How to find out husband having affairs?

erm.. seems like the pot is heating up rather quickly here.. may i add my humble opinion?

i would say that a woman's instinct is actually quite accurate - if only that woman is not subject to being highly suspicious in nature, or having been hurt before.

however, there is usually other explanations for hubbies being 'secretive' .. perhaps he's been having problems at work and wants time alone or with his peers to have some buddy time but yet afraid the wife wouldnt understand and want to start a discussion of 'why can't u share your problems with me?' .. there're lots of reasons n cheating is only one of the many but yet women are more inclined to believe that's the ONLY reason why he's 'changed' ..

lonelone,
apart from hiring a PI or following him yourself, you cannot 'find out' anything because the signs and excuses used by one man to cheat may very well be legitimate for another. don't assume that 'oh, A's hubby did the exact same things before she found out abt his affair so if my hubby shows the same signs, he MUST be having an affair too' .. that's a false assumption that causes many marriages to break up for NO REASON.

and i guess guys, being guys, do not see the need to beat around the bush. so when the guys come in here to give their opinion, bear in mind that they are simply putting across their point of view across which may give ladies a good insight of how your hubbies' minds work.. after all, although it may seen harsh, there may be a hint of truth in their words. and the reason why ppl get upset is not because they don't agree, but because they see a truth that they refuse to believe..

n guys, be magnanimous lah.. ladies who are in this position usually need lots of reassurances .. its difficult for us to even acknowledge the person we've pledged our whole lives to might even have a teeny tiny possibility of drifting away into another woman's arms saying the things that we long to but never get to hear unless we're the other woman ourselves ..
 


what will you do if you found out that he has an affair? how will you react if he admits? why think of stuffs which you yourself isnt sure if it does exist?
Instead of looking at a list of buey zhun tell-signs and feels miserable + suspicious everyday, why not try to understand why is he acting this way?
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2cts.
 
hahaha...jialat leh...these poor guys tok so much..some still catch no ball after so long...

ultimately, wat's a win-win situation for both hb n wife...i guess that's wat u need to assess...dun start taking everyone or someone else's story to be ur own or take part of their story n try to match it with urs...totally diff issue...compare pear with apple...that's wat u get...

enough said guys...i do suppose ur points r pretty clear now...those who still dun get it...haiz...tsk tsk
 
Just wanna join in and stirr. I let my wife go clubbing and night spots with her friends, ex and other ppl who has the hots for her leh. Sometimes even ex-bf call up to have tea or makan with her I let her go ahead. Same vice versa.

I don't think my wife not hot bah. Anytime 4 - 5 guys trying to catch her attention and always got ppl trying to pick her up when she goes clubbing. Sometimes I am there and I witness it. But I know my wife knows how to handle. Even her students tried to kao suar her. Like that consider hot enough not?

Marriage to us is not constantly trying to justify our action to secure the other party. Security to me is kinda bullshit. No one can give u that except you have it in yourself.

There's a thousand thing your husband can do and prove to u and you will turn around and think why is he doing so? Is he trying to hide from me something?

Just one word. Trust. Enough liao. If they is no trust and either one of us will juz stray, the other one can give up the straying party no issue.
Ain't that's what marriage is about?

I kuar buey lor ki is when some ppl juz claim how individuals treat their wife is because their wife "buey chio". I mean come on lah. heh.

Can I say that you'll worry so much because you'll buey hot and scared that your husband will leave for much hotter babes? heh.
 
if this post managed to 'lure' Rara to post, it must be something that she really buay tahan liao

Since the topic is 'How to find out husbands having affairs' - Simple! Get a PI lor.

Maybe next question will be 'Where to get a PI? Any recommendations?' --> Go Mocca
 
hiak hiak hiak...this is getting fun man...totally agree with Hei Bee Hiam...

anyway, it's not wat the situation makes of u...it's wat u make of the situation...
 
bro, my last acid test will work very well to make one realise if they are doing it the right way or the wrong way...

let's see which wife here dares to print out the thread and show the hubby, admitting that they are the so-and-so nick.

initially i was thinking maybe abit misguided, so just share some advice... but i realized that maybe it's better that they behave this way so that their hubbies can see how ugly they are, and let the inevitable happen, than to allow them to live their lives as prison inmates... yeah abit extreme, but these ladies are like wardens who are trying to find every fault with prison inmate.

i have alot of empathy for women whose hubbies betrayed them despite them being the wonderful wives that they are... i am definitely there to lend support.

but u dun support betrayed women simply becos they were betrayed... u dun support blindly, there's an element of self-discovery and reproach, and for some of those here... the reproach list is long... they are the very push factor behind their own situation. and til the day it all ends, they remain clueless becos they're in a support group that is blind to their own weaknesses and encourages their thinking simply by virtue of being women, the fairer sex etc etc...

and to be very very politically-incorrect here... they are a victim of their own lack of exposure, maturity and spirituality...
 
stardust,

once u encourage certain thoughts by wanting to be magnanimous... u can be a well-liked magnanimous guy. but this thread ain't abt being a magnanimous guy... it's abt Marriage and relationship...

if i choose to be magnanimous... i am being cruel by letting them dwell in their misguided thouoghts on how to maintain a relationship. it sounds more like how to keep your pet from running away...

Always remember - focus on the problem... Once u focus on trying to be a nice/magnanimous guy... u end up just focusing on yourself.

i did not come to this forum to be popular... i dun need to be popular becos i'm not insecure abt myself. i know who i am and i have my place in society liao... But wat i do know is the threadstarter HAS a mental problem, and those women who jump into the bandwagon aren't helping...

i can guarantee u that they will not have a wonderful life not becos they are suffering women, but they are women with the wrong mentality and unable to fathom why... becos they dun search themselves AT ALL.
 
U know what powder? such are housewive's rant. I dun mind to share but it's the kind of rant my mum always had.

I find nothing wrong with my mum. She's a very great soul who sacrifies for the family and such. Being the perfect home maker.

Back then when my dad ran his own business, he was working everyday. Mon - Sun, day till nite. I know he working so hard just to support and get the family going. Even though not much, but my mon's allowance was in thousands per month (in the 1980s) and you will be shock at how much she spend on 4D an such. Just plain personnel allowance.

Then it goes. Time to time my mum will start all these rants. I understand is because my mum is unexposed, staying at home for about 30 years, not educated and watched too much drama plus gossiping with my aunties. She need not worry about bringing the bread back. Just take care of the laundry and such will do. Hence got free time always wonder.

Back then we well to do. Mum will claim Dad rich outside has woman but I know is not true. Dad even brought me to his worksite before and me just sit there watch him work on sundays. Then Dad business failed. Became cab driver. Also have to work everyday and no rest day. Then Mum suspect Dad outside has woman again when Dad slogging so hard.

My Mum is a tradition housewife having her menopause. My respect for her never reduce even with all her constant rants. I understand how come her mentality is this way and we always talk to her and explain why and such. Make her see the light. Also appreciate that my mom is willing to listen to our points and explaination. If she just choose what she wanna hear, my family would be torn apart long ago. Based on only the suspicion that my dad has woman outside. Fullstop.

What I dun understand is how come nowdays alot of younger generation, who are supposedly more educated than my mum (my mom doesn't know how to use a cpu) are having such menopause younger than her -_-

It's like rather than finding chance to jump on and accuse, why not try to understand the whole situation, see the big picture and try to see what the problem is? I'll tell you why the husbands avoid the questions. Because they got sick of it and they just do not want to reply. Because they know if they reply, surely someday later something else will come up and it's never ending. They just dun wana face shit at work and then face shit again at home. At least, I know that's my Dad's reaction and I know it.

Take this from me. Don't be consumed and blinded by your suspicions.
 
there-in lies the difference bro... if they're in their lates 40s, early 50s... i can understand... and u covered the gist of it. but in their 20s or 30s... so little confidence, so little trust, so little everything... yet got married.

i can't help but think the marriage was motivated by the need to be a bride for a day... the men are just an accessory, and now a pet... not forgetting slave...

any wonder why Oprah is so successful? well at least Oprah is abit more result-driven and tries to bring to light the complexities. here it's just darkness, darkness, inter-confirmation, exchange of PI phone-numbers and basically a witch-hunting groupie.

very AUNTIE. so young so AUNTIE liao...
 
HBH,
such an insight on ur mom & dad but come on.. that is the older generation rmb? but I seriously do not suspose that lonelone or the gals here are that old?!?! but why are they thinking likewise?

men work so hard outside, the least that they want to hear or know is that when they get home to have an Inspector breathing down their necks & retracing everything that they have done during the day...

I m not saying that if u suspect that ur hb is behaving strangely u shd not qn him, of coz u can but have u ever imagined or think that is there another reason why he is behaving this way? Try not to jump to the conclusion that he is having an affair outside.. frankly who would want to be the 3rd party..

another example, lonelone posted that she is not even allowed to be near her hb when he is on his pc.. reason???

can be.. he is chatting or flirting with other gals online & dun 1 u to know..

OR :-

u can be very irritating that start asking him..
"eh.. wat is this ah... eh.. wat is that ah?"
"weh.. why this one like that ah?"

so with all these never ending qns, I can understand why ur hb would 1 2 hv a pc of mind when he is on his pc.. u get it?

there is always 2 sides of a story like how there are 2 sides to a coin. I believed in giving my partner the trust & space he needs, and that does not means that I am not Hot!
 
haha I was trying to hint actually powder... but you expressed it in one sentence.

very AUNTIE. so young so AUNTIE liao... Spot on heh.

Just to share with you one joke about the slave part haha. There was this day when I was taking the cab back after sending my ex gf back. Then the cab driver was asking me if that's my gf I mentioned ya.

Then on the way back he was telling me... "Xiao Di... don't get married ah... don't be like uncle married liao machiam slave ah... like cannot finish repaying my debt then go home still kenna scolded by my wife ah... this life slog like cow or horse also cannot finish repaying ah"

I was smiling and thinking... poor uncle. 2am in the morning your driving earning for a living to support your family and this is how you feel. But why do you feel this way?
 
alamak, I think I better change my nick
biggrin.gif


by the way, just to set the record straight on housewife's definition

in this era, plenty of SAHMs with degrees & postgrads. I don't think they chose to stay home in order to scrub the floor
 
oh auntie, no offense to u hor... not talking SAHMs also... just the target audience... must admit it's abit of mud-slinging...

but they started it first! *points fingers at 'them'*
 
hi powder!
yeah i agree that some people do need to be shaken awake withh harsh realities.. btw, i didnt read the thread thoroughly before i posted and only after i saw her later postings..

n now i get why so many ppl are pissed here..

lonelone,
erm, why if the wife got no quality then dont need to worry if she goes out late ley? the idea of marriage is very warped here.. u dont marry someone coz u think he/she got 'quality' as in good looking or not.. don't u marry someone because u love and trust the person? n if u love n trust the person, then u don't need to worry.. not because the person got 'no quality' ..

my hubby is a very smooth talker.. he can talk the birds down from the trees if he wants to. in his line, he entertains very often and often comes home at 4am or later. do i stay awake n worry? no, i just go to sleep and leave a light on in the hall for him. he plays soccer 2-3 nights a week and is uncontactable. do i suspect otherwise? no. i make sure to leave some hot water for him to bathe with he gets home at midnight.

i'm not saying i'm super good quality material looks wise, but i can sure say i aim to be the best quality material wife-wise. its the push-pull factor at work here. Instead of being the push factor, why not be the pull factor . n yes, the innocent until proven guilty theory is the way to go for a happy life.. if he's cheating on you despite being the best u can be, then its his loss. if ever one day i am in your position .. i don't want to keep someone not worth keeping.

btw just to state - i have full faith in my hubby and myself. in a nutshell, that's what marriage is about.
 
haha, auntie ..
you got it right! however, i did just scrub the floor today coz my boy knocked his porridge spoon on the ground and splattered porridge all over
 
ok me calm down liao... apologise for my tone and sarcasm, but definitely not for my points... the part tat made me cheesed was the part abt HBH's wife... tat one totally off-key conclusion which summarised the mindset.
 
super damn swee man...at least here still got ppl tiking with their brains n hearts...heng ah...otherwise, just wasting ppl's time reading such posts...
 
haha not the part on my wife you mean ba powder bro. The part when loneLone comment on why vios leave his wife at starbucks. I read ler also very hot.
 
bor bian HBH, coz she is trying to imply that his wife is not HOT!!! so that is why vios can just leave his wife liddat lor...
get it?

the problem here is too many implying here & there lah..zzzz
 
aiya... maybe just leave her alone here talk to herself lo.. we all diam diam.. see watelse she can say lo..

don get so fed up... si pun le.. wan to help then kena attack some more..
 
HBH,
i know.. coz i think like a man! whahahaha...
just trying to help here so really pointless to use personal attacking lor I feel.
 
Yep precisely. Being objective mah. U no man lah. Ur the Kang Kong queen haha You should bestow some crates of Kang Kong!
 
Hi All,

please give the poor woman a break. I mean she is having enough problems at her end already. Regardless of whether the problems are actually problems to us or not, they are problems to her. She is the one who should know her hubby best, not us.

Guys, let me just ask you guys a question, for a marriage to work, isn't it important for both parties to work hard for each other? Now, if you know your wife is feeling insecure, isn't it also your responsibility to reassure her? You cannot take for granted that your wife will understand everything when you don't say anything.

Of course, what she mentioned about vios wife is abit too much, however i have to agree the replies that vios used are not nice either.

Just to share :

I am someone who will not look at my hubby's msn or sms, cos i too feel that privacy and space is important.Whenever he say that he is going out with his friends, i will happily tell him to go ahead.

One day, he forgot his phone at home and he went to work, his phone rings, and i tot it was him calling his phone to make sure that its at home.But i didn't pick up in time, that person hang up.A few secs later, a sms came in, i am afraid that it might be something important, so i opened up the sms and what i saw really breaks my heart. If there were 100 sms in his phone, 99 belongs to that girl. All so sweet and loving.

I was totally lost, when he called home to ask if his phone is at home, i still pretend that everything is normal cos i don't know what should i do, the love of my life has betrayed me, but i guess, knowing me so well, from my tone, he knew i have found out.

He took e leave and came home, he cried and told me he will leave the girl immediately. I forgive him and gave him another chance. Nowadays i can see that he is making a lot of effort to rebuild the trust back.

Till now, i still don't go through his msn or sms. but every time his phone rings, i will feel scared. There is a cut in my heart, not sure will it ever be heal completely but i will try.

Lone Lone,

so what if you found out your hubby is having an affair? What will you do ? To me, since he deny, do you really need to go all out to find out the truth? Is it better this way ? Its good to give him the benefit of doubt.

Talk to him about your insecurities. Like you need more time with him etc. Plan a holiday with him together for a getaway. Spice up your relationship a bit.

Girl, I'm sure everyone meant well, take good care of yourself and be blessed !
 
loneLone...

Point to ponder. Since you are so dead set on the fact that your husband is acting suspiciously and to you and all those other "we women" out there, that is "undeniable evidence" that he is having an affair...

Are you going to divorce him now?

If I wasnt so busy today, I would have been in here flinging tofu left right center...

Let me know your answer to my question and....

I'll be back...with tofu...
 
hi Summer,

point taken... i know where u're coming from and i appreciate that. on your question...

"for a marriage to work, isn't it important for both parties to work hard for each other?"
- Yes, Ideally a marriage should not require 'work hard' but more a natural synergy... u work hard to Overcome obstacles together... u compromise to be make each other happy, but u dun 'work hard' for each other or keep each other, except for Husband to work hard to ensure that family dun have to go into hardship. and also work Harder on himself to ensure that he stays faithful to his wife... but this aspect wife should not control but instead - make herself WORTH working hard for.

"Now, if you know your wife is feeling insecure, isn't it also your responsibility to reassure her? You cannot take for granted that your wife will understand everything when you don't say anything."
- agree tat reassurance is needed, agree tat it's a responsibility to a certain degree, Once past a certain degree - the wife Should also find ways to curb her insecurities If it's getting out of hand.

Extreme Insecurity is like living with a spouse who keeps threatening suicide... and keeps attempting it. Til a point - it paralyses the relationship, damages the good things and just gets Tiring...

what's Tiring? - it's having to explain yourself constantly, like reporting to a police or prison warden your every move... to have your emails/handphone checked - like a prisoner... it's having your possessions scrutinized, explaining why the aircon vent is twisted the other way, why the seat is pushed back...

i think until a certain time after we reached tertiary education... we dun even report to our parents anymore... we value freedom, and we appreciate parents when they give us enough trust Not to question us all the time over the slightest thing. then comes marriage, and we're thrown back into this whole primary/secondary school reporting system... Maybe it takes time... but i'm wondering why some wives seemingly have this 'inborn talent' to go into this state of needing to check if they're gonna get hurt, in the process of getting hurt, being hurt...

i'm just afraid that this whole act will put the husbands off and turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.... and i've seen and heard enough to tell u from this side of the gender - that if your objective of checking is to keep your marriage Intact, then u're actually doing just the OPPOSITE.

hope that answers u...
 
I heard someone mention fish curry? I just had authentic instant malaysian fish curry. *burp* beli hiam.

salsa, not pissed lah. pissed for what. just...莫å其妙. whatever it is, explain your situation and argue your points reasonably lah. don't have to resort to hurling groundless insults.

just hope they can cool down and come back later to re-read the advice and opinions of the others here with a clearer and more objective mind.
 
Hi all,

Just sharing my opinion and would like to address some of the points here. I am a woman, btw.

1. Cannot check spouse's email / be near them when they are using PC

I work in a job where my job nature is very sensitive and confidential and I can be sued for any leaks, intentional or not. When I need to work at home, I use a company laptop and work in a room by myself.

So there is a valid reason for not letting anyone see my PC.

2. Cannot check spouse's mobile or sms

I think this is down to an individual upbringing and values. Some people just need more space and privacy.

Same with email / ATM passwords. We have a joint savings account where we both contribute money. Other than that, each is entitled to their own savings. I do not expect him to tell me his passwords. Neither do I want to know, actually, cos it's none of my business.

I personally do not like it if I am deliberately being checked on, but having said that, I have no issue with leaving my phone around the house.

3. Take very long to answer the phone after 6pm

A lot of times, I have work meetings after 6 pm, then I will switch my phone to silent and will therefore be uncontactable.

Having said that, I usually drop a text to the husband to say I will be working late.

4. Working hard for each other in a marriage

I agree that both parties to a marriage should work to seek the best for one another and build a better future together. Trust and mutual understanding are very important.

I personally cannot tolerate extreme insecurity as it just drains the life out of a relationship. Constantly having to reassure someone is very tiring. I know that from experience.

Just my 2 cents.
 
Hi Powder,

Yes, Ideally a marriage should not require 'work hard' but more a natural synergy... u work hard to Overcome obstacles together... u compromise to be make each other happy, but u dun 'work hard' for each other or keep each other, except for Husband to work hard to ensure that family dun have to go into hardship. and also work Harder on himself to ensure that he stays faithful to his wife... but this aspect wife should not control but instead - make herself WORTH working hard for

- make herself WORTH working hard for.....sigh..do all men think this way ? What should be done to be proven WORTH it ? If i do a - z , does that mean he will remain faithful always? Perhaps i have proven WORTH it, thats why my hubby let go of the other woman immediately when i found out.

If i were to analyze whether my hubby is WORTH it or not, what will be the outcome? Divorce ?

I am still with him, cos i believe everyone makes mistakes, and i am willing to give him another chance, give our love another chance. I don't know about others, but for me, love cannot be measured by did he do enough to make me feel that he is worth it or not. He makes me laugh, but frankly speaking, a lot of other guys can make me laugh too, but i just love him, i cant explain. Perhaps its just me, hopelessly romantic.

I guess for everything, we need to seek a balance, too little or too much is no good. But again, how many people know exactly when to stop ? If that situation happens to us, are we really able to do what we thought we can do ?

Hehe , I find generally guys' comments usually come like a bitter melon tea, good for health but awfully hard to swallow it. Some people will refuse to drink it. For some people drinking bitter melon tea, it has to be accompanied by some sweets.
 
Hmmm...looks like our thread starter and her "we women" gang been shamed into silence eh?

Just when I finally got some time to log in...

So did loneLone, MAR Tan and Sadness admit to be the insecure aunties that they are by their resounding silence after being "chromed" by the rest of the sensible folks here?
 
hi Summer,

was kinda expecting a little more from u but i do appreciate the sincerity in what u say... Before i go on, i need u to understand that - Just becos u have experienced Something - Doesn't make u experienced. it simply means u have gone thru something... it doesn't necessarily Make U Good at something. Remember this... becos if u ever catch yourself saying "u have not gone thru it u will not understand", it simply means u dun intend for others to understand and u're trying to hold exclusive rights to your sorry state. and if u wanna hold exclusive right to this state, indirectly - u're not interested to be better off, u just wanna stay and wallow in it... Understand this about Humans, and u will understand better how to get out of depression.

<font color="0000ff">"make herself WORTH working hard for... sigh..do all men think this way ? What should be done to be proven WORTH it ? If i do a - z , does that mean he will remain faithful always?"</font>
- it's Not what u do... it's what u Think and Who u are - tat spurs your actions... IF u do A-Z, it Must be becos You are You... not becos u're trying to keep your hubby. these are two different things even if the actions may be the same. love is not a Constant Exchange of Favours!

no guy will be pissed off if u check their phone n read their email out of concern... ie worried abt urgent msgs or stuff... BUT if u read it with intention to check on his Fidelity, that alone is enough to strain the relationship. Same action - but Purpose is Very Important. in the case of this thread - purpose is Wrong.

If u catch him and he is angry - then divorce him... he has no right to be angry. if u catch him and he is remorseful, then consider if u can carry on your life with him. IF u try to catch him and he is innocent - u are 1 step closer to him leaving u.

<font color="0000ff">"Perhaps i have proven WORTH it, thats why my hubby let go of the other woman immediately when i found out."</font>
- his Infidelity is not a result of u working hard, nor not working hard... it's a result of his weakness, and he should be remorseful. he does not represent all men.

<font color="0000ff">"am still with him, cos i believe everyone makes mistakes, and i am willing to give him another chance, give our love another chance. I don't know about others, but for me, love cannot be measured by did he do enough to make me feel that he is worth it or not. He makes me laugh, but frankly speaking, a lot of other guys can make me laugh too, but i just love him, i cant explain. Perhaps its just me, hopelessly romantic."</font>
- that's your weakness, and also your strength to see beyond. in time to come u will know if it's either... whether it's worth it - Yes, that's why u're in it. Love is not measured by any of these, when i state Worth It - i dun mean physically doing things to add Merit points to make yourself less likely to be betrayed... it's intangible. Some girls - men just can't hurt... not becos she cleans the house and cooks and works... but becos he just can't hurt her. That's what makes her Worth It...

<font color="0000ff">"guess for everything, we need to seek a balance, too little or too much is no good. But again, how many people know exactly when to stop ? If that situation happens to us, are we really able to do what we thought we can do ?"</font>
- yes u're right - a balance. there was Imbalance tat's why i said wat i said to the pple i said it to. But i dun agree with statements like "how many pple know when to stop" or "how many pple can do this/do that" statements... these statements only serves to Justify why we can't do it... and doesn't make it any easier to do what we Need to do. it's a more harmful statement than constructive...

End of the day, If pple think that i have to go thru the Exact same problems to be able to comment on the problem, then they are pple who are Not interested in solutions but just wanna whine.

The reason why i dun have these problems is becos i have an attitude that prevents such problems from manifesting in the first place... i will not entertain myself by finding ways to lose faith in my wife nor catch her. she is so attractive to me that it's crazy if men dun go chasing her despite her being married. And if i think i own her and she has to be faithful to me by virtue of me being her husband, then i lose the plot. i stop being a good husband becos i take it for granted that she is mine becos the ROM cert says so... i stop telling her i love her becos she is mine... etc etc... Anyone in this world has the right to pursue Anyone... but Noone has ownership of Anyone... not even our children.

with my mindset, there is more pull factor for Women to love having a husband like me, than some possessive freaky husband who checks on her all the time. But of cos there are pple with warped ideas of love where a possessive bfren means he loves her alot... well... wait til he threatens suicide and harm.
 
hey guys..especially Powder,

Just dont understand..the girls here are just making a some girls conversation and hoping to get some advise on her doubts. And there you are making a nonsense over here...and giving irrelevant and stupid comment.

Some of the questions i think that you should use your brainless head to think and not jump to a conclusion that you havent even understand the situtation:

1) If your wife told you that you are behaving weird. Do you give your wife a slap on her face and said that she shouldnt think this way?? OR do you want to understand WHAT and WHY she think this way.

2) As a customer serv personel, if a customer told you that her printer USED TO be working fine and now seems to have some problem. Do you just jump to a conclusion and think that this customer is making nonsense?? OR you will want to know WHAT and WHY the customer think that the customer complaint about the printer and send someone to CHECK on the printer.

3) If this situation applys to your parents, do you tell the same thing to your mother?? OR you will try to understand WHAT Happen instead of jumping to a conclusion.

Above are just some simple logic of using your brain to think. - You need not have to use that to comment on me (which i can see that you like to do that)

I think that as a GUY you should not give your own point of view and insists the girls to accept your point of view...is just making no sense. If you want to comment on something, pls think about other people's feeling. This too apply to your work and your family. Maybe you should just go for some courses like how to be a Good listener as well as how to be a good husband. This will definetely help you to have a better way of communication towards your family and friends.
 
"Maybe you should just go for some courses like how to be a Good listener as well as how to be a good husband. This will definetely help you to have a better way of communication towards your family and friends."

lol.... this must be the joke of the millenium.

maro, if the 'girls' here are asking for advice, shouldn't all advice be welcome whether pleasing to hear or otherwise? if you don't agree, then explain and reason with grace.

funny isn't it? why are u targetting the guys when so many ladies are shaking and hanging their heads in shame too? it's just so much easier to push the blame by saying 'you guys', 'you men'. would you please state which comments are irrelevant and stupid? becos from what i see, the guys are the one offering the most sincere and objective advice, which is what the 'girls' would need - an unbiased view from the opposite gender.

and your analogies... let's not talk about them. no one is jumping to conclusions. no one is saying that their husbands are 100% innocent. what we are not agreeable with are the mentalities and attitudes of 'we women'. if their way of thinking doesn't change, they will never be happy in their relationship whether the husband is guilty of an affair or not.

and about being good husbands and communicators, well, please just open your eyes and see who are the ones having problems with their marriages here and not being able to find proper ways to communicate with their spouse.
 
Sorry that i am not here to argue with you...I think you should go for some Anger Management course too...hahaha. Just curious why there are guys so kai po...as i always think that forums are for girls gossipin and chatting place.

Anyway above are just some comment on what i saw from the msgs that you all guys had posted. Really make me feel crazy talking to you all. No wonder there is no reply from loneLone, MAR Tan and Sadness.
 
"as i always think that forums are for girls gossipin and chatting place"

and this is what differentiates You, maro, and the 'brainless' guys. you are just coming in here to gossip and chat while they are coming in here to Help people with real problems. your definition of 'kaypoh' is really warped.

'nuff said.
 
maro, the thread title asked a question. Whether the methods are rite or not, we are all trying to help. U are apparently not. If only chitchatting &amp; whining is wanted here, pls indicate so.

I really dun understand all these "u guys, we women" shit. U married a guy din u? A marriage also revolves around the balance between men &amp; women's quirks isn't it? Dun u wanna try to understand ur spouse??
 
hi Maro,

<font color="0000ff">"Just dont understand..the girls here are just making a some girls conversation and hoping to get some advise on her doubts. And there you are making a nonsense over here...and giving irrelevant and stupid comment."</font>
- Agreed... u really do not understand.

<font color="0000ff">"Some of the questions i think that you should use your brainless head to think and not jump to a conclusion that you havent even understand the situtation"</font>
- Yup, can tell that u have no doubt broken-down and analysed this down to the tee... your advice has so far been very concise, understand and INVISIBLE.

ok ok, who put u up to this? someone asked u for support? becos it's so darn obvious how biased u are to disregard advice and jump straight for the womenfolk of the yayah sisterhood. WHEN u are this blatantly biased, dun even bother addressing me cos u end up looking absolutely empty-headed.

<font color="0000ff">"1) If your wife told you that you are behaving weird. Do you give your wife a slap on her face and said that she shouldnt think this way?? OR do you want to understand WHAT and WHY she think this way."</font>
- bad analogy to describe wat is going on above... bad comparison too... my wife tells, but your sisters INSISTS thru their mind actively preoccupied with catching hubby for affairs. Dun confuse the 2... one is a mature conversation, the other is a mental preoccupation.

<font color="0000ff">"2) As a customer serv personel, if a customer told you that her printer USED TO be working fine and now seems to have some problem. Do you just jump to a conclusion and think that this customer is making nonsense??..."</font>
- horrible analogy, i dun think u understand Where u should apply the solution to. u have just been discounted for your views becos u simply dun understand what this is about.

<font color="0000ff">"3) If this situation applys to your parents, do you tell the same thing to your mother?? OR you will try to understand WHAT Happen instead of jumping to a conclusion."</font>
- ok, u're proving to be rather un-clever

Let me tell u What's YOUR Problem... u have a rather poor comprehension of Problem/Solution concept. ie Situation : Problem faced by the wife... Solution given TO the wife (obviously right?)... but your comprehension is Situation : Problem faced by the wife... Solution given to the wife to Tell the wife to tell the husband to do. DUH???

u go read your 3 Analogies and u will understand that Instead of addressing the wife here... u are trying to address the Husband. when it is obvious that some mental-defect is the Initial Source of the wife's problem... then shouldn't she be dealt with first? also - can u deal with the husband?

if u were a doctor, the patient would have died! u go to the accident scene, and instead of helping the victim... u stand there talking about how the accident could have been avoided and how the other driver is at fault. now, that's a Good Analogy of your application.

of cos, your advice to lonelone &amp; other yayah sisterhood members - IS MISSING!!! You... adviceless for the threadstarter... wanna Advise me how to advise her??? whatever lady... your mind is just as warped. same Acid test for u... go print this whole thread and show to your bfren/husband... in fact show to all your frens and family. i will let them do the rebuking for me.

<font color="0000ff">"I think that as a GUY you should not give your own point of view and insists the girls to accept your point of view...is just making no sense. If you want to comment on something, pls think about other people's feeling. This too apply to your work and your family. Maybe you should just go for some courses like how to be a Good listener as well as how to be a good husband. This will definetely help you to have a better way of communication towards your family and friends."</font>
- Riiiight.... so as a guy i should not give my own point of view... and i should give my point of view as a...? poodle? panda? as nemo?

What nonsense... i didn't start this Guy/Girl gender crap, by the way... (u dun seem keen to really read the posts, do u?). the Sisterhood came up with the gender-branding... giving their Womenly opinions (which i happen to know is a Minority, women generally aren't THIS DUMB)... And here u are - telling me that i can't have opinions as a guy.

Pls also Dun try to be a lawyer... even innocent men will go to jail for having u as their defendent.

i have nothing against the pple here at all... my tone doesn't have to be strawberry shortcake just becos u prefer that. my Focus is simple - help the lady to get out of her Habitual Suspicious mind becos THAT contributes to a marriage-breakdown too...

but seems u prefer everyone to talk sweet sweet, agree, hold hands... and Suddenly the marriage turns Beautiful... erm, u think it works that way?
 
"Just curious why there are guys so kai po...as i always think that forums are for girls gossipin and chatting place."

- walau... to think i bothered to reply u... serious ka... this may be tough, but can u help me inform Straits Times and Various other forums that they have been doing it wrong?

i'll tell the Moderator that Matters of the Heart is for this as well. Go go go...
 
Hi Powder,

Before i go on, i need u to understand that - Just becos u have experienced Something - Doesn't make u experienced. it simply means u have gone thru something... it doesn't necessarily Make U Good at something. Remember this... becos if u ever catch yourself saying "u have not gone thru it u will not understand", it simply means u dun intend for others to understand and u're trying to hold exclusive rights to your sorry state. and if u wanna hold exclusive right to this state, indirectly - u're not interested to be better off, u just wanna stay and wallow in it... Understand this about Humans, and u will understand better how to get out of depression.

- Erm, i never feel that i am 'more' experience than anyone, in fact, i hope to just be like any other happily married woman instead of going through that experience. I just feel sometimes its hard for people who is not inside the situation to understand what others are going through. We can try to understand, but we are not god, we cant possibly be right on everything.I am referring to Lone Lone case, not for myself. I was never under depression (thank god), though its hard to overcome a lot of heartbreaks, however, i still feel that my hubby loves me. Thats the most important thing.

-I somehow feel for lone lone, cos i can feel that she is lonely and feeling helpless. Whether or not the situation is really what she thought it is, i feel gentle reminders and caring words will warm her heart. Its really hard for us to understand what she is experiencing through just words, just like you can tell a doctor symptoms of your illness but in the end he still needs to examine you.

Some girls - men just can't hurt... not becos she cleans the house and cooks and works... but becos he just can't hurt her. That's what makes her Worth It..

-Felt a bit depressed with this sentence of yours, perhaps i am labeled as 'can be hurt'. However i do beg to differ. Though you may love someone very much, but there are still temptations out there. Its how good you can keep yourself from falling into it.

-To me, i know my hubby loves me a lot and is afraid of losing me, however he has a weakness in his character which resulted in the unhappy incident.

-I am still an attractive woman in my twenties, recently due to new projects, i had to work late. Every time my male colleague will send me home, this resulted in my hubby feeling a bit insecure. Perhaps he is afraid that the same thing will happen to him. He asked me whether he can go and fetch me instead, knowing his concerns, i agreed, though my colleague happen to stay quite near us -_-"

-What i wanna emphasize is, its important for the husband to know that he needs to make an effort to reassure his wife at times. Not all the time, but at times ( like lone lone case )
 


Woohhh.. more &amp; more arguments into this topic where the STARTERS have disappeared???

Maro,
I do not agree that a forum is a place for gossiping &amp; chatting.. If you were to find out why Singapore Brides is such a hit place online, the reason behind it was coz pple here are here with advices (be it nice or harsh) &amp; solutions (be it if u can accept it or not)

there is no thing to force anyone to agree with wat each &amp; everyone here is saying but the spark that tick it off was based on groundless insults targetted at individual, now that is ridiculous &amp; silly...
 
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