Hi, I'm wondering if anyone else has any advice/experiences in preparing to get married at a younger than conventional age?
I'm 22 this year, and my boyfriend (24) is in the process of signing on instead of furthering his studies after NS. We talked about it, and we plan on applying for BTO under the fiance-fiancee scheme next year once he is eligible. Of course, getting married itself will still be another 4 years away at the very least. We were best friends (for over 7 years) before we started dating, and we have always been on the same wavelength about getting married and out of the house as soon as possible.
My mother is one of those mums who force their kids to learn from experience but her opinion swings from A to Z faster than you can say ice cream. My mother doesn't want to influence our life decisions. Heck, she will kick me out of the house to experience life for myself if she could! My family is pretty close-knit, so I frequently go to my aunts for advice instead. I told them about his decision not to study abroad, and I have been nagged about it by one out of the three aunts. The eldest thinks we'll be fine even if he doesn't study & is relatively supportive, and the third thinks I'm nuts to BTO so young. The one who nags me to get him to study will have a fit if she knows what we're planning.
I do vaguely understand where they are coming from. My mother already had me and got divorced by my age so I do understand the fear that it won't work out. But isn't it the same at any age? Does one's age affect their ability to commit? I'm no stranger to long-term commitment. I have three adopted dogs for whom I am solely responsible for. I provide for them, I feed them, I clean up after them, and I take care of them as though they are my own children. I would even go as far as to say that they are better provided for than dogs of others twice my age.
Their opinions will not change our decision. For what it's worth, his mother thinks we are ready. But I really want to understand why they are so against marrying young. Unlike the NTU confessions girl, I don't expect him to have 200k for the house and a car NOW (or ever, for that matter). I can live simply. Just give me dogs and travel and the occasional shopping spree. I worked for half a year before going back to study. I'm not unrealistic.
Then there is the matter of the ring. I was looking around online and it seems like 4k is the average so that they don't "lose face". Has anybody regretted getting a sub-1k ring as a proposal ring? I'm wondering if I will eventually come to regret asking for something so small when my friends start getting married and comparing engagement rings. Also, I originally wanted him to ask my family for permission before proposing but with all that nagging, I think I want him to skip that and we just announce to them with the ring. Would getting a bigger rock convince them that it was not a rash, spontaneous decision?
It's such a headache. We aren't going into this with no plans at all but it feels so weird without the advice of my aunts. I can't share too much with those who aren't against it as they will talk among themselves and I will get nagged to death. Honestly, I don't see what the fuss is about. If (touch wood) we don't make it, we can still forfeit the deposit and move on with our lives. It's not like we are going to register tomorrow and have to go through all the divorce proceedings if we want to split. Yes, it's a lot of money, but we are both confident that we will make it work. Both our parents were divorced and it has created a strong will to not let it happen to us. On top of that, we are still going to sign up for pre-marriage course.
Sometimes I think we should just apply in secret then elope. It is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. =P
I'm 22 this year, and my boyfriend (24) is in the process of signing on instead of furthering his studies after NS. We talked about it, and we plan on applying for BTO under the fiance-fiancee scheme next year once he is eligible. Of course, getting married itself will still be another 4 years away at the very least. We were best friends (for over 7 years) before we started dating, and we have always been on the same wavelength about getting married and out of the house as soon as possible.
My mother is one of those mums who force their kids to learn from experience but her opinion swings from A to Z faster than you can say ice cream. My mother doesn't want to influence our life decisions. Heck, she will kick me out of the house to experience life for myself if she could! My family is pretty close-knit, so I frequently go to my aunts for advice instead. I told them about his decision not to study abroad, and I have been nagged about it by one out of the three aunts. The eldest thinks we'll be fine even if he doesn't study & is relatively supportive, and the third thinks I'm nuts to BTO so young. The one who nags me to get him to study will have a fit if she knows what we're planning.
I do vaguely understand where they are coming from. My mother already had me and got divorced by my age so I do understand the fear that it won't work out. But isn't it the same at any age? Does one's age affect their ability to commit? I'm no stranger to long-term commitment. I have three adopted dogs for whom I am solely responsible for. I provide for them, I feed them, I clean up after them, and I take care of them as though they are my own children. I would even go as far as to say that they are better provided for than dogs of others twice my age.
Their opinions will not change our decision. For what it's worth, his mother thinks we are ready. But I really want to understand why they are so against marrying young. Unlike the NTU confessions girl, I don't expect him to have 200k for the house and a car NOW (or ever, for that matter). I can live simply. Just give me dogs and travel and the occasional shopping spree. I worked for half a year before going back to study. I'm not unrealistic.
Then there is the matter of the ring. I was looking around online and it seems like 4k is the average so that they don't "lose face". Has anybody regretted getting a sub-1k ring as a proposal ring? I'm wondering if I will eventually come to regret asking for something so small when my friends start getting married and comparing engagement rings. Also, I originally wanted him to ask my family for permission before proposing but with all that nagging, I think I want him to skip that and we just announce to them with the ring. Would getting a bigger rock convince them that it was not a rash, spontaneous decision?
It's such a headache. We aren't going into this with no plans at all but it feels so weird without the advice of my aunts. I can't share too much with those who aren't against it as they will talk among themselves and I will get nagged to death. Honestly, I don't see what the fuss is about. If (touch wood) we don't make it, we can still forfeit the deposit and move on with our lives. It's not like we are going to register tomorrow and have to go through all the divorce proceedings if we want to split. Yes, it's a lot of money, but we are both confident that we will make it work. Both our parents were divorced and it has created a strong will to not let it happen to us. On top of that, we are still going to sign up for pre-marriage course.
Sometimes I think we should just apply in secret then elope. It is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. =P
