In love with a married man

[tkcatywc]

I have a fiancé (T) and we have dated for four years. Last year, I met this married man (A). He is deeply in love with me. So everyday he will pop by my house, buy me my favorite drinks and food. One day my fiancé broke up with me because he have another women outside from Vietnam where by he got to know her at her work place which is a pub. I was devastated and (A) has been by my side every minutes to look after me and console me. We have dated for quite some time and he really loves me a lot. He will spend all his money on me, bring me places that I want to go and things that I want to do. He is a decent guy, because of me, he went to put his first tattoo and pick up smoking. I know I'm a bad influence but I just want to share the love he has for me. In his whole life he had never felt so much for a women. As for me and (T) it is very hard for me to move on because I'm committed to him for four years. And also he is my boss and I took loan for him to open his business. We'll.. Once a guy is rich, character changes. We broke off 5months, but he still ask my friends about me because I hardly appear in office. And sometimes ignore his message unless is work related. It's been a hard time for me during me and (T) break up. I cried everyday and was very confuse about being with (T) or (A). (T) still have feeling for me at that time just that he has a Vietnam girlfriend. One day, (A) wife found out about me and confronted him. He still insist on seeing me and told his wife that he is deeply in love with me. Weekend he usually out for family day because they had a 3 year old son. But when he is out for family day, we texted each other like every minute. I love (A) and slowly I'm healing my emotional from (T) but is hard to forget someone because I have never treat (A) as a replacement. One day when (T) send me home, (A) was at my house area waiting for me because I ignore his call. Both of them had a talk after that ask me to choose who I want to be with. (T) told me, if I choose him, I shall wait for him to break off with his girlfriend. If I choose (A) I shall trust him that he will divorce his wife. I said I need time. His wife lately ask him to choose either me or her. He told me is a tough choice because he love his son. His wife even meet up with me and ask if I love his (A) and told me to force (A) to make up a decision rather then drag things. I agreed to it. Finally (A) decided to be with me, and I also decided to start afresh with him. We were really happy and looking forward and he doesn't worry much because he thought after getting a divorce with his wife, he still manage to see their son often. But unfortunately his wife suddenly back off and decided not to let him leave. She told him if he leave her, he will left with nothing. She will give him a tough life without money and son. She will take away all his money and force him to stay. She even hired P.I to follow us. And our current situation is like hell. He don't allow him to contact me, took away his hp, laptop, freedom. Everyday fetch him to work and home. He only able to contact me during working hours and sometime sneak out to meet me. Yesterday we met and we done a tattoo. "Key to my heart" and both our tattoo haves indicate our names. I mean, if he is not serious about our relationship, there no point he is doing all this stuff for me. He told me he is very upset and he doesn't know what to do. He say he can afford to loss me and he has been trying hard everyday to meet me. We don't know what can we do. We thought after they got a divorce, they still can be friends and take care of their son but now it seems like impossible. I had totally lost all my feelings for (T) because he has another new girlfriend from Vietnam again. I felt disgusted about him. I know everybody will thinks that I'm a third party and advise (A) to stay with family but we really go through a lot of hard time together and that makes our love grew stronger too. Any advise on what me or (A) should do?

 

[PatChan]

you should move on without them. you will get someone that suits you better when the time comes... Its never wise to start off with someone married, (moreover he is with kid) spare a thought for the family, what happens if you are the one who had your hubby taken off by some one leaving yourself with your kid? Time heals almost anything. It may take a longer time, but never use another relationship to heal a broken one. You had already caused a crack in A's family relationship, leave them alone to heal the crack. You will find your own the other half...

Good Luck!

 

[life_is]

Leave both (A) and (T). You deserve better.

Don't break up a marriage that may still work.

Don't stay with a man who has many other girlfriends other than you.

 

[uglydude]

You helps to define the word "GULLIBLE"....but then i have seen a lot of cases like u.....Ever wonder if "A" would treats u so well if not for the fact that he is married??....Being married means there is no ending for you...if he has truly loves u so much...he would have divorce his wife long ago without u asking...even if it means he end up with nothing.....it is kind of obvious how important you are in his heart....

As for "T"...u are better off without him.....

 

[uglydude]

And put it this way...there is no such things as 3rd party....it takes two hands to clap also, so people should stop blaming u also coz "A" is just as much at fault...even if u dun exists in the picture, another woman would have taken ur place....u r just plain gullible to believe his non stop lies....but like the rest...u will eventually wakes up one day...and realize that your youth and beauty is gone and everything is probably too late for u......

 

[sadman2009]

Though it may sound harsh, what uglydude said is true.
TS, don't wake up one day from his lies only to realise you have wasted all your youth just because of his lies.

And I am totally amazed at how girls are still believing such lies though it's oblivious that the man will not leave the wife. May be he did have the intention of divorcing and being together with you. But, after knowing that knowing the problems he is going to face he backed out. Of course, at the same time he probably also think that he shouldn't give up his family, especially his kid. He realized that it is not worth it.
Then, somehow he started to think also that he can also have the best of both world when you are believing his words of loving you deeply. He realized that he can still maintain his marriage and have you as the 'extra meals' outside. He realized that he just have to continue to say that he loves you deeply and continue to use his son as an excuse for not divorcing, you will believe him.
It's so easy! By putting this little effort and lying to you, he can have fxxk two lady. Why not?
And don't keep saying how good he was to you... Come on I bet he was as good to his wife before they get married. Now he wants to woo you of course he would be VERY GOOD to you. Well, such a man is a straying man... No Guarantee that he will not do the same to others ladies too. May be after being with you for a few years.

Can you wake up?!! You are wasting your time, your youth... Because there is no good ending in this. Can't you see it?

 

[tkcatywc]

Just curious.. Anyone of you have encounter this type of relationship before?

 

[PatChan]

Just curious.. Anyone of you have encounter this type of relationship before?

Many donkey years back, I was some how duped into a relationship with this guy, only week later that I realised he is actually married and his wife is expecting a kid, At the very moment I know about it I broke off with him and moved on, but apparently it wasnt the same for him. He went off to pub very night and get drunk, each time he will ring me up and ask me to send him back. But I made a very clear line between us and refuse to see him. I just dont find anything right about dating someone married, some one who already belong to a complete family. My advice to you is still to move on and live your life well, you will get some one who will solely belongs to you one day.

 

[sadman2009]

Many donkey years back, I was some how duped into a relationship with this guy, only week later that I realised he is actually married and his wife is expecting a kid, At the very moment I know about it I broke off with him and moved on, but apparently it wasnt the same for him. He went off to pub very night and get drunk, each time he will ring me up and ask me to send him back. But I made a very clear line between us and refuse to see him. I just dont find anything right about dating someone married, some one who already belong to a complete family. My advice to you is still to move on and live your life well, you will get some one who will solely belongs to you one day.

Well-said! TS should wake up and take heed!

 

[sunnyflower8188]

The fact that A doesnt know what to do is because he has second thoughts about divorcing his wife, whatever the reason may be.

When someone strays in a relationship, it can be because he or she is not feeling fulfilled in some ways in his/her current relationship. Instead of spending efforts working on the current relationship, he/she chooses to stray and in doing so, finds reasons or even excuses of why he has strayed. It happened to both A and T and possible yourself, I guess. If nobody learns from why they strayed, history might repeat itself if that person does not self reflect. Actually, it takes more effort to mend a relationship, than to stray. Because when you try to mend a relationship, you have to expose and possibly admit to your shortcomings in front of your partner.

There could have been some disconnect between you and T, I guess. If not, you would not have allowed A into your life and T may not have strayed himself. The same things goes for A. He could have focused his efforts on mending his relationship. Since he has a kid, all the more, he should mend the marriage for the sake of the innocent kid. Instead, he made advances on you.

Every relationship requires effort to maintain. A must have said exactly the same thing to his first wife when that euphoric feeling was there. If he doesnt self reflect why the marriage breaks down, history might just repeat itself on him whoever his next woman may be

 

[Gracey27]

I suggest you to leave them alone....him, his wife and son is ONE complete family. Do not do unto others what you don't wish to be done to you. Furthermore we all women. So my humble suggestion is let them be back to their family unit because in the first place they are ONE.

 

[xellos]

You can be with A however, i think you are not in a clear mind of state what will others think of you? Firstly, do you really think that his parents is gonna accept a 3rd party who broke up his marriage? Not to mentioned because of you, they might not be able to see their grandchild again. What about his relatives? Do you really think that it is all ok? Well, assuming his family and relatives are all ok, what about yours? His/ your colleagues, friends, family, relatives. You guys are gonna get that kind dirty look. Assuming EVERYONE of them are ok. How about the house? If he is the one who cheat, he is liable to give part of his income to his wife, flat, and whats more? Every weekends he will still meet his child every now and then and THEY are the real parents NOT you? Can you cope with that? Assuming you dont care what the world thinks of you, you dont care if he is poor but think of this, the both of you are gonna start life all over again with very little savings left. Are you sure you want that? Div takes at least half a year, the house is complicated. How old are you?

 

[christinec]

I have a fiancé (T) and we have dated for four years. Last year, I met this married man (A). He is deeply in love with me. So everyday he will pop by my house, buy me my favorite drinks and food. One day my fiancé broke up with me because he have another women outside from Vietnam where by he got to know her at her work place which is a pub. I was devastated and (A) has been by my side every minutes to look after me and console me. We have dated for quite some time and he really loves me a lot. He will spend all his money on me, bring me places that I want to go and things that I want to do. He is a decent guy, because of me, he went to put his first tattoo and pick up smoking. I know I'm a bad influence but I just want to share the love he has for me. In his whole life he had never felt so much for a women. As for me and (T) it is very hard for me to move on because I'm committed to him for four years. And also he is my boss and I took loan for him to open his business. We'll.. Once a guy is rich, character changes. We broke off 5months, but he still ask my friends about me because I hardly appear in office. And sometimes ignore his message unless is work related. It's been a hard time for me during me and (T) break up. I cried everyday and was very confuse about being with (T) or (A). (T) still have feeling for me at that time just that he has a Vietnam girlfriend. One day, (A) wife found out about me and confronted him. He still insist on seeing me and told his wife that he is deeply in love with me. Weekend he usually out for family day because they had a 3 year old son. But when he is out for family day, we texted each other like every minute. I love (A) and slowly I'm healing my emotional from (T) but is hard to forget someone because I have never treat (A) as a replacement. One day when (T) send me home, (A) was at my house area waiting for me because I ignore his call. Both of them had a talk after that ask me to choose who I want to be with. (T) told me, if I choose him, I shall wait for him to break off with his girlfriend. If I choose (A) I shall trust him that he will divorce his wife. I said I need time. His wife lately ask him to choose either me or her. He told me is a tough choice because he love his son. His wife even meet up with me and ask if I love his (A) and told me to force (A) to make up a decision rather then drag things. I agreed to it. Finally (A) decided to be with me, and I also decided to start afresh with him. We were really happy and looking forward and he doesn't worry much because he thought after getting a divorce with his wife, he still manage to see their son often. But unfortunately his wife suddenly back off and decided not to let him leave. She told him if he leave her, he will left with nothing. She will give him a tough life without money and son. She will take away all his money and force him to stay. She even hired P.I to follow us. And our current situation is like hell. He don't allow him to contact me, took away his hp, laptop, freedom. Everyday fetch him to work and home. He only able to contact me during working hours and sometime sneak out to meet me. Yesterday we met and we done a tattoo. "Key to my heart" and both our tattoo haves indicate our names. I mean, if he is not serious about our relationship, there no point he is doing all this stuff for me. He told me he is very upset and he doesn't know what to do. He say he can afford to loss me and he has been trying hard everyday to meet me. We don't know what can we do. We thought after they got a divorce, they still can be friends and take care of their son but now it seems like impossible. I had totally lost all my feelings for (T) because he has another new girlfriend from Vietnam again. I felt disgusted about him. I know everybody will thinks that I'm a third party and advise (A) to stay with family but we really go through a lot of hard time together and that makes our love grew stronger too. Any advise on what me or (A) should do?

Sorry to hear of such emotions that you have gone through but you really need to work on your self esteem and confidence and you will find someone worthy of you.

 

[rabber]

If he can leave his wife for you, he can leave you for anther woman someday too.

 

[gene.snit]

Based on what i've read, i feel that T broke up with you for some1 else and that had left you deeply hurt. You felt betrayed. A was a more like a 'convenience' to you. He was consoling you and saying all the right things to get you back on tracks. This made you reliant and dependent on him.
A was also using you at your most vulnerable state to complete the void in his relationship with his wife. He picked up bad habits from you & tattooed your name. I think that immature and he needs to grow up.
However,I suggest you cut all contacts with A because he's married. He is never going to leave his wife and kid for you, no matter how confused he may seemed to be. How his wife feeling now is how you felt when T left you for some1 else.
You deserve so much better ok?