hi all, am a little confused here.. what do you think about husband choosing to attend his company's dnd on the night of our solemnisation? solemnisation is during lunch so that leaves the late afternoon to night free.. company's dnd happens to be on the same day and he chooses to go even though it's not compulsory.. just not that happy that he chooses to have fun at dnd instead of thinking that he should be accompanying me on such an important day..
Husband choose to attend dnd on rom night
- Thread starter lamb-san
- Start date
Have you spoken to him with regards to this? Even though it's not compulsory, he might be thinking that he is gg out if respect for the organ using committee. And if you are really unhappy, y don't you just voice it out to him? Communication helps to make the relationship stronger.
lonely_desire78
Member
Attending DnD is important, at least from my point of view. Especially for more senior staff, its a time to show face to the bosses and rub shoulders with fellow colleagues. For most companies, DnD is the best time to network and interact. Aside from DnD, the other must attend events also include CNY dinner and boss' birthday celebration.
This is (at least) true for those companies which I have joined. Don't attend means bo chup. Attend means "on the ball" and still there in company. Some may say its shallow, but that's the corporate world.
On the other hand, you are not wrong to expect him to stay and accompany you. Thing is that your guy may not know. He can't read your mind. Might as well tell him straight, rather than leaving it as an issue to fight over later on. Sure ugly if raise this later on. Be warned!
Also, why be unhappy? You already have him till "death do us apart".
miloice
Well-Known Member
It is an important day to you. Did it occur to you that it might not have the same value to your husband? He isn't alone either, most men do not see the value of the day itself but the quality of the marriage itself. It is a lifelong journey together. Agree with lonely desire that it could be a network activity. Without fully understanding the company culture, one shouldn't trivialize it.
ROM day is mostly forgetten for the past 11 years of my marriage by both parties. It isn't important at all, its formality to legally own the HDB. Sometimes, we remember, kiss and suggest lunch or something. That's it. If the relationship sucks, remembering all the 'special' dates just makes it more miserable. On the other hand, if the marriage is wonderful, everyday is special, whether or not the couple have all the time together or not.
ROM day is mostly forgetten for the past 11 years of my marriage by both parties. It isn't important at all, its formality to legally own the HDB. Sometimes, we remember, kiss and suggest lunch or something. That's it. If the relationship sucks, remembering all the 'special' dates just makes it more miserable. On the other hand, if the marriage is wonderful, everyday is special, whether or not the couple have all the time together or not.
sadman2009
Active Member
What about having an unforgettable night on bed after he comes back from the DnD? Plan for it. Buy a sexy lingerie for example. : P
lonely_desire78
Member
This reminds me of the film Edward Scissors hands. Like in the film, we are constantly trying to walk through life (and whats left of it) together, but not realising that our hands are like scissors. One wrong move (however innocent and unintentional) would "cut" (or even maim) our other half.
Its tough not to hurt our other halves. Reality also is, when we care for someone a lot, friction tends to arise. Its also important to remember that the marriage is about two persons wanting to complete the journey together in that common direction. While its easy to put in writing "common direction", the reality is that (being the mortals we are) we tend to diverge or drift.
Also, stay in the marriage because its the love worth your while. I find that marriages become meaningless when people stay out of obligations.... out of duties and responsibilities to whoever related family members. Obligations, duties and responsibilities do not (alone) keep the marriage alive. Many of us forgot that its the love which keeps it going.
Its tragic when the drift becomes so apparent and wide that.... everything that remains is because of anything else, except love.
Always put love in the centre of the marriage.... and everything else will follow. That's what makes a marriage.... a marriage worth keeping and sustaining. Easy to say, hard to practise and harder to remember what we were all striving for (in the first place).
To TS, remember the love, rather than the problems. You and him will get through fine. If you are very unhappy, do not talk to friends who are not mature enough. You will only hear what you want to hear. Makes things worse only. Remember this man is your husband. If you are troubled, your concerns would be voiced to him first.
If only my wife would do that rather than tell the rest of the world first.
lonely_desire78
Member
That would be hard to control. I know of a few ladies who would do stuff like "Facebooking" the "stuff", without talking to their hubby first. Worse..... its perceived to be a "personal right" to do so.
Unfortunately, the hardest thing to do is to control, influence or persuade another person. People all have a mind of their own and, to quite a large extent, biased and prejudiced.
Oh and the ultimate is..... wife putting up "the news" on the papers. That one no turning back liao. O_O;
Facebooking happens because there is no communication at all. One thing I really hate about my wife is her using the silent treatment to manipulate me into giving in. And her mother is always there to command me to do whatever they want. Then her father also steps in to make me 'stop my nonsense' when they realise they cannot control me. Her relative and friend keeps spamming my wall to piss me off. Wonder when she will ever talk face to face. Been two bloody months and all she knows is to hide and hold the kid hostage. I hope that for every day of torment this family brings, their family pays in painful ways as well. Best is if the in laws see their dearest son suffer the same fate and have no control over it.
