How to find out husband having affairs?

Probably this conversation has been brought to another level rather than "chit chat gossip" hence it could not be apprhended for some which don't have a clue what's going on and what they are saying Maro you might like to join the prata thread. We crap there ZZZzzzzzzz
 


Hi summer,

Pardon my intrusion. I juz wanna say 1 thing.

"I somehow feel for lone lone, cos i can feel that she is lonely and feeling helpless. Whether or not the situation is really what she thought it is, i feel gentle reminders and caring words will warm her heart. Its really hard for us to understand what she is experiencing through just words, just like you can tell a doctor symptoms of your illness but in the end he still needs to examine you."

lone lone is not the 1st & neither will she be the last in experiencing infidelity (if it even proves to be). Wat was the last straw for me was when she made direct attacks at vio's wife. Being betrayed, being hurt, being brokenhearted, doesn't make u king of the world. It's no excuse for such poor conduct. I know coz I've been thru too. People babying me during tat period did not help me 1 bit. It's people who woke me up to the harsh reality tat I was wallowing in self-pity. For tis, I'm grateful. Lone lone may prefer babying in tis instance. Fine by me. But it doesn't solve the problem.
 
hi Summer! yeah, u can tell that to her husband...

unfortunately i already eliminated that from my advice becos it's kinda silly to require her to tell her hubby, "the forum pple wants me to advise u that u should....".

and tat's why that part doesn't come.

unfortunately the forum platforms are typically One-sided in the sense that there is normally only 1 person u can address... and in addressing this person, it's rather important to establish that this person isn't a major contributing factor to the problem as well... that's typically the first approach... once u eliminate any contributing factors from this person... then u can move on to have a better grasp for her/him to address her issues with her/his spouse.

in seeking solutions in life, we should not be defensive... end of the day - we WANT to solve our problems... and i'm assuming that she Wants To. had i known it's just to bitch, i wouldn't be here...

the soft-tones are contributed by a group, the harsh-tones by another... it's just the way the world works... i dun use harsh-tones all the time, neither do i use soft-tones all the time... there's no one-solution fits all. the rest of the ladies who join in the bitching and agreements simply drive the Worries of the problem away - for a day or week... it Doesn't Solve the problem... it will re-surface again and again whilst lonelone is not in the forum... whilst the other sisters go home thinking they have helped solved a problem...

"Clueless" is the word i use.

hey honestly - i feel for lonelone too... unfortunately she has to start with herself... she really has to. cos her scrutiny is a push factor for guys to leave marriages... and that is the Gender view i'd give, else... there's no men versus women here... they started it, and they insulted vios' wife with a weird conclusion. with their Warped thinking, it further emphasizes that the bigger problem to address would be Herself, before going further to address the hubby.

i dun mix-up sympathy with solutions... she may be a 'victim', but she is 50% responsible for that... eliminate her 50%, and she's got half the problem solved.


on wat u say, yes i agree... there's many temptations out there... i am presented with the beautiful women every week, but i love my wife and it's just another Orgasm... i can forego that, but not my wife. dun be depressed by what i said on "can't be hurt", it's a psychological barrier that u can build just by being a wonderful person... the same way we cannot bear to hurt our mothers or our best frens... same thing - it's becos they have always been there for us and without them - there's no us. temptations are strong, sex sells... but somehow, Love always comes out victorious... just need it to be mutual.

<font color="0000ff">"What i wanna emphasize is, its important for the husband to know that he needs to make an effort to reassure his wife at times. Not all the time, but at times ( like lone lone case )"</font>
- lastly, just becos a wife complains... does not mean the husband is immediately at fault. we have to be objective enough to know if this woman is a complain queen, a control-freak, has insecurity complex etc...

ps: your previous experience may make u more enthusiastic to show sympathy and assurance...
 
Hi Laundry,

i do understand that what she mentioned about vios's wife is not nice. However for me, what i am most concerned is how is she coping with her current situation.

I am not suggesting that we should be babying her, however i do feel that we should seek a better way to let her and us see the whole picture. I am sure those people who woke you up to the harsh reality do not do it to you right from the beginning right?
 
Actually they did. It's more the person's character. It doesn't hv to be lunatic screaming. They were kind but firm words.

Ok, mebbe I need to acknowledge tat wat worked for me may not work for her. But wat wld tat better way be?
 
tis thread is really getting interesting...it's so interesting how it can actually deviate frm someone who's trying to analyze wat's going on with her hb's actions to various diff routes...

this is just my few words as a woman as well...

maro, seriously, i tik ur idea of a forum is really weird...let me correct u in grace's terms...a forum is not a gals' gossiping n chatting session...though yes, i dun deny that sometimes, u may sidetrack n start chatting..toking rubbish or even gossiping...but a forum is not a place to start gathering ppl to sympathise with u...it's not a place for popularity...if u r looking into that or didn't even realise that u r looking into that, u might as well just join Star Search or sth...

however, of cos let's not forget the real issue in the first place...LoneLone posted her prob...or rather, the prob that she tot was a prob but i guess she didn't discover the underlying prob before that...i'm not expert on trying to 'decipher' one's character/behaviour or watsoever...neither m i ever going to do that...

i tik we have to understand wat the guys r really saying here...

really, if the issue is going to be tok-ed abt in terms like...we women...the guys...those guys...i tik tis thread might just as well be closed lah...plain wasting of time if u start the generalisation...

like wat some r saying here, pls dun start wallowing in self-pity...that's the last thing that shd happen...

LoneLone, if u r still reading this thread n even considering reading this thread, i believe the root of the prob u have to start finding is not ur hb...it's urself...understand urself more...understand why u r feeling that way when ur hb does certain actions...if it's u who's feeling insecure, then u have to ask urself why...lots of reasons...dun start whamming ur hb with all reasons...

watever it is, i do suppose ur main aim is to have a blissful n happy marriage...then u have to ask urself, for that to happen, wat's impt to u...only when u urself can answer such questions, u would know wat to do...
 
wow wow..powder...i also kana ah? i think is just your hobby targeting on people who doesnt agreed on what you said. Seems like everyone who protested what you said also kana leh...or you just want everyone here to said "oh..yes yes..." then you will feel happier that you had won the BEST ARGUEMENT award in this threat? heehee...u feel better now?

I really dont think there is a right or wrong ans over here. You cannot said that lonelone or whoever suspect their husband has an affair is wrong..OR likewise i cannot said that what you said is wrong. But i just think that you should not put your own point of view and insists other people to accept it. And kept sayin "You are wrong..You shouldnt say this and shouldnt ask that" Cause you are not them..and you have no right to give such a harsh commmand in the first place.
 
Hi Powder,

ps: your previous experience may make u more enthusiastic to show sympathy and assurance...

- my experience taught me to be a stronger person. The feeling that i have for lone lone is not sympathy, but concern. I saw her posts from other threads, thus i can feel that she is really troubled. I wasn't intending to baby her in any way, i will give her honest opinions, but perhaps in a gentler way.

I certainly hope that she is fine and coping well now, again, thanks for sharing powder, i do understand where you are coming from, relationship.....if only it can be as easy as abc =P
 
hi Summer,

then u'll play that role that she needs for the support... i'll play the role of the self-reflection... we all have our roles in society anyway. sometimes i play the support role, and sometimes u may have to play the harsh role... that's life isn't it? we dun treat every problem and everyone with the same approach... and we have different ways to seeing and dealing with things...
 
Hi Laundry,

just wanna share with you, i was in this forum for more than a year, mostly just reading all the threads, a number of threads, like this one, ended with the TS not coming in anymore. This is a point we have to ponder, we are here to help and offer opinions, of cos different people will have different opinions, however are we really doing it the right way ? Should we learn to be more tactful in some ways when we advices? We all know, matters of the heart are the most sensitive among all problems, perhaps we should also think about it.
 
hi maro,

nice try... your assessment of me is a discredit to yourself. your assessment of this thread makes a fool of yourself. your absence of advice to lonelone directly is a slap on your posts... your accusations of me shows your prejudice and perhaps - inability to discern things.

i wish u were able to tell where it started but u are not able to... u're unreasonable and u dun know it. u didn't 'kena' from me... it is not in my character to wack pple... if your short memory doesn't fail u, it was actually u who addressed me from the start, calling me brainless. i'm ok with that, i'm also ok that u have very conveniently forgotten who started what first...

u tell me that there is no right or wrong, but u insist i'm wrong. u tell i cannot say this cannot say that... but u're telling me this, telling me that. u ignore what others insist, and use my words to insist that i insist...

i dun know where u're from, but i know where u're headed...
 
Summer,

i absolutely agree with u on that.

but revisiting this thread - do realise that TS wasn't really interested to solve problems... perhaps only to garner support and get this whole 'check on husband' thing going...

she may not be Here anymore... but she isn't here encouraging the womenfolk to do the same... if she's gone - it might not be a bad thing.

the lack of tact started with her... by the way... i dun understand how anyone can miss out on that point.
 
Hi Powder,

not sure if you agree with me on this, but seems like we have more self reflection role here in this thread.

Communications among humans can be so complex that i doubt anyone can do it perfectly. I always believe in constantly reflecting on oneself so that we can make ourselves and this world better. Perhaps i am too idealistic, its fine, treat it as a learning progress.
 
Hi Powder,

are you sure the lack of tact actually started with lone lone? When i was reading the thread, one of them makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, even though as a third party, i feel it. Different people will have different reactions to different things, like this case.

In fact, i like one of the earlier posts, the advices came as a form of sharing and not 'why you like that' kind of feeling.
 
powder,

"Riiiight.... so as a guy i should not give my own point of view... and i should give my point of view as a...? poodle? panda? as nemo?"

maybe u should give u point of view as MARLIN.. since he's an overprotective fish who expects the worst to happen ..
 
Hey Hey Hey....

allll here, pls chill &amp; peel open ur eyes to see what is going on instead of just ranting on &amp; on just coz Powder is a Male species??

the pt is that when u have a prob, u will be looking for opinions from the males too, just to understand more on wat or how ur hb might be thinking of.. &amp; if these male species failed to say words singing to ur ears &amp; said the opps instead (just by being frank in their own pt of view) they are being labelled &amp; howl at??

Now I think that isn't fair here..

It does seems like we are standing at an opposition party here but hey those on the opposition party are fighting on 1 main pt.. (get it?) but you pple on the other side are just plain fighting on different views &amp; different pts..

if u even care to see some earlier posters who rant but later really open their eyes &amp; read thru the entire postings, they too know that they are somehow wrong to rant ..

soooo... seeeeeeing is believing...
 
Hi Summer

Due to the nature of my posts in this topic, I may came across as "rude, harsh, and even Da Nan Ren" to some forumers here, notably lonelone, marjassg etc....

And right from the start, all i wanted was to give a DIFFERENT OPINION, ala MY OWN perspective to lonelone's Request for advises?

It's okay to get slammed by the ladies with reasonable basis, but if you haven't notice as in their replies, firstly I was slammed right left centre basically because i provided a DIFFERENT OPINION as a guy (perhaps, the title header shld just indicate that "no guys allowed") ..... and if you have the time to re-read, i actually posted correspondingly to lonelone's posts in view of a Guy's mind. I was hoping to fill lonelone in with some REALITIES that are generally ticking in the brain of my male species.

It's ok if lonelone couldn't accept my views; we could further analyze and discuss (if she wants to) but the accusations by some ppl were really uncalled for......

1) Me insisted on my own opinions??? Or, providing a DIFFERENT OPINION?
2) Me stating an example of how Mutual Trust works between my (beautiful) wifey and myself, and i was accused of actually heck-caring for her because she is unattractive and i don't have to worry?
3) Me being labeled as a Kay Po because i cannot empathise and understand these women?
4) Me interested in finding the loopholes of my wife through this thread?

And.... all because i have had views that are opposed to theirs.

I could understand that you found my post(s) especially disturbing and uncomfortable, because you do not find a need for me to be "untactful" with my posts. However, if i adhere to your meaning of a "nice sense of familiarity" kinda post that would well-identify lonelone's opinions at the end of the day, then i am not being true to myself at all.
What diff does it makes to this issue if i write exactly like how she wants it?

And, i tend to use different tones of advise/comments (Or, would you rather call it crap) - milder or harsher - to different group of ppl. Like, some of my friends who are non-movers or basically self-deluding, I feel the need to use harsher tone.... i hope you get where i'm coming from.

Cheers...
 
Skylar, heng i am not that highly educated to understand all these discussion...got work just work la, got money just take la...worry so much wont change a single thing unless u work towards it. hohohho
 
To Maro:

"hey guys..especially Powder,

Just dont understand..the girls here are just making a some girls conversation and hoping to get some advise on her doubts. And there you are making a nonsense over here...and giving irrelevant and stupid comment.

Some of the questions i think that you should use your brainless head to think and not jump to a conclusion that you havent even understand the situtation:"

-------------------------------------------------
Summer87: So, can i name this para as a perfect example of your definition on "untactfulness"?

Maro: So, you are the moderator to conduct a check on guys' presence in this forum?
-------------------------------------------------

"1) If your wife told you that you are behaving weird. Do you give your wife a slap on her face and said that she shouldnt think this way?? OR do you want to understand WHAT and WHY she think this way."

- Instead of having a Misunderstanding in a very biased manner, why not re-read my freaking previous post(s)?? I've already stated the importance of Listen, Understand and Communication instead of Assumptions alright... If I first give her a freaking slap before that, that would be quite similar to "lonelone's intended Spying" of her husband - the slap would mean that I assume that her questioning is wrong before i find out Why. BTW, did lonelone even try to do what you've ironically suggested before intending to spy on him - the Communication portion?

"2) As a customer serv personel, if a customer told you that her printer USED TO be working fine and now seems to have some problem. Do you just jump to a conclusion and think that this customer is making nonsense?? OR you will want to know WHAT and WHY the customer think that the customer complaint about the printer and send someone to CHECK on the printer."

- My following reply will have the same gist like the above. Don't freaking Assume that the printer's problem is the similar to the previous customer. Listen, Understand and Communicate with this current one, and don't Assume that the same warning-signs have the same cause.

"3) If this situation applys to your parents, do you tell the same thing to your mother?? OR you will try to understand WHAT Happen instead of jumping to a conclusion."

- So who's jumping the conclusion now?? My mum who ASSUMES that my dad is committing adultery because he couldn't pick up his phone after 6pm? Because my dad doesn't showcase his sms-es to her anymore??
Should i go according to her tell-signs that are downloaded from the internet? Or, should i tell her that she shouldn't suspect and assume so quickly based on that list of signs?? My whole point in this topic, so far, is the latter.

-------------------------------------------------

"Above are just some simple logic of using your brain to think. - You need not have to use that to comment on me (which i can see that you like to do that)

I think that as a GUY you should not give your own point of view and insists the girls to accept your point of view...is just making no sense. If you want to comment on something, pls think about other people's feeling. This too apply to your work and your family. Maybe you should just go for some courses like how to be a Good listener as well as how to be a good husband. This will definetely help you to have a better way of communication towards your family and friends."

- Errrrr ok..... as a Guy, i cannot give my own view; i shld stay out of the girls' talk. I should just listen to all sorts of problems coming from my wife, mother and all other females. I would thus achieve the feeling of being someone who takes care of the gals' feelings, and basically should just continue to Listen in and support her intended plans in anything - even though my heart differs and my head tells me it could be held in a better way?

Oh Well... Well.....
 
Summer,

it's obvious that we have different opinions on this, so i guess tat's something we've gotta be aware... if u noticed, i'm not exactly being rude to u becos u've been pretty amicable yourself...

just to share an analogy...

a 45yr-old jobless man sits at the coffeeshop daily with his groupie &amp; complains abt society, the lack of jobs, lack of money... passerbys join the table, sits, listens, offers a shrug and goes off... some offer him abit of money and goes off, some sit and decide to join the groupie... of cos some will offer him solutions, jobs even but he rejects - he doesn't want other jobs, he wants the job he lost as a Manager. Some passerby come, listens, and realizes he is just wallowing and whining - they offer him harsh words, reminds him that whilst he is sitting there complaining, his family is waiting for him to bring home the bacon. he rebukes him for sitting around complaining when he could be doing something about it, and if he wants to improve... it has to start with himself.

the rest of the groupie shouts back, scolds the new passerby for kicking the 45yr-old man when he is down and out...





in Life, there are many passerbys... sometimes we sit at the table, sometimes we dun. sometimes we see the weakness of the man and we remind him that if he wants changes... it has to start with himself.

those at the table can demand soft-tones, insist on hugs and kisses... but those at the table forget that the reason why this man can go on complaining everyday... is becos they encourage him with their presence and their listening ear...

the whole bunch there could be clueless even though they can be nice pple who lend such kinds of support. Unfortunately, the realities of life doesn't reward Niceness... the 45yrs old man will not get another job as a Manager simply becos he has a groupie with him to lend him support.


If she wants to keep her husband, then this is Not the right way... checking handphones emails and all. If her husband falls easily into temptation, no amount of checks is gonna prevent that.

If u dun understand my last attempt to rationalise and explain to u this Picture, then there is no way for us to ever bridge... becos we're on two different wavelengths...

take care.
 
hey...i guess i know why most of the people here are targeting at the same thing. Cause those people are actually from another thread. I think thats very childish...you tho gangster ah..still must ask friend friend together.

For those new comers, i think you shouldnt waste your time reading this thread (which i did this morn). Cause most of them are here to protest on those who agreed on this thread.
 
Hi Vios,

haha what you said made me laughed so hard. Point noted. I believe a lot of girls do appreciate guys' comments, including myself.Its sometimes very interesting to learn how different people thinks.

Sorry just out of curiosity, were you honestly mad with what lone lone said?
 
mashi maro,

if that reason suits u, then u are free to believe it.

i have no gang here, there is no need for gangs in a forum... and u're absolutely blind to be talking gangs when it was the other way around. i represent myself, and i dun use "we"... those in gangs use "we".

oh by the way, u have not contributed one bit except to stir sh!t.
 
Hi Summer

I'm glad that you understand my gist... i am not mad or upset or angry with lone lone's flaming, because her posts speak for the type of mentality she owns. Her post doesn't speak for mine.

Rather, I am abit disappointed in her big-time misinterpretation of my posts.... and her banding of forumers (who have the same opinions as hers) and the need for defensiveness of their camp; very uncalled for, in my opinion.

She tot she might have an issue... if it is real, don't jeopardise further the strained marriage through spying. This is her way of being 007.

Not her husband, a tiny bit.
 
If she wants to keep her husband, then this is Not the right way... checking handphones emails and all. If her husband falls easily into temptation, no amount of checks is gonna prevent that.

There you are powder, I like this sentence of yours. Clear,short straight to the point and definitely not offensive. I believe if she is reading this, she wouldn't feel offended at all.

I understood what you are trying to say even before i posted my first reply. What i was trying to do (obviously failed) was to make you guys understand that like you said, 50% of the problem might be on her side, however, the other 50% problem, the hubby should be doing something about it. For a team to work, all members has to work towards a common goal. I was encouraging her to find a common ground between herself and hubby so that good communication can be established.

We all meant well and wanted to help her with her problems, but the key is to make her understand that checking of HP etc is not the key to resolve her problems, but communication with her hubby is the crucial thing. Have a getaway with him to somewhere romantic, somewhere with no pc, no HP, nothing just the both of you.
 
bro,

the marshmellow has decided to join the sisterhood.... can't blame her/him for the recent post which brought the words "HUH? WHAT THE F***?!" to my mind....
 
Hi vios,

She felt that there is a need for her to do something, cos maybe to her, its a problem, problem means, needs to act on it.

I can understand being confused and lost, people tend to go towards the worse case scenario like he is having an affair etc. She wants an answer, to her misery. However she is looking for the answer, at the wrong place.

We are all humans with weakness,sometimes, a gentle reminder to guide her back on the right track will be good.

Oh ya, nice to know you =)
 
Summer,

fyi, my first post did that. by the time i posted it, vios was getting killed... so i threw in my sarcasm at vios to take a dig. read the responses... check the track record... know every individual's response to ascertain their Motive/Purpose.

anyway my 45yrs-old analogy summarizes which side of the spectrum i'm on.
 
Fcuk...I hate my all day meeting...
And missed the chance to whack one stupid rabbit silly with tofu and crates of kang kong because of her stupid comments..


Is there a more stupid woman alive than that rabbit? Even loneLone, MAR Tan and Sadness had the minimum intellect not to come back here after making their silly comments...
 
maro: hey guys..especially Powder,
Just dont understand..the girls here are just making a some girls conversation and hoping to get some advise on her doubts. And there you are making a nonsense over here...and giving irrelevant and stupid comment.

..

Hey Maro.. nowadays I do not even bother reading Powder's comments. Just skip it. If you flip through some of their threads, they find it a joy to go into a thread and start stirring up shit inside the thread... Just ignore these people...They are prob meek as mouse in real life therefore feeling the need to shoot people down online.. People with real confidence do not have to prove anything or force their opinions doen others' throats.. :-)
 
i doubt u even bothered to go thru the posts in this thread... just gathering wherever there's a big group regardless of purpose.

u wanna refresh everyone on your views of this forum being for females where it's "all very fuzzy cosy supportive warm networks"?

and how i shouldn't tackle it from "a very alpha successuful male point of view"? (contradicts your latest post abt me being meek)

u of all pple... u're also one of those who want to solve problems with men but only from women's perspective. that alone summarizes your POV, and to actually be doing the buddy-buddy with someone who completely discredited herself - it shows, doesn't it?

when guys do it - u call it "force their opinions down others' throats"... but when the sisterhood does it - u say nothing...

really fuzzy logic and blind allegience...

ps: oh by the way, i dun actually go around the forum sucking up and forming allegiance with pple who display rather poor/warped sense of goodness. But i guess i'm forcing this opinion down your throat... whilst what u posted is Fuzzy warm sharing... oh Purrrrrleasssse...
 
somehow, i tink this affair issue hv been overblow ba.

yes, it is sad to noe tat we hv been betrayed by our loved ones. but tat gif u no rite to tink the whole world owe u and u can happily assume and shoot some nasty comments on other people or their wives lor.

yes, we may hv been a group of people who are in a way regular in this forum. and some of us did meet up before. but we are all separate individual and hv our own views and opinion. we dun side any one coz we noe them or they are our frenz. nor does we gang up to deal wif other forumers lor.

for me, i am the wife and hv gone thru and survive my hb stray before and most of the regular noe abt it. for me tat time, i muz say, poeple here gif me alot of good advise but ulitmately the decision is still make by me.

ok, so u tink ur hb is hving an affair wif all the tell signs. then ask urself, wat r u gng to do if he is really hving an affair? will u divorce him or will u take him back? then tink wat is it tat u hv fail to do tat gif the other woman a chance to win his heart? then also, u hv to really noe wat kind of person ur hb is to noe wat method to use esp if u still wan him back. tat is whether he is tat kind tat take soft approach or wat? also, u hv to control ur anger shall he ever come clean wif u, coz once u lose ur anger and behave like a mad woman, he will nv say anyting again. also, dun tink tat u r the legal wife so u hv the rite to call the other woman names, and if u call her names in front of ur hb, it will only prove to him tat she is indeed better than u.

and if after he decide to come back to u, dun tink tat u hv the right to check his emails and hp unless he allow. else, u are only making him to regret coming back. furthermore, if he really wan to lie or cheat on u, there are million of ways of doing so wifout being caught, so checking dun serve any purpose also de.

the only way to prevent a 3rd party into ur marriage is to constantly keep the love between u and him strong. a man is also a human, and like us woman, they will like to be dote on and feel love too. remember, how u wan ur hb to treat is how u shld treat him too.
 
FYI, the Ya-ya Sisterhood is in this thread now...
http://www.singaporebrides.com/cgi-bin/forumboard/discus.cgi?pg=next&amp;topic=5&amp;page=640268

And geez...all THAT negativity and all that MEN IS BAD talk...how they plotting for revenege...how they plan to set up a women's group and take turns spying on each other's husbands...all that constant spiral downwards into a entangling, never ending web of misery...and YET, some idiots (that's you Hakuna and that stupid rabbit) here have the cheek to rebuke people for giving sound advice... WHAT HAVE YOU CONTRIBUTED HERE besides sounding like a self-righteous arsehole?

Yo, Hakuna, go take a look at that thread and then COME BACK here and tell me HOW ALL THOSE TALKS ARE HELPING THEM TO IMPROVE AND GET ON WITH THEIR LIFE? and pray tell me what do they hope to achieve in the end?

By getting their unfaithful husbands all bitter, angry and regretful?
Will it work?
Is it worth it?
And what fcuking purpose does it serve?

....besides making BOTH parties miserable for the rest of their pathetic lives? For fcuk sake, take a look at Sadness82's post...if that's not such a pathetic and sad attempt at revenge, I would be sympathetic to her instead of laughing myself silly at her "revenge plot"...instead of FOCUSING HER EFFORTS ON RAISING AND CARING FOR HER 19 MONTHS OLD CHILD...what is she trying to do instead?

These are her words:
So made myself more pretty to revenge him let him scare that i go find man

Wow...what a piece of freaking sound piece of wisdom!...I'm sure her 19month old child must be SO PROUD of her...

Back to you,Hakuna, people like you have NOTHING BETTER to do than to come in here, rant for no apparent reasons and then disappear...So what does that make you? A moron who's got nothing to contribute to life and society in general?

People with confidence and who also possess ample common sense and experience through life offer sound advice to other folks in trouble on how to move on in life...We are not meek in real life...You are!...simply by your virtue of standing by and doing nothing, contributing nothing but meaningless digs at people who are genuinely trying to offer advice and to help...

Idiots like you only knows how to offer FCUK ALL NOTHING...I rest my case...
 
Oh yah Hakuna, for fcuk sake, please stop adding the smiley face after your post...

If you dont mean it...you're just being hypocritical...

Then again...maybe you are one...
 
after readin so much.....sigh

hi lonelylonely, if ur hubby is treatin X way for the past 5 yrs, and suddenly Y way now, understandablely the warning bells hav sounded in ur mind... sometimes there could be other reasons causing it....

if u r ok, get a PI to help u. tink i saw tis taiwan show, guy everyday go to work, dun tok to wife, stop giving $$ to wife. so wife (no $$) got tis taiwan show to help her shadow her hubby. in the end, it turns out tat he was jobless for the past few mths..no face to see wife, so stop communicating wif her. no income so nvr gif her money....of coz in the show, 9/10 were really affairs lah.
 
Hi ariesta

I watched that segment before... and the first thing that came to my mind was, "This is purely scripted!"

My opinion is that, Don't believe in such variety shows too much. There wld always be an Ending for such shows and such..... and if we apply this to our life, we always look forward to discovering "The Truth" - end up thinking in one dimensional manner. Sometimes, there just isn't any 'discovery' to even begin with, and the action itself is already a mistrust.
 
"Hi vios,

She felt that there is a need for her to do something, cos maybe to her, its a problem, problem means, needs to act on it.

I can understand being confused and lost, people tend to go towards the worse case scenario like he is having an affair etc. She wants an answer, to her misery. However she is looking for the answer, at the wrong place.

We are all humans with weakness,sometimes, a gentle reminder to guide her back on the right track will be good.

Oh ya, nice to know you =)"
-------------------------------------------------

- Hi Summer

You are right to say that we need to act on our problems, instead of just Lamenting and doing nothing (Me added accordingly). Yes, the act itself is the focal point in this very topic... basically, you and me have the same type of advise, if you noticed.

If lonelone dislikes my tone, then hopefully she'll read your posts and accepts - since you and I have all the same intentions.

=)
 
well bro, think they'll find support within the other thread which i saw u just appear... shall not go there to disturb anyone.

u'll need more than patience cos the mind isn't functioning logically anymore and it will move into an obsessive destructive behaviour... both for self and spouse. the very essence of living life to the fullest might be lost...

if u didn't realise, one of them actually managed to teach her ex-hubby who defaulted on maintenance, "a lesson cos he was imprisoned for 20 days"... in all my years with divorced lady frens, i have never come across anyone who have the heart to put someone behind bars for defaulting. i wonder if anyone else is gonna come here and admit that this groupie thing might not be healthy as they thought it was... it wasn't abt females versus males, it never was... it's about learning to let go and claim back your life again... and finding happiness and fulfilment in things that Really matter.

there's just too much anger &amp; petty grievances tat it may take awhile to find peace within oneself again... many yrs from now, all these are hold no meaning in life when life comes to a close as we lay on our deathbeds looking back...
 
Yeah, bro

I realised from this very thread that it is indeed a tall order to put through my words across to some of them.... and yeah, despite the possiblility of similar rebukes (like here), i posted in their 'support group' to shift their attention away from negative stuffs such as 'Assumptions, Revenge, Spying, whatnots'.... and hopefully, my addressed recipent could see where i'm coming....

I just thought that as they find themselves in that unfortunate situation (If there really is), they have had indeed pushed themselves further into the pits of 'destruction'.... it is very sianz to watch a desolate person who practically uses her time on spying and/or revenging instead of addressing the problem on the common ground (as Summer had put it).

I hope they understand that the former is not a mode of solving; it will in fact contradict to the basic Trust and only cast more doubts to their insecurity.... and eventually, on that damned path of constantly seeking for a "Yes" answer to an infidelity which may never even exist in the first place.

Gosh.....
 
the lure of groupie can be strong sometimes... especially on the internet where u tend to want an identity which pple do not oppose to... when u see the frequent use of 'we', u know tat alliances have been formed... no wrong in support groups, just that the purpose and motivation may be misguided...

tat's why there are terrorists in this world who are motivated yet may not be fully aware of what they're doing... it is easy to manipulate them to stay in a stupor, than to tear them out and remind them that they are individuals with a duty to themselves, their families and their future...
 
vios, yeah its most prob scripted, but was tinkin PI is like one of the better options to check...rather than confrontal to the hb. knw ur options b4hand. and decide on a course. of coz there are pros and cons...if the PI kanna discovered, all hell break loose...or if the PI got the wrong info, the gal will be barkin up the wrong tree...
 
sounds like a Man are from Mars, women are from Venus thing going on here.

Not taking sides here, just sharing what I observe.

I felt that Lonelone's a typical case of suspicious wife suspecting hubby having affair.

which case - I felt most women in their sound mind s will not deliberately hunt for things to worry about; there are symptoms, there is a cause, a problem and they feel they had to understand it or solve it to assure that the problem isn't threatening. (Really not unlike a mother noticing her child suddenly not doing well in his studies- naturally she needs to know why)

That, I feel is a normal reaction; just that male and female tend to see it, and weight it differently.

It would appear to me in certain situations that:
in Lonelone's situation, very evidently:

so male will: ok, don't bother about it till it proves itself serious enough to for me to do something about it.

pros - you concentrate on things better worth your time e.g building your relationship with your love ones.

cons - if the symptoms of the problem really exists in the first place and you chose to ignore it, by the time you chose to remedy it, it could be too late.

and female will: ok, better do something about it before it gets serious, even though I have no concrete evidence to show it will get serious.

pros - damage control. If the problem exist, you have taken steps to prevent it from getting worst, and potentially solve it.

cons - if you persist and the problem doesn't exist at all, you may wind up losing what you had before, your spouse's trust in you and of course, potentially damaging the relationship and it could worked against you in the future.

Its just different path of thinking, which I feel could be bridged by communication.

Relooking at the <u>root</u> of her suspicion, I felt that if communication had been in place, e.g
husband explains to wife sudden change of activities and provided that the reasons given are acceptable to the wife, I think this case would not have even appear here.
 
it isn't men from mars, women from venus... if it were then tat's rather simple to find a compromise.

it's an obsession with something fundamentally flawed and against the nature of the foundations of marriage, and gathering venusians to support these obsession by virtue of venusian support, and further infecting other venusians who may not have problems watsoever, but thru this support group - encourage the manifestation of such thoughts.

husbands may stray, wives may check... but walking into a den of betrayed wives for advice Isn't the smartest thing to do when u're not one yet. Objectivity is key but that's been dismissed...

as much as some ladies here have been betrayed and tell their stories of betrayal in other threads... i've also got stories of hubbies who are absolutely faithful, but choose to walk out of marriage after years of obessessive overly-suspicious wives who try to control their every move... they just had enough of it. Their wives would rather listen to their groupies than trust their own husbands...

for myself, i'm here to provide a balance and share the other side. unfortunately i'm being crushed by venusians simply becos i'm a martian speaking... Where there's an obvious lack of Objectivity on the venusians' part, i dun think we should let things go so easily and dismiss it simply as a difference of opinion between genders.

for some i take it that they can't help themselves due to their state of mind, but that does not mean i keep quiet and let the bad influence spread without recourse.

Hakuna and Maro have proven to be worthless in advice, heavily biased to venusians, and stupid to say the least. came from nowhere, spoke with no root, end with nowhere.

if u're proud to be a venusian in the same cave, then 'gender-ise' this whole affair. else i seriously dun think some ladies who posted in this thread are not very keen to have this thread split into Mars &amp; Venus where they are forced to be Venusians.

i mentioned the 'sisterhood' with reference to a groupie, not by virtue of gender.

ps: i am not argumentative, i just disagree with your summary which split the differences into gender differences. that is far from true.
 
and to Haruna/Maro and the likes...

Never Forget that this is a forum where would-be brides, enthusiastic to a Union with the men they love... are visiting...

and the Glorification of such ideas of checks, scrutiny, policing - corrodes the very foundation of the love on which their marriages are built on. and further impedes their judgement to ascertain what is morally/ethically right as a choice companion in a marriage - becos the minority of 'experienced wives', by virtue of having married first - are encouraging the actions that may destroy their marriage before they even set out to complete their cutomary. Dun setout turning sgbrides into sgdivorcees.

so No, this isn't about mars vs venus, nor about gender. the motivation behind my posts each time i see such threads is that of a PERSON.

and if no-one can rebutt my point, then no-one can rebutt my point... dun go lame on me with all that Gender-garnering of support, then insist that it's a men versus women thing.

i will take u on whether i am man, woman or transexual... becos your values are built upon everything that a marriage Should Not be about - insecurity, possessiveness, suppression, control, witch-hunting.

everything starts with ourselves First... and ends with ourselves Last... i challenge the two of u to rebutt me point by point and CONCLUDE Why wives/husbands should conduct themselves the way that u've been blindly supporting and encouraging.

and to the rest - dun be so foolishly swayed by this man versus woman nonsense when others have found nothing reasonable to argue but can only call upon such childish acts of support.

i post alone as myself. i dun need support becos i have REASON. what do u have other than your crap posts... u're a disgrace to the women who actually put in effort in themselves as Persons.
 


You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top