Blur,
If he is agreeable to separation then do a deed of separation. After 4 years, you can divorce him even without his consent. So you don't have to feel troubled.
If you have no grounds for separation, then you need to wait out the 3/4 years. So you still need to separate first.
Unless you are talking about judiciary separation - which is almost like divorce except that in the legal sense still married. Not many people take this path.
My take as parents is not to talk about "winning" custody - but rather what is best for the children. If the children is best with the mother, so be it.. but other parents should not be denied access.
For the kids, just explain to them. Can't be together.. when they grow older, they will understand.
And don't listen to people telling you that in "separation" you can't go out as a family. Nothing can be further than the truth. The judge that margaret mentioned - well I am not doubting her words but it has to be in some context.
If you sign the DOS (Deed of separation) - it stated clearly the terms and also what you both do and cannot do. There is nothing stopping you from spending CNY together as a family. I do that all the time, CNY, xmas, birthdays, wedding - in separation and even after divorce.
It is more complicated when couples are separated by still staying in the same house. Otherwise it is very clear cut and the court would not say the separation is not valid just because we need to spend some time celebrating with the children during CNY. Just need to explain spending of time together is for the children - as parents and not as hb/wife.
margaret, I am not pretending to be expert. I do read a lot about divorce law. I could be wrong but most people, I say 90% of them have very little knowledge, don't read, and just listen to other people telling them about such and such.
For custody, the courts will favor the mother - all things being equal. Having an affair and spending time with lover does not mean a parent cannot spend time with children and take care of them.