How much did u lose for ue wedding?

Dear girls,
But this depends as from Oct to Dec one of my frd attended 5 weddings. I did not have so many as my AD was in Oct thus can't attend but will be going for 2 weddings in Dec. As such, with the nos. of weddings you can't expect them to "pay" so much.
 


hi anne, u r right too.

i think we shld still stick to give what we can and dun overstretch ourself. good friends should understand, if they cant understand, there is nothing much we can do.
 
Fifi,

Mine was @ M-Hotel Level 2, we took the hotel b'cos all the other venue were taken. We were budgeting @ $800 per table without wine etc. However, as the cost per table is lower we spend the extra on gifts for our younger sisters during tea cermony and also had two tables for food tasting for everyone to have fun.
 
Anne,
Mine will likely be at HIPV cos it's one of the few locations that can accomodate more than 30 tables at a reasonable cost on weekends.

I probably will spend any spare cash that I have on a thank you event (maybe chalet or a nice meal) for my jie mei's & xiong di's. I dun have any younger siblings and my FH's family does not really get along so he probably will not see the point in giving them more.

Else I will just give bigger ang paos during the CNY after my wedding (my wedding is 10 days before CNY). Although I heard that we dun have to give in the first year after marriage, I noticed that my relatives all gave during the first year.
 
[email protected]
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hi fifi and all,

i have uploaded my spreasheet here in my multiply
http://charly906.multiply.com/journal/item/7

i have the formulas etc typed out, so try not to mess too much except by filling in the estimated and actual amount. notice i set the original budget of 15K for my wedding, u gals can change it to suit ur own!

on the topic of ang bow, i must let u all know that my jie meis (3 of them) didn't exactly give me ang bow. What they did was to split the open door ang bow my hubby gave (they kept mine and my mom's), and minus off whatever they feel like keeping (taxi fare, make-up etc) and "bao" back the rest of the money in their ang bow.

So in my case, hubby gave abt $600 open door, they give back ard $500 in total. is it really true that they must give more than the normal guests?

Anyway, usually i will pay the market price. unless that person is my good friend or for some reason that i can't stick to market price, my range would probably be $50 - $150 each for dinner.

and back to the topic of earning/losing $. i think the most important mentality is to 'lose' and 'by how much' once u sort of decided the worst case scenario, u can plan the rest of the wedding without any worries!
 
anne,

ok thanks for your clarification.

btw, has any tried downloading the budget spreadsheet from my site? just want to make sure that everything is ok.
 
hi charly, i have just added u to my comtact list. i forgot to state that i m from this thread. i stated the wrng thread. haha..
 
anne,

actually all the ang bows from our guests helped out. we broke even for our banquet. our parents gave us extra help on the day itself, they gave us big ang bows! so in the end we spent less than the original 15k we have put aside for the wedding.

so actually even though we earned/ broke even for the banquet, we still lose $ in the end for the whole wedding. but bo bian, bridal package, gifts, honeymoon etc all this very hard to cover what.

Pk,
accepted your invite liao! actually you don't need to add me to your contact list unless u want to view all my wedding photos! ha ha... dun want to show the whole world my wedding pictures, that will be so embarassing.
 
hi anne, nope. usually on msn. [email protected]

hi charly, i want to view your wedding pic! where got embarassing. its such a beautiful event to share with everyone~!!! u r so kind to share with us the excel~! gonna dl it later and discuss with hb. thks~!
 
Charly,
That's great to know that you spend less than 15K. I don't think the remaining items should be paid by the wedding dinner, I think we have to pay for it.
 
pk,

ha ha. some photos are quite embarassing. =p
am sharing the excel coz it was such a pain for me to find one in the beginning when i was doing my budget! so guess this will make the lives of most BTBs easier. anyway i am a control freak so i like everything to be nice nice all in spreadsheets with massive formulas etc to see how much i overspent or what.

anne,
yah, i guess it's good to pay for just the dinner. i mean it's quite disgusting to know that some of my friends are planning to throw a wedding at the ritz just to earn money. they are asking their parents to invite those rich friends and relatives and acquaintances so that they can earn from these people and not to fork out $ for the rest of wedding items. sigh...
 
I think the best to hope for is to breakeven for dinner or not lose that much. The rest of the stuff should not be included lor.
 
hi charly, u r right. it is a pain to do such major planning. and we just dun want things to go wrong. esp when it is a once in a lifetime thing for most of us here. though we dun have to spend too much, it is good to have anything in control whether u have budget or not.

as for me, so long as we dun lose too much for the dinner, we are happy. we dun really think abt recovering the BS package, rings, gifts, photos etc.
 
Charly/pk,
You are right. My girlfrd did her list of how to save $$$ on her wedding. Share wif you girls

- weekday wedding dinner but wedding day is sat
- since dinner is much later no need to pay for express hights
- Do your own photo loop b4 wedding dinner
- No food tasting
- Encourage guest to bring their own hard liquor cos only wine & beer (free flow on weekdays) is serve
- Serve Wine during dinner
- No need room for couple as there is day room
- No need to order finger food
- Do your own photo montage
- Tell everyone your dinner on 5 star hotel

But for the list above I did not apply any of the rules and my dinner is @ 4 stars hotel, still can break even.
 
hello:
plan for 20%-30% losses. this will really be relatives.. cuz relatives usually give to parents directly. and soem parents do not give the ang baos back to the couple.
 
Charly, just wanted to thank you for sharing your spreadsheet - it's going to be an immense help to me.
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(Especially since I'm a complete dimwit with Excel.)
 
Hey ask you all hor,

My FH's parents will not be contributing a single cent to our wedding (not even my pin jin, si dian jin, etc). My FH & I have decided that since they are not contributing, they should not keep any Ang Pao that relatives may hand to them. How do we "enforce" that?

My own parents are not keeping anything cos they know we need the money for the wedding expenses and for our house also.

What would be the best way to make everything clear so that there will not be any misunderstanding/trouble on the actual day & all ang paos will be returned to us for us to pay for the banquet?
 
I think the way to go is to get your husband to sit down with his parents to talk to them. Ultimately, it's trust. Once your in-laws agree to this arrangement, there's no way to "enforce" it. Cos some guests may truly give angpaos to your in-laws. Your in-laws must abide by the prior agreement to hand them over to their son.

It may help to have an AP box.. but some pple dun like it co sit looks like a donation box, and there will still be guests who will give the APs directly to your in-laws.
 
I guess he will have to talk to them lor. Afterall, if even my side not taking anything, then why should they since they are also not contributing.
 
Hi Ladies,

To side track abit, may I know is it a must for parents in law to give "Pin Jin" and "Si Dian Jin"? Or is it up to individual religions?

Hmm, I understand from website that "Pin Jin" is usually given by FH and "Si Dian Jin" is from parents in law. Need your advice...

Thanks
 
pk, anne and quack,

no worries at all.

fifi,
i agree with cactus. ultimately whether your in laws are open to the idea of giving you the ang bow or not, it's their decision. who knows they might want to keep all the ang bows and give you a big fat one on your wedding or sponsor your renovation? so talk to them first lor.

oink oink,
actually this one i also dunno leh. with the fact that now mostly it's the couple who foot the bill for wedding etc... the line of 'who pays for what' sort of become quite blur. but usually bride's mom will ask for pin jin ahd pin li, and probably wouldn't really care who pays for it.
 
Hi Oink Oink, my understanding is whether or not the couple of guy's family pays for wedding dinner, the guy's parents must give the gal pinjing. Cos the pinjing is given to the gal's parents, not to the gal.

SJD is a teochew custom. If the gal is teochew, the guy's parents MUST give. Gal's parents will also definately ask.

If gal is not teochew, it is not SJD. Instead it could be 2 bangles (ie. for cantonese). Depends on dialect group.

Sometimes, even if gal is not teochew, the guy's parents will still buy. It's okay to accept.
 
Actually, I don't think it's correct to say pinjing is given by FH. it's actually given by FH's parents. But as Charly put it, these days, it's not so clear.

In my case, I know my in-laws are giving Pin Jing cos my husband tells me that they are settling it. My in-laws are also paying for the PinLi, cos my husband tells me so. I'm not teochew, but my husband's mom is teochew...and she said since she is teochew, she would like me to have SDJ. I told her I will accept but will leave it to her to buy anything she wants - yellow gold also can.
 
Hi Charly and Catus,

Thanks for sharing your views with me. Hmm, what's the difference between pin jin and pin li? Actually the wedding dinner costs would be bear by my FH and I. Can we request for SDJ even though I am not a Teochew? I think ultimately, it's up to the PIL to give whatever they wanna give right?
 
i think my PIL is giving me SDJ. Im hokkien.

i hope to get gold instead of white gold or others.. but it it up to them.
 
Hi Oink Oink,
Pin Jing is part of Pin Li. Pin Li is termed as engagement gifts. About 2 weeks before AD, (the guy's side will choose the date), gifts will be delivered to the gal's side. What is delivered is usually stated before hand to the guy's parents by the gal's parents. Usually, it will include some liquor, oranges, dried foodstuff... auspicious items for a wedding. These, together with a big red packet (known as Pin Jing) will be given to the gal's parents.

A few days later, the gal's parents will return part of the Pin Jing (returned in the same envelope), together with a small quantity of each of the different gifts previously delivered by the guy's parents. It is also at this time, the gal's parents will deliver back to the guy's house, the jewelery that they buy for their daughter, some household utensils, gifts for the new SIL (watch, glasses, pen, belt, shoes, clothes) - these items will vary from dialect group to dialect group and is collectively known as "jia zhuan" (dowry). There may also be some items of clothing for the husband's siblings (these vary from dialect group).

If you are not a teochew, it would not be in tradition to request for SDJ... but of course, you can request for it. But you may run the risk of your in-laws saying you are greedy.

However, whether you are teochew or not, in-laws will always buy a piece of jewlery for the new DIL to show that they accept her into their family.

If you really want a SDJ, perhaps waht you can do is to try find out if your in-laws intend to buy you a piece of jewlery... and try to find out the budget. I know Poh Heng sells yellow gold SDJ at about $1.5k for the cheapest range.

If your in-laws say they will buy you a piece of jewlery and you found out the budget, you can tel your husband you would really like a full set of SDJ cos it looks very impressive and will make your in-laws look very generous.. then work within that budget but buy 4 items..

Be prepared though, that 4 items will not look as impressive as just 1 item, for the same budget.
 
Hmm.. just in case I'm not clear... what I mean to say is,
SDJ is an entitlment of a teochew bride.
2 bangles is an entitlement of a cantonese bride.

I'm a hockien. My understanding is hokkien brides are not "entitled" to any jewlery, so it really depends on our in-laws.. and what they are willing to give.

My parents are buying me 4 full sets of jewlery in white gold/diamond, jade, pearl and yellow gold/diamond. My parents showed these sets to my in-laws when they came over to my house to ti qing and discuss AD stuff... it was also at the same time, my MIL said she will bring me to shop for SDJ. We didn't ask for SDJ at all. I found out from my husband later that my MIL budgeted $6k for my SDJ. I was rather happy that I can shop for my own SDJ which meant I could prob buy what I liked.. but eventually... after talking to some ladies on this forum, I realised SDJ is truly a gift from my in-l;aws and I shouldn't take advantage of that.

So I told my husband to tell his mom no need to bring me shopping. I will gladly accept anything she buys for me. I also hinted to my husband that yellow gold is cheaper than white gold or diamonds and poh heng sells SDJ at about $1.5k. I told him to tell his mom to save $ and I'll be very happy with a simple set of yellow gold SDJ cos I don't really deserve SDJ as I'm not teochew. It's more of a gift than an entitlement.

By the way, alot of jewlery shops promote SDJ cos they earn more by selling 4 items than just 1. Therefore these days alot of brides have SDJ... but few of them are teochews. They just have very generous in-laws and they are prob victims of hard selling and peer pressure (in-laws and brides alike).
 
Just to add - if your MIL gives you a budget of $10k, try to spend only $8k. This way, your MIL won't say you are greedy. Try to just spend 80% of the budget.

Also, you never know what those aunties or other SILs or your husband's siblings will think of you if you ask for SDJ despite not being teochew. If your in-laws are open minded and if their family are all open minded, it's okay cos these days, SDJ is so common..But if I were in your shoes, I won't ask for you directly. Will instead find out if I will get jewlery, and if so, the budget. . then try to get 4 items...
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charly,
actually my FH & I are not giving my FPILs the option of keeping any ang paos. They are also not getting any say in our wedding.

This is because they have already indicated that they have no money for my FH to get married and will not be contributing a single cent. Everything like pinjin, pinli, etc all comes from my FH & me (or else my parents). To put is not so nicely, they (and my FH's brothers) are getting a free meal during my banquet.

I may sound harsh but I feel that I have reason to be so. As my FH & his father do not get along (due to his father's ways), my FH nearly did not want to let his father attend his wedding. My FMIL came to me to threaten that I ask my FH to give in, else she also will not attend cos her husband is still alive and she married into the family on a sedan. She told me that I should ask my FH to either let his father attend or we should just rom quietly, dun tell anyone we getting married and be done with it (like secretly get married like that).

So if that is their attitude and they have no contribution at all to our wedding, they should not have any right to keep any ang pao.

And for renovation, etc, no hope of that. I cannot even stay with them after my wedding cos there is no space. Unless my FH & I want to sleep in the hall on a single mattress. If I get a small angpao during tea ceremony, I should already be happy.

However, all said, I don't want to make things ugly, knowing my FH's temper, especially towards his father. That's why I'm trying to think of a way to make things clear first.
 
Hi Charly, Just like Fifi, my husband and I are not giving the option to his parents to keep the APs. His parents have also never said they wanted to keep the APs. It is an unspoken understanding tha they will return all APs to us.

ALthough my in-laws are paying for my Pinjing, Pin Li and SDJ, that's because my husband used to only give his parents $500/month in allowance. But after he brought me home ot meet his parents (about 2 years ago), his parents asked for $1k/month.. and has been receiving $1k/month every month since 2 years ago.his parents told him they need the extra $ to buy stuff for his marriage.
 
pk,

hey not many girls asking for yellow gold these days, u are a rare case! actually yellow gold looks really nice and impressive, especially when you wear with a kua.

oinkoink,
and to add on to catus' comment, usually bride's parents would ask for tables as part of the 'pin jin, pin li package'. general rule, more tables requested, less pin jin, less tables, more pin jin.

as for the stuff for the pin li, heard from some girls in other threads that you don't have to worry what to buy, just go to those shops in china town and tell the shopkeeper which dialect group you are from and they will pack everything nicely for you. (in my case we didn't do that coz both sets of parents very practical, say give a tiny red packet for symbolism will do)

before you start fretting 'what to do what to do" ask both sets of parents which are the stuff they require. this process might take minutes to days. check with your mom if she needs pin jin, pin li and tables. Not sure if it's norm for moms to say how much pin jin they want (but u know those drama serials they anyhow say want $9999), but your mom defintely will ask for x amount of tables. then u can hint or tell her directly that u and FH are paying for the banquet if she doesn't already know, or what is the max number of tables you can give her due to the venue (NOT your pocket) constraint. and since you are at the topic, might as well ask her about the ang bow money how to settle. the pin li asks her if she needs all those items or if there are specific items she needs.

then to your FPIL, ask them too what they expect you to pay for dowry. (sometimes ur mom might just buy on her own, so better check what is the right one for the dialect group, if nobody is particular, then just do what u deem is enough) also check with them how many tables they need to invite their guests, and how the ang bow money goes.

I think you question about SDJ is more like if you can request for jewelery, right? which dialect group are you from? cantonese usually asks for dragon-phoneix gold bangles. or instead of saying SDJ, just tell them u want a set of jewlery? but ultimately the decision lies with your PIL. (btw, u prob won't get the jewelery until you went through the tea ceremony)
 
fifi and cactus,

oh in that case you girls only have to worry about your parents' side of ang bow moneys? i was lucky enough not to worry about in law's side, as they are hosting a separate dinner themselves. we probably won't get the ang bows for that of course. =p

but what happens if say guests from FH's side gives your FIL the red packet? they will give it back to the couple, right?
 
charly,

For my own side, no worries, cos my parents are giving us back all ang paos.

For my FH's side, we need to find a way to make it clear that they have to give us back all ang paos cos we are the ones paying for everything. That's why we have to find a way to make it clear lor.
 
Hi Charly, my parents are giving us back all the APs. that's not an issue.
If guests from FH's side give ILs APs, I beleive my ILs will return those APs to us. We didn't talk about it but that's understood.. crossing my fingners.
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My husband is the type of plan but he didn't plan for such a contingency so I'm sure he has it well thought out. In the event some APs are missing from his side, I believe he will demand them back from his parents. My parents spent $25k on my engagemnet dinner.. and gave all the received APs as gifts to me and my husband. My husband was very touched by my parents' gift and he promised me without even me asking that he will ensure our finances are secure and safe.
 
wow u girls are lucky!
=) i guess in a way you don't have to worry about losing money for banquet, at least not by a lot, since u get almost every guest's ang bow. usually most ppl lose money in banquet due to the tables given to the girl's family so u two r safe!
 
Actually, I feel wedding dinner is just a start to possible $ losing events... hee hee... after marriage, in-laws are also parents and siblings, so must spend $ on them... on their birthdays, on fathers/mothers day, christmas, chinese new year.. can't be helped. When kids come, another additional expenditure.

I always tell my husbnand if we don't lose $ from our wedding, we will deinfately lose $ from other things during marriage. hee
 
hey cactus, that is wrong thinking leh. Those $ you spend on inlaws and family, it's not considered as loss mah. more like extra expenditure.

=) anyway it's a sign of us growing up, and having another family mah! i guess most impt thing abt in laws is that as long as there's no friction, it's good enough. of course it's happier if you have another set of parents who dote on u too!
 
hahaa! true true!! Not considered loss. It's extra expenditure. :P

yah.. I agree... it's good enough not having friction. I just aim not to have any friction. Prob will be taking turns to stay with each other's parents after AD.. so keeping fingers crossed my parents will continue to love my husband and my in-laws to continute to love me.
happy.gif
 
Actually I envy those of you who got in-laws who dote on you. I dun foresee my in-laws having a close relationship with me. Cos my FH's dun have good relations with his father and only a relatively ok/civil relationship with his mum. I personally also find that my mentality & thinking is very different from them. I can only hope that we will at least maintain a civil relationship lor.
 
I think the true test comes after AD, and once again after kids arrive... sometimes, staying together may cause friction also...
 
wow cactus, i've just been reading your post on pinli/pinjing and i'm so impressed!! I'm a teochew bride and i don't even know half the traditions you've described. thanks v much for sharing.
 
haha. I was confused initially so did reading up and spoke with my grandma. Actually, my parents' wedding were all handled by their parents so they know nuts. I udnerstand this is the norm in the past.. .where parents actually decide every single detail. Since my parents weren't too sure with the formalities, they sourced for info online and by speaking with the older generation. it helped me understand the formalities too.
 
HI ladies,

Thanks for the detailed explanation. Really widen my knowledge. Hmm, I don't hanker for the SDJ, just wondering too. Hmm, cos I have no FIL only a MIL. And she's not working and depending alot on her children, so I think not very nice for me to request any jewellery. Like what you all said, I'm happy that she buys something for me even though it's not of high value. Thanks
 


cactus 79, my dad let me keep all the ang bao $ too. but he ask me to take down the ang bao $ our relatives give. he wants to know...u know why la hor...
 
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