Dear All,
So sad to hear all your "worries" and "sorrows" about divorces...
Adapted from "familylaw.com.sg" :
Divorce is a difficult and painful process. You need constant support from family members, friends, relatives and help from professionals. This path is made easier with informed knowledge. Divorce is however not always the best solution. It should be the last option, especially if you are married with children.
The common questions:
1. IS IT TIME TO DIVORCE?
2. ARE YOU PSYCHOLOGICALLY PREPARED?
3. HAVE YOU EXPLORED ALL ALTERNATIVES?
4. DO I QUALIFY ?
5. HOW MUCH MAINTENANCE CAN I GET OR SHOULD I GIVE?
6. HOW TO DEAL WITH AN UNREASONABLE SPOUSE?
7. CUSTODY CARE & CONTROL
8. ASSETS DIVISION?
9. DIVORCE STATISTICS IN SINGAPORE
10. HOW TO LESSEN THE ADVERSE EFFECT ON THE CHILDREN?
11. PROCEDURE FOR DIVORCE
12. TIME FRAME ON THE VARIOUS APPLICATIONS
13. MEDIATION
14. COSTS FOR DIVORCE
15. POST DIVORCE CARE
It is always in the parties' interest to resolve the differences, so that both can move on with their lives. Nevertheless, in some instances, a disgruntled spouse can be difficult, early and adequate preparation are absolutely necessary.
SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE
A relationship, whether between father and son, between brother and sister, between a man and woman, requires constant nurturing. After marriage, most couples take each other for granted. As a society develops and matures, the demands are more exacting. Stress of work, stress in coping with the new born, of ensuring that the children get into a reputable primary school, differences of opinions in dealing with teenage children, unreasonable interference by in-laws, financial mismanagement, often aggravate the relationship between the couples. From the woman's viewpoint, the man lacks understanding, spends too much time at his career, does not do housework or enough housework, is not a good provider in terms of financial and emotional support, does not show care or concern for her or for the children, are the frequent complaints.
The men on the other hand often feel that their wives are too interfering, too possessive, do not understand their stress at work or in coping with their career, incessant nagging, unnecessary and unreasonable reprimands, impossible demands.
In some cases, the differences lead to quarrels and fights. With the influx of foreign women in Singapore, especially from the People's Republic of China, these men in an emotional vacuum, often find solace. Intimate association even not amounting to adultery, lead to more misunderstanding.
In some other instances, the cracks start with a minor misunderstanding. Poor communication aggravates the situation. If the bonding is not strong, the parties drift apart, and often avoid speaking to each other. Suspicion and unsubstantiated allegations widen the rift, making a re-conciliation difficult.
Some suggestions:
1. Swallow your pride.
Often parties are too proud to admit their shortcomings and mistakes made. They are too quick to take on a defensive position. Swallowing one's pride is in the interest of all parties. The dent on the ego is painful, but it spares both parties more agony.
2. Speak to your spouse early.
If there is a major issue, discuss and reach a consensus early. The decision may be wrong, but if it had been deliberated before, both parries should support and carried it through, without complaints.
3. Be slow to criticize and complaint
It is only human to complain about person's mistake, some do it more often than others. We should however always note that nobody wants to do badly in whatever we do. Failure and mistakes are however part and parcel of life. We need to accept and take responsibility and move on. Your spouse mistake is also your mistake. You married him or her and you should have enough love to suffer the consequence of his or her mistake.
4. Perseverance
Some differences are minor-solve these first, some are major and cannot be resolved easily. There must be perseverance and courage. It is not the solution that saves the marriage, for after every problem solved there would be another. That is the nature of life itself. It is the perseverance that makes the difference, that gives hope and that makes life meaning.
5. Take responsibility
In every relationship, we must take responsibility. The purpose of work is for a future and better tomorrow. If the work affects the quality of life and being about unhappiness often, the work actually loses its purpose. One should not be enslaved by work, although it is easily said than done. Without a happy marriage, it would affect the quality of work. The promises made whether to a spouse or innocent child must be fulfilled.
6. Defend your spouse
Often, family members do not know the details of the relationship. Parents side their children and siblings side each other. This is human nature, and they do it out of love and care. However such act is harmful as it aggravate the misunderstanding between the spouse. As such it is prudent to leave the family members out of any dispute. A family member who really care for their member should be objective.
If after reading these and you still think "DIVORCE" is the way out, please read on:
Q1. What are the reasons ("grounds") on which I can get a divorce?
The court will only grant you a divorce if it is satisfied that your marriage has "irretrievably broken down". In order to prove that your marriage has "irretrievably broken down", you must be able to show the existence of at least one of the following facts ("grounds"):
(a) That your spouse has committed adultery (i.e. had consensual sexual relations with a person other than yourself), and that you find it intolerable to live with him/her; and/or
(b) That your spouse has behaved in such a way that you cannot reasonably be expected to live with him/her (for example, your spouse has committed family violence against you); and/or
(c) That your spouse has deserted you for a continuous period of at least 2 years just before you start your divorce proceedings; and/or
(d) That you and your spouse have lived apart for a continuous period of at least 3 years just before you start divorce proceedings, and your spouse agrees to the divorce; and/or
(e) That you and your spouse have lived apart for a continuous period of at least 4 years just before you start divorce proceedings. In this case, your spouse does not need to agree to the divorce.
Note that for a) above, if you continue to live with your spouse for more than 6 months after you discover the adultery, you may not be able to rely on adultery to petition for a divorce.
For c) above, desertion means leaving you without your agreement and without any reasonable cause. In exceptional cases, where your spouse has without reasonable cause driven you out of the home and continues to exclude you from the house for a period of two years, that can also constitute desertion by your spouse.
For d) and e) above, "living apart" requires the intention of staying apart from each other with the view of ending the marriage, as well as the physical act of staying apart. However, you may still be considered as staying apart even if you and your spouse are staying at the same address, if you and your spouse have led completely separate lives and have separate households (i.e. not staying in the same bedroom, not having sexual relations, not doing any household chores such as cooking, washing, cleaning, ironing, etc. together, or for each other; not having meals together as a family; not going out together as a family, etc.) for the required length of time, for the purposes of obtaining a divorce based on three or four years' separation.
Q2. Are there any pre-conditions before I can file a Petition for Divorce?
Yes, you need to satisfy the following:-
Domicile
3 years' restriction
monogamous marriage
Q3.Who are the parties in a Divorce Petition?
It usually comprise of 2 parties, namely,
the Petitioner (the spouse filing the Petition; and the Respondent (the other spouse)
If the Divorce is based on the factual situation of Adultery, the 3rd party may be named in the Petition and he or she is known as the "Co-Respondent".
Q4. What is a Deed of Separation?
You may wish to be separated from your spouse for a period of time before you decide on a divorce. In the meantime, the parties can still work out on reconciliation.
In this case, you may sign an agreement called a Deed of Separation which will set out the terms and conditions governing the relationship between you and your spouse during the period of separation. Both parties may mutually agree on an arrangement for the custody care and control of the children (minor), maintenance of a spouse and/or children and division of the matrimonial assets in the event of a divorce.
A Deed of Separation is a private document, and not lodge with any government departments, and the Separation Deed may be revoked at any time with the consent of both parties.
Although the parties may have mutually agreed to the terms in the Separation Deed, either party can still apply to have any of the terms set aside by the Family Court (unless the Deed of Separation was sanctioned by the Court).
It would be advisable for you to consult a lawyer to draft the Deed of Separation, and the Deed signed in the presence of a lawyer.
Q5. Can I reconcile with my spouse after signing a Deed of Separation?
You may reconcile with your spouse even after signing the Deed of Separation. Alternatively, you may proceed with your divorce after 3 years (if your spouse consents) or 4 years (if your spouse does not).
More info at:
http://www.familycourtofsingapore.gov.sg/principles/FAQ_marriage.htm#2
I hope this posting will help some of you who are in the state of "confusion" over what to do. You should decide how you want to live and definitely have the power change your own lives.
Life is Beautiful, So are our Lives!
