In LOVE with a married man

Sad Gal... the only way if u really Kind hearted n dun wanna break ppl family then u may consider of being wth this man for the rest of d life without any status. Since u say u love him isn't tht without status u will be glad too... if u bother abt status then i can say u dun really LOVE him but just want to posses him that he belong to u n only...
 


To aloha, sad girl, and all 3rd parties.

I'll let you in on a secret. You are just some wild flowers the Married Man happen to pick successfully.

I would say, generally, MOST men will stray given the opportunity. And MOST men will stand by their family (I have to qualify that there do exist some bastards). Both traits are basic survival instincts brought over during the evolution of Man.

The Married Man's responsibility is to his family first. That never wavers. You protect your own. You are considered his only when a challenge arise. However, if you were to compete with the family, you lose. Men are ruled by logic, women are ruled by emotions. Therein lies the difference between men and women.

I suggest to you all to move on and find someone who truly loves you without constraints and not meddle into other people's families. It is a no-win situation and you waste your youth.
 
Ms Aloha Koh,

i feel sorry that you had to go through the two abortions, but who can you blame really? Him for taking you for a ride, or his wife for marrying him first?

You jolly know that he won't take up responsibility after your first abortion, hence extra precautions (physical acts or emotions) shld be your first priority from then on. You didn't; you allow yourself to love him freely for his own Happiness, but never truly yours.

Hence, shouldn't you be focusing on finding yourself from this moment on, instead of pinning the blame on the male species? So, pls do not generalise like that.
 
"but what i can said all man are selfish"

I disagree... you choose to be a selfish man and blame all men for it. Reflect on that. You are an adult yourself. He didn't force / rape you or something. You selfishly wanted the affair too.
 
"MOST men will stray given the opportunity"...
I see it differently, its not so much about opportunity. Everyone be it woman or man have our weakness. No one is perfect and invunerable to temptations.

Not everyone affair started with the intention or simply because the opportunity is there. There are many faithful people out there that have all the opportunities to cheat. If one wants to, it isn't something difficult. Hence, it isn't about opportunity but how careful one is in guarding our sexuality and emotional weaknesses.
 
"All the married man are useless,selfish and scare to face to public."

Such a sweeping statement. conversely, all women are SLUTS to want to be 3rd party knowing very well there is still no happiness and yet want to destroy a family?
 
In an affair between a man and woman - both are willing, both equally at fault. Especially so if the marital status of the man is already known.

No such thing as to who is selfish. All of us are selfish in a way.
 
The man and woman in an extramarital affair both have something to gain. The moment you (whether man or woman) start seeing yourself as a victim in such a relationship, you are totally disillusioned. Why even look for normalcy?
 
I don't think it is instinctive behaviour - more like being "conditioned" to it.

It reflects very much on our character and upbringing.. do we just pick up and move forward or we blame everything and everyone else..
 
sm, i would think otherwise.

Everyone is capable of good and bad. But, no one teach us to lie, cheat, be lazy etc. All these comes naturally out of greed and selfishness. Character and upbringing comes with maturity and 'conditioning' too.
 
Milo,

This is age-old debate between nature and nurture and it won't have a conclusion. there are varying influences from our instincts as well as influences from the environment.

What I was trying to say, it is not only in our "nature" but nurture does play a part - as to in what proportion of influences it is hard to tell.
 
"You may not like to hear what I say but I am telling you that you are dreaming. What makes you thinking giving up on him will be the greatest regret of your life?
Now you are well inside it, we can understand the emotions. You would even die for him I can assure you but such emotions and feelings is not sustaining."

Agreed with sm comments..
sad gal...jus give up and move on.
1st, he wont and will not give up his family esp he has a kid. 2nd, even you continue being with him, can you always tolerate him using his kid as an excuse to go back to his wife..3rd, no status, whenever u need him to be around,he sure cant be around as you will not be his priority..4th, your r/s with him cant neber be open, always "underground".
No matter how deep your love for him, it will fade as time goes by..stop wasting your youth on him, is not worth it...
 
Sad gal.... actually no matter how many ppl here give comment till the end still u r the only 1 know the answer.. U are just wanted to wait someone giving the answer that is in your heart. Like i say... if u dun mind to be wth that man at current stage then hapilly keep on this relationship till U bored or fine someone else which move yr heart.. then move away automaticaly.
 
My ex give up my child and me. Did he left us for her or sick of us? I do not know and never wish to know. To me any human has a choice and choices to abandon a family and left to escape responsibility is not worth it.

The current her might feel the same as you think, worth it, but to me, 5 yrs down the road, when he is sick of her will he leave her just like what he did to me? You could suffer what I have been though and it could be worst then what you are feeling now.

Its your choice to stay or leave. Love is blind, but people and heaven?(if you have religon your whatever is watching from heaven)is watching closely.
 
"are all men flirts? i am really scare that he will cheat on me too.."

Hey, he is already cheating on his wife. Your relationship is founded on what is forbidden and exciting. Of course, if given another opportunity, why not? The more the merrier. Like I said, it is survivial instinct of the species that the males are programmed this way. Monogamy is the antithesis of this and is borne to keep society civil.

milo, temptation is one part opportunity. If the woman is never tempted, will the guy have an opportunity? It will be rape then... Of course, vice versa, there are women who tempt men, especially married men, probably for the thrill.

Some opportunities are developed over time, some are man-made and by design. Even then, both men and women can cease such temptations, whether be it by faith, love or will. Temptation is merely an opportunity, it is how YOU seize or cease it.
 
There are temptations around and also males are programmed to de-flower as many as possible.

But then we have evolved to become higher beings. We don't just see a pretty girl on the streets and then we screw her right and there - unlike animals - like the other day I saw a bunch of dogs gang-raping a bitch on the road

Sometimes our animal instinct take over. But other times we may have the good sense to control and not give way to temptation.

It is really up to the individual and depends on how he values the people around him.
 
"are all men flirts? i am really scare that he will cheat on me too.."

Yes.. man 99% in born with them flirts... one day when he "play enuff" on u once he get another woman he will kick u 1 side... n u wont b as lucky as the wife as.. the wife is sustain cos they have "a love" that stain on him at first which not easily being remove. So... Sad_gal.. just b prepared 1 of this day he kick u what will u want to do... built yr defence line rather then pondering if he will cheat on u.
 
sad gal, even if u were to stay with him without status, how long can this last actually. Till everyone grows old? Till he cant walk anymore, by then he cant visit u anymore. Then u will be alone in old age. (most probably he is not divorcing his wife, just to keep you longer by his side, best of both world)
 
oh how long has he been 'sorting out' with his wife?
you should know if he is dragging the 'sorting out' or really 'sorting out'.
 
I am also involved with a married man, though I do not have the intention to initially. Got to admit that I am weak, cant resist his temptations while he comes after me. It takes 2 hands to clap isn't it ?

I know it is morally wrong, but I just couldn't help it. Sometimes, I do wonder if the wife ever suspect anything, because we will meet over the weekend nights he will msg me several times a day, telling how much he misses me etc.

I have no intention to commit seriously into the relationship and to me, it is just more of the excitement, lust and thrills. After been through a broken marriage (my ex cheated on me not once, but twice)I have no trust in men anymore. In fact, before him, I had another relationship with another single but attached guy; and he also cheats on new his girlfren to be with me secretly. So tell me about marriage vows, promises and true feelings. The world is just full of lies and deception.
 
Pinkie, welcome to the real world. Lies, deception, and all the grime of this society which the schools never teach.

Well, having been a victim doesn't mean you go on the offensive. So when does this vicious cycle end?

Yes, it takes 2 hands to clap. He was already waving his right from the start. You knew it was wrong and yet lift your hand up to clap his.

Oh I trust in the instincts of women. She knows. For certain reasons, she may be humbling herself or planning something else.

I suggest you to start afresh. Anchor yourself to a faith, a religion.

Doesn't make sense to wander in life aimlessly just because of a few rotten apples.
 
so in the end . pinkie . do u know everytime u have sex .. u are not enjoying the physical pleasure ..

u r just merely enjoying that you are greater than another women who is going to sleep alone at nite .. you are prettier .. and more attractive ...

sorry to be crude .. but in physcology . this is the actual reason why attached man are seem to be more attractive ... women jus wan to test if they can win over the other ..
 
How do you know pinkie is pretty? She could be just another plain looking but extremely flity woman who does not deny physical advances from men?
 
ya lor . green .. sometimes the offender is the victim when she doesnt know it ..

go and read or see the movie about melissa P .

google search it to find out more . pinky ..
 
Qwerty, you just hit on the right spot. Everytime when my lover is out with me or finding excuses to spend time with me, I feel a sense of victory. I just feel great, esp. knowning that he is so into me and willing to jeopardise his marriage to do so.

I have no absolute trust in men, in relationships and marriage. I swear that I will not put my heart into anyone else cos I will never allow myself to be hurt ever again. So what if I had put in effort, love and invested 10 freaking years of my youth on a person, but all I get is a jerk that allows the other head to rule, forsaking me and my young kids ??

I have no intention to turn out like this/ be a third party, but the 3 guys I've met all turn out to be equally same. Am I just plain unlucky or cos I have been sending out the wrong signals ? I really have no idea.
 
Don't give yourself excuses Pinkie, you did not walk out of your divorce completely. You may need help to treat your revengful feeling, otherwise you will suffer more deep shit even before the 1st shit is clear.
I am even more suprise when you say you have young kids. How will they talk about you when they grow up?
I am alive and living because of my child, not for the damn man who wasted my past 8yrs of youth.

"My dad left my mom for another woman and my mom breaks up another woman's family for ???? Should I hate them both?"-child
 
to me .. what goes around comes around .. im not sure how u met the 3 guys ..

but how u met and how ur image is project out .. may be crucial .. seeing that u got quite a number of flings .. i dare to say u r somehow rather attractive ..and i really pat u on the back .. for starting to create this thread which means you really feel or do wan to help urself ....

=) cny is coming ... y not take it a day to start a fresh piece of life ... we have a panel of experts here .. to teach u how to haha ..
 
Pinkie,

that's silly of you. Using a lie to bluff yourself. What sense of victory is it to have a men using u as a sex buddy? Just because you had been hurt before, so what? Be honest with yourself. Are you truly happy? Or is it really your resentments and sense of unjust over your past? Yes, its miserable to be cheated upon. While you said u will never allow yourself to be hurt ever again. Is that really true?? You haven't really let go at all. Letting it continue to haunt you. Your resentments towards relationships and men continues to hurt you.

Even if you have met not 3 but 3 hundred, or thousands. Everyone single person and relationship is different. You don't carry the baggage of past episodes to judge the current.

Let go and search your happiness. Be it as a single or with someone else. Be happy not resentful.
 
Thanks for the advice.. I have never expect any guy to leave his family/ gf for me. I do admit that I am selfish and I somehow neglect others feelings (i.e the wife). Ok, got to clarify that my ex did not "forsake" me for another woman (though his actions did show). He refuses a divorce, beg, threaten suicide, swear to turn over a new leaf & all sorts of stuff so that I can forgive him for the 2nd time. I did not, I am never a generous person and never tolerate betrayals. To me, it's more of an ego thing and I can never tolerate this big slap on my face. That's the reason I left and never look back since. Naive-ly, I thought I can find another true person after the divorce, but has yet to except flings.

I admit that I have no lack of suitors b4 and during marriage but I stay faithful, never even to agree on any request for a date.

I really need to question, are there really any faithful/ wholehearted men on this earth ? Do such species really exist ? I really have my doubts. Just like recently, I drove down to the streets of geylang out of boredom and was quite amazed to see many men (I presume dozens of them are married, decent looking ones who look like they will never cheat along the street looking for prostitutes. I know I am suaku, but this is truely an eye opener to me cos I never bother to know the other side of men b4.

Haiya..whatever it is, I do want to move on, I dun want to resent anyone, even my ex. I love my kids and will never want them to know this other side of their mummy. Definately, I will want to be with someone who loves and cherish me, grow old with me but i am doubtful..
 
how much worth is ego ?

is just like acting smart and going into a posh place to swipe credit card while back at home been chase by banks to pay up.

so whats ur plan in actions. To only discuss here and cont ur doing without any rectification?

someone in here also say the same things as you .. but you all are concluding it in a very shallow manner ...

in matter of the heart section, sure its abt all the relationship problems..

try to see if such things happening in other section...

in geylang .. sure its all about the horniess of man .. (even going to sammybou forum is enough)

try to see such situation in ROM...

so is it fair to ur judgement ?
 
pinkie,

There sure are faithful/wholehearted men on this earth. But it could be that you have not met them or they are not attracted to you at all.

And if you do not want your kids to know the other side of you - the best is not to have a 'secret' side - who would know one day the truth may be spilled.

I always believe when we live we live with our conscience intact - whatever, we should not need to hide and if we have done wrong - repent and move forward.
 
Pinkie,

guys in geylang... the assumption is already that its there for sex and nothing else.

Frankly, for several yrs, I had met up with my dad in budget hotels. Mostly in Geylang and sometimes Joo Chiat. Furthermore, Geylang will definitely not be able to cope with the demand if all singaporen men (married and not) are there.

In fact, several of those advising u in here are men. SM is divorced and had his own sad past too. Most of us respect this man for his maturity, gracefulness and being a loving father. Its not just about advises, people live lives in what your believe and stand for.
 
ha ha actually I go GL frequently for food..

Sometimes I parked my car at the wrong side of GL and if someone saw me there - what does it mean?

I am there for the gals?

Come-on be real. Not every guy there for the girls. I also know of guys who go there just to watch - no action.

But of course there are a lot of guys going there for the girls
 
pinkie,

i understand how u feel. i think that no man on earth can be trusted. i have seen some men who are already married and yet have flings outside.. really cant imagine taht this is happening to me too.
 
pinkie,

I only speak for myself but I definitely know that if I am with my soul mate, you can put a 1000 miss universes on the line and I would not look at them.

Then again having a soulmate is not something that happens everyday.So other than that , yes I would flirt and look for a girl but then again there's nothing wrong with that.

I don't think I lie or cheat, I think liars and cheats are cowards hiding behind deceit as they have no balls to face the truth.

To me without truth, life is not worth shit,without truth there is no real friendship, love or relationship of any kind.

So don't despair, not everyone is a liar.

What I do about it is I expose them in public if possible. Losing face = the ultimate antidote to cheats and liars. But be careful, this can lead to volatile scenes, be prepared for that, cause they will react once their worst fears are exposed.
 
I don't. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one.

But, there is no need to group. You don't need to trust all men. Every individual differs. What wrong has someone does to be discredited & grouped as a cheater? My wife trusts me and that's enough. u can think otherwise simply I had been in budget hotels or frequent biz trips.
 
man... u really talk weird.

In case u didn't realized, I was commenting on generic statements that all men cannot be trusted and how men in geylang are all there for the same reason. Not commenting to your post to pinkie in this thread at all.
 
Just cause a guy goes to Geylang has nothing to do with trust. He is just horny and needs to get off
happy.gif


Why make simple things so complicated.
 
u see... that's the only simplistic view u see.

There could be other reasons but all u see is the person is horny. Things are not made complex... its just not always as simple as you perceive them to be. What ever happened to the benefit of the doubt? Don't try to simplify things to justify an overly generic statement.

Next time, u go geylang for beef / wantan noodles or frogleg porridge whatsoever, would you be genuinely hungry or u r fetishingly horny jerking it off to it?
 
Look....
I did not delete. Only admin have rights to do so. I only updated the statement to make it even clearer because I have seen what poor comprehensive u had. (Obviously still failed! your comprehension skills really sucks!)
So, I updated that to be more specifically clear for a moron like u.

The context is the same....
AND U HAD NO ANSWER but to divert the attention to a simple edit done. Your claim that I had no answers? You had not even replied to the post when I edited it. You can only edit the message when its posted within 1st 20 mins for the purpose of making corrections to typos. Look at the time stamp.

Once again, u displayed total lack of logic and common sense. I don't need the respect for a self contradicting moron that resort to this low in an attempt to win. This is sick.

Lastly, I don't know why the admin removed some messages including sm's. Maybe u can check with Chin Leng. But, I do not have any more access rights than any other end another user in this forum. Your claims that I deleted the messages is just as baseless as your other claims.
 
My bad.... nothing is deleted. Its in other thread.
Got confused... you are replying out of the context of the thread.
 


Seem like human get the more educated they are getting more like Babarian.. going round hunting others partner for thrill sex n what so ever... just like terrorist nothing better to do... haizzz.... really sad for this society...
 
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