I'm very lost

[optiplex80]

Hi all, my wife and I been ROM for 2 years and I had just found out from her recent trip oversea with her mum in a tour group, she met this younger guy.

I admit our relationship do have their problems such as I'm busy with work and my part-time studies but she expected me to have a degree soon. She has always ask for my paper credit card bills every month but I'm quite reluctant to give because I feel there should be a mutual trust and I don't have problem letting her see the online version.

After her trip, I happen come across her phone where this guy seem to msg her often and after checking I found out she went out with this guy while she told me she was going out with ex-colleagues.

I really lose my trust in her and I'm pretty lost. We are lucky that we don't have any children so it's not that complicated but we do have a 4-room HDB home.

After reading the message, then I understand why she sat down and wanted to talk to me a few days ago. She claim she was unhappy and have lost the feel so she was asking for some space and time between both of us. She also added that why not both of us go out and meet other people. I feel she was quickly trying to justified what's she doing behind my back.

I'm really lost......

 

[cynthiasotong]

How long have u both been together?
I will advised to have a talk with her if u still want to have this relationship.. I know it's hard to know ur another half might seeing other ppl behind ur back or maybe she might not but going to.. If u want to fight for this relationship, u can consider to think what have happened recently and think in her position.. Then talk to her and see how u two can do to save this marriage..
But one thing u have to go through is the trust issue in e future if u two manage to pass this stage.. If u ask me to think in her position, There maybe possibility she feel lonely and there is new excitement or being look after feeling when with that guy? I will advise look into ur heart and ask yourself what u want.. I may already have a answer..

 

[Bunnyslave2014]

Ask her if she still loves you and wants to continue this relationship with you. If so, then ask if she is willing to undergo marital counseling with you. Remind her nicely that marriage is not an open relationship and you cannot just go out and meet someone.

A lot of marriages almost failed but they went for marital group course by Nicky and Sila Lee. You can buy their book and read it if you want to. http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1905887396?pc_redir=1397177787&robot_redir=1

A course is being run in Singapore: http://www.alpha.org.sg/the-marriage-course

Invite her to attend it. It allows you to explore the strengths and weaknesses of your marriage. It is not marital counseling per se but a 8 week course which lets you explore what works and not works in your marriage.