Getting married young

roset

New Member
Hi, I'm wondering if anyone else has any advice/experiences in preparing to get married at a younger than conventional age?

I'm 22 this year, and my boyfriend (24) is in the process of signing on instead of furthering his studies after NS. We talked about it, and we plan on applying for BTO under the fiance-fiancee scheme next year once he is eligible. Of course, getting married itself will still be another 4 years away at the very least. We were best friends (for over 7 years) before we started dating, and we have always been on the same wavelength about getting married and out of the house as soon as possible.

My mother is one of those mums who force their kids to learn from experience but her opinion swings from A to Z faster than you can say ice cream. My mother doesn't want to influence our life decisions. Heck, she will kick me out of the house to experience life for myself if she could! My family is pretty close-knit, so I frequently go to my aunts for advice instead. I told them about his decision not to study abroad, and I have been nagged about it by one out of the three aunts. The eldest thinks we'll be fine even if he doesn't study & is relatively supportive, and the third thinks I'm nuts to BTO so young. The one who nags me to get him to study will have a fit if she knows what we're planning.

I do vaguely understand where they are coming from. My mother already had me and got divorced by my age so I do understand the fear that it won't work out. But isn't it the same at any age? Does one's age affect their ability to commit? I'm no stranger to long-term commitment. I have three adopted dogs for whom I am solely responsible for. I provide for them, I feed them, I clean up after them, and I take care of them as though they are my own children. I would even go as far as to say that they are better provided for than dogs of others twice my age.

Their opinions will not change our decision. For what it's worth, his mother thinks we are ready. But I really want to understand why they are so against marrying young. Unlike the NTU confessions girl, I don't expect him to have 200k for the house and a car NOW (or ever, for that matter). I can live simply. Just give me dogs and travel and the occasional shopping spree. I worked for half a year before going back to study. I'm not unrealistic.

Then there is the matter of the ring. I was looking around online and it seems like 4k is the average so that they don't "lose face". Has anybody regretted getting a sub-1k ring as a proposal ring? I'm wondering if I will eventually come to regret asking for something so small when my friends start getting married and comparing engagement rings. Also, I originally wanted him to ask my family for permission before proposing but with all that nagging, I think I want him to skip that and we just announce to them with the ring. Would getting a bigger rock convince them that it was not a rash, spontaneous decision?

It's such a headache. We aren't going into this with no plans at all but it feels so weird without the advice of my aunts. I can't share too much with those who aren't against it as they will talk among themselves and I will get nagged to death. Honestly, I don't see what the fuss is about. If (touch wood) we don't make it, we can still forfeit the deposit and move on with our lives. It's not like we are going to register tomorrow and have to go through all the divorce proceedings if we want to split. Yes, it's a lot of money, but we are both confident that we will make it work. Both our parents were divorced and it has created a strong will to not let it happen to us. On top of that, we are still going to sign up for pre-marriage course.

Sometimes I think we should just apply in secret then elope. It is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. =P
 

susanna_low

New Member
I got married at 23 and my wedding ring is a $100+ ring from poh heng and I m actually quite proud to declare it to the world. Perhaps I m not into luxury goods so I don't really feel a thing when my friends show me their loots. While they are into Gucci and Prada, I only like Nike and Addidas.

While they like fine dinning, I roam the organic stores and when they are strolling Orchard on weekend, I m chilling on the beach with a ice cold beer in hand.

Seriously I don't really bother about what the outsiders think as only my loved ones matter. My mentality is always "the ones who matter don't mind and the ones who mind don't matter".

My parents are always supportive and proud of me though i have nothing to shout about.

My in laws dote on me and my hb made me feel like the happiest woman in the whole world while my close friends are always there for me. My gal is just like my best friend.

We r married for almost a decade but each day just get better.


U will feel so much happier when u stop comparing and follow behind other's back but to develop your style at your own pace.
 

susanna_low

New Member
N the lifestyle now is of not much difference from my dating days,

My hb n I still hold hands and hug each other like teens, chill in joints, feed each other popcorn just that when we *ahem*, my gal always like to knock on the door.

Having a child at a younger age is like having a buddy as you get older. She keeps her grandparents accompany while we are busy,

She accompany me everywhere, shop with u n give her opinions on clothes when daddy has no interest and wait outside the stores, share half portion of the food when u r afraid of over indulging,

We chit chit everything under the sky while sharing our fav ice cream.

We listen to pop music together and when she get out of hand, u sit her down and talk like how you relate to a friend.

N till now, I still club, meet out with friends, gym. I m still very me if not better than my younger days.
 

powder

Active Member
wat's with the ring? size n cost doesn't matter... if a 24yr-old comes up with a 10k ring, i'd be wondering where he got his money from... in fact anything abv 2k doesn't make sense since u guys are saving for a home. the money could come in handy for more practical stuff at the moment which u Will Need.
 

momoftwo

Member
"getting married and out of the house as soon as possible "

that sure seem like a red flag to me.

is getting married a means to an end , for him ,you or both ? if yes, then you are making a big mistake.

marriage is not an escape pod. if u use it so, its highly likely you will land in troubled waters years later.

the engagement ring is to be a promissory gift. not a yardstick for you to gauge your worth to him.

face value ? more like your own vanity, really.

i think it's a great idea both of you go for pre marriage counseling.

better to go into a marriage with eyes wide open than eyes wide shut.
 

momoftwo

Member
you may not be high maintenance materialistically but you sure have some expensive hobbies.

are you sure you're ready to marry a regular?

if there is feelings of sacrifice or short changing yourself in any aspect for the sake of love\marriage... its likely you will resent and regret later when life throws a big curve at you.
 

infojunkie

Active Member
not unrealistic?

u say u "can live simply" and "don't expect him to have 200k for the house and a car NOW (or ever, for that matter)"...

but hv reservation abt "getting a SUB-1k ring" cos frens "start getting married and comparing engagement rings"?

and u think u can stay committed to him cos u're committed to 3 dogs?

well ur aunts r rite.

u're not ready yet.

it's not ur age, it's ur mentality.
 

roset

New Member
I don't feel like I'm sacrificing anything at all. It's more of a blessing. Haha! Travelling is something he is into and I have managed to save for my own travels when I was working as well.

For us, the point of registering for BTO is more because we can't wait to start our lives together. Between the two of us, we can always rent if our emphasis is to move out. A car is a luxury that we don't plan to have.

I wanted to figure out what my aunts' concerns were, so I sat down with one of my aunts yesterday. She admitted that it was more because most of her friends who married young don't work out but it wasn't true of all her friends. I am the only baby of the extended family so she was surprised when I brought it up the first time. So that leaves only one aunt left to talk to, and I know her main issue is that his family is of a different faith.

As for the engagement rings, it was more because I saw it happening in my own office that I thought that I may become like that. I also worked at an photography company which specialized in actual day photography and I kept seeing people compare with the bride. My boyfriend reminded me that I was never the kind to go after rocks and bags or compare with friends. When we look at rings I always go for the small sapphires. (I have my eye on one from Citigem) It was my own irrational fear that I would grow to become materialistic.

Anyway we have a year or three of watching the BTO launches and ROM itself is at least 4 years away. We were doing up a rough cost & savings plan and yup, my interest lies more in outfitting the kitchen to cook and bake than the ring.

@Ting Yi, that is the kind of lifestyle I'm working towards. I already spend most of my time grocery shopping for myself and the dogs. Haha!
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
when u have a few young kids and you need to bring them out alone. Kids will get stranded and lost from parents in the overly crowded buses and trains. When in that shoes, then you realize that a car not just a luxury for family. Junkie is right about the mentality.
 

kitminish

Member
Hmm, we brought a house beforwhen I was 22 and my bf is 24 when he was still studying and I just came out to work for less than a yr.. Seriously, this 2 years we are really really very stretch with cash.. Right now we are both turning 25 and 27, house is coming in few months time and wedding in exactly 10mths time, more money issue coming..

Maybe you are thinking why am I talking about money money non-stop.. Money will not change one relationship but quarrel about money will.. When you are young = less capable to earn money(base on statistic) which might create problem between couple when unpaid bill came in and allowance issue come into picture.. So your parents concern is not logical, they are just being worried that if both of you get married so young what will happen..

Talking about the stone, if you think the size does matter(I think it does since you are looking at the average and people regretting after that), why not ask him to propose only after he save up? I know many couple only propose around few month before wedding during wedding preparation.. They start to call themselves giraffe. Haha..

If you need something to announce it, you all can start off with getting a flat.. Let them know how you all work out to pay the flat to show them you 2 are dead serious about settle down.. HDB need time to build, it will be good that you all buy one earlier so by the time you 2 decided to get married, you 2 have a place call home.. Staying with other is really not so easy..
 

simpleman

Active Member
Age per se is not an issue getting married... it is the right mental attitude.

If you are worried about the size and cost of the stone at your age now.. then I doubt your maturity..

They are many opportunities in your life later to get a bigger/better stone..
 

simpleman

Active Member
Kids or no kids, I still think car is a luxury.. well if you can afford it, why not.. But with the latest measures on car loan.. it is really becoming more of a luxury for more people.
 

lemonzil

Member
Are you looking at getting married young or applying for a BTO young?

You don't need to own a flat to get married but you have to be married in order to secure your flat. So what kind of answers are you exactly seeking for? To marry or not? To apply for BTO or not?

It does seems to me that you both are doing so to get out of the house. Why the rush to move out? Is that the push factor to get married? Should that be the reason to get a flat? Don't marry/get a flat for the wrong reasons. The price to pay is no joke. I'm not only refering to the monetary sums. The time, effort, stress and many other factors can be extremely draining.

Your mum has her concerns on you planning to get married at this age where most people are striving on their career, trying to stablize their financial capability. Nothing wrong with that either. She's just worried about your future.

There's nothing wrong with getting married/applying for a flat at this age. The question is just how ready are you both. Not just you alone. How ready is your bf? Like what Kit had mentioned, it's not going to be easy financially and it's definitely going to strain your r/s if such issues isn't taken care of properly.

I quote from your previous post:

"Does one's age affect their ability to commit? I'm no stranger to long-term commitment. I have three adopted dogs for whom I am solely responsible for. I provide for them, I feed them, I clean up after them, and I take care of them as though they are my own children. I would even go as far as to say that they are better provided for than dogs of others twice my age."

Age doesn't affect one's ability to commit but maturity does. And, I don't think marriage commitment should be compared to your commitment to your pooches. There are still many people out there divorced but with pets isn't it? It's the owner's responsiblity to take care and be commited to their pooches. But marriage takes 2 hands to clap. Both party have responsiblities and roles to play. You will love your dogs despite what mischieve they do. They don't have to shoulder the financial burden and they don't disagree with you/argue with you but your partner will.

Somehow, from your posts, I can't help but feel that you are very much focusing on your own interests/ideas only. What about your Bf and his family? Marriage is between the both of you. BUT it is not about just the 2 of you only. You've got to look beyond that. What if one day, either/both parents need to stay with you?

As for your ring, I don't know what's your stand. You sound like you get swayed by passing comments easily that you bf had to remind you that you were not like this before. What's with the regrets? If you are really not into stones, then perhaps Citigems may not even have caught your eye. Nothing wrong with liking stones. But where's your stand? I know some people don't even need any. Just a simple wedding band will do. The stones can come later. Isn't the thought of the gift that counts?

Look beyond the BTO. It's good to start planning early but don't rush into it.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
sm, think most singaporean see having kids as a luxury. They surely cost alot more than cars. I believe the latest policy is actually good to discourage spending on credit. While those that would put good use to the liquidity will lament the restrictions.
 

momoftwo

Member
Well Rose Tea, it sure seem like you have figured out what you want, considered the effort and will to achieve it.

After the marriage counseling , and BOTH of you are still determined. Then it's a good sign that you are ready for a life long commitment.

Best of luck and may the force be with you and your soon to be husband ,to work out a beautiful and life enhancing marriage together.
 

matka

Member
IMHO, the type of engagement ring does not matter. Unless your friends or colleagues are diamond valuers, who can tell the difference between a real diamond and a synthetic one? Better still, be different, and do away with the engagement ring. Down the road, nobody will care how big your rock is ... trust me. Or even whether you have one.

If you'd like to "invest" in an accessory, then do it with your wedding bands. That's way more significant
 

momoftwo

Member
Yah it's true matka, I don't wear mine anymore. It's a substantial size, now it's just sitting in a safe.

Better leave it there than risk losing my finger if I ever get mugged/robbed.

I asked my hubby if he will just allow me to sell it off, he said the ring which cost 8k will now be sold for less than 4 k.

The depreciation is horrendous, I told him he should have just bought me something else with that kind of money.. like a business class ticket to Europe !!
 

momoftwo

Member
It's not the size that matters, it's the Cs.

A tiny rock with minimum flaws is much much more expensive than a big one with impurities.

But young girls don't care anyway.. they all think the bigger the better !!
 

simpleman

Active Member

I asked my hubby if he will just allow me to sell it off, he said the ring which cost 8k will now be sold for less than 4 k.

The depreciation is horrendous,


I haven't really seen ring with stone really depreciate. More likely it was bought at artificially high price.

The profit margin for diamonds at least few 100 % - just the stone.. so you can imagine if you have bought it expensive.. you won't be able to sell it at a profit.

If you buy it right, the only way for stone is to appreciate because the supply is limited. Not only apply to diamonds but to colour stones as well.
 

momoftwo

Member
Well, he bought the stone from a certified diamond seller and had it custom set in his own design.
The stone itself comes with a professional certification of authenticity, micro viewed photo, specific data about the stone including the Cs. It wasn't bought from a jewelery outlet/retail store.
Perhaps it's due to it being a custom set ring ? But according to him the metal part is not the most expensive, it's the stone itself that has to be professionally valued.

Anyway, I am no expert on this. To me it's just a ring.

What is important is how my hubby treats me well with or without a stone.
 

susanna_low

New Member
I feel ä¸èˆå¾— to let my hb to spend that kinda of $$, many times we walk in to look look see see but walk out empty handed.

However, I demanded for cash instead and that goes for splurging on my parents for their travel.

I've never own a single pc of luxury good but when it comes to my family especially my parents, I m very willing to spend on them.
 

ayc

New Member
just to share on the bit about you having doubts if you'll regret not having a "proper proposal ring". as someone mentioned earlier, a proposal ring is the sign of commitment from your fiance. my take is that it should mean something to both you and him, something to mark this significant event where the two of you commit yourselves to taking the step towards a lifetime commitment (similar to wedding bands which symbolises that lifetime commitment and sign of fidelity to each other).

i myself am not huge on jewellery, fiance on the other hand is a "traditional" guy (his own words) and wanted to propose in the traditional way (down on one knee with a ring) so he went and searched for something that represented our love and his hopes for our future.

for someone like me who doesn't wear jewellery, the proposal ring has been on my finger ever since we got it resized to fit my finger and all those who are close to me say that the ring suits perfectly even if it's not a conventional diamond ring.

so go with who you are and what you and your boyfriend have decided. don't worry about what others may say/think, as long as the two of you are in agreement and support each other.

hope everything works out.

ps pre-wedding preparation by way of counselling or courses are really helpful in confirming your readiness.
 

tomasulu

Member
Diamonds are definitively not in short supply. If de beers wanted to, it can crush prices overnight. Why do people speak of things they don't know? Diamond rings bought from a retail store will depreciate much the moment you stepped out the door.
 

tomasulu

Member
Are you mature? By my definition that means your value system, your outlook on life, your worldview, your likes and dislikes, the company you enjoy, things that are important - they are pretty much set. and you have a store of life experiences and come across enough people to know what you want and not want. You know how we say some old folks are so blinking obstinate they can't change? Well that's maturity. Not necessarily a good thing, but a mature person is fully formed and not likely to change.

It's ok to get married if you're matured. Not before that.
 

watching

Member
Code:
what's this?
New format ? :p Why are some people's number of postings lessened by half ?:mad: Why
are some nick names such as Albee or MiLo oN e RoCks not visible ? (how to undo the crossed words har ?) There is a ranking system to stimulate people to post, those who post the most get into "the hall of fame". Can even earn trophies......all tactics to preserve the forum which I do not think will help much. o_O
 

chinleng

Administrator
Staff member
We had to migrate to new format as the previous forum software was showing its age and worst of all, the development had been stopped. The previous forum software increment the number of postings even if the messages were removed due to thread maintenance. The new forum software only counts the number of existing messages in the forum, hence the number changed or lessened.

There is a ranking system?! Didn't know that! LOL! About the trophies, it is part of the default feature if the forum. We just didn't think of disabling it... Yet! Haha! We'll see how it goes.

The main reason we switched to this software was because we found a developer to help us custom develop a migration tool to this software. It was the developer's forum of choice. So there. :)
 

watching

Member
http://singaporebrides.com/weddingforum/members/
“Highest-Posting Members” (on the right)
-You didn’t know that’s a ranking system ? Your developer is not keeping you in touch or you didn’t stay in touch.

“The previous forum software increment the number of postings even if the messages were removed due to thread maintenance. The new forum software only counts the number of existing messages in the forum, hence the number changed or lessened.”
-Sorry, I have no idea what you are saying, especially the first sentence.

“About the trophies, it is part of the default feature if the forum. We just didn't think of disabling it... Yet!”
-Nah...it was put there for a purpose, just like the “like” feature and the ranking system. I understand it’s in your interest to keep your business going.

You can edit forever ? Then, there's a possibility for some people to tamper (not correct language mistakes) with their posts.
 

chinleng

Administrator
Staff member
Oh, you meant the "Highest-Posting Members". When I first saw it, I had dismissed it as I didn't think anyone would really bother. Some of the members had really high number of postings and I didn't think anyone would try to outpost each other.

Many of the features in this forum were developed (not us) to increase participation rate. I understand the reasons why the software company developed some of the features but we didn't chose the software due to these features.

Our criteria of choosing the software was very simple: Must be able to port the old data over to the new forum software. We had initially wanted to port to vBulletin but we found a developer who can port our data over to Xenforo. That's how we ended up with Xenforo.

With regards to the number of messages that is tagged to a member's profile, basically, in the old forum, if you post 10 messages, the system will record it as 10. Even if all the 10 messages were deleted. The record will remain as 10 messages posted. In this new forum, the counter is dynamic. It actually counts the number of messages that you've posted and still remain in the forum. If you had posted 10 messages and if these 10 messages were deleted, your record will show zero.

I agree that Xenforo had gamification (the trophies) in mind. But this isn't a philosophy that I subscribe to. The forum has the trophies feature enabled by default out of the box. I just leave it as is for the time being as I've not given thought if it should remain or not. I do like the "social media" features that's included in this forum software. I don't know if it is useful but social media being prevalent and common, I see the relevance in having it.

The current forum software's default setting allows editing and removal of messages by the originator with no time limit by default. We didn't change the setting as we had previously received email requests to edit/delete messages with the old forum software. We thought that it may be more convenient to allow the originator to edit/delete their own messages. Administrators and moderators can still "see" the messages if they were deleted. We are trying to figure out if we can still see the original content of the message if it has been edited.

In all honesty, I don't know if forum still has its relevance in this time and age. My opinion is that they still have a role to play in the Internet scheme of things. So we'll see how it goes with the new forum software. :)
 

watching

Member
Some of the members’ posts were deleted by about 6 thousand which is a huge number ! It’s not clear to me why their posts were deleted, for maintenance reasons ? You are saying the removal of the posts is the reason why the record shows a different number. The new software has its constraints, it isn’t “porting” the actual number of postings by certain members. I like the old true records better.

“We didn't change the setting as we had previously received email requests to edit/delete messages with the old forum software.”
-In the old situation, there is more work for the administrators and moderators when members plead for removal of their posts after 20 minutes.

“Administrators and moderators can still "see" the messages if they were deleted.”
-It’s not like admin or the mods will reveal who tampers with the records, so saying the above is kind of irrelevant. As a result of the unlimited editing feature, there will be those who will abuse this possibility.
- On the side note, why was Mirrorcelcius’s sex plea thread deleted ?

“In all honesty, I don't know if forum still has its relevance in this time and age. My opinion is that….”
-Ýou mean you wonder if A forum can still be “popular” for usage ? Yes, it can be but not so much due to technical stimulants. (i.e. “trophies/ranking system”) You have an opinion after saying you don’t know.........o_O
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
hi CL,

you will never to address all the requests. Whether you enable edit or not, there will be feedback and requests. As administrator, you will have to deal with that.

If the software enables edit history, you might still have requests to censor some message for confidentiality or other specific reasons.
If the software doesn't track, there will be suggestions that the feature is abused.

Everyone uses the software as it is. However, you are already see how suggestions can be read into simple actions and features of the software.

I suggest, just remove the edit feature completely. End all the speculation.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Adding on, just reset everyone's post counts to 0. So, everyone starts fresh with the account. Cheers.
 

watching

Member
It is odd to suggest removing the edit feature completely and simultaneously suggest resetting the count (number of postings) to zero. Removing the edit feature disallows falsification of records, leaving the records as they were. But to reset the count to zero, you mislead people into thinking you are a newbie, if, in truth, you aren't one. A 10 000+ posts-forum member versus a 100+ posts-newbie: in theory lots of difference but in practice, not always that much difference although it can be a fantastic cover-up for the mentally impaired, experienced members.

The claim that if the software doesn't track, it will lead to suggestions of the feature being abused is ......moronic. If something is passive (e.g. no tracking by the system), how can it be abused ? Abuse is an active action, like when you tamper with something.
 

watching

Member
ps: the new format does allow editing in old posts (history). You just cannot delete the first post of the thread you started entirely. No requests necessary to the moderators to censor messages for confidentiality or other specific reasons.
 

chinleng

Administrator
Staff member
Hi Watching,

The two forums software are developed by different companies, hence the way the forum define number of posted messages will be different. Both records are true according to the forum's definition, the difference is the way they define. Since we are using the new forum software, the counting numbers will have to be based on the new definition. Please let me know whose messages were missing by 6000? I'll try to investigate the discrepancy.

After some delieberation, we've reverted to editing of messages only allowed within 20 minutes of posting. If we revert back to the old setting, we hope there will be less confusion for our members who had joined us since the previous forum software.

Do you remember the title of Mirrocelcius' thread that is missing? We've compared the number of posts, he had 116 in the current forum and 122 in the previous forum. We don't know which of his messages were removed.

I don't know if a wedding forum can still be relevant in the current age of Facebook and Twitter. I don't know the answer as a fact. But I think it can still be relevant. I won't know the answer unless we test it out. The previous forum sofware was unwieldy and showing its age. It was not optimised for the screen of a mobile phone and it also didn't have an iOS and Andorid app. It was also missing the social media integration. Now this forum software has the above mentioned features. If the wedding forum is not relevant, we'll know that it won't be due to the above missing features. ;)

With regards to the gamification (trophies and ranking) of the forum, it won't be the reason a forum is popular. On that note, I agree with you. But I'm more interested in the relevance of a wedding community in the age of Facebook and Twitter. :)
 

chinleng

Administrator
Staff member
Hi Milo,

I agree that we won't be able to cater to all requests. But we can try to cater to what majority of the members require within our capabilities and the function of the forum. What I hope to do is explain the changes and the thought process and reason behind them. The current forum counts the number of postings according to the number of messages in existence posted by the member. We won't be able to reset members' post numbers to zero even if we want to.

As I mentioned in my earlier post, we've decided to revert the edit feature to be similar to the previous forum. We hope this will cause less confusion. :D
 

watching

Member
Those with about 6000 less posts ? Ehh....the one who wrote his nick in camel-case fonts (his count was around 13 000. It's a pity that his trademark nick is not visible anymore, I love it) and Chowder.

Nope, I don't remember Mirrorcelcius's thread tittle. I thought as a moderator, you'd be able to see all. Mirrorcelcius's sex plea thread was deleted months ago at the old format. I doubt it is due to maintenance of the forum, he has only 100+ posts. I also do not think Mirrorcelcius himself requested to have that thread deleted, seeing how mischievous he is. I have my own thoughts on why that thread was deleted, am waiting for you to tell me your reason.
 

chinleng

Administrator
Staff member
I'm sorry but I wasn't able to locate the 2 usernames you mentioned. Are you able to locate Chowder's account in this forum?

May I know what was Mirrorcelcius' thread about? Can help me jolt my memory? Thanks.
 

watching

Member
Chowder ryhmes with Powder. MiLo On e RoCks wrote his nick in camel-case fonts or should I say StudlyCaps. You didn't know meh ? :p

On Mirrorcelcius's thread. Oh, it was so funny, I love, love, love that thread. He put forth an entrapment, soliciting for sex from women. Well, it wasn't a real solicitation but more like a humorous set-up. Celcius said he had to present his wife to his parents to whom he lied about being married. In order to live up to his lies, Celcius asked the forum if there was anybody willing to play the part of the wife temporarily. He would compensate them, money wise. He listed a list of things on the "contract" that these women did not need to do or be. Sex and beauty were not a prerequisite. Sounds like a good deal but at the end of that post, he included an encrypted clause that read, "asdasldmusthavesexkjhsjksah".

A few missed it, including Cococrap, they just typed away even after I hinted there was an encrypted clause, gasp ! Milo was the first to comment and fall for it (being the first, he couldn't direct his opinion to be someone else's so you sort of see his true thought process). You'd think that someone who keeps calling out others for entrapment would be able to read entrapment but that isn't the case. So it boils down to malevolence. (I listed why it's ill-will at another thread)
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
CL, well, you are the owner of the site. You make the decision. Does the majority really bother with all these? I doubt so. Your initial assumption that no one would bother is pretty logical. The feedback isn't exactly overwhelming. The one making a strong feedback seems minority.

However, this section of the forum is pretty silent lately, so in that sense, you can consider it the majority.
 

watching

Member
I was comparing the view count of this thread with other threads at this section of the forum. Looks like the view count shot up here compared to the other threads. But then again, this is because this is the only active thread in the past few week. "No one bothers" indeed.

Don't worry Milo. Chin Leng himself will make the decision to change/not change the settings. He thought about the edit feature and reverted to the previous setting, I think not just due to the possibility of people tampering with records but also the entire removal of the posts (an act which decreases engagement). On the side note, it is possible to detect people tampering without the unlimited edit feature, you "witnessed" that yourself.

"The one making a strong feedback seems minority."
- If there is a minority, then there is a majority. But there isn't a majority nor a minority unless there are 2 separate groups of people present holding a stand.
 

chinleng

Administrator
Staff member
With regards to the Mirrorcelcius thread you mentioned, regardless the original intent, it was removed because the content was inappropriate in a wedding community and forum.

About the 2 members' account you highlighted, there were many threads they had participated and were removed due to inactivity for more than 2 years. When the forum was migrated, their post count numbers are regenerated based on the number of messages posted by them and still in existence. Hence, the difference.
 

chinleng

Administrator
Staff member
Milo, I agree that this section has seen lesser participation since the migration. Still trying to understand the change. That's how I noticed the messages in this thread and ended up responding to the messages here. :)
 

chinleng

Administrator
Staff member
Watching,

I am monitoring the engagement level of the new forum but it didn't even cross my mind when I decided to revert back to the old edit setting. I simply reverted back to the same setting because I thought this is what our members are accustomed to.

forum.gif

You'll need to check "Automatically watch threads that you create or when you reply..." to be able to check "and receive email notifications of replies".
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Majority in terms of number or recent posts in the forum.
Minority in comparison with the silent majority that isn't even bothered with all these features and changes in the forum.
 

watching

Member
Chin Leng,

I did check the boxes of "Automatically watch threads that you create or when you reply..." + "and receive email notifications of replies".

"I simply reverted back to the same setting because I thought this is what our members are accustomed to."
-Decisions made are based on what members are accustomed to. "Good old fashion" familiarity.

"With regards to the Mirrorcelcius thread you mentioned, regardless the original intent, it was removed because the content was inappropriate in a wedding community and forum."
-"fantastic and consistent" policy you've got there. "Perfect timing" when his thread was deleted.

"About the 2 members' account you highlighted, there were many threads they had participated and were removed due to inactivity for more than 2 years."
- http://singaporebrides.com/weddingforum/threads/optimax-for-lasik-lasek.4645/ (Mar 23, 2006. You forgot to delete this one and many more)
 

watching

Member
CL, well, you are the owner of the site. You make the decision. Does the majority really bother with all these? I doubt so. Your initial assumption that no one would bother is pretty logical. The feedback isn't exactly overwhelming. The one making a strong feedback seems minority. (Minority in comparison with the silent majority that isn't even bothered with all these features and changes in the forum)

However, this section of the forum is pretty silent lately, so in that sense, you can consider it the majority. (Majority in terms of number or recent posts in the forum)
--------------------------------------------
Milo: "The one making a strong feedback seems minority."
Watching: "If there is a minority, then there is a majority. But there isn't a majority nor a minority unless there are 2 separate groups of people present holding a stand."
--------------------------------------------
- Lo and behold, another parlour trick. Calling it "silent majority" doesn't make them the majority. Inaction automatically translates to majority in your mind. Anyway, what's with subscribing to the concept of safety in numbers ?
 

chinleng

Administrator
Staff member
Chin Leng,

I did check the boxes of "Automatically watch threads that you create or when you reply..." + "and receive email notifications of replies".

"About the 2 members' account you highlighted, there were many threads they had participated and were removed due to inactivity for more than 2 years."
- http://singaporebrides.com/weddingforum/threads/optimax-for-lasik-lasek.4645/ (Mar 23, 2006. You forgot to delete this one and many more)
Can let me know the problem you encountered from this? http://singaporebrides.com/weddingforum/account/preferences

Hmmm... apparently we didn't clean up the category as we thought. It was a manual process so it may not have been performed on "Matters of The Heart".
 

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