That have to be done in discreet.

What I also do (now) is to monitor his behaviour and attitude towards the family. If he were to go astray, he would eventually felt uncomfortable staying at home or becoming less patience towards his family. This was what happened during his straying times....

So basically, this is what I am doing right now.

Most importantly, I need to constantly tell myself to trust him loh....no other way. Everything takes time. I also have kids to consider so I would not want my emotions to affect them.

Hope I have answered your questions
happy.gif
 
i mean this is the irony of secretly checking on him/her.

u catch him, u lose (or end of marriage). it feels as if like we are doing ourselves in.
 
understand....but trust needs time to re-build. I do check every night after he tries to patch things back but found myself checking his phone lesser nowadays.....

I am prepared to face whatever that may happen. But it still boils down to the fact that he is indeed putting in effort to patch up our relationship. So I must really give him the chance. It's also for me to practise trust and do give him some benefit of doubts in situation where he says he needs to work over the night (which is quite common for his job).

So....besides your wife willing to make the effort, you would need to convince yourself to do the same loh....else it is not forgiving in the first place
 
i guess my situation is a little different.

now my wife is not sure if she still want this marriage. so we are just hanging in the balance, almost tilting over

thanks. and may the force be with us.
 
Hi new_beginning,

Hope she thinks carefully....btw, I went for marriage counselling (am still going) in hope to improve our relationship.

If she's still undecisive, maybe can try counselling?
 
Tired mom,

Does marriage counselling really work?
how is it been conducted. I have conflicting opinions frm ppl but most of them says that u only pay to pour out ur greviences and they will act as mediator.
 
Counselling is definitely not 100% successful.

Counsellors don't provide solutions to you but they would probe and make you talk to help you find out the real problem. Once you are able to acknowledge the problem, then the counsellor would work with you to see how you can overcome it.

It all depends on how you see counselling...mindset is important. Go with an open mind and be positive about the session. Of course there would be unsuccessful cases as the key to success still lies with the person, not the counsellor.
 
i am really scare. he can have a affair behind his wife, he might do it to me too.

one morning, i found out that a girl give him morning call (its not his wife). what does it mean???

a normal fren or what. i dare not think.
 
i wouldnt advise u to give him the trust fully babe.

if he can know u from this particular pub then he may pick up anyone else.

i don mean to say stuffs to make ur feel worst. But since he say he is sorting out issue with his wife. Then get him to settle first then talk.
Else at the end of the day u will be the one getting the hell.
 
usually we dun blame the 3rd party if they duno the other party is married.... but if they knw they are married and they still carried on with it den they are at fault...

sadgal
i tink u better get him to settle his thing with his wife 1st b4 anything lah... of cos if he can do this to his wife. he might do this to u too..

"Women are very emotional being; so once we are into a relationship, it really takes alot (courage + effort + determination) to pull out"
ok i agreed tat we women are very emotional... but i also have the determination to get myself out when i got involved with this married man very very long ago... cos i knw tat nothing can come out from this relationship.... stop giving excuses tat u all can get out of it.. it is just wan or dun wan...
 
Men just want best of both worlds. He still care and loves his family but also have no intention to let me go.. This is what he says to me. Duh.
 
Pinkie, he will let you go. Words are easy to be spoken. Right now, he is enjoying the moment. But when there comes a time for him to choose or if anything that threatens his position in the family. The first thing he will let go is you and no one else.
 
Pinkie, if you still want to hang on to this married bf, you have to play by the rules of the game. From what you have described, you don't look to have the sportsmanship needed in this game.
 
I will rather blame the strayed hubby than the 3rd party woman lor. He is the one who chooses to accept the outside temptation and lie to both wife & 3rd party woman to enjoy the best of both worlds. He loves himself the most!
 


Why are we even arguing endlessly who to blame.

Stop blaming and look at issues at it is. If there is nothing to reflect upon on your side, then shake the dust off your feet and move on regardless what is the decision. That's the best thing you can do for yourself. Finding a cuplit and villian doesn't solve anything.
 
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