I’m so sorry for what u guys have to go through. This is a penny of my thoughts, but of course I’m not your wife, what I will be saying is what I have been observing and they applied well to me as a female.
1. For female, we don’t make any sudden decision or wake up the next day n become a different person. Every fight, every conflict is the result of multi built up from the past. It’s petty but whenever a fight over, we don’t forget it. We let that matter rest but if the similar thing happened again, it will caused build up for that matter .
2. The brains of female n male work differently. You could think that your relationship is perfect, there’s nothing major going on , but that is not how your wife will think. Many times my husband think it’s a small matter and think I’m overreacted, but such thing matters a lot to me. Not only based on gender differences, our upbringing is different too. Hence her priority wouldn’t be your priority.
3. As u are sure there is no third party involved, this was what I went through previously. When a female decided to let go, it’s a long and hard process for her. Now you want to communicate but she refused to and reject the idea of marriage counseling. My possibly guess would be she is too tired. Too tired of caring for the things you don’t care about, too tired of living this “perfect marriage “ when it’s not her definition of perfect , suffer exhaustion of living up to other expectation when it’s her own life. Trust me not, before this major decision, she had talked n cried her heart out with whoever she confined in. She’s at her breaking point where she felt numb and tired from all this responsibility.
4. My suggestions for u would be:
- try your best to get the person she close with (best friend, sister, mother ) and talk to them. But of course they are her side, they will be biased against u. But they are the best source that u can find the answer to.
When u speak to them, do not say wat u said here, becuz they are not on ur side remember? ( don’t say: how can she not spare a thought for her children, u treat her very well but she want to leave.)
U have to let them know that you are hurt and still love her. You want to savage this marriage and improve yourself for the future. However u can’t do it without knowing what are the things that triggered her n pushed her to this decision. U need their help to tell you what they think went wrong. ( remember that they will not help if u said u need their help to patch up with her).
Trying to relight that love of urs will be useless now as what happening now is those unresolved conflict is taking her away. Hence, wats the point when u don’t realised your mistake and act same as when u try to woo her ?
I really hope that wat I shared here can let u see a different point of view from an outsider female perspective. I might be right or I might be wrong. It’s debatable. This is just my own personal opinion. If your think my advice is useful then apply it. If u think it’s not true then don’t. U are the person who know the situation best.
All the best and be strong for yourself and your children no matter the outcome.