Emotional cheating - advice needed

[Matchalatte]

My fiance and I broke up recently - we were in a relationship for 6 years and were in the midst of preparing for our wedding next year. I thought we were happy together; there were no symptoms of him i.e avoiding me as we still did our usual stuffs (message one another, meeting one another etc) and he would always ask me to join gathering with friends. We were at the stage of waiting for our HDB keys. I was also on good terms with his family.

It came to a shock to me that he confessed that he often had thoughts of what happens if he is with other girls instead of me. He also confessed that he recently liked someone in his workplace. I was devastated - to think I even encouraged him to hang out more with his colleagues as he was relatively new, and I felt betrayed. However, he mentioned to me that it was one-sided thing of him as the girl was not aware. I believe that as the recent moment I checked he was not friends with her on facebook but yet, he checks her out every other day. So imagine him stalking her but they were not friends on Facebook. However, they were lunch khakis, and they see each other everyday.

The family was aware and they all sided with me as they felt disappointed with their son. Eventually he kept to his decision of breaking up. I felt disappointed that he chose to give up a 6 year relationship and would rather keep to his one-sided love for the girl.

We had not been in contact for about 2 weeks, however, till now he hasn't changed his FB picture and whatsapp picture. He checks my instagram story whenever I uploaded something. On his end, he was inactive on postings, but I know he still checks the girl out on Facebook.

Rationally, all of my friends and family told me to give him up for I can find someone else better than him, who truly loves me. However, I do wonder whether if this is a momentary infatuation, or that potentially he is trying to find someone to fill that gap because he is emotionally cheating on me. Of course, I will never know if he has started chasing her or not but looking at him not changing our photos, and he hasn't got me to sign off the rejection of HDB form, I do wonder if he still loves me.

I read many articles and I am aware during no-contact period, I must learn to focus on healing. However I wonder if I should still give this relationship a 2nd chance once I am no longer emotional.

I would like to hear from you on your point of view as I wasn't able to figure him out.. and whether it is worth for me to consider giving another try. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

 

[gladjo]

Gal...he is not ready to.be a husband and a Father. But at least he's honest with you and he's indecivise. Take it as a blessing indisguise. Rather than u have baby n caught him smouching other girls. That will break you.

Hugs ...move on gal ...jia you

 

[Roxie88]

Hi matchalatte,

Sad to hear this..after six years of relationship, he told you he like someone else? If its just infactuation, he should be controlling it, guarding his heart, instead of telling you in your face about his selfish thoughts. He is really not ready for committment and knowing now gives you a clearer perspective.. Perhaps, he had already started with that girl? Perhaps, he had already got into some form of relationship with her.. I just felt a guy will not give up a previous relationship if they have no indication of success in the next one.. Its not easy for you, must think of yourself... All the best!

 

[Matchalatte]

Hi matchalatte,

Sad to hear this..after six years of relationship, he told you he like someone else? If its just infactuation, he should be controlling it, guarding his heart, instead of telling you in your face about his selfish thoughts. He is really not ready for committment and knowing now gives you a clearer perspective.. Perhaps, he had already started with that girl? Perhaps, he had already got into some form of relationship with her.. I just felt a guy will not give up a previous relationship if they have no indication of success in the next one.. Its not easy for you, must think of yourself... All the best!

Hi Roxie88, yes it is.. I don't an answer myself either... but one of my friend told me before if he is prepared to tell you, he is fully aware that there is no turning back. My other friends find him foolish as it is one-sided thought of it. But yes you are right, he could be in another form of relationship with her that I am not aware and he could be planning his moves..if this the case, then shouldn't he start adding her as friend on FB and all other social media platforms for more communication? sigh.

 

[Matchalatte]

Gal...he is not ready to.be a husband and a Father. But at least he's honest with you and he's indecivise. Take it as a blessing indisguise. Rather than u have baby n caught him smouching other girls. That will break you.

Hugs ...move on gal ...jia you

That's true which means he is not ready to move into the next stage with me - thank you for the advice.

 

[Roxie88]

Hi Roxie88, yes it is.. I don't an answer myself either... but one of my friend told me before if he is prepared to tell you, he is fully aware that there is no turning back. My other friends find him foolish as it is one-sided thought of it. But yes you are right, he could be in another form of relationship with her that I am not aware and he could be planning his moves..if this the case, then shouldn't he start adding her as friend on FB and all other social media platforms for more communication? sigh.

Hello.. Just to share my experience, my husband cheated using wechat and line.. Though they were no longer fb friends.. He will always delete his line messages to the other woman.. N in my case, that woman was even a common friend who pretended to be friends with me, chatting like normal in group outings.. That woman even boasted about goibg matchmaking and stuff in our group- all her tactic to hook my husband that she knows its wrong and want to try forget him! Ultimately disgusted with such woman.. Your finace might have met someone who gives him positive signals.. Jiayou! Your love might have matured over the years and being not emotionally stable, he wants to feel how it is like to be with others.. Are u his first gf? Make him regret losing u over such 'new feelings' n thrill

 

[swashed]

If it is just infatuation he would have tried to control his feelings and take measures to stop them from growing further, like avoiding the other girl. But if he went all the way to tell you and even initiate break up, means he no longer has any feelings for you.

Not changing his social media photos possibly doesn't mean anything since u mentioned he is usually inactive anyway. Plus he probably wants to avoid awkward questions for now too, even though he was the one who initiated he also needs time to heal.

My suggestion to you would be to move on.

 

[Matchalatte]

Hello.. Just to share my experience, my husband cheated using wechat and line.. Though they were no longer fb friends.. He will always delete his line messages to the other woman.. N in my case, that woman was even a common friend who pretended to be friends with me, chatting like normal in group outings.. That woman even boasted about goibg matchmaking and stuff in our group- all her tactic to hook my husband that she knows its wrong and want to try forget him! Ultimately disgusted with such woman.. Your finace might have met someone who gives him positive signals.. Jiayou! Your love might have matured over the years and being not emotionally stable, he wants to feel how it is like to be with others.. Are u his first gf? Make him regret losing u over such 'new feelings' n thrill

Hi Roxie88, thanks so much for sharing your personal story. You may be right.. he could be messaging her right now without me knowing. I was his 2nd gf and he was my 1st. I thought he would be my last too.. but it is really such a big disappointment. I think I really have to move on, but it felt I am carry a big piece of rock which is 6 years old.. I am not sure how long I will take to recover.

 

[Matchalatte]

If it is just infatuation he would have tried to control his feelings and take measures to stop them from growing further, like avoiding the other girl. But if he went all the way to tell you and even initiate break up, means he no longer has any feelings for you.

Not changing his social media photos possibly doesn't mean anything since u mentioned he is usually inactive anyway. Plus he probably wants to avoid awkward questions for now too, even though he was the one who initiated he also needs time to heal.

My suggestion to you would be to move on.

Sure swashed - thank you for analysing. You make a lot of sense - if he wants this relationship he would have tried to control his feelings. sigh.

 

[Carousell]

I would also encourage you to move on. I understand the sadness but you cant salvage a relationship if the guy didnt come and ask you to patch back. Whether he change photos or not doesnt matter. So its a very straight forward answer here.

Not saying that what he did is right, but if he realised that he is not ready to have a marriage with you now, and is thinking of other woman, it is really better for him to tell you now than to regret after marriage and makes everything more complicated and waste your time.

I actualy resented my hubby for not having a clear mind, move on to marry me, have kids and sometime during our marriage, start to think that he married too young, he is still curious about other girls and end up betraying me with prostitutes. A waste of my time and effort, i'd rather he "think carefully" back then before marrying me.