How to find out husband having affairs?

L

lonelone

New Member
Really want to find out more on how the gals managed to find out that their husbands having affair?

Cause my husband sometime will treat me ok and sometime act very secretive. Etc. Cant see his msn, cannot see his handphone msg, work late, go out alone and take a very long time to ans the phone when he is outside after 6pm. He always said that i am making a big fuss over this and over-sensitive.

Need some advise.
 


You should have more faith in your hb. Guys generally dislike girls being so intrusive and possessive.
 
But frankly speaking, if my boyfriend behaves the same as per lonelone mentioned, I think it's only natural that I will question. Not that I am not having faith in him, but if he really behaves in such a mannar, it is really questionable.

I guess men and women will have different views on this topics. Naturally, men would ask ladies to have more faith and complete trust in their husbands or boyfriends but if the table is turn the other way round, would men be so gracious to tell others that I have absolute trust in my wife or gf and really feel that way deep down in your heart?

Well, I can also understand that most guys definitely can't stand women who are too naggy, possessive and need to ask where their husbands or bf are every moment.
 
yes, so in marriage sometimes can closed one eye only never close both eyes, cos once u do that the next thing, your husband cheat on you..
 
So when you open one eye, close one eye, does that mean that they can continue with their "affair"?

I would like to ask the gals here when you discover the "affair", such as discovering other gals' phone numbers in your husbands' handphone (or at the initial stage when you discover there are other women), would you confront your husbands or still "open one eye, close one eye"?
 
I used to confront my bfs when I suspect something and I've learnt it does no good.

Now this is what I do...
Keep quiet about it even though may be something obvious like earring in car or something
Be extra nice to him
Then talk to him but not ask about earring...Something along the lines of... notice you're tired or distracted or stress recently, is work bothering you? Then make sure you emphasize you care for him, that is WHY you are asking because you sense something different in his behaviour. Make it known that you ask because you care...

I dunno but if a guy strays cause another gal is prettier slimmer , really nothing you can do...

But if he strays cuz he feel you dont care or not nice to him.. by being attentive, caring and nice to him, he will feel guilty and treat you better sometimes to extent of giving up the other side...

Direct confrontation sure gone case
 
Ya agrees with Hakuna Matata.

I had try direct confront no use. number only what cannot prove any thing.
Of course let him feel guilty is the better way. But one thing be urself don't over stress urself. i try everything.

Now what i do is continue to do what i'm doing now . totally dun care.

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也是这个被我深爱的男人 把我å˜æˆä¸–上最笨的女人
他说的æ¯å¥è¯æˆ‘都会当真 他说最爱我的纯

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Sadness,

I really think you got the same idea as me. I just hope that he will just be the same as he used to treat me "last time"...I dont expect much..even he have debts i wldnt leave him but help him instead. But now he treated me this way..really dont have the heart to help him out. Esp. not very sure he havin an affair outside
sad.gif
 
I too agreed with Hakuna Matata..

I recently just try to be nice to him...last night he told me that he need to meet cust and came back around 11pm+ i still act ok but in my heart really very sad and felt lonely. I also noticed that the aircon in his car (my side seat) was being adjusted and i dont know who had been sittin on my seat. I just have to think that maybe is his colls.

But to say the truth, i really glad i found this website which i can pour out all my sadness. And have you girls understanding my situation. Cause is really very stressful for me as i couldnt tell my frds or my family about what happen.
 
Pls lah..... Based on "Cant see his msn, cannot see his handphone msg, work late, go out alone and take a very long time to ans the phone when he is outside after 6pm".... it is really a freaking big fuss. (Don't mind my tone)

In the first place, why should he let you view his emails and sms-ese?? becos you are his wife, and you have the rights to do? and you need assurances and re-assurances like 100 times per day, then you'll feel alright and assured that your hubby is faithful through these ways. Don't you think that by having such unreasonable demands, you women (some) are actually pissing the men off, in fact.

Come on lah.... the male species need some space and privacy to ourselves.... we hate it when our wives/gfs become suspicious that there is an affair because we require some bonding with buddies? because we are busy to pick up the damn phone? because we are working our ass off to being in more $$$? And then, we get accused of having a gf outside..... Gosh...

To supergal & all ladies in here: If you reverse the roles, some men may get suspicious like the ladies,i have no doubts about that but that will be the minorities. And, the wives have their privacy and space as well......
 
U can tell ur family. they flow the same blood with u. there will understand u.

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hi vios,

I get what you mean. As i said earlier, i need advise that's why i m posting this threat. I just hope that you are not pointing out that all the girls here are making a big fuss when they found out that their husband is having an affair.

Peronally i think is quite unfair to say that i dont give my husband some space and privacy. For 5yrs in our marriage, my husband is not like this...is just recently. Thats why is makin me confused.
 
vios, if you are married, if you are and your wife; and you Cant see her msn, cannot see her handphone msg, work late, go out alone and take a very long time to ans the phone when she is outside after 6pm. Are u just going to keep quiet?

Yes everyone have to have privacy, but it does not mean being like a secret agent and becoming so secretive.
 
Hi Vios, sorry but I dont agree with what you've said. I believe wives generally do not get suspicious or kick up a big fuss for no reason at all. There must be something that made them think otherwise. When they feel that their marriage is being threatened, it's really natural to seek assurance from their spouse. And when none is given, anxiety and stress comes in and the more they will want to find out.. maybe via smses, emails etc. All because they really love their husbands and would do ANYTHING to salvage their marriage.

There's nothing wrong with hanging out with ur buddies, male bonding or have space and privacy. But in the case of the ladies here, it's the secracy here and there that triggers the warning bells. I mean, if the husband is open about his whereabouts I believe this would not have happen. It's the dodging of questions, changes in attitudes that is really mind boggling.

Juz my 2 cents.
 
lonelone & marjassg:
If you read my post again... the huge fuss that i am trying to point out is basically your tell-signs of an affair - cannot see his msn, sms-es, mails... he goes out alone, he takes long time to pick up phone calls.

In the first place, he is not obliged to showcase his sms-es, mails to you, and why should you check in the second place? Becos you can't trust him? or you need assurances all this while?

For your information, i am married... and whenever my wife goes out, she gets her space. Why? I know it's a time for bitching (ala gossips) and catching up with her friends. Or, i leave her alone to read a book at Starbucks while i go do my stuffs etc. Does being married means that, we have to go out together all the time?

marjassg: Don't you know that for most ppl, work stretches even after 6pm..... and when your husband/bf can't pick up your call or after a long time.... it is so freaking possible that he is bounded with work at that point of time. I believe most men will freak out of their wives/gfs think otherwise. This is an abnormal way of thinkg that the guy is actually being secretive...

lonelone: By now, i believe you know that i am not suggesting that "all the girls are making a big fuss when they found that their husband is having an affair." I believe you know that i am in fact pointing out that you are too quick to make a judgement based on your "list of signs". You should realise that your husband is also an entity in this marriage; a human being bounded by his emotions (at work) and feelings. He is not guaranteed to agree with you abt how things shld be done... he is obliged to have his own opinions n tots. Poor you... you don't have to be confused by his "recent behaviour"... you are making things difficult ofr yourself and him (if he is able to feel the tension).

Don't suspect him over your presumptions... listen more and understand him better. That is my crux.
 
Hi me2baby, it's ok if you don't agree. I have no problems with that, afterall, we have our own tots (let alone for different genders)

I am inclined to believe that women are generally sensitive, and the reason why i am talking so much in this topic is because, i find the need to critically point out that in this instance, things may seem much less worse than actual. To me, the demand of seeking assurances thru sms-es and whatnots is ridiculous. The wife imagine that her trust can be built up this way, and she tells herself that the husband is faithful..... the next round, she again demands and checks her husband's hp because her sensitive nature cracks up. Well in fact, there is no more trust; it is just a tool to feed her insecurity. Know what i mean?

Look... threadstarter's concern is about her list of "blah blah blah" and again, i repeat that her assumptions are killing the trust bit by bit..... and did she mention anything about "dodging of questions"?
 
It's easy to say we want some privacy, not only male want it, we women would want to be given the respect of our own privacy too. I doubt the husband will remember the word privacy when his wife is acting suspiciously.

My hubby will even ask me to help him check his sms or sms and answer his phone calls, whenever he's too engrossed with something, I'll also be suspicious if he suddenly stops asking for my help. Many of my male friends and colleagues are having an affair outside, and it's true that they hate their wife to check on their sms, hp call logs and others. On the other hand, it doesn't mean that your man has nothing to hide from you if he allows you to check on the above. He can delete those that he doesn't want you to see after reading.

One friend of mine is a good husband in the eyes of his wife and in-laws, but only his friends know that even as a civil servant, he can leave his office anytime to meet his lover and sometimes he'll even answer his wife's calls with the other woman right next to him. When his wife happened to be the one seeing the new sms his lover sent him, he lied to her that this woman is his ex pestering him because he refused to be with her since he's married....... he has even purposely called to scold that woman right in front of his wife, but unfortunately that woman is very co-operative.

Instead of confronting him, why don't you observe him silently? If you do not want to waste too much time on this anymore, then the last alternative I think would be looking for a private detective if you want to ease your mind.
 
"How to find out husband having affairs?"

- read between the lines for the above question... any normal person would say "how to tell If husband is having affair", but yours is tat u want to "find out"... meaning subconsciously there is already something there... Be very careful, Our Minds are capable of deceiving us. So try to adopt a more positive stance, else negativity can actually be a cause in the long run. not forgetting u use "affairs"... that shows how little confidence u have in him, if u married a guy whom u feel is so capable of having affairS outside... then be prepared to take half the responsibility.

"Cant see his msn, cannot see his handphone msg, work late, go out alone and take a very long time to ans the phone when he is outside after 6pm"
- hey tat's pretty common leh... honestly, sounds like guys in professional industries who is doing alot of work and requiring confidentiality due to legality, or pple doing legal work (not just lawyers) etc...

i think sometimes should watch yourselves... that u do not have too much free time on hand and especially too much time to think of nothing but affairs and stuff. sometimes watch too much serials also no good... have faith until it's broken. so abit like the american system - innocent until proven guilty. but Dun be a police... otherwise it'll just strain the relationship and u'll still end up breaking up...

whilst to him it's clear that he leave u becos u're unbearable.

in your mind u still keep thinking and insisting that there's another woman or he's having an affair...

why get married if u dun even have the fundamentals of Faith/Trust? also - life is seldom the same after marriage... u dun expect to be as carefree as before... there's more pple to live & work for now...
 
vios,

The worst thing is that he dont tell me anything..even he said he work until very late. The next day I will try to ask him what he is busy he will just skip the question. Do u think is ok?

Maybe is just that you think that your wife doesnt have the quality to attrach other guys..thats why you cant be bother. Cause even my husband last time also used to see my handphone msg which i will show him as i got nothing to hid. Anyway based on what you wrote, i think that you are quite a da nan ren...i m now actually glad that my husband is not like you...which is quite unreasonable and doesnt willing to accept what we girls are thinking.

Thats why i always said to girls...no point talkin to a guy who dont understand.
 
Evidence show everything, this is what i can said.

Vios, if Hb/Bf dun do any thing wrong in the first place. SMS or e-mail can let Wife see what. Dun tell me that working In secret agent(007) all thing cannot see.

SMS got something wrong that why lock the phone my HB 1yr ago never 24/7 bring his hp along with him. only start with that bitch then 24/7 hp with him. Then of course once i find out he security lock the hp. Then what is call privacy with that bitch lar. sign

LoneLone
First thing is when he sleep try to check his HP SMS. GOT any SMS u cannot take it then remember the number.

Remember dun call back the number. because if really strike that bitch will tell ur hb.

ä¸è¦æ‰“è‰æƒŠè›‡. becauses as what i said number cannot prove anything. Sure will had MSN or e-mail right.
(IT) way will come in.
 
Sadness,

When he sleep...his handphone also will sleep with him. I cant even go near him when he is using his laptop..cant see his msn at all. Whenever i want to sit beside him...he got irriated and ask why i sitting there. Then i got no choice but to walk away.
 
sadness 82 and lone, totally agreed.

Maybe they are in the same pack.

Or he simply don't understand the vows made during wedding.
 
lonelone, i know my posts may seem offensive to you because they are contrary to your thoughts... but i still find the need to reply as accordingly.

"The next day I will try to ask him what he is busy he will just skip the question. Do u think is ok?"
- Could be that he is trying to get away from work, and enjoy that moment with you. Why must you think of the negative aspects? Which brings to: you are asking him because you're trying to prove something?

"Cause even my husband last time also used to see my handphone msg which i will show him as i got nothing to hid."
- You think your husband actually cared to see your msg to prove that he trust you? If he trusts you, he don't have to see. Know what i mean?

"i think that you are quite a da nan ren...i m now actually glad that my husband is not like you...which is quite unreasonable and doesnt willing to accept what we girls are thinking."
- Does your husband really able to accept what you're thinking? If he is, you won't be posting here right. And, is he suppose to agree your way of thoughts. Otherwise, he is deemed as a "da nan ren"? How about you 100% agreeing with his every opinion? So, you are a "xiao nu ren".
Very flawed... errr, thoughts.

"Thats why i always said to girls...no point talkin to a guy who dont understand."
- I heard this line before - feminism at play.

Trust me, you are dangerously moving along the path of "Tell me you love me everyday" assurances.... and my other point is, there is no need to show how much you trust him , or rather, you Can trust him. It shld be in place mutually and naturally.

About my wife, i don't have to specify to you she can attract guys or not... to me, she is freaking great. BTW, Me leaving her at Starbucks and heading off to do my stuffs, is mutual trust. It is something lacking in your marriage, in true honesty.
 
ya, Told him before marry to him. Once you promise please dun break it. after marry i also got tell him. you had already vow dun do any thing wrong.

He prove me wrong so i'm not going to give him face.

lone will u be able to go near his laptop???
 
vios bro,

this isn't a thread to seek advice, if u haven't realised by now. it's a void-deck stacked with snacks and tea... for the purpose which void decks are built for. u entered the den of insecure women who find security within each other... husbands are tamagotchis... to be nurutred, fed, watered and Controlled...

u've just been concluded to have an unattractive wife simply by virue of having a different opinion... So u can roughly understand the mentality here...

Over here, we women check handphones, emails, check cars for hair, aircon adjustments, seat adjustments and everything that can help feed our need to catch our husbands. they married us, they belong to us.. they are our Adult barbie...

But... after catching them, we have no idea what we're gonna do... we just know how to catch... after that - it's beyond us.
 
yah...really dont understand what the guys are thinking. Maybe when things doesnt happen to them..they dont feel the stress.

I got 1 friend who really trust his wife..give her $$ shopping, be tai tai and give her all the freedom w/o doubts. And who knows got once the wife got a car accident and my friend found out that during that accident his wife is with another guy (having affair). To me, guys just take it easy and said freedom is ok...but they never know. And now my frd is left with 1 kid divorced and the wife is happily with another guy.
 
sister i think think "da nan ren" don understand.

We are not talking about 'leaving her at Starbucks and heading off to do my stuffs', If his wife is really that freaking great, try leaving her in a disco or a club. Then he will knows.

Or to certain extend, her wife might be smarter then him to hide the truth, and he still don't know hat is the wife doing behind his back.
 
Sadness82

"Vios, if Hb/Bf dun do any thing wrong in the first place. SMS or e-mail can let Wife see what. Dun tell me that working In secret agent(007) all thing cannot see. "
- It really depends on the guy himself mah.... some are even okay to share email passwords, while some prefer to keep it private. The latter group is thus suspected of having an affair because they want to keep it private? Don't mind me, but I think it is quite a silly indication. In fact, such communicative tools generally doesn't prove anything if the guy wants to hide something..... it could all turn out to be futile anyway.
 
vios,


I think once ur wife walk out from airport then with another man. and u wan to give her a surprise to pick her out then u will know how we feel.

By now what ever we tell u. you will never understand.

sorry if i too straight.
 
No laa...i think their wife got no quality. Thats why even the wife everyday go out until mid night..they also wouldnt bother. Cause nobody want what. For us, we think that our husband is good and nice that's we afraid of losing them and want to know whether they having affair with other girls. To me, if the wife dont love the husband and not afraid of losing him...dont think the wife will be so free sitting here discussing about this.
 
Yoz powder bro

Yeah.... i shld realise when i read the topic header. It all takes a disagreement to dead-conclude the other party's character and spouse. How great is that?
Shucks... i could have been the muted waiter in this coffeehouse; giving pats on the shoulders and messages as well. Any cake-cup, Mdm?
 
wah lau eh...

if your husbands are so "good and nice" then why on earth do you even think they will they go look for other women outside? you can blame all the sluts and bitches in the whole wide world for seducing your "good and nice" husbands but please, it takes 2 to tango.

really, as it is, it's more than understandable if your desirable and attractive husbands do stray. becos the Push factors are so strong.

kua buay loh ki.
 
"It all takes a disagreement to dead-conclude the other party's character and spouse. How great is that? "

=> we are not giving a dead conclude..you are the one giving a dead conclude cause you have insisted on your own opinions and not willing to listen to what we said. Still say MUST LISTEN MORE...rubbish!
 
bro,

the last few posts should have sealed the deal... honestly the conclusion on your wifey is a dead giveaway.

just look at the arguments... i only remember seeing such levels in my primary school. unfortunately it takes more than hard knocks to come to a realisation... when these pple find each other and group together - foolishness, simple-minded thinking is part of the Synergy. my sarcasm isn't exactly picked up, if u noticed... tat was actually my acid test to further confirm on tat.

notice the common auntie terms used... abt it not happening to u, abt how u dun understand, and the use of "we women"... shows a weakness in itself, doesn't it. and of cos, let's not forget the very childish way of dismissing u by using some weird conclusions formed with the same mind that concluded on hubby's "infidelity".

by the end of today, there will be some who come in with stories abt how they didn't check and end up their husbands had affairs... THESE women believe that by checking - husband won't have affairs... i mean, with such kinds of mentality... if u're the husband and even if u dun intend to have affair - u will have an affair just out of frustration. and they will go "nair, nair! i told u he was having an affair"... and few months later they still hang on to the husband refuse to let go... wanna give the relationship another chance blah blah blah...

it's the usual script. nothing new... it starts with the Mind... their mind created this whole self-fulfilling prophecy and until the day they die... they won't even know why.
 
ha ha.
So the main motive are reveal.

'i mean, with such kinds of mentality... if u're the husband and even if u dun intend to have affair - u will have an affair just out of frustration.'

this is LAME excuse.

I quite understand why those guys are coming in here, cos they the 'smart' species want to know how 'we women' catch our husband, so they be able to look for the loophole.
 
"I quite understand why those guys are coming in here, cos they the 'smart' species want to know how 'we women' catch our husband, so they be able to look for the loophole."

Oh.My.God.

jin gao leh! *kowtow* your ability to imagine, deduce and jump to conclusions very good leh. ever thought of writing sob story novels? will appeal to 'us women' and sell like hot cakes!
 
lonelone:
We can go on and on and on until the cows go home re. this topic.... because have different opinions on this. That is fine, because this is what it is all about. But, you know the diff between "Insisted on my opinions" and "Having a different opinion." The two are different, if you can't catch it.

Insisted on my opinion - My tots are 100% correct and yours are 100% wrong. You are the bullshit while i am the saint. Because you disagree with me, you are condemned.

Different opinion - You brought your case forward - i disagree and write my points. I give examples and state my opinions based on my points. I respect your argument, but i will still write my own arguments.

In fact, i have given you a different view to your initial post - different opinion, but i didn't disregard yours.
On the other hand, you dead-concluded that my wife is unattractive because she goes to Starbucks while i go to another place. You dead-concluded that i don't give a shit abt her because i do just that.
You naively feel that all the guys do not udnerstand how you feel, based on my posts. Like, i represent very single guy on earth?

If that is not rubbish, then you surely must listen and read better. Why do you even bother to start a topic when you can't listen to Different Opinions (read my definition above)?
 
marjassg wrote:
"ha ha.
So the main motive are reveal.

'i mean, with such kinds of mentality... if u're the husband and even if u dun intend to have affair - u will have an affair just out of frustration.'

this is LAME excuse.

I quite understand why those guys are coming in here, cos they the 'smart' species want to know how 'we women' catch our husband, so they be able to look for the loophole."

------------------------------------------------

- The smart ppl (men or women) do not resort to TRYING to catch the loophole of their spouses... they avoid such actions because it is nothing but plain silly, notwithstanding harmful to the marriage. Instead, they would listen, understand and communicate before making judgemental conclusions.

P/S: This is just another different opinion hor.... :P
 
so go and open another thread, if u can rad this thread is for 'How to find out husband having affairs?'

This is my opinion
 
bro,

i knew that was a bait... hahahaha. And ahhhhhh... in a way, it further led to "some brilliant views" from the other camp. Good test!
 
marjassg:
Not me... you and/or lonelone should start a thread, something like "For Feminists only. No Different Views allowed."

BTW You are posting for Sarcasm's sake, but it ain't working at all.
 
loneLone

IF my hubby is behaving this way (not all along but a sudden change of behaviour), I will be suspicious too

Have you share with your hubby what's bothering you? No point speculating, ask him directly
 
OMG!!!

I can even see Rara's faraway posting in here!!
Damn! she must be pissed! whahahaa...

Lonelone,
No laa...i think their wife got no quality. Thats why even the wife everyday go out until mid night..they also wouldnt bother. Cause nobody want what. For us, we think that our husband is good and nice that's we afraid of losing them and want to know whether they having affair with other girls. To me, if the wife dont love the husband and not afraid of losing him...dont think the wife will be so free sitting here discussing about this.

From wat u wrote as above, it just goes to show how childish u can be.... you dun just try to criticize others when u r not on the winning end.. this is an open forum, u take pinches of salt together with the sugar, get it?

From your very first post, u ended it with Need Some Advices.. so here comes ... but it does seems to me that you are NOT looking for advices but more for votes to AGREE with you on wat u think is right..

now that is not right...
 


Ya, the personal insults are too much.

Dun "we women" k? I dun wanna be in the same league. Lemme know when it's time to get a sex change hor.
 
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