How to find out husband having affairs?

[inex]

powder - erm actually I also base part of my observations on John Gray's book.

Not sure if you had read the book, but for some (meaning: most) women when they started talking about a problem, they seek assurance and empathy - they aren't asking for solutions, but a listening ear, they may chose to accept only what they want to hear - which I feel is what is happening now. Lonelone flocks to those who are able to give her emotional support and assurance - not reasons and practical solution.

<u>Its not logical and does not apply to all women, but thats how some womenfolk think for you. </u> we seek emotional support and assurance. I hope from this, you understood at least why some women behave this way. Yes I agree with you it shouldnt be encouraged, I have my doubts most women will be influenced, (sylphide is a good example no?) but it will take communications btn spouse to prevent such incidents from even happening in the first place.

I'm sure you know there are bound to be splits and siding during threads like this, but I hope it wont wind up a husband bashing thread. And I hope they didn't start bashing you, I didn't feel you have said anything that deserves bashing.

 

[tttt]

♪♪~.~.☆PoWd3rFuL☆.~.~♪♪ (powderful07)
Member
Username: powderful07

Post Number: 566
Registered: 12-2007
Posted on Saturday, April 05, 2008 - 1:05 am:

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Oh yah Hakuna, for fcuk sake, please stop adding the smiley face after your post...

If you dont mean it...you're just being hypocritical...

Then again...maybe you are one...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not happy with my smiley faces? Sue me lor...

Me = valuable contributor to economy = no time/energy engage in neverendinggoingnowhere1000words rebuttals

Scientists have said.. people who constantly blow their top ( pls refer to f word used ) constantly criticising etc etc are unhappy people leh... Medical and hospitalisation bills going up.. careful blood pressure...

 

[powder]

hi jean,

appreciate, i hope the teachings can be shared with those who are far from understanding themselves in the first place.

she's not getting emotional support nor assurance by the way, she's being fed with poison. and any 'support' is already provided for in the other thread that Powderful has provided a link. i would think that starting a new thread would not be to continue the bitching carried over from the other thread. she got listening ears in that thread already... in fact she's got More than that.

but i guess starting this thread just goes to expose the shallow nature of the others who jumped in without an inkling...

do excuse me for saying this, but No... unfortunately No, it wasn't from this thread tat i understand why SOME women behave this way. this thread taught me nothing, but reaffirms what i have already known and understood many years ago... else i wouldn't be here in the first place to warn her abt her subconscious mind and how deceiving it can be.

 

[tttt]

powder (powder)
Advanced Member
Username: powder

Post Number: 8483
Registered: 10-2004
Posted on Tuesday, April 08, 2008 - 2:20 am:

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and to Haruna/Maro and the likes...

Never Forget that this is a forum where would-be brides, enthusiastic to a Union with the men they love... are visiting...

and the Glorification of such ideas of checks, scrutiny, policing - corrodes the very foundation of the love on which their marriages are built on. and further impedes their judgement to ascertain what is morally/ethically right as a choice companion in a marriage - becos the minority of 'experienced wives', by virtue of having married first - are encouraging the actions that may destroy their marriage before they even set out to complete their cutomary. Dun setout turning sgbrides into sgdivorcees.

so No, this isn't about mars vs venus, nor about gender. the motivation behind my posts each time i see such threads is that of a PERSON.

and if no-one can rebutt my point, then no-one can rebutt my point... dun go lame on me with all that Gender-garnering of support, then insist that it's a men versus women thing.

i will take u on whether i am man, woman or transexual... becos your values are built upon everything that a marriage Should Not be about - insecurity, possessiveness, suppression, control, witch-hunting.

everything starts with ourselves First... and ends with ourselves Last... i challenge the two of u to rebutt me point by point and CONCLUDE Why wives/husbands should conduct themselves the way that u've been blindly supporting and encouraging.

and to the rest - dun be so foolishly swayed by this man versus woman nonsense when others have found nothing reasonable to argue but can only call upon such childish acts of support.

i post alone as myself. i dun need support becos i have REASON. what do u have other than your crap posts... u're a disgrace to the women who actually put in effort in themselves as Persons.


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uncle powder I think you need to pay a visit to your optician.

Please show me my posting in this thread that implies I " support checks, scrutiny, policing"?

On the contrary, I asked her NOT to question her hubby.

Wanna shoot people have fun also dun anyhow shoot and stuff words into my mouth hor... You got money hire lawyer sue people, You think I dont have?

You not man not woman not transexual.. you chao yi lang.. or chao bak chew... or chao chui..

Thank you all for your time reading my humble little post...

More smileys...

)

:

 

[powder]

nice try...

 

[tttt]

Caught you anyhow shooting innocent bystanders so no 1000 words essay?

Thank you for your commendation.

I love smileys!!

 

[powder]

not really, by virtue of u calling yourself an 'innocent bystander' goes to show how u're trying to bail out and shirk any stance u have taken earlier.

my post to u &amp; maro was meant to point out that by u supporting maro, and maro supporting gender, and gender supporting the checks - that u're actually blindly supporting... which u are. it's further meant to let u know where i'm coming from...

distorting creates confusion, but doesn't create a new-found fact. tat's why i said 'nice try...'

yes, i know u're keen to catch me. i take tat as a compliment cos u're so eager that u betray reason to jump on the bandwagon.

 

[tttt]

"my post to u &amp; maro was meant to point out that by u supporting maro, and maro supporting gender, and gender supporting the checks - that u're actually blindly supporting... which u are. it's further meant to let u know where i'm coming from..."


not only bo yi kang, bo bak chew, bo chui, bo logic also...maybe bo tak che too...

by this same logic of yours... anyone who votes PAP = support HB of Mrs Say "600k is peanuts" = support Mrs Say " 600k is peanuts" = Support giving TT Durai 600k = support 600k is indeed peanuts = support first class seats for employees of public charities = support golden toilets?


terima kasih

 

[powder]

poor attempt...

 

[vios]

Hi ’smiley faces’

To reply to your enquiry of “Please show me my posting in this thread that implies I " support checks, scrutiny, policing"?†.....

When maro stated her points (did you even read her posts properly, neutrally?), I for one, could tell that her aim is to basically (1) disregard the guys’ opinions and throw in her ‘valued-at-a-million-dollar’ support to the (2) threadstarter’s intentions of starting this thread.

Re-read your previous post, “If you flip through some of their threads, they find it a joy to go into a thread and start stirring up shit inside the thread... Just ignore these people...They are prob meek as mouse in real life therefore feeling the need to shoot people down online.. People with real confidence do not have to prove anything or force their opinions doen others' throats..â€

Your post had implied that you support (1) maro’s stance and (2) all this insecurity talk, no? You are telling maro and the whole world that the people (including me) who rebuked her are deliberately giving ill-advice in this and every topic, and we should not give our opinions on a different platform, no?


In case you don’t understand, allow me to re-phrase in your style……
maro your female friend = so you support maro = so you just support maro if got ppl say her.

 

[september]

hakuna,

if me nt wrong, u r petrina who is preggie nw rite. tink u shld nt be scolding people at this stage.....积点å£å¾· for ur unborn child.

 

[yukil]

I felt that in the beginning stage if grp A didnt said something that made some of the girls angry..this thread wouldnt end up became like this. Cause if grp A doesnt like this thread, grp A can choose to ignore rather than criticize on people's prob. I think this forum also never restrict people ask what question right?

Cause i just posted 1 leh..but i just want some suggestion only lor..i hope i still can continue in that threat err

 

[powder]

"if grp A didnt said something that made some of the girls angry" - ???

"criticize on people's prob" - ???

 

[yukil]

i mean some girls really angry in the beginning mah..

 

[powderful07]

Hi folks,

Just to put an end to this...
I have actually came to a deduction that MAR Tan is just a nick created by someone to generate business for a Private Investigation company...

And that MAR Tan is assuming her identity to "con" people facing "similar phlight" to get contact for PI from her and thereby, generating business for that PI firm.

Well, like what I mentioned earlier, it's my deduction and I welcome MAR Tan to prove me wrong...

And for those that have gotten the PI contact from MAR Tan, you are welcome to send me the contact details that MAR Tan have sent you and I will see if it matched what I have discovered...

 

[spadina]

Hey you know what tofu man, you are WAY TOO FUNNY. I am only interested now to read the good stuff post by you...seriously, we need more juice here.

 

[otakeshi]

how to find out ?i watched a movie previously on how to track whether your hubby having affairs.

just sew on of his socks with so tiny thread to do some remark,honestly speacking if he's working ,normally guy dont remove their socks,
make sure he wr back the same socks at the right leg,if he dont means he probably removed his socks but dont judge immediately,try doing it for 2-3 time to come into conclusion.

 

[parfum]

To be continue???

 

[tan33a]

got gang fight??

 

[happygal958]

dear Powder, Vios, HBH, etc

I didnt read your posts in details, but quite often to see your posts about freedom. Many time, all of you against the women in here to check their hubby's emails, phone etc.

I just want to ask (without any intention to against), just curious though.
How if let say, you really give the 100% freedom to your wife. Then your wife cheat on you for quite long time.
Actually a lot of ppl knew it, but they didnt want to tell u.

What will u do? will u forgive ur wife back? If you wont forgive your wife, will u give 100% trust to the new person in the future?

If you forgive your wife, will u still give her 100% trust?
How if the 2nd time, she cheat on you again?
Will u still give the 100% trust?

PS: I just curious, and i just want to know the different view

 

[powder]

for me only...

i give 100% freedom to my wife becos i dun own her freedom. she is my wife, but marriage does not make her Mine to own... she has as much a right to live her life the way she wants... and she will develop as an individual.

should she cheat on me, i will just reflect on myself... cos i know my wife, if ever that happens - it is likely that i have failed in my duties as a husband, or that i have not given her aspects which she requires from me. i will have part-responsibility to shoulder.

will i trust her again - Yes, 100%. she dun owe me the trust, neither do i own the trust to give her... i just trust her to always do what's right for herself First, then our family, then me. and that's me.

if she cannot leave the person, then the decision is mine to make... do i stay, or do i go. it will have nothing to do with trust... it has everything to do with My Choice. and my choice will not include checking on emails or anything... these are not things that constitute Love, they constitute a need to control, possess.

if she is in love with the other person, i will leave... i dun believe in possession nor staying with pple who are no longer with u. Life is bigger than that.

 

[parfum]

Well said.... **claps**

 

[happygal958]

Wah,
Thanks for the sharing, it's very inspiring.

For me, myself, i ever felt how it feels to be cheated.
My x was cheat on me and was together with my bestfriend.
And i didnt know anything at that time. Until one time my ex confessed to me by himself. And it happened for quite long period and long time ago.
The feeling was mixed. Felt sad cos being cheated by two closest person in my life. Felt like no confidence in myself, angry, very embarassed since a lot of ppl knew it.

Though my x choose to left my bestfriend and stay together with me. I couldnt bear the feeling that i always remember how they cheated on my behind.

But if i think back now. I feel so lucky, cos i can know someone that treasure me.
Well, very good sharing powder

 

[powder]

well i think most of us have been cheated on before... it's just how we react i guess... i'm not vengeful nor possessive by nature, ya it's sad when it happens, but then if u question yourself Why it happened - u actually learn alot of things abt yourself.

i realise i love Life too much to be engrossed and obsesseed with negative emotions and feelings... i dun like feeling negative, i dun like feeling wronged nor misunderstood, and i certainly dislike controlling pple... that's why to me i prefer to just walk away or look at the bigger picture... it always helps for me.

a wiseman once told me, "your life is decided by your last thoughts"... i dun want my last thoughts to be negative. what for?

 

[vios]

The very basic to my own marriage, is Quality Communication.
Naturally and subsequently, our Mutual Understanding and Trust have been put in place.

Some do tell me in the face - "say, say only. where got that easy?"

I rebuke these critics, it's alright if you want to cultivate your negative thoughts and negative actions... afterall, i am here to hear you, say my piece and fark off.

But i fark off with the knowledge that positive emotions breeds positive actions, but you will be in that same spot right Now and in the foreseeable Future. So, still wanna seek the easy route by talking crap with me?

And if there is ever one day that i happen to know that my wife is cheating on me...

to me, it doesn't matter whether the whole world knows first before me...
it doesn't matter if it has been on-going for five years or five days.

What matters to me the most, is the current state of our marriage. I will listen to her stand - like how we have been communicating effectively - and understand her perspective on our marriage, and what she truly wants at that moment.

If she opts to leave - like all my ex-gfs, i wish her true happiness and in my heart, i will hope that she is well taken care by the other fellow.

If she wants to reconcile or is being indecisive about it, it's for the best that we give ourselves some time off.
I can thus do my own self-reflections, and there is a likelihood that a part of Me screw up something that i actually know, or that it is uncommunicated.

In conclusion, we understand that we cannot take each other for granted...
and, we know that Trust cannot be demanded or requested.
It is never about breakdown figures such as 30%,50% or 80%.
It is on its own, and either you Trust or you don't.

As in this topic, some women are unknowingly mistrusting their spouses judging by their words and actions. And honestly, i'm quite disappointed that they refuse to see from another angle.

 

[miloice]

To me, its simply recognizing and respecting my partner for who she is.

Everything comes with a price. So does freedom, we demand freedom as if its an entitlement. We forgot and are blind to constant effort needed to sustain this freedom.

I get my freedom from the marriage because I work together with my spouse to build upon this trust and connection. Without trust, no relationship can sustain. Trust is not given blindly. As couples, we know each other enough to give the right level of protection and assurance. There is no hidden agenda. Decisions are made for the common best interests.

There is no way for me to work a marriage with someone that is always suspicious or guarding against me. Someone that places her own interests above mine. It has to be someone that I can give freely without the fear of being taken advantage of. If in a relationship that I cannot do so, I can never be happy.