Devastated and Lost

rip_curl

Member
I am a guy and I am totally devastated. Am married for about 11 years with 2 beautiful kidsIn primary school. Everything is simply perfect really. Loving wife, good job. Its almost anything you could ask for. I know things have gotten mundane. It's so common in Singapore where everyone is in the rat race. My wife which I know is faithful told me tonight that she thinks she feels that she no Longer loves Me and is thinking if divorce. I am really scared and lost right now. Why would thing happen in this manner. I have read enough and I know there is no 3rd party but is that how it shd be? Other families who struggles to make ends meet Or have unfaithful/abusing husband will yearn for such a perfect family but why must I or we be penalised when things are going smoothly. Its so unfair to me and the kids and all other people who are indirectly affected. all she could say is I m a perfect husband and father but the love is lost. I am now feeling so hopeless and not sure how I can live life now. Even if she changed her mind, things is not going to be the same anymore. Sorry for ranting at this hour but I stepped out of the house trying to make sense of it. What am I going to face the other people like my parents who have always been proud of my beautiful and blissful famiIy. How do I explain to my kids and parents sigh..I really felt all is lost and I am really scared
 


rip_curl

Member
I have friends who got divorced but they all have some reasons like abusive/unfaithful wife. There is a reason for the divorced but no more love is so brutal. Some ladies might agree with my wife but is that a good enough reasons to affect our kids and all that we have built? I don't get iT. I know I am weak but I can't help crying. There is really no one to talk to. Sorry but the long thread
 

candyapple

New Member
Do you still take your wife out on dates and spend alone time together? Many couples fall into the mundane routine, especially after they have kids. Perhaps you need to find back the sparks in your relationship. Just because you think that your marriage and family is perfect and blissful doesn’f mean your wife feels the same. She could be feeling neglected. Take the effort and work this out together.
 

rip_curl

Member
I have tried and tried but she does not really want to go out. I really did so many things. Sending flowers once a while, buying surprise gifts.
 

rip_curl

Member
Does anyone know if there is a group or chatgroup? Right now I think I really just want to talk Keep myself sane
 

Eggwhite

Member
Hi rip curl...
I am also in thr similar situational w wife intention to divorce after more than 10years..
It hit me out of the blue. Reason being ..no more love. For them to say this reason is so easy...they just want out. And the we being the hubby have to clear the messy.. not forgetting crying out ... wondering why it happend to you. Find a good friend or bros...sis.... share with them what happened.. if not..look for a counsellor.. your roller coaster is just starting.. you need to let your emotional strain released... u need to do that so that you can feel better.. be good to yourself.

Regarding your parents.. i told them w tears flowing down..they will understand.. they will also help you.. your family would be with you all the way..

I had this initial torment before xmas..2018 .. hence there is no mood for xmas.. no mood for new year..no mood for chinese lunsr new year..my parent understood my situational also no celebration for them...simply no mood of anything.. try not to affect your work too much.. just work to distract.
At times asking myself.. or victimised myself..
Should i be a devil.. status quo or be an angel..spent much time reading through all local and oversea forums about divorce... in fact still reading them now.

Would be best if you can find time to talk to her 1 to 1 if divorce is her intention. if u still love her.. let her be free... Be brave to go through like a man.. you are not the only one..trust me...

Going forward you have to protect yourself..
Think of what you want for children... divorce proceedings..
Beware of woman charter.. the biggest nightmare for all singaporean men.

Is a slowing process.. take it slowly..
Good luck.. hope to hear more from you later on.

Jiayou.
 

candyapple

New Member
I have tried and tried but she does not really want to go out. I really did so many things. Sending flowers once a while, buying surprise gifts.

Is she still willing to give this marriage a try? If she is then can consider marriage counselling. Both of you must be willing to make this work.

All the best!
 

rip_curl

Member
Hi rip curl...
I am also in thr similar situational w wife intention to divorce after more than 10years..
It hit me out of the blue. Reason being ..no more love. For them to say this reason is so easy...they just want out. And the we being the hubby have to clear the messy.. not forgetting crying out ... wondering why it happend to you. Find a good friend or bros...sis.... share with them what happened.. if not..look for a counsellor.. your roller coaster is just starting.. you need to let your emotional strain released... u need to do that so that you can feel better.. be good to yourself.

Regarding your parents.. i told them w tears flowing down..they will understand.. they will also help you.. your family would be with you all the way..

I had this initial torment before xmas..2018 .. hence there is no mood for xmas.. no mood for new year..no mood for chinese lunsr new year..my parent understood my situational also no celebration for them...simply no mood of anything.. try not to affect your work too much.. just work to distract.
At times asking myself.. or victimised myself..
Should i be a devil.. status quo or be an angel..spent much time reading through all local and oversea forums about divorce... in fact still reading them now.

Would be best if you can find time to talk to her 1 to 1 if divorce is her intention. if u still love her.. let her be free... Be brave to go through like a man.. you are not the only one..trust me...

Going forward you have to protect yourself..
Think of what you want for children... divorce proceedings..
Beware of woman charter.. the biggest nightmare for all singaporean men.

Is a slowing process.. take it slowly..
Good luck.. hope to hear more from you later on.

Jiayou.
I am still struggling as we speak. She said she is still thinking but from my talk with her, it's pretty obvious where she is heading. Yes your situation is really like mine. Easy to say no love but what abt the kids. I am starting to blame myself and bringing shame to my parents. I have been crying till I am so tired. It happened to suddenly. It was fine one day before and the next day, it's a 360 turn. I am so lost. I cannot focus o my work and the roller coaster is just beginning. The thought of it makes me so tired and stress. I don't know what to tell my kids as they are still young(pri sch). We are always being portrait as the perfect family and I hate social media now. It hurts me to think of it. We just took a family photo during cny and we all looked so happy. Maybe I need to talk to you more as right now I need people to keep talking to me. Thks for listeniNg. Woman can be so heartless to be honest
 

rip_curl

Member
Is she still willing to give this marriage a try? If she is then can consider marriage counselling. Both of you must be willing to make this work.

All the best!
She outright rejected that idea. While she said she is still thinking about it whenever I tried to bring up our past to help rekindle how we come so far, she told me not to bring up the past anymore. So I reckon her mind is made up just when to official initiate it. I still hope 1% miracle to happen.
 

rip_curl

Member
Sometimes I feel woman who are simple is so much better (plain Jane type). That's only my opinion k because so long the husband is able to provide for the family and be a good husband and father, they are contented. They appreciate all the little things you do for the family. No need for fancy holidays, stay private houses. When they get too independent career and financially Wise, the expectation changed beyond just being able to provide. Simplicity is bliss really. there are so many implications of getting a divorce. Properties, banks etc
 

rip_curl

Member
I told her I will respect her decision and that any steps taken after, I told her to be fair to all parties. All I want is we both leave in good terms. My kids are my life now..I want to be able to see my kids anytime I want and so do my parents. I want everything to be almost the same except that we are no longer husband and wife and staying together. The least impact to my kids the better. Most likely I will let her of both kids cause I want the best for my kids. She is a better candidate in terms of upbringing and coaching school stuff. I know she will need support too as we will be single parents and have work commitment.
 

Eggwhite

Member
You can forget abt the "simple gir".. in this new era. There is no such thing. There is no commitment to that piece of paper that both of you signed.

How i learnt the suffering way.. do not assume being seen as a happy family will be long lasting.. you n me did not know someone was holding on to a alarm clock..ready to explode.

Take time off to grief if you can.. you will feel shock..disappointed...anger.. fustration...saddnesss...

Find the right time to tell you kids...they may not understand right now.. but gradually will.
Do not talk bad abt your wife.. time to tell.

Also beware of your wife being fair to you on divorce proceedings.. is another hurdle to overcome. Do not assume she will be fair..
Protect yourself first.
Plan your financials...
Engage a lawer....the first meet up is free for around 20mins.. have some idea.. and then review to engage them.
Woman charter is not on your side..remember that.

Not sure if u are moving out staying alone..
Have a positive mind...
For me now.. is to quickly start afresh.. by staying too long in my marriage shadow is not healthy... i can only start proper healiny after div signed and have my own home....my own home.
 

SgMan

New Member
I can feel the pain and suffering which you both are going through.

Instead of acting like a wimpy kid and stop functioning as a live human being which does nothing but only pushes wife away, show that we are strong to continue to be a caring husband and responsible daddy towards kids.

Not sure if it works for you, has tried to rely on teachings on the way of life to manage the disturbing emotions. I would not say is easy. Anger and sadness still do arise like emotional yo-yo, but still got to try managing it for the benefit of wife and children.

Pardon me for my repeated posting. I have tried to attach a URL on the teachings in my earlier posting but it seems like the wait for administrator’s approval of my earlier posting is forever. I will find a way to send you the URL if you are interested.
 

rip_curl

Member
I can feel the pain and suffering which you both are going through.

Instead of acting like a wimpy kid and stop functioning as a live human being which does nothing but only pushes wife away, show that we are strong to continue to be a caring husband and responsible daddy towards kids.

Not sure if it works for you, has tried to rely on teachings on the way of life to manage the disturbing emotions. I would not say is easy. Anger and sadness still do arise like emotional yo-yo, but still got to try managing it for the benefit of wife and children.

Pardon me for my repeated posting. I have tried to attach a URL on the teachings in my earlier posting but it seems like the wait for administrator’s approval of my earlier posting is forever. I will find a way to send you the URL if you are interested.

While I agree time heals but it take time to grieve and depending on individuals, the time taken differs. Who does not want to move on. It's more than a decade of feelings we are talking abt here.

I really dont know how woman think. I mean some will sacrifice to stay on just for the kids/family. Sigh..I think there is no right or wrong answers. Perspective can be different amongst women. Women who are independent and capable in their careers tends to be more heartless and decisive. :(
 

SgMan

New Member
“Even if someones tries to cut off your head when you haven’t done the slightest thing wrong. Out of compassion take all her misdeeds upon yourself - This is the practice of bodhisattvas”. May we all attain internal peace
 

rip_curl

Member
“Even if someones tries to cut off your head when you haven’t done the slightest thing wrong. Out of compassion take all her misdeeds upon yourself - This is the practice of bodhisattvas”. May we all attain internal peace
I dont think I have or can attain that level of sacrifice yet.
 

Mr. J

New Member
Sometimes I feel woman who are simple is so much better (plain Jane type). That's only my opinion k because so long the husband is able to provide for the family and be a good husband and father, they are contented. They appreciate all the little things you do for the family. No need for fancy holidays, stay private houses. When they get too independent career and financially Wise, the expectation changed beyond just being able to provide. Simplicity is bliss really. there are so many implications of getting a divorce. Properties, banks etc

Hi There,

I just realised that you also face the divorce issue. I think picking up a good wife or husband is really a hit-and-miss experience. Don’t think that girl who looks like a plain Jane is always a good wife material. In my case, my wife did look like a plain Jane from both appearance and attitude. She was “chin chye” in many things before getting married and even promised to accompany me wherever I would go. After signing ROM, her true colour appeared. She wants me to follow her to her hometown, provide for her and even cook for her plus other non-sense stuffs. I feel as if I was scammed into this marriage. So, it is a double loss for me. While I didn’t get a chio bu, I also didn’t get a wife material. If your wife is at least still good in look aspect, count yourself lucky. However, you may also wanna dig in further her actual reason for wanting a divorce. I don’t think lack of love is an actual reason especially when you have kids and she makes a good mother and wife so far. There may be a deeper reason which she may not share with you (lack of sex? sudden rise of sex need which is not fulfilled? sudden infatuation on another guy? sudden rise of ambition? etc.). I am consulting a councellor now, so you also may wanna try it. She may open up more to a female councellor and the councellor can help to translate her mind for you. Well, good luck. If you need to discuss anything, feel free to contact me. I also need to keep my sanity in check at times.
 

newproject

Active Member
Where is your wife from?
Hi There,

I just realised that you also face the divorce issue. I think picking up a good wife or husband is really a hit-and-miss experience. Don’t think that girl who looks like a plain Jane is always a good wife material. In my case, my wife did look like a plain Jane from both appearance and attitude. She was “chin chye” in many things before getting married and even promised to accompany me wherever I would go. After signing ROM, her true colour appeared. She wants me to follow her to her hometown, provide for her and even cook for her plus other non-sense stuffs. I feel as if I was scammed into this marriage. So, it is a double loss for me. While I didn’t get a chio bu, I also didn’t get a wife material. If your wife is at least still good in look aspect, count yourself lucky. However, you may also wanna dig in further her actual reason for wanting a divorce. I don’t think lack of love is an actual reason especially when you have kids and she makes a good mother and wife so far. There may be a deeper reason which she may not share with you (lack of sex? sudden rise of sex need which is not fulfilled? sudden infatuation on another guy? sudden rise of ambition? etc.). I am consulting a councellor now, so you also may wanna try it. She may open up more to a female councellor and the councellor can help to translate her mind for you. Well, good luck. If you need to discuss anything, feel free to contact me. I also need to keep my sanity in check at times.
 

Eggwhite

Member
MR.J,

Sorry to hear about your sad case.
You never know how far you would walked with you wife still on your last day of life.
All are just wishes n hope on the marriage vows.

Even if you find a plain jane.. she would still changed due to the society. You are not just marrying for 5 yrs.. is for many years as long as you can live.

Hope you can find peace and start recovery..rebuild soon.
 

SlimYoga

New Member
I am a guy and I am totally devastated. Am married for about 11 years with 2 beautiful kidsIn primary school. Everything is simply perfect really. Loving wife, good job. Its almost anything you could ask for. I know things have gotten mundane. It's so common in Singapore where everyone is in the rat race. My wife which I know is faithful told me tonight that she thinks she feels that she no Longer loves Me and is thinking if divorce. I am really scared and lost right now. Why would thing happen in this manner. I have read enough and I know there is no 3rd party but is that how it shd be? Other families who struggles to make ends meet Or have unfaithful/abusing husband will yearn for such a perfect family but why must I or we be penalised when things are going smoothly. Its so unfair to me and the kids and all other people who are indirectly affected. all she could say is I m a perfect husband and father but the love is lost. I am now feeling so hopeless and not sure how I can live life now. Even if she changed her mind, things is not going to be the same anymore. Sorry for ranting at this hour but I stepped out of the house trying to make sense of it. What am I going to face the other people like my parents who have always been proud of my beautiful and blissful famiIy. How do I explain to my kids and parents sigh..I really felt all is lost and I am really scared

I think you should try to re-light the sparks between the two of you. Remember I read a story online where the wife found out his husband has a mistress, the husband asked for divorce, and the wife said "yes" with certain conditions. The wife asked her to carry her into the room every night for X number of nights etc, and many other things. By the end of the month, the husband realized a lot of things and decided not to divorce.
I think a lesson can be learnt from the story here, not to act upon rash decisions. You guys are married for a good reason. Maybe due to different issues, the relationship has turned cold. But, don't let it end like this. Turn things around. Find something to do that both of you enjoy and soon enough, you will bring back the good times.
 

rip_curl

Member
when people change, they really change. They just want to move on and forgo everything. Its like a reset letting go everything including kids and everything else. She also knows the world is against her even her own mother and sisters etc. Its quite unbelievable that someone would choose this route. Its always easy for the person who wants to move on and let the victims who did no crime to clear up the mess. I now need to think of how I can get counselling for my kids and she does not even care. The kids dont talk to her abt their emotions but talk to me thus adding more pressure on me while she thinks getting a "D" is so damn easy.
 

rip_curl

Member
I think you should try to re-light the sparks between the two of you. Remember I read a story online where the wife found out his husband has a mistress, the husband asked for divorce, and the wife said "yes" with certain conditions. The wife asked her to carry her into the room every night for X number of nights etc, and many other things. By the end of the month, the husband realized a lot of things and decided not to divorce.
I think a lesson can be learnt from the story here, not to act upon rash decisions. You guys are married for a good reason. Maybe due to different issues, the relationship has turned cold. But, don't let it end like this. Turn things around. Find something to do that both of you enjoy and soon enough, you will bring back the good times.

till now after 2 months, I did not give up on her. I still love and care for her as normal though my emotions is like a rollercoaster but I told myself I am still a husband and a father. The reason why I am so tired is because I hate while love/hope for her. My MIL told me everyday not to give up on my wife. Thks to a bro I know here, we kept each other going. I still volunter to buy dinner for her, send her to work but she is just cold
 

Kathy Meow

Member
I’m so sorry for what u guys have to go through. This is a penny of my thoughts, but of course I’m not your wife, what I will be saying is what I have been observing and they applied well to me as a female.

1. For female, we don’t make any sudden decision or wake up the next day n become a different person. Every fight, every conflict is the result of multi built up from the past. It’s petty but whenever a fight over, we don’t forget it. We let that matter rest but if the similar thing happened again, it will caused build up for that matter .

2. The brains of female n male work differently. You could think that your relationship is perfect, there’s nothing major going on , but that is not how your wife will think. Many times my husband think it’s a small matter and think I’m overreacted, but such thing matters a lot to me. Not only based on gender differences, our upbringing is different too. Hence her priority wouldn’t be your priority.

3. As u are sure there is no third party involved, this was what I went through previously. When a female decided to let go, it’s a long and hard process for her. Now you want to communicate but she refused to and reject the idea of marriage counseling. My possibly guess would be she is too tired. Too tired of caring for the things you don’t care about, too tired of living this “perfect marriage “ when it’s not her definition of perfect , suffer exhaustion of living up to other expectation when it’s her own life. Trust me not, before this major decision, she had talked n cried her heart out with whoever she confined in. She’s at her breaking point where she felt numb and tired from all this responsibility.

4. My suggestions for u would be:
- try your best to get the person she close with (best friend, sister, mother ) and talk to them. But of course they are her side, they will be biased against u. But they are the best source that u can find the answer to.
When u speak to them, do not say wat u said here, becuz they are not on ur side remember? ( don’t say: how can she not spare a thought for her children, u treat her very well but she want to leave.)
U have to let them know that you are hurt and still love her. You want to savage this marriage and improve yourself for the future. However u can’t do it without knowing what are the things that triggered her n pushed her to this decision. U need their help to tell you what they think went wrong. ( remember that they will not help if u said u need their help to patch up with her).
Trying to relight that love of urs will be useless now as what happening now is those unresolved conflict is taking her away. Hence, wats the point when u don’t realised your mistake and act same as when u try to woo her ?

I really hope that wat I shared here can let u see a different point of view from an outsider female perspective. I might be right or I might be wrong. It’s debatable. This is just my own personal opinion. If your think my advice is useful then apply it. If u think it’s not true then don’t. U are the person who know the situation best.

All the best and be strong for yourself and your children no matter the outcome.
 

rip_curl

Member
Thks Kathy. In fact her Mother , Sister and bff talked to me secretly. They have in fact not stood on her side,thats why they talked to me to comfort me not knowing what went wrong. My mil even think my Wife needs to see a mental doctor cause all the recent actions she had done is really not her. They all scolded her for being selfish and heartless but my Wife is so strong in her mind (it’s her personality) that she does not give a damn. She totally changed:
 

rip_curl

Member
My Wife told me she knows she is going to get blamed and scolded by everyone but she wants to find her new life and love when possible . That’s heartless and selfish knowing that you have kids
 

newproject

Active Member
I’m so sorry for what u guys have to go through. This is a penny of my thoughts, but of course I’m not your wife, what I will be saying is what I have been observing and they applied well to me as a female.

1. For female, we don’t make any sudden decision or wake up the next day n become a different person. Every fight, every conflict is the result of multi built up from the past. It’s petty but whenever a fight over, we don’t forget it. We let that matter rest but if the similar thing happened again, it will caused build up for that matter .

2. The brains of female n male work differently. You could think that your relationship is perfect, there’s nothing major going on , but that is not how your wife will think. Many times my husband think it’s a small matter and think I’m overreacted, but such thing matters a lot to me. Not only based on gender differences, our upbringing is different too. Hence her priority wouldn’t be your priority.

3. As u are sure there is no third party involved, this was what I went through previously. When a female decided to let go, it’s a long and hard process for her. Now you want to communicate but she refused to and reject the idea of marriage counseling. My possibly guess would be she is too tired. Too tired of caring for the things you don’t care about, too tired of living this “perfect marriage “ when it’s not her definition of perfect , suffer exhaustion of living up to other expectation when it’s her own life. Trust me not, before this major decision, she had talked n cried her heart out with whoever she confined in. She’s at her breaking point where she felt numb and tired from all this responsibility.

4. My suggestions for u would be:
- try your best to get the person she close with (best friend, sister, mother ) and talk to them. But of course they are her side, they will be biased against u. But they are the best source that u can find the answer to.
When u speak to them, do not say wat u said here, becuz they are not on ur side remember? ( don’t say: how can she not spare a thought for her children, u treat her very well but she want to leave.)
U have to let them know that you are hurt and still love her. You want to savage this marriage and improve yourself for the future. However u can’t do it without knowing what are the things that triggered her n pushed her to this decision. U need their help to tell you what they think went wrong. ( remember that they will not help if u said u need their help to patch up with her).
Trying to relight that love of urs will be useless now as what happening now is those unresolved conflict is taking her away. Hence, wats the point when u don’t realised your mistake and act same as when u try to woo her ?

I really hope that wat I shared here can let u see a different point of view from an outsider female perspective. I might be right or I might be wrong. It’s debatable. This is just my own personal opinion. If your think my advice is useful then apply it. If u think it’s not true then don’t. U are the person who know the situation best.

All the best and be strong for yourself and your children no matter the outcome.
nah. I don't think you are the same type of female as the guys wife.

From his description, i've met and heard of girls like that. They have it all, than out of blue for no obvious reason decide to divorce to "go find themselves" or whatever. Everybody even the womans' closest friend and family are baffled and dont know why. That part was a dead giveaway.

Some call it the "eat pray love" effect. Go look up the book or movie. I would say it's almost like a mid life crisis some guys have.

These type of cases really you cant do anything.

There is nothing to fix for the guy since the woman herself doesnt know what she wants except a dissatisfaction with her current life and wanting freedom to go explore.

of course I could be totally wrong and shes having an affair or the guy is mistreating her but my gut tells me this isnt the case
 

rip_curl

Member
nah. I don't think you are the same type of female as the guys wife.

From his description, i've met and heard of girls like that. They have it all, than out of blue for no obvious reason decide to divorce to "go find themselves" or whatever. Everybody even the womans' closest friend and family are baffled and dont know why. That part was a dead giveaway.

Some call it the "eat pray love" effect. Go look up the book or movie. I would say it's almost like a mid life crisis some guys have.

These type of cases really you cant do anything.

There is nothing to fix for the guy since the woman herself doesnt know what she wants except a dissatisfaction with her current life and wanting freedom to go explore.

of course I could be totally wrong and shes having an affair or the guy is mistreating her but my gut tells me this isnt the case

You are spot on. Absolutely no mistreating . She just selfishly decided to say I want my own life. No one is standing by her. The road she chose is leading to a dead end and i am sure there is nothing better than the current. While I love her but I do hope some karma gets to her for all the pain she has inflicted on the family . To her it’s no big deal for divorce and that’s so heartless .
 

Mr. J

New Member
You are spot on. Absolutely no mistreating . She just selfishly decided to say I want my own life. No one is standing by her. The road she chose is leading to a dead end and i am sure there is nothing better than the current. While I love her but I do hope some karma gets to her for all the pain she has inflicted on the family . To her it’s no big deal for divorce and that’s so heartless .

She just said mean things and acted cold? Or has she already done something on her divorce threat?
 
Hi There,

I just realised that you also face the divorce issue. I think picking up a good wife or husband is really a hit-and-miss experience. Don’t think that girl who looks like a plain Jane is always a good wife material. In my case, my wife did look like a plain Jane from both appearance and attitude. She was “chin chye” in many things before getting married and even promised to accompany me wherever I would go. After signing ROM, her true colour appeared. She wants me to follow her to her hometown, provide for her and even cook for her plus other non-sense stuffs. I feel as if I was scammed into this marriage. So, it is a double loss for me. While I didn’t get a chio bu, I also didn’t get a wife material. If your wife is at least still good in look aspect, count yourself lucky. However, you may also wanna dig in further her actual reason for wanting a divorce. I don’t think lack of love is an actual reason especially when you have kids and she makes a good mother and wife so far. There may be a deeper reason which she may not share with you (lack of sex? sudden rise of sex need which is not fulfilled? sudden infatuation on another guy? sudden rise of ambition? etc.). I am consulting a councellor now, so you also may wanna try it. She may open up more to a female councellor and the councellor can help to translate her mind for you. Well, good luck. If you need to discuss anything, feel free to contact me. I also need to keep my sanity in check at times.

agreed, plain jane or not is still subjective issue on whether the lady will go the distance with you.
as for the sanity part, that is really important man.
go for a drink if you need to but don't get yourself dead drunk.
 

Will78z

New Member
nah. I don't think you are the same type of female as the guys wife.

From his description, i've met and heard of girls like that. They have it all, than out of blue for no obvious reason decide to divorce to "go find themselves" or whatever. Everybody even the womans' closest friend and family are baffled and dont know why. That part was a dead giveaway.

Some call it the "eat pray love" effect. Go look up the book or movie. I would say it's almost like a mid life crisis some guys have.

These type of cases really you cant do anything.

There is nothing to fix for the guy since the woman herself doesnt know what she wants except a dissatisfaction with her current life and wanting freedom to go explore.

of course I could be totally wrong and shes having an affair or the guy is mistreating her but my gut tells me this isnt the case

My guess is the former...someone out there must have stirred her heart/mind...
 

rip_curl

Member
whatever the case, the road she chose is leading to a dead end and that's a fact. Nothing can be better than the current from a family/wife/mother perspective. She will only make everyone hate her. The decision is hers. It's the world against her and thats a given. Karma is a bitch...
 

newproject

Active Member
sorry bro I know you want to believe in karma and all that so you can feel better

but truth is it's not unlikely she might be happier.

Sure people might hate her now but blood is thicker than water and even if her family really turn their back on her , she can still be happy, make new friends etc.

Everyone is different and she could just be one of those not cut out to be a wife type
whatever the case, the road she chose is leading to a dead end and that's a fact. Nothing can be better than the current from a family/wife/mother perspective. She will only make everyone hate her. The decision is hers. It's the world against her and thats a given. Karma is a bitch...
 

rip_curl

Member
sorry bro I know you want to believe in karma and all that so you can feel better

but truth is it's not unlikely she might be happier.

Sure people might hate her now but blood is thicker than water and even if her family really turn their back on her , she can still be happy, make new friends etc.

Everyone is different and she could just be one of those not cut out to be a wife type

Time will tell. Karma comes in different form. Life is unfair I know but let her realise unfairness in her own way. Thats karma when you least expected it. Let them burn...
 

Eggwhite

Member
Time will tell. Rip is correct.
What she done in the past may not haunt her now..but will in future.. worse when you least expected it in dufferent forms.
 

newproject

Active Member
I guess it takes time. But if you clinging on to the person getting his or her Karma you probably still havent let it go yet.

understandable of course
 

rip_curl

Member
I guess it takes time. But if you clinging on to the person getting his or her Karma you probably still havent let it go yet.

understandable of course
Definitely takes time. It’s not like sch days where we went steady and break off. It’s damn 15 years with kids . My boss took 8 years back then to heal from depression and I am just 3 months into it. Matter of fact, it’s just the beginning
 

Eggwhite

Member
The scars would always be there...

Nothing in the world would be able to heal it like nothing happened...

You can lighten the scars but they will never never be removed.

Best is to have yourself zapped to have memory removed...
 

maritalbliss

New Member
What am I going to face the other people like my parents who have always been proud of my beautiful and blissful famiIy. How do I explain to my kids and parents sigh..I really felt all is lost and I am really scared

This part sounded silly and somewhat shallow.

Your "beautiful and blissful family" is not your trophy.

Ain't some prize you won.

You seem more concerned about the diminishing gloss and glow that the possible loss of your "beautiful and blissful family" might adversely impact you.
 


maritalbliss

New Member
Everything is simply perfect really. Loving wife, good job. Its almost anything you could ask for.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what / how you think.

It's what / how the counterparty feels.

You may think that you're the best-est hubby in the world, .. but she might be envying her BFF who landed herself a witty & humorous partner ... one who is the life of any party / gathering, always cracking jokes, .. teasing and yet consideration to all, ... and doesn't hurt that he looks good, etc

It's not what you think. Do you really know what she thinks?
 

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